Kinks We Don't Understand: DD/lg (First in a series)

[Moochienanu]

Okay...

This is an area that is truly difficult for me to grasp. I’ll ask it in a couple questions. I will preface this with saying that I (mostly) believe what two consenting adults do is okay. So for those sensitive, err reactive, people, don’t get your frilly diapers in a bunch. Ya heard me?

1. How is the age play thing NOT acting like you’re younger than you are during sex?

I do age play as I’ve said before, usually an hour or so every once or twice a month. When I say I’m little all the time, I mean, in my mind, I always have that vulnerability on display. I do not act younger than my age all the time, but there are mannerisms (I drink from a cup with two hands, I look at someone and blink my eyes innocently before I answer a question sometimes, etc) which communicate my vulnerability to others. Age play isn’t associated with sex.

2. Suzanne mentioned the difference between age play and D/S. If it isn’t age play, what’s the difference? What makes someone little versus just being submissive?

I did post a link for my specifics as to why I claim to be little as opposed to using just the “sub” label. I am a sub and a little.

3. When you’re acting out age play, do you admit to acting like you’re someone of a certain age range? Like, is this something you would say? “When I’m little, I prefer to act like I’m ages x or y?” Do you specifically identify as those ages? (I want Honey to understand how painful it is for me to write this sentences without any form of mockery. I just used the word “identify” in its most progressive meaning. I should be rewarded with some cake and a pizza. I’m currently identifying as a 36 year old male.)

Some people do have an age or age range they regress to when they age play. I don’t. I currently identify as a 32 year old woman who is playing legos and watching Ninja Turtles.

4. The one thing the littles constantly say is we don’t condone age play during sex. Or, maybe that’s me understanding that to be what they’re saying. However, I have a hard time believing that you’re acting 5 years old up until sex, then you revert back to a 35 year old woman. Explain. (For what it’s worth, I don’t believe all of this DD/lg stuff is paedo shit. I think some is. Most of you seem fine enough. But I don’t think you all are paedo empathizers like some do.)

I’m not good with labels and such. I find it too difficult to keep up with the label of the day. For a society that despised being labeled, we sure get our knickers in a twist when someone doesn’t know them.

The only part of the dynamic which crosses over into our (mine and Daddy’s) sexual play which would be considered strictly a DD/lg thing is the fact that I call Him ‘Daddy’ and He rewards me at times with a ‘Good Girl.’ Other than that, I can’t think of any other part of our play which would be considered mainly under that label... and really, some guys, I’ve found, just like to be called ‘Daddy,’ and don’t want a part of the dynamic, so... confusing, I know!

 

[HBergeron]

Is this more about the Dominant/submissive (PYL/pyl) part of the kink? Or is this specific to the DD/lg dynamic?

It's really any play that has dom/sub proponents. Not my thing. Played at sort of 'Dom-ishness', but it's not a turn on at all. A partner who truly needs that should look elsewhere.

 

[Moochienanu]

Because you asked for it as a child or a little, not as someone who has anxiety/depression. That is the difference. You asked for it as someone whose daddy was gone. That is why it is funny to me.

Admittedly, I’ve had my bout with some mental issues over the years. I’m empathetic with that, absolutely. Had such a question been asked in that regard, it wouldn’t have been comical to me.

I do not understand the appeal for this from a guy’s perspective. Why would someone want to treat their mate as though they’re a child? What’s the appeal there? Daddies, can you help a Regular out here and explain?

Also, why don’t the daddies ever talk on here? The littles are like women at a hair salon. The daddies rarely come out of hiding and speak.

*giggle* when He gets off the plane in the morning... oh! Oh wait! He has a bit of WiFi! Let me ask now! BRB

 

[Jada59]

Still... I do not get the distinction between little and age play. Everything you’re (not you specifically, but you littles) describing as a little, seems like the behaviour of someone younger. Whether you act 12 or say you’re 12 is irrelevant to me. And I am not trying to judge it. I was just chastised for making fun of it because I don’t understand it. I do not believe that’s the case.

We can call it headspace or whatever... but someone using a colouring book or playing with dolls is age play, no?

So how does the age play come into play during sex?

I could tell you. But... I can't tell you here. You can PM me if you want.

 

[Jada59]

It's really any play that has dom/sub proponents. Not my thing. Played at sort of 'Dom-ishness', but it's not a turn on at all. A partner who truly needs that should look elsewhere.

Same. I can dabble at things but there is no one thing I have to have for sex. And if *he* has to have it all the time, it's not for me.

 

[MaBelle3120]

We can call it headspace or whatever... but someone using a colouring book or playing with dolls is age play, no?

So how does the age play come into play during sex?

