Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
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Love this one!
http://www.killsometime.com/pictures/picture.asp?ID=381
http://www.killsometime.com/pictures/picture.asp?ID=381
krazeekat
*Live* In Mono
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2005
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- 3,921
You might have seen this before but this little gif is just too funny ...
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y120/dkrazeekat/kickyou.gif
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y120/dkrazeekat/kickyou.gif
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
Interesting Facts...
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas will be produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (OMG!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death! (Creepy! I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour. (Don't try this at home--maybe at work!)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jump-ing the length of seven football fields.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (Most men with they could!)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing!)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas will be produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (OMG!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death! (Creepy! I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour. (Don't try this at home--maybe at work!)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jump-ing the length of seven football fields.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (Most men with they could!)
Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing!)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)
pleaz_me
Icing Queen
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2005
- Posts
- 47,698
The Redneck Challenge
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a Chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many coon dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...
There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learnin' don't prepare ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them!
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a Chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many coon dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...
There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learnin' don't prepare ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them!
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. It's the same as the diameter of the limb that holds up the smallest persimmon 'cause everbody knows that possum's gonna get ever last persimmon on that tree!pleaz_me said:
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
No contest...its the '65 Ford Fairlane...everbody know Fords is built with rusty metal to start with.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
This is another easy one ... the answer is: every one in the junk yard that don't leak!
4. A woodcutter has a Chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? Goldurnit, this is easy! Ever budy in the county knows the answer is zero ... cuz th' good buddies done switched to drinking Coors!
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many coon dogs will be killed? The answer's none ... 'cuz they done slunk down to the waterin' hole
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY ...ever body digs out two feet in the hill fer the short side and on the long side, they just chop off the tops uv enuff saplings to support the house and a wooden porch where the 'pliances goes! No sweat!
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
Agin the answer is none ... all the mufflers is lining the roads, not on vehicles!
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?
'bout three nano-seconds! After all, where th' heck you think all the country-western singers got their inspiration? They churns 'em out faster 'n fresh butter.
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
My heart's still in the south/southwest but sometimes you'd do anything for a job...I went from Texas to Ohio to Georgia to Michigan, all in the same job. Now if I can just sell, I'm going back to God's Country (for the uninitiated, that's Texas!)pleaz_me said:Yes, dear........I'd say you're just a little misplaced!
Would you remarry?
Would You Remarry?
A husband and wife were sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks:
"What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
"Definitely not!" her husband replies.
"Why not? Don't you like being married?"
"Of course I do," says the husband.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?" asks his wife.
"Okay, okay, I'd get married again," the husband admits.
"You would?" the wife says with a hurt look.
The husband groans.
"Would you live in our house?" his wife asks.
"Sure, it's a great house," he replies.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" his wife persists.
"Where else would we sleep," the husband says.
"Would you let her drive my car?"
"Probably, it's almost new," he replies.
"Would you replace my pictures with hers?" the wife asks.
"That would seem like the proper thing to do," he answers.
"Would you give her my jewelry?"
"No. I'm sure she'd want her own," he replies.
"Would she use my golf clubs?" his wife asks.
"No, she's left-handed."
Would You Remarry?
A husband and wife were sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks:
"What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
"Definitely not!" her husband replies.
"Why not? Don't you like being married?"
"Of course I do," says the husband.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?" asks his wife.
"Okay, okay, I'd get married again," the husband admits.
"You would?" the wife says with a hurt look.
The husband groans.
"Would you live in our house?" his wife asks.
"Sure, it's a great house," he replies.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" his wife persists.
"Where else would we sleep," the husband says.
"Would you let her drive my car?"
"Probably, it's almost new," he replies.
"Would you replace my pictures with hers?" the wife asks.
"That would seem like the proper thing to do," he answers.
"Would you give her my jewelry?"
"No. I'm sure she'd want her own," he replies.
"Would she use my golf clubs?" his wife asks.
"No, she's left-handed."
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
Many different things to share
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss ... the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice ... well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss ... the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice ... well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen -- just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
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