Laughter is Contagious
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copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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Jail said:
TOO funny, Jail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside
and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,
they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside
and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my
secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling
around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling
around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you
to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved
for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever
seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you
to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved
for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it
so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two
days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it
so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two
days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and
a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and
a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
rozezwild
~*~untouchable~*~
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2 widows talking
Martha: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went
out with him not long ago, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I
give him my answer."
Edna: "Well... I'll tell you. He showed up at my apartment punctually at
7:00pm... dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit and he brought me
such beautiful flowers! Then he took me downstairs, and what was there but
a beautiful car... a limousine, with uniformed chauffeur and all. Then we
went to dinner... and had a marvelous lobster dinner. After that, we went
to see a show... let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have
just died from pleasure! So then, on the way home, he changed... he turned
into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tore off my expensive new dress and
had his way with me two times!" Oh my...
Martha: "Goodness gracious!...
so are you telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna: "Oh, no... I'm just saying should wear an old dress!"
Martha: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went
out with him not long ago, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I
give him my answer."
Edna: "Well... I'll tell you. He showed up at my apartment punctually at
7:00pm... dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit and he brought me
such beautiful flowers! Then he took me downstairs, and what was there but
a beautiful car... a limousine, with uniformed chauffeur and all. Then we
went to dinner... and had a marvelous lobster dinner. After that, we went
to see a show... let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have
just died from pleasure! So then, on the way home, he changed... he turned
into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tore off my expensive new dress and
had his way with me two times!" Oh my...
Martha: "Goodness gracious!...
so are you telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna: "Oh, no... I'm just saying should wear an old dress!"
rozezwild
~*~untouchable~*~
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condoms
WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12?
man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these,Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and
asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? "The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh! and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those
are for Married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."
send this as "WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12" within the next 5 minutes and something great will happen to you at 11:43 otherwise you will have bad sexual relationships for the next 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12?
man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these,Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and
asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? "The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh! and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those
are for Married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."
send this as "WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12" within the next 5 minutes and something great will happen to you at 11:43 otherwise you will have bad sexual relationships for the next 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
alisonwunderlnd
pink cupcake princess
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lmao!!!!!Jail said:
techsan
...just chugging along
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How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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- Oct 30, 2004
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