Letters

[Eumenides]

To whom it may concern:

I am looking for a pooper-scooper with internet capabilities. If you find one, could you send it my way?

Sincerely,

Eumenides

 

[Naughty Elf]

Happy Holiday Bump

 

[Nora]

Dear Wed_Wose,

I want you to know that I think you awe just soopuh-doopuh tewwwwiffic! And if you will be mine, I pwomise to keep you in wabbit fuw coats and hasenpfeffuh!

Except duwing hunting season, of couwse.

Wifling thwough youw dwawews,

Elmew J Fudd

 

[amelia]

Dear Quizno's:

when i order my sandwich with no onions, i mean NO onions. i do not mean that i want a little onion, i mean NO onion.

thank you in advance for pulling your head out of your ass,
amelia

 

[teddybear4play]

To Whom It May Concern:

As much as I love "The Ballad Of Chasey Lain" by the Bloodhound Gang, and even though I note well its appropriateness here, I will refrain from posting the lyrics here on the grounds that I have already done so on a different thread once before.

Also, seeing such splendors of beauty but not being near almost all of them is slowly driving me insane. I respectfully request that some of them relocate closer to me, next to me in bed would be most convenient.

Sincerely yours,
TB4p

 

[Nora]

Dear Left Elbow,

I'm really sick of the shooting pains. My G-d, just stop already! Do you have any idea how boring it's getting?? Same thing, day in and day out...lean on you wrong and YOWWWWSAAAA!

I'm madder than hell and not gonna take it anymore!! Get a grip, get over it, get surgery or something!

Your hostess,

Nora.

 

[Killswitch]

Dear Quizno's:

when i order my sandwich with no onions, i mean NO onions. i do not mean that i want a little onion, i mean NO onion.

thank you in advance for pulling your head out of your ass,
amelia

Thanks Amelia....I haven't had Quizno's in 2 years.....I moved to ....well the middle of no where. I cant get Quizno's and I cant find any good Italian sausage.

 

[amelia]

Dearest Nora:

Remember when i advised you to switch hands when you masturbate. This is the exact problem i hoped to avoid. Come over. I know a few things that might help with your problem.

Orthopedically Specialized,
Amelia

 

[Saint Peter]

Dear Scrabble budy (whom shall remain nameless)

I am so sorry that the my first word of our game last night earned 68 points. In using the 'S' of your lame word and adding my 'SYRINGE' to make 'SYRINGES' while landing this awesome word on a 2W, I was taking candy from a baby. I am sure this will not affect our games in the future and that we can all learn to get along.

Yours Truly

Saint 'KickinScrabbleBootieAndTakingScrabbleNames' Peter

 

[Nora]

Dearest Amelia,

I misunderstood, I think. When you said to "switch hands" when masturbating I thought you meant that I should try slapping my own hands with a switch.

Boy is my face red! Not to mention my hands!

Yours in embarrassment,

Nora.

PS. When I come up, will you show me in exquisite detail exactly what you did mean?

 

[Minkey Boodle]

Dear Spiderman,

Get off the damn wall, wouldja? You're creepin' me out, dude.

Sincerely,
Landmass

 

[Nora]

Dear Killswitch,

I'm sorry to hear that you are no longer able to get your Quizno's fix. You could always split some french bread, toast it, then make a sammich on it...might be close enough. Oooh! Like sauté some onions, bell peppers and mushrooms (although no onions if Amelia's coming over), then pile that on some thinly sliced roast beef, top with cheese and stick it under the broiler for a few seconds. Then you could dip it in some of that revolting "jus" they sell in a tiny little jug at the supermarket. It'd be just like home!

As for your sausage quandry, there are actually a lot of vendors online. I hope you have a large freezer.

Yours in quizo's bliss,

Nora.

 

[Killswitch]

Dear Mom,
We all miss you very much. Dad is doing ok, but he misses you terribly, and he has regrets. We all do Mom. I wished I could have been there sooner. I'm sorry. I am also sorry for throwing my sack lunch on the ground that one day, remember?
I am taking care of Dad. We are closer than ever now. Joy and I are doing great too.
You know how I am, so I dont know if you are anywhere cool, but you will always be here.
I know you didn't like cut flowers all that much, but this is for you mom.
One rose is all it takes.....
I love you sweetie...

David

 

[amelia]

Dearest Amelia,

I misunderstood, I think. When you said to "switch hands" when masturbating I thought you meant that I should try slapping my own hands with a switch.