Not necessarily. Still two separate things. Not all Littles engage in age play, and not all age players are Littles.
Age play is about regressing to a certain age and adopting the mannerisms of that age.
Being a Little is about embracing a personality trait for submissives that value the nurturing and care-free aspects of a DD/lg relationship.

Its not about the specific actions (playing with dolls, coloring, etc.), it's about the purpose of it.
For Littles, the purpose is just that some Littles 'may' enjoy those activities when they slip into that submissive Little headspace. Keep in mind, Littles all vary, so coloring and dolls definitely does not = Littles.

For age players, the purpose of the objects and activities is to help regress to a specific age, and there are specific objects they may relate with the age they are adopting (coloring and stuffed animals for 5 year old, etc.)

Age play does not need to come into play during sex. If someone is regressing, its not about sex.

 

[Moochienanu]

Because you asked for it as a child or a little, not as someone who has anxiety/depression. That is the difference. You asked for it as someone whose daddy was gone. That is why it is funny to me.

Admittedly, I’ve had my bout with some mental issues over the years. I’m empathetic with that, absolutely. Had such a question been asked in that regard, it wouldn’t have been comical to me.

I do not understand the appeal for this from a guy’s perspective. Why would someone want to treat their mate as though they’re a child? What’s the appeal there? Daddies, can you help a Regular out here and explain?

Also, why don’t the daddies ever talk on here? The littles are like women at a hair salon. The daddies rarely come out of hiding and speak.

Okay... so... probably not going to be the answer you want, but, He says that the appeal of being a Daddy lies with me. He says there is something about me that makes Him want to be my Daddy. I tried to ask if He would still be a Daddy to someone else if I wasn’t His little girl anymore, but as He should have, He completely skirted the question (because we both don’t want that. Ever).

Our relationship happened very organically and started as just chatting about the weather (about a year ago now, actually )...

 

[SassySheDevil]

I'm just reading through the posts and trying to process things. I noticed WH made a comment which she said wasn't necessarily related but was certainly about gentlemanly manners. It makes me wonder if those are still taught sometime.

But mostly I appreciate reading what Moochienanu wrote, she simplifies it all.

This isn’t DD/lg specific. This is called a good relationship.

This. I guess I don't understand it either, but it doesn't bother me or harm me, so I don't judge. But I thought these above were just a gentleman. Sadly I'm not sure it is taught much anymore. But those traits are things, I think many women want in their partner.

I am curious and will keep reading..

 

[Moochienanu]

Because it also means father. And when you’re acting like a little kid along with it... you can do the maths.

<snips>

This totally bristled my hair’s at first too. The whole thought of incest or role playing incest (etc) was not even close to appealing... but this relationship I have is not any of that just because I am an innocent soul who also enjoys sex (like... a lot).

 

[SassySheDevil]

This is where those blurred lines happen because we (Daddy and I) definitely fall into D/s categories... but because He is more nurturing and I am playful, it fits that we fall a bit more into the DD/lg subcategory.

I am sure I’m probably fucking a lot of this up, but I’m trying here...

You are explaining it perfectly without being offended or upset by the questions. There is obviously a lot of curiosity. But I'm sure many (like me) don't want to ask questions if someone gets pissy with the question asker.

 

[Moochienanu]

It's ok, babe. I know there's gray areas and personal interpretation with all titles and dynamics. But I know there's usually something that serves as the foundation for each. Like D/S = power exchange, S/M = pain/humiliation, B = bondage. I definitely thought little = age regression and would love to know what the common theme actually is that differentiates it from the others.

Is it just that Daddy/Little Girl = caregiver/caregivee? I don't see how that's different from D/S, but if someone could clarify that, this curious girl would appreciate it.

So, I’m probably super off base, but I’m just going to share personal things here because it is all I know past reading other people’s personal experiences.

In my mind, there is an over-arching umbrella for all of BDSM: Dominant/submissive power exchange. This is then expressed in different ways which can be put into the subcategories like Sadist/masochist, Rope Top/bunny, Daddy Dom/little girl, Pick Your Label/pick your label (etc).

What differentiates DD/lg from the other subcategories is the more nurturing Dominant and innocent or pure submissives. There is also Mommy/little boy, or Caregiver/little, but for whatever reason DD/lg is just a bit more visible.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Well. *coughs* I happen to like incest play.

I've done it both with and without the DD/lg dynamic, and they're both hot. With the DD/lg, we threw in a healthy dose of breeding play, too. Hot! Hot! Hot!

It didn't squick me out (or him) because we were very clear on the point that they were separate kinks. Plus the fact that i don't age regress.

