libido problems

[graceanne]

Ok, so me and a recently single friend were talking. She's struggling with her libido, and I know it's gonna happen when K leaves for Afghanistan. The problem is we have stronger than normal sex drives, and being abstinant is more difficult than it would be for a 'normal' woman. So I said that maybe I'd go on zoloft when K leaves so as to not suffer as much. She said she was sure their were other ways to handle it, but we couldn't find anything through google about lowering your sex drive. All the articles were about getting your sex drive BACK.

So, does anyone here have suggestions or ideas?

 

[shy slave]

I was with a man for ten years who did not have much of a sex drive. Every few months was more than enough for him. It was a vanilla relationship but at the time I did not know what else to do about the situation.

My way of coping was to throw myself into work and study. My sons pretty much had their own lives so I did not need to be an a 'hands on' mummy for at least the last five years of that relationship.

I went to bed thinking work, sons, study and woke thinking much the same.

Yes, I got frustrated but once the net was widely available I went on non sex sites, talked, posted made friends and generally pushed sexual thoughts away.
It did cause problems my frustration made me difficult to be around at times, but I did have a vibe, which helped.

I know years ago it was said that soldiers had bromide put in their tea and drinking that reduced their libido.

I don't have any answers, only the way I coped for that period of time. I am not even suggesting my way was a healthy thing to do, but it worked for me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hmmm, well believe me, I also have an ultra strong libido....so high in fact that F is the first man who has been able to manage to satisfy me to a point of saying I have had enough (and believe me there have been a lot of them)...lol, though I usually add I am willing to go for more if he needs it. It is so high it has been the cause of many relationships not lasting the distance simply because they could not keep up and/or were uncomforatable with it.

So for me, I still don't see it as an issue. There is this thing called masturbation which although it doesn't work quite the same, it does help at times even if only minutely. For the rest it is just about keeping busy, using will power, using up energy in other ways, and recognising you won't die without a daily dose (or several times a day dose) of cock. I have gone through many periods in my adult life where I chose celibacy...and I survived. Really, I would not be looking for anything to put into your body to lower your sex drive, especially chemical things like Zoloft....it is fool hardy and IMO asking for trouble. There have been wars (and illnesses/injuries) before during which time both men and women have managed without the need for chemical help, and not because they didn't have high appetites. If all else fails, crossing legs tightly works wonders...oh, and I imagine praying.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

FYI the zoloft was a joke - for one thing I seriously doubt that a doctor would prescribe it to me just cause I'm horny - and that's assuming that I'd work up the nerve to tell my doctor that.

 

[Lilith]

I know it sounds corny but pick up a new hobby. One that keeps your mind and hands busy may help. Maybe something you could make and send to K like a quilt out of the kids' clothes or scrapbooking old pictures.

 

[graceanne]

I passed your advice on to my friend (who's a nurse and pretty busy) and she wasn't thrilled with your advice. lol Oh, well. We suspected their wasn't really anything we could do, but we figured we had more chance finding something when asking others with a strong libido, than looking online.

 

[graceanne]

I know it sounds corny but pick up a new hobby. One that keeps your mind and hands busy may help. Maybe something you could make and send to K like a quilt out of the kids' clothes or scrapbooking old pictures.

Well, I did promise to keep him in sexy (aka pornographic) pictures of myself and the toys he promised to buy me before he leaves.

 

[Recidiva]

Two tools. Celibacy has actually worked for me. In a meditation fasting spiritual sort of way. Something to make me feel I'm in control. By all accounts I have a high drive. Enough to earn the nickname "Terminator" from husband #2.

A bunch of toys can help also drive you to physical exhaustion if that's what your going after.

The problem with satiating or denying the physical drive but not the emotional need is the hard part. I have no cure for just craving someone else's touch. The only answer I have to that one is "suffer" and hear each other's voices as often as possible.

I have very little advice about how to survive the distance, but even a guided sexual "meditation" or "session" in someone else's voice, recorded, can go a long way to feeling connected. Write letters. Maintain emotional contact.

 

[FurryFury]

God.

*sigh*

Being too busy often kills my sex drive. At least for short periods of time.

I generally have a really high sex drive but if I feel overwhelmed, I focus on that.

It helps me to STOP reading the stories at Lit and elsewhere too. I've been getting so little sex lately I've been scared to read.

Back when I was writing SRP my sex drive was super, colossal, high. I suspect I nearly broke my husband back then. I do NOT recommend writing such things. I was like, Dude you are off, get in the bedroom now, damnit!

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[graceanne]

I was celibate for three years. 2½ of them, I didn't even date, which means there wasn't even someone to cuddle. Prior to that I was married to a man who was perfectly ok with sex once every week or two.

My natural "drive"? that would have been this summer's little adventure, where we *averaged* 6 times a day (plus oral), and I was perfectly happy to have more than that, if he liked. The only reason we didn't do more, was because he couldn't keep up with me (although he did do quite well - especially for an older gentleman...)