Boy is my face red! Not to mention my hands!

Yours in embarrassment,

Nora.

PS. When I come up, will you show me in exquisite detail exactly what you did mean?

Dear No "red hands" ra:

that is exactly why i'm inviting you over.

lustfully yours,
amelia

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Ruffles,

I would appreciate it in the future if you would not slaughter me in literati. It is a great disadvantage to my ego to lose by that much. If, in the future, you continue to do so, I will have to resort to distraction by sending you my masturbation pictures.

Thank you for your prompt attention in this matter.

Moppingly yours,
Emoodiesucks



Dear Amelia,

Perhaps when you tell the man at Quiznos that you want no onions, you should spell out the word no. However, why you would want a sandwich without them is beyond my comprehension. Unless, of course, you were anticipating kissing me, in which case, I concur. No onions, please.

Lovingly yours,
Lola.

 

[amelia]

Dear Amelia,

Perhaps when you tell the man at Quiznos that you want no onions, you should spell out the word no. However, why you would want a sandwich without them is beyond my comprehension. Unless, of course, you were anticipating kissing me, in which case, I concurr. No onions, please.

Lovingly yours,
Lola.

Lola the Loverly:

I do not like onions on my sammies because i think they are revolting. As for kissing you, if i had to eat a 1000 onions in order to have that priviledge, i would.

With Soft Lips (and a little tongue),
Amelia

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Amelia the Amorous,

Please note that I would never require you to eat onions to kiss me. Strawberries, yes...onions, no. However, if you go to help miss Nora with her masturbatory problems without taking me along, I might just force you to eat them sauteed in garlic butter. This is not a threat. It is simply a matter of fact. Thank you.

Loverly,
Lolita

 

[amelia]

Dear Nora and Lola:

This letter is to invite you both to my house this weekend. We will have an old fashioned girlie sleepover. It will be so fun. Nora, you are in charge of snacks. Lola, you are in charge of games. and I will be mistress of wardrobe. It's going to be so fun! Hope to see you there.

Gigglingly yours,
Amelia

PS i would like to invite perky. do you think she would cum?

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Nora and Lola:

This letter is to invite you both to my house this weekend. We will have an old fashioned girlie sleepover. It will be so fun. Nora, you are in charge of snacks. Lola, you are in charge of games. and I will be mistress of wardrobe. It's going to be so fun! Hope to see you there.

Gigglingly yours,
Amelia

PS i would like to invite perky. do you think she would cum?

Amelie,

I would like to accept your invitation for a girlie sleepover. However, there are many questions I need answered. First, are beautification rituals to happen during the party, or must i start plucking, tweezing, and moisturizing in advance? Second, when you say games, are you meaning the chutes and ladders kind, or are you thinking of childish uses of sex toys? Last, but certainly not least, will Nora need to bring plates or are we eating the snacks off of one another?

Questioningly,
Lola

PS, I am sure if Perky came, she would be ammenable to cumming.

 

[Nora]

Dear Nora and Lola:

This letter is to invite you both to my house this weekend. We will have an old fashioned girlie sleepover. It will be so fun. Nora, you are in charge of snacks. Lola, you are in charge of games. and I will be mistress of wardrobe. It's going to be so fun! Hope to see you there.

Gigglingly yours,
Amelia

PS i would like to invite perky. do you think she would cum?

Dearest Bedelia,

I think by the time we were through with her she would.

With lust and bunny-slippers,

Nora.

 

[amelia]

Loyal Lola:

Those are good questions. I think we will spend a good portion of the evening rubbing oils and lotions on each other, but you might want to engage in some plucking, shaving..et all before arriving. i will leave the games up to your discretion. However, please remember that this party will only be as fun as we all make it.

lovingly,
amelia

ps. i do not mind using each other for serving platters..but again, i leave that up to nora's discretion.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Sandman,

I am turning in as soon as I log off. I request that you make a quick trip over here to sprinkle some sleep and dreams in my eyes and head.

Thank You,

Tired Emoodie

 

[st4nton]

dear star trek makers,

i am interested in getting one of those transporter things you use to beam people places instantly. please let me know how i may go about aquiring one.

shane

 

[Killswitch]

Dear Santa,
Please give Shane directions to the Caps key on his keyboard.

 

[teddybear4play]

Dear amelia, Nora, and Eumenides:

Would you please get it on already. And take pictures.

TB4p