Letters

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Perky

I was thinking of you, and seem to have made a little stain on this piece of paper. It was the only logical thing to do to turn it all into a letter and send it to you.

With love and kisses,

the Drake

http://www.thefunnybone.com/vstuff/wetspot.gif

 

[Nora]

Dearest Nora,

They had everything at the store except the milk (Eume and I tipped a cow for you), the cotton balls (we flew South to get some fresh from Mississippi), and no trident, we stopped by Willie Wonka's and got you some of his newest candies but we have been sworn to secrecy as to the name of them. Let's just say they rock your world and don't drink soda with them.

Those aren't my groucho glasses from last New Year's are they? You didn't get those out of the top drawer of my dresser did you? You promised never to go threw that drawer!

(We don't have to shave your legs do we?)

Quizzical,

Caly

Dearest Calykins,

Keep Eumenides away from the cows, gf!! You remember what happened last time, don't you!?!?!

They are your Groucho glasses from last year, and I do believe we'll have a stern chat when you get home.

With gruff affection and tough love,

Your sugahmomma

PS. Not my legs, silly!

 

[perks]

Dear Minkey,

I'm glad you're sharing your post op pics with us. Slicing the muscle out and leaving the skin to be lips, and removing the balls from the scrot, pure genius.

I'm still attracted,

love,
ducky

 

[amelia]

No "hair down there" ra:

it has been almost 24 hours since we last flirted. i'm beginning to feel unloved. I started this thread in honor of you and this is how you repay me. *sob* (please do not notice the flirting i have done with almost everyone in this thread as i am blonde and therefore weak-willed).

with love and longing,
amelia i. shornee

 

[perks]

Dear Drake,

thank you for thinking of me. It was quite crafty that you disguised that wet spot as a raindrop. Quite imaginative.

Next time send me pics of your lovely cock,

thanks ahead of time,

your bella

 

[amelia]

Dear Drake:

i think most all of us would enjoy seeing said picture of your dick.

Anticpatingly waiting,
Amelia

 

[Minkey Boodle]

Dear perk_babe,

I'm glad you noticed. I always did like the feel of the dangle, so I couldn't fathom ridding myself of it completely.

I'd be honored if you'd dingle my empy berries.

Post Jingly Yours,
Ms. Boodle

 

[Spinaroonie]

Dear Drake:

i think most all of us would enjoy seeing said picture of your dick.

Anticpatingly waiting,
Amelia

Dear Amelia

Not to interrupt your private letter writing (how the fuck did I see that?) But I've been saying the same about you.

Only your breasts, not a dick...

Cos..

y'know...



You... don't....have....one.




Cos you're a woman.



y'know.



bye,
Spin.

 

[Spinaroonie]

Spinner:

Totally unwaxed. what do you think we are....heathens??

love,
melia

Dear A-dawg

No... but it's fun to pretend

SPinster

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Perky

Attached please find a quill (it's duck) for thy letter writing, as requested. Use it often. May it give you much happiness when you dip it into your ink well.

Love,

Your Drakey

 

[amelia]

Dear Spinny:

if you ever yahoo'd with me, i might just show you the good stuff.

taking my bra off,
Amelia

 

[Nora]

No "hair down there" ra:

it has been almost 24 hours since we last flirted. i'm beginning to feel unloved. I started this thread in honor of you and this is how you repay me. *sob* (please do not notice the flirting i have done with almost everyone in this thread as i am blonde and therefore weak-willed).

with love and longing,
amelia i. shornee

Dear Amelia,

I understand the blonde gene and watching you play gets me uber-moist anyway.

By the way, that was me watching you sing Dolly earlier. If I may be so bold as to request "Jolene" next time? I love watching you catch your breath before hollerin' the last JOLENE!!!!! *swoons*

From an island in the stream,

Nora.

 

[Guest]

Dear Portly guy that sits in front of me in Political Science class......

Note: I don't appreciate the 'aroma' of your beer drenched shirt that you forgot to change yesterday at your 'cool' frat party. As hard as it may be to get this thought through your beer adled mind: Yes, the smell permeates in air and no that hot blonde chick that sits across the room will not be impressed with your 'volumous stomach that can take in unlimited amounts of alcohol'. End communication.

 

[perks]

Dear Drake,


quill thy cock
cum thy ink


and now, my dear, you've made me pink.

love,
your bella.

 

[amelia]

Dear Norawood:

How did you know that Jolene was my favorite dolly song to sing? I have just the costume..picture it now. My pom poms stuffed into my very tight top..blonde hair piled high and all that make up!

i'm in white trash heaven!

48DDD those are the ones for me!
Amelia

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Amelia,

I hate to leave people waiting, particularly anticipatingly.

Quack

the D

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Perkabella

Are you the pink of your soft wet tongue?
Are you the pink of your labia young?
Are you all flushed and hot of cheek,
Smiling all coy, like a maiden sweet?
Or are you, as I suspect you may be,
lusty and naughty and toying with me?