I hate to sound mean, but you'll survive without going on meds. Really. Women have been doing it since the beginning of time. Sometimes things take care of themselves and you figure out how to cope with a high sex drive (so it isn't an issue); sometimes things take care of themselves and the lack of intimacy kills your sex drive (so it isn't an issue).

Like I said - the meds were a joke. I get antsy about taking the meds that keep me alive - I'm not gonna take em cause I'm horny.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[nh23]

I know there were rumors that they used to use salt peter in the military to decrease the men's libido. It's debated whether it actually works or not, and I have no idea if it's ever been tried on females. The bad news for you gracie...chocolate has been shown to increase libido..

 

[lumi]

For a lot of people, the longer you go without sex, the less it seems to matter. Also, you're going to be busier than usual having to do all the work that you and K would normally split. So it may not be as much of a problem as it now seems like.

Not to be get all psychoanalyzing, but are you in a way focusing on this to ignore the other worries you have about him going over there?

 

[HB1965]

Toys and porn. I have a high sex drive, and when I'm not with anyone that's how I deal with it.

 

[Netzach]

If the prednisone didn't flatten yours completely clearly it's meant to be there for some reason.

 

[graceanne]

I was writing when you explained that... but I'm still twitchy over making jokes about using meds to deal with life.

Ok. I figure probably someone needs to say it, just in case someone reading doesn't realize that I joke about just about everything.

 

[graceanne]

If the prednisone didn't flatten yours completely clearly it's meant to be there for some reason.

HAHAHA YOU SO FUNNY!

Prednisone just made me healthy enough to have sex, it didn't suppress shit. I've also been on paxil, which I hear 'flattens' the sex drive - nada.

to tell the truth I know that part of the reason is K's sex drive matches mine perfectly. My sex drive is not normally an issue, cause he's arround. I just can't imagine no sex for EIGHTEEN MONTHS. I barely made it the five months he was in basic training.

 

[graceanne]

Not to be get all psychoanalyzing, but are you in a way focusing on this to ignore the other worries you have about him going over there?

LOL Possibly, but their's no point worrying about the other stuff, can't do anything about it. I'm in denial.

Denial is a wonderful place to be, you should visit some time.

 

[lumi]

Nothing wrong with denial, as long as you know you're there

My husband was away for work for several months a few years ago; at first I totally over-indulged in self-pleasure. I would spend hours taking pictures of myself masturbating and editing them into slideshows complete with soundtrack; he still has some of them on his computer After a little while it just became less of a priority. I took some online classes and read even more voraciously than usual, became a better cook and housekeeper, and just generally got really busy. I even started to be concerned by my lowered libido, but it came roaring back the day he came home.

 

[ecstaticsub]

My husband has been deployed twice so far with us looking at another deployment in the near future. I have an extremly high sex drive.

Everyone deals with this in a different way. I used LOTS of toys. I also sent hubby cassette tapes of stories I had written and CDs of music that meant something to us.

I also joined a message board where I flirted and teased and yes, I will admit engaged in cybersex. LOL I met my Dom while my husband was home between deployments. My husband actually felt better that I had someone else to talk to and help me be satisfied sexually when he left for his 2nd dployment. Though I didn't visit my Dom while hubby was gone, just talked for hours by phone. ( Even though hubby very much supports my D/s relationship I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing he was in harms way half-way around the world).

If you ever want to talk, drop me a pm. Deployments suck. Plain and simple.

 

[im_a_voyeur]

My solution: Nursing school. The stress may not completely take away your sex drive but it will decrease it a bit.

 

[graceanne]

My husband has been deployed twice so far with us looking at another deployment in the near future. I have an extremly high sex drive.

Everyone deals with this in a different way. I used LOTS of toys. I also sent hubby cassette tapes of stories I had written and CDs of music that meant something to us.

I also joined a message board where I flirted and teased and yes, I will admit engaged in cybersex. LOL I met my Dom while my husband was home between deployments. My husband actually felt better that I had someone else to talk to and help me be satisfied sexually when he left for his 2nd dployment. Though I didn't visit my Dom while hubby was gone, just talked for hours by phone. ( Even though hubby very much supports my D/s relationship I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing he was in harms way half-way around the world).

If you ever want to talk, drop me a pm. Deployments suck. Plain and simple.

Thank you. I might drop you a PM anyway, eventhough I don't want to think about it at this point. Their's no point in stressing myself out, when it's another year before he leaves. Nothing I can do about it now. lol And cybersex and other things like that isn't an option - K would not be pleased, and I find it boring. I mean cybersex is just masturbation, but in a chair in front of you computer which is a lot less comfortable than your room. Plus you run the chance of children waking up. "Mommy? What are you doing?"



I think I found the key to a lowered sex drive. LOL

 

[graceanne]

My solution: Nursing school. The stress may not completely take away your sex drive but it will decrease it a bit.

I would not make it through nursing school - there is entirely too much math.

 

[catalina_francisco]

So what is K going to do about his needs? Maybe there lies your clue to success at home. If all else fails and it gets too much, you might even get to the stage where you just have an orgasm doing the housework....it is fun.

Catalina