copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2004
- Posts
- 8,770
Liked those, huh? I figured you might! Saying hi and wishing you a day full of laughter and joy! 
Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
- Start date
- Status
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
MY PHILOSOPHY OF HOUSECLEANING!
I don't do windows because ...
I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don't wax floors because ...
I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible (plus they may sue me.)
I don't mind the dust bunnies because .
They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
I don't disturb cobwebs because ...
I want every creature to have a home of their own.
I don't Spring Clean because ...
I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.
I don't pull weeds in the garden because ...
I don't want to get in God's way, HE is an excellent designer!
I don't put things away because ...
My spouse will never be able to find them again.
I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ...
I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me
over for dinner.
I don't iron because ..
I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".
I don't stress much on anything because ...
"A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!
REMEMBER . . . .
A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!
I don't do windows because ...
I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don't wax floors because ...
I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible (plus they may sue me.)
I don't mind the dust bunnies because .
They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
I don't disturb cobwebs because ...
I want every creature to have a home of their own.
I don't Spring Clean because ...
I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.
I don't pull weeds in the garden because ...
I don't want to get in God's way, HE is an excellent designer!
I don't put things away because ...
My spouse will never be able to find them again.
I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ...
I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me
over for dinner.
I don't iron because ..
I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".
I don't stress much on anything because ...
"A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!
REMEMBER . . . .
A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
More Bumper Stickers:
Friends help you move.
Real friends help you move bodies
***
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got
***
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
***
All men are idiots....I married their king.
***
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
***
Hard work has a future payoff.
Laziness pays off now.
***
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
***
Always remember you're unique...
Just like everyone else.
***
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
***
Be nice to your kids...
They will pick out your nursing home.
***
Consciousness:
That annoying time between naps.
***
Hang up and drive.
***
Smile, it's the second best thing
you can do with your lips.
***
Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
***
I took an IQ test and the results
were negative.
***
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better
***
We are born naked, wet, and hungry....
Then things get worse
Real friends help you move bodies
***
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got
***
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
***
All men are idiots....I married their king.
***
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
***
Hard work has a future payoff.
Laziness pays off now.
***
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
***
Always remember you're unique...
Just like everyone else.
***
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
***
Be nice to your kids...
They will pick out your nursing home.
***
Consciousness:
That annoying time between naps.
***
Hang up and drive.
***
Smile, it's the second best thing
you can do with your lips.
***
Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
***
I took an IQ test and the results
were negative.
***
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better
***
We are born naked, wet, and hungry....
Then things get worse
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
If my body were a car,
this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it -- almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....
either my radiator leaks -or- my exhaust backfires!
this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it -- almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....
either my radiator leaks -or- my exhaust backfires!
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
More bumper stickers ...
DON'T PISS ME OFF! I'M RUNNING OUT
OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
***
The more you complain,
the longer God makes you live
***
Honk If You Want To See My Finger
***
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
***
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
***
I need someone really bad...
Are you really bad?
***
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
***
You're just jealous because
the voices are talking to me and not you!
***
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
***
100,000 sperm and
YOU were the fastest?
***
Jesus loves you, but everyone else
thinks you're an asshole
***
If you can read this,
I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
DON'T PISS ME OFF! I'M RUNNING OUT
OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
***
The more you complain,
the longer God makes you live
***
Honk If You Want To See My Finger
***
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
***
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
***
I need someone really bad...
Are you really bad?
***
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
***
You're just jealous because
the voices are talking to me and not you!
***
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
***
100,000 sperm and
YOU were the fastest?
***
Jesus loves you, but everyone else
thinks you're an asshole
***
If you can read this,
I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
National Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!!
Monday is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday : Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious,when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of IkeTurner, I am so very very glad to officially announce tomorrow as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! There are the rules you must follow:
* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
* CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your "assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always essing up stuff!"
* If questioned by a supervisor or police, (if the supervisor is the irritant),you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE! Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a GREAT DAY!
Monday is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday : Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious,when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of IkeTurner, I am so very very glad to officially announce tomorrow as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! There are the rules you must follow:
* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
* CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your "assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always essing up stuff!"
* If questioned by a supervisor or police, (if the supervisor is the irritant),you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE! Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a GREAT DAY!
copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2004
- Posts
- 8,770
techsan said:
TODAY..Is it TODAY? Can we start NOW! Too funny....thanks for a good start for Tuesday!!
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
The following came from a mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on
water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because:
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) ! For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on
water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because:
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) ! For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control
- Status