Yours sincereduckly,

Drake

 

[Nora]

Dear Norawood:

How did you know that Jolene was my favorite dolly song to sing? I have just the costume..picture it now. My pom poms stuffed into my very tight top..blonde hair piled high and all that make up!

i'm in white trash heaven!

48DDD those are the ones for me!
Amelia

Dearest Ameliacocopuff,

Jolene is everyone's favorite. It's the best. Simply the best. In fact, you should start a poll asking what people's favorite Dolly Parton song is. You'll see I'm right.

Picturing your pompoms,

Nora

 

[perks]

Dear Dr. Drake,

please don't ever rhyme again, unless you call me a hot mama and smack me.

I love ducking around with you,

othah sugahduck

 

[calypso_21]

Dearest Calykins,

Keep Eumenides away from the cows, gf!! You remember what happened last time, don't you!?!?!

They are your Groucho glasses from last year, and I do believe we'll have a stern chat when you get home.

With gruff affection and tough love,

Your sugahmomma

PS. Not my legs, silly!

Sweet Sugahmomma,

I do indeed remember what happened...all that chocolate syrup what a waste! I refused to let her harrass them too. She wanted to stop at McDonalds before we get to the farm but I told her that just wasn't in keeping with the holiday spirit. She said that she was just trying to give back what they've given to us. I tried to explain but maybe you can tell her cows wouldn't appreciate a Big Mac.

You found that thing stuffed in the right corner of my drawer? Oh no. (not sure if I should come home)

Sulking in Snow,

Calykins

 

[amelia]

Nora:

I know this is the letters thread, but i suddenly have the urge to haiku you.

Dolly Parton Rules
Jolene, 9 to 5 and more
Karaoke Time!

Please come over this instant. We shall shake it, shake it, shake it til the break of dawn!

gettin down,
Amelia

 

[teddybear4play]

Dear Spinny:

if you ever yahoo'd with me, i might just show you the good stuff.

taking my bra off,
Amelia

Dear Amelia:

If for whatever reason, Spin is unavailable, I formally submit a notice that I would like to substitute for him at times of your convenience. I have enclosed a résumé, cover letter, medical history, and three letters of recommendation.

I look forward to you yahoo'ing me, yeeha'ing me, oh-god'ing me, and just generally showing me the good stuff.

Sincerely,
TB4p

enclosure

 

[Nora]

Sweet Sugahmomma,

I do indeed remember what happened...all that chocolate syrup what a waste! I refused to let her harrass them too. She wanted to stop at McDonalds before we get to the farm but I told her that just wasn't in keeping with the holiday spirit. She said that she was just trying to give back what they've given to us. I tried to explain but maybe you can tell her cows wouldn't appreciate a Big Mac.

You found that thing stuffed in the right corner of my drawer? Oh no. (not sure if I should come home)

Sulking in Snow,

Calykins

My dearest Calynator,

Yes, that was what I found. I'm shocked and appalled that you kept it from me. However, I'm willing to overlook your transgressions if you give me a detailed demonstration when you return.

*sigh* I'll have another talk with Eumenides about taunting happy fun cow. But for now, just make sure she doesn't dab the beef-grease on as perfume before she goes near the cows. I don't think her insurance will cover it a second time.

With exasperation,

Nora.

 

[Nora]

Nora:

I know this is the letters thread, but i suddenly have the urge to haiku you.

Dolly Parton Rules
Jolene, 9 to 5 and more
Karaoke Time!

Please come over this instant. We shall shake it, shake it, shake it til the break of dawn!

gettin down,
Amelia

Dearest Amelia,

You can haiku me anytime, anywhere, baby. Oh yeah, give me the haiku!

she haikus at will
with no regard for topic
on her, it is cute.

I would love to come over, however I have work to do tomorrow and must obey the bill-paying gods. Besides, tomorrow's sushi night with the "gang" I can't miss out on that!

When the hell are you coming down here, anyway?

Doin' the funky chicken,

Nora.

 

[calypso_21]

My dearest Calynator,

Yes, that was what I found. I'm shocked and appalled that you kept it from me. However, I'm willing to overlook your transgressions if you give me a detailed demonstration when you return.

*sigh* I'll have another talk with Eumenides about taunting happy fun cow. But for now, just make sure she doesn't dab the beef-grease on as perfume before she goes near the cows. I don't think her insurance will cover it a second time.

With exasperation,

Nora.

Darling Nora,

You were not supposed to find that. It was a special gift I had set aside for you for this holiday season. Now since the cat is out of the bag (or so to speak) I will just return it so that I can surprise you with something even more exciting. Demonstration still included.

Oh please don't be upset with Eumie. She didn't do the dabbling at all but the bull did look at her a bit funny and she truly has amazing speed when horns are that close to her ass.

Plus the insurance man has been calling her every month to quote her a new policy. Atleast this is what he says he wants to do. I have a feeling he just wants to get her in a universal...policy that is.

Sleepily,

Caly