Hmmm..... <reminisces fondly>

 

[AlwaysFara]

Maybe the littles want to be more innocent or pure. I don’t think they are. From the outside looking in.
Maybe that’s not the word.

Trusting? Vulnerable?

 

[Moochienanu]

I think, at least for me, that this is very true. It's a power exchange of sorts, and a support mechanism. And there's semantics involved that I think are confusing the fuck out of everyone.

some d/s relationships involve the sub (as it was once described to me) emptying themselves...just becoming a husk, letting their dom control them, letting the pain or control or punishment when it comes to that empty them of all responsibility and thought...just being there with their partner, and not having to think of anything but them.

I think this is similar to the dd/lg dynamic. But instead of belts and restraints and paddles and clamps and all the fun toys that come along with it, it's cuddles and hugs and the knowledge that he's going to protect you and take care of you, and that you don't have to think or worry about anything.

I *think* that's the difference. It seems that way to me from all that I've read and the Littles I've befriended, even the ones I didn't know were Littles until way later.

If I'm off base, someone please say so???

You’re doing very well... but I just wanted to point out that I LOVE when His belt comes off, the restraints are out of the bag, His hand is smacking my ass, and the gag is in... not saying, just saying...

 

[MaBelle3120]

So, I’m probably super off base, but I’m just going to share personal things here because it is all I know past reading other people’s personal experiences.

In my mind, there is an over-arching umbrella for all of BDSM: Dominant/submissive power exchange. This is then expressed in different ways which can be put into the subcategories like Sadist/masochist, Rope Top/bunny, Daddy Dom/little girl, Pick Your Label/pick your label (etc).

What differentiates DD/lg from the other subcategories is the more nurturing Dominant and innocent or pure submissives. There is also Mommy/little boy, or Caregiver/little, but for whatever reason DD/lg is just a bit more visible.

I don't think that's off base, I think that's actually a really good way to describe it, Moochie.
A form of D/s, but different in that there is a more nurturing Dominant where the focus of the power exchange and rules/structure is more centered around the wellbeing of the relationship and the wellbeing of the Little.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

[COLOR="DarkOrchid] ...This is then expressed in different ways which can be put into the subcategories like Sadist/masochist, Rope Top/bunny, Daddy Dom/little girl, Pick Your Label/pick your label (etc).

...There is also Mommy/little boy, or Caregiver/little, but for whatever reason DD/lg is just a bit more visible.[/COLOR]

Yep. Also CG/pet(furry).

And of course people can identify as more than one thing, eg., slave/little boy/pet.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Maybe the littles want to be more innocent or pure. I don’t think they are. From the outside looking in.
Maybe that’s not the word.

Trusting? Vulnerable?

Yeah, the innocent/pure angle isn't a thing for me. The vulnerable/needy thing is. Or was.

 

[Moochienanu]

Well. *coughs* I happen to like incest play.

I've done it both with and without the DD/lg dynamic, and they're both hot. With the DD/lg, we threw in a healthy dose of breeding play, too. Hot! Hot! Hot!

It didn't squick me out (or him) because we were very clear on the point that they were separate kinks. Plus the fact that i don't age regress.

Hmmm..... <reminisces fondly>

Exactly! Completely separate kinks. There is so much automatic assumptions, though, that they are the same thing (DD/lg and incest play). I was just trying to reiterate that being little doesn’t necessarily mean we are into incest as well.

 

[Moochienanu]

Maybe the littles want to be more innocent or pure. I don’t think they are. From the outside looking in.
Maybe that’s not the word.

Trusting? Vulnerable?

You make a good point... I mean... some of the things I’ve done would never be considered close to pure.

needy? Emotionally open? There are many words for the little feeling.

 

[Moochienanu]

This. I guess I don't understand it either, but it doesn't bother me or harm me, so I don't judge. But I thought these above were just a gentleman. Sadly I'm not sure it is taught much anymore. But those traits are things, I think many women want in their partner.

I am curious and will keep reading..

Absolutely. I think we (mostly Honey) explained this a bit better, but if it’s still unclear, feel free to ask more about it.

You are explaining it perfectly without being offended or upset by the questions. There is obviously a lot of curiosity. But I'm sure many (like me) don't want to ask questions if someone gets pissy with the question asker.

Oh, what’s the point in being or getting upset with people who are trying to understand you better? I don’t usually mix myself into this kind of serious conversation outside my ampic thread (and when I told Him about this whole undertaking earlier today, He reminded me that it was up to me how long I want to engage in things or not - an example of how He supports and knows me so well), but I felt like, with all the negativity that has been surrounding this kink lately, I couldn’t just sit back anymore... at least not today.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Absolutely. I think we (mostly Honey) explained this a bit better, but if it’s still unclear, feel free to ask more about it.



