Laughter is Contagious
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techsan
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LMAO ... Now THAT is the funniest thing I've heard in ages, PM...yes, I'm having a good Friday. Hope your's is going well too!!!pleaz_me said:How would you know???? You haven't even BEGUN to age yet!!!!!
Hope your Friday is going well!
techsan
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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here is a testimonial of someone who did:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and an embarrassed female news anchor who will likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't asked the weatherman: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set but half the crew did too.
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and an embarrassed female news anchor who will likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story. We had a female news anchor who the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't asked the weatherman: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set but half the crew did too.
techsan
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That is a sweet sentiment, my dear sweet young lady...but it is also a state of the advancement of arthritis ... and creeping memory loss, both of which I well know...LMAOpleaz_me said:Age is only a state of mind dear........
However when I think about such a considerate young woman like you, I do tend to forget my age ... lol
pleaz_me
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borrowed from but contributed by Red.........
WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST
ROMANTIC FIRST LINE BUT THE
LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
(1) Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
(2) I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
(3) Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
(4) Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
(5) Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
(6) I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
(7) I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
(8) My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
(9) I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
(10) My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
(11) My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".
(12) What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST
ROMANTIC FIRST LINE BUT THE
LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
(1) Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
(2) I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
(3) Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
(4) Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
(5) Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
(6) I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
(7) I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
(8) My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
(9) I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
(10) My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
(11) My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".
(12) What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
techsan
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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here is a testimonial of someone who did:
On a flight from New York the stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes. There were about 16 flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. The other stewardess got a message from the pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off". No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston and the other stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.
On a flight from New York the stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes. There were about 16 flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. The other stewardess got a message from the pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off". No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston and the other stewardesses were laughing all the way and half of the passengers.
copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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For your enjoyment tonight, Techsan!
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
KIDS ; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM???
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
KIDS ; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM???
techsan
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NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND
These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district.
(Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.
1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT
3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT. (Love it! )
12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. {You know, this could be legit! ;-) }
15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.
17-- SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE HAVE TO ATTEND HER FUNERAL.
18-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!}
19-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
20-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
21-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
22-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
23-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND
ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS.
These are REAL notes written by PARENTS in a Tennessee school district.
(Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.
1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT
3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S. NOTE: [WORDS IN ( )'s WERE CROSSED OUT. (Love it!
)12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT. {You know, this could be legit! ;-) }
15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT WAS SUNDAY.
17-- SALLY WON'T BE IN SCHOOL A WEEK FROM FRIDAY. WE HAVE TO ATTEND HER FUNERAL.
18-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES. {I absolutely LOVE that one!}
19-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
20-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
21-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
22-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
23-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK, FEVER AN SORE THROAT, HER BROTHER HAD A LOW GRADE FEVER AND
ACHED ALL OVER. I WASN'T THE BEST EITHER SORE THROAT AND FEVER. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING GOING AROUND, HER FATHER EVEN GOT HOT LAST NIGHT.
NOW WE KNOW WHY PARENTS ARE SCREAMING FOR BETTER EDUCATION FOR OUR KIDS.
techsan
...just chugging along
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I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
techsan
...just chugging along
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- Posts
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WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is considering
awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney.
The source was quoted to say, "All Americans have wanted toshoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the gumption to do it".
------------
In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag a lawyer, to have the new "Lawyer's Stamp" on their hunting license. Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "Lawyers Stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long.
awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney.
The source was quoted to say, "All Americans have wanted toshoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the gumption to do it".
------------
In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag a lawyer, to have the new "Lawyer's Stamp" on their hunting license. Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "Lawyers Stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long.
omahaman2
Here's your sign
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think i should open a groaner thread!
William Tell was not only a great patriot and a great archer, he was also a great cook and lover. One day, after he had prepared a new stew for his mistress, he tasted the concoction, smacked his lips together once or twice, then said, "I think there is still something MISSING. What do you think?" He passed the spoon to the maiden.
She, too, smacked her lips as she sampled the stew and commented, "Only thyme, Will Tell."
William Tell was not only a great patriot and a great archer, he was also a great cook and lover. One day, after he had prepared a new stew for his mistress, he tasted the concoction, smacked his lips together once or twice, then said, "I think there is still something MISSING. What do you think?" He passed the spoon to the maiden.
She, too, smacked her lips as she sampled the stew and commented, "Only thyme, Will Tell."
copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 21, 2004
- Posts
- 8,770
How about this one?
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . that phrase . . in no time."
Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . that phrase . . in no time."
Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"
techsan
...just chugging along
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- Feb 10, 2005
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ROTFLMAO!!!copperbutterfly said:How about this one?
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . that phrase . . in no time."
Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"
I love it, Copper....Thanks!
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. Does he think this place is .. an auto parts store?"
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie? "
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up! "
FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."
"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie? "
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up! "
FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
A young man was so paranoid about the size of his penis that he could
never work up the courage to have sex. Then one day he fell in love with a nurse.
One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft
music and led him into the bedroom. Totally mortified, he told her of his problem.
"Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh."
Blushing the man drops his trousers.
"It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots smaller than that."
"Really?" the relieved man asked.
She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity unit."
never work up the courage to have sex. Then one day he fell in love with a nurse.
One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft
music and led him into the bedroom. Totally mortified, he told her of his problem.
"Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh."
Blushing the man drops his trousers.
"It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots smaller than that."
"Really?" the relieved man asked.
She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity unit."
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