Laughter is Contagious

[rozezwild]

...and don't mind whatever that is that keeps poking you in the behind, roze...!!!

As long as you dont mind the pokes you are going to have in your hands

 

[babydoll2u]

WOW... your thread has really taken off darlin... good for you! This is some funny reading.....

 

[~GliterDollie~]

Wow I love these! *giggles*

 

[omahaman2]

Josh was helping Bambi, the young and very buxom blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit." Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Bambi what it was for.

Bambi said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Confused. Josh asked, "I can see that, but why?"

Bambi answered, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."

 

[omahaman2]

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess From yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

 

[techsan]

Perfect Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in

P...

E...

N..

I...

S...


His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

 

[techsan]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here is a testimonial of someone who did:

I was at a golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes I was approached by one of the good looking gentlemen who worked at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking I looked at him and said "I think I like playing with men's balls."

 

[fathom7]

Old, stale stuff: Revised lyrics to classical songs (I mean really old);

Sung to the Tune of Stormy Weather

"Don't Know Why
There's Lipstick on My Fly . . .
Sloppy Blowjob"

or Sung to the tune of I Get Ideas

"You put you hand inside my pants
And rub and squeeze my balls
I get IDEAS, I get IDEAS."

Ah well. I'm just not a jokester.

 

[kayte]

Perfect Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in

P...

E...

N..

I...

S...


His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

Good afternoon {{{{{{techsan}}}}}}}}}

That is such a great one! Thank you sweetie.

 

[techsan]

Old, stale stuff: Revised lyrics to classical songs (I mean really old);

Sung to the Tune of Stormy Weather

"Don't Know Why
There's Lipstick on My Fly . . .
Sloppy Blowjob"

or Sung to the tune of I Get Ideas

"You put you hand inside my pants
And rub and squeeze my balls
I get IDEAS, I get IDEAS."

Ah well. I'm just not a jokester.

HEY! I thought those were both funny!

 

[techsan]

Good afternoon {{{{{{techsan}}}}}}}}}

That is such a great one! Thank you sweetie.

Good afternoon {{{{{kayte}}}}} So good to see you again!

 

[kayte]

Old, stale stuff: Revised lyrics to classical songs (I mean really old);

Sung to the Tune of Stormy Weather

"Don't Know Why
There's Lipstick on My Fly . . .
Sloppy Blowjob"

or Sung to the tune of I Get Ideas

"You put you hand inside my pants
And rub and squeeze my balls
I get IDEAS, I get IDEAS."

Ah well. I'm just not a jokester.

Hi fathom ~ I especially like your new rendition of "Stormy Weather"

 

[fathom7]

You are most welcom MS {{{{{Kayte}}}}}.

glad to bring a smile.

 

[pleaz_me]

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.

 

[techsan]

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.

ROTFLMFAO!

 

[techsan]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here is a testimonial of someone who did:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied "No, I'm just looking at your nuts". My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day my sister has never let me forget.

 

[pleaz_me]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here is a testimonial of someone who did:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied "No, I'm just looking at your nuts". My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned and I turned beet red and walked away. To this day my sister has never let me forget.

hehehehehehe.......I'll bet he was one HAPPY boy!

 

[techsan]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here is a testimonial of someone who did:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My 3 year old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for lunch between errands. It was very busy with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco I smelled something funny so I checked my 7 month old daughter and she was clean. Danny had not asked to go potty in a while so I asked him if he needed to go and he said "No". I kept thinking "That child has had an accident and I don't have any clothes with me". Then I said "Dan are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No" he replied. I knew that he must have had an accident because the smell was getting worse. I asked one more time "Danny,
did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS". While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had.

 

[pleaz_me]

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here is a testimonial of someone who did:
..............
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS". While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had.

OMG!!!!!!! THAT IS TOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!

 

[copperbutterfly]

Good Evening, sweet man! Thought you might like these. I hope they haven't already been posted!

Choice Bumper Stickers!​

"IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illiterate? Write For Help.
~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost,
But is Miles From The Next Exit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed
Person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My
Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ax Me About Ebonics.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boldly Going Nowhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heart Attacks: God's Revenge
For Eating His Animal Friends
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honk If You've Never Seen
An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He
Admits He is Lost?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE -- PLANT A MAN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And Lastly:

"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON

 

[pleaz_me]

Good Evening, sweet man! Thought you might like these. I hope they haven't already been posted!

Choice Bumper Stickers!​

.................
"IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!"
"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON

Those are soooooooooooo cute and too many true!

 

[techsan]

Good Evening, sweet man! Thought you might like these. I hope they haven't already been posted!

Choice Bumper Stickers!​

"IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!"
...

"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON

ROTFLMAO

Copper, those are a blast!

 

[copperbutterfly]

Another contribution?



Why Math is Taught in School

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right
in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder
to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his
window and "flipped" the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female
does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every
day.


Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.


That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying
or unrewarding.
That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have
seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry
weapons, and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that
has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Flip one off? ....... I think not.

 

[techsan]

Another contribution?



Why Math is Taught in School

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right
in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder
to avoid hitting her.
...
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that
has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Flip one off? ....... I think not.

LMAO...outstanding logic, Copper.

 

[techsan]

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.

Andy said, "We've got to give it back."

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that
fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . "

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."