Oh, what’s the point in being or getting upset with people who are trying to understand you better? I don’t usually mix myself into this kind of serious conversation outside my ampic thread (and when I told Him about this whole undertaking earlier today, He reminded me that it was up to me how long I want to engage in things or not - an example of how He supports and knows me so well), but I felt like, with all the negativity that has been surrounding this kink lately, I couldn’t just sit back anymore... at least not today.

But that is the big part if it. I would feel comfortable asking you. You've explained it with a calmness, and understanding that many, tend to judge more, when they don't understand. So helping others understand, is beneficial in the end.

More reason to meet you!! I could sit and talk with you all day.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

For my own edification, I have tried to summarize what seem to be the most controversial questions and the general consensus of the answers and/or my impressions. Feedback as to whether or not I am on the right track would be appreciated. The bolded sections are my emphasis.

So how does the age play come into play during sex?

Littles who do participate in age play don't (as far as I'm aware) spend all of their time at their younger ages(s). And when they do, it is generally not sexual in nature.
'Little' does not = child, unless they do age play, during which time they are not participating in sexual activities.

Age play isn’t associated with sex.

Age play does not need to come into play during sex. If someone is regressing, its not about sex.

*** However, Jada gave the following feedback:

I must disagree with you there. Alas, I can't expound on that because it would come too close (IMO) to violating Lit. rules. I am speaking from personal experience. That being said, I am *not* a little.

In my former relationship, I did call him Daddy a few times. Only after researching the term and noting that its use does not have to mean what he wanted it to mean. I know what he wanted it to mean, but I can't get any more into that lest I violate Lit. rules. I do wish I could say more but I fear I can not.

I could tell you. But... I can't tell you here. You can PM me if you want.

*** So, if I am understanding correctly, what is being alluded to here is not DD/lg, but a man roleplaying having sex with an underage girl. Which is generally not condoned by the DD/lg community.

And am I really to believe these age play people really flip off that switch when the dick comes out? That the dynamic immediately shifts?

*** From the limited number of littles that I have interacted with and whose posts I have read, it sounds like age play/littlespace activities don't usually include Daddy participation. It sounds to me like these activities are more "me time" for littles - coloring, legos, watching My Little Pony (or Ninja Turtles), playing dress up, cuddling with stuffies. Things that provide stress relief from "adulting". So yes, I think that this headspace sounds different enough from sex headspace, for both partners, that the sex is not about roleplaying sex with someone who is underage.

*** The question of incest as part of DD/lg...

Well. *coughs* I happen to like incest play.
I've done it both with and without the DD/lg dynamic, and they're both hot. With the DD/lg, we threw in a healthy dose of breeding play, too. Hot! Hot! Hot!
It didn't squick me out (or him) because we were very clear on the point that they were separate kinks. Plus the fact that i don't age regress.

Exactly! Completely separate kinks. There is so much automatic assumptions, though, that they are the same thing (DD/lg and incest play). I was just trying to reiterate that being little doesn’t necessarily mean we are into incest as well.

*** So, DD/lg is not the equivalent of roleplaying incest.

Please let me know if any of the conclusions that I have come to are way off base. It is a topic that I really knew nothing about coming in to Lit, but I do identify with some aspects of what people describe as being little. So, just trying to learn more.

 

[DarkSimian]

I've been watching this debate evolve, and have a few thoughts:

I collect comic books. I collect action figures. I like super hero movies. I've dressed up in costumes as my favorite characters. Does that make me a Little? Does that mean I've engaged in age play?

No; it just means I'm a dork....let the mocking begin...

(more thoughts later)

 

[MaBelle3120]

Thank you for this Angelica, it looks like a great way to summarize the main questions and what a lot of us are trying to explain in our answers throughout the thread very helpful

 

[Moochienanu]

I've been watching this debate evolve, and have a few thoughts:

I collect comic books. I collect action figures. I like super hero movies. I've dressed up in costumes as my favorite characters. Does that make me a Little? Does that mean I've engaged in age play?

No; it just means I'm a dork....let the mocking begin...

(more thoughts later)

First off, I don’t see a debate. I see healthy discussions about what a kink actually is between people who live it as a lifestyle and those who seek to understand it. If this was an argument or debate, I wouldn’t be here. I’m no good with those.

Now, I too collect comics, action figures, vinyl, and many other, *cough* dorky things. That doesn’t mean that every time I want to watch an animated movie I am in a littlespace any more than it is an aspect of who you are as well.

Being little and engaging in age play (for those who choose to) is not about the things we like to do, it is about the attitude of vulnerable playfulness we allow to emerge while we do them.