Kinks We Don't Understand: DD/lg (First in a series)

[MrPractical]

Oh, Grampy.

You are doing nothing to help the cause of this thread.

It’s clear you want a pissing contest with Pmann, when all we have been asking for is a real man to weigh in on the Daddy side.

I guess we still wait.

Ok...I will concede the point. You are correct. I let my protective nature get in the way of logic.

I will re direct my focus to the topic.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Ok...I will concede the point. You are correct. I let my protective nature get in the way of logic.

I will re direct my focus to the topic.

Thank you.

 

[MrPractical]

Thank you.

You bet.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I'll bite.



How long have you been a DD?

What do you believe differentiates a DD from a Dom?

What do you believe differentiates a LG from a Sub?

Have you ever had multiple LGs at the same time?

What do you need from a LG?

What can you offer a LG?

These questions may have gotten lost in the kerfuffle.

 

[AlwaysFara]

A Litster PMed me wanting to answer these questions, but remain anonymous:

How long have you been a DD?
I was in a DDLG relationship for about 1 year.

What do you believe differentiates a DD from a Dom?
A dom is given power by the submissive to do what it takes to help the submissive. A DD is kind of the same thing, but there's more of a softness to it. It's not the 'do this or else' sort of thing. There is discipline involved, there is punishments involved. But more or less, in my opinion, it's more of being there for that person - kind of like a dad.

What do you believe differentiates a LG from a Sub?
This person didn't act like she was 12 or 5, or anything. She basically was, for lack of a better term, my surrogate daughter. But not in the sense that we were related. It wasn't incestual. During certain times she did what I asked, other times she was a brat or demanded to be punished. That's the main difference between LG and a sub. With a sub it needs to be a certain way or else. There's more push, IMO, for the LG.

Have you ever had multiple LGs at the same time?
I never had multiples.

What do you need from a LG?
Time with her, affection, and allowing me to be part of her life.

What can you offer a LG?
I offered the same thing. Time with her, making her feel special, and being there for her.

A lot of people don't understand the dynamic and there are a lot of people who judge it. In my situation, she didn't act like a younger girl. It was simply - I was there for her and there was a lot of role play involved. This is something I did in the past and is not something I seek to do anymore.

It saddens me that this is being so misconstrued. It's not pedophilia. It's a dynamic where there's more love and affection than a typical d/s thing.

I don’t know about all the answers, but the last sentence i take issue with.
Who is he to say that something has more love and affection than something else?

Mysterious PM-er, thanks so much for answering the questions! Really. I’m going to read again, but please rethink your “more love than” thing.
Love is expressed in many ways, and just like there is no typical DD/lg, there is no typical D/s.

 

[AlwaysFara]

"Fara does have a point.
I guess what I meant was that there's more of something that makes it different. More give and take. More freedom to be a brat. Yeah, there's no standard on which is which, but that's the way mine went."

-Mysterious PM-er

Why did he stop?

 

[lurkingguy1978]

I agree with you, Fara. I sincerely think that what some are describing as DDLG, others like you or I simply describe as a loving D/S relationship. Maybe there needs to be a Kinks We Don't Understand: D/S version because there's obviously a wide spectrum to that as well, and maybe it's not understood that all these same things can be a part of it, without being labeled DDLG?

But... people can identify however they choose and whichever way they are comfortable with! If I want to identify as a strong, independent black woman...who are you to tell me otherwise?

I think the labeling is part of the struggle here. I'm sure there are d/s relationships that fall under the dd/lg umbrella, but whose participants would not identify it as such, and I'm sure there are d/s relationships that identify as dd/lg that just aren't...

It's such a spectrum, as we've all learned.

But no matter what the labels, what matters is that people are happy. Happy with who they are, and what they are. Labels be damned. If you own a label, good...be proud. If you don't...bully for you too.

But be happy.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I agree with you, Fara. I sincerely think that what some are describing as DDLG, others like you or I simply describe as a loving D/S relationship. Maybe there needs to be a Kinks We Don't Understand: D/S version because there's obviously a wide spectrum to that as well, and maybe it's not understood that all these same things can be a part of it, without being labeled DDLG?

But... people can identify however they choose and whichever way they are comfortable with! If I want to identify as a strong, independent black woman...who are you to tell me otherwise?

 

[JennyNo1]

I'm waving the white flag for myself. I guess I just won't ever understand. I am in a relationship where I'm nurtured, cared for, cherished but it is not a DD/lg dynamic at all.

The only difference I see is a need/desire to act in ways that are varying degrees of young/immature/bratty/etc. To me, that's age play. And after all of this back and forth, it still seems to be the thing that distinguishes a DD/lg relationship from my regular plain ol' vanilla relationship.

So I will agree to disagree with so many who have tried to help provide clarity and understanding. I really do appreciate those who displayed considerable patience with all of the questions.

I'd still like to see more DD's weigh in and participate on this thread. But I'm not holding my breath.

(Well, there's nothing like having people from church drop by while you're in the middle of a discussion on your favorite porn board...)

I have to disagree with the bolded part. The thing that distinguishes it is the trademark of BDSM - the conscious and deliberate ceding of a large amount of control in the relationship to the Dom by the sub, more than what vanilla couples might think normal or desirable. I'd venture to say the immaturity, brattiness, etc. is part of that overlap between age play and DD/lg. (although I do get called brat quite a bit because I'm teasing and being playful) Other than that, I think you're right - it's very close to just being a loving, caring relationship of any type.

And I think I just reached saturation point on this....like who cares, really? As long as we're having fun with it, it doesn't matter what we're all calling it.

 

[AlwaysFara]

"Like any relationship, it ran its course.
I do remember it fondly and miss her. And hope for the best for her."

-Mysterious PM-er

Thanks indie and MPM.

 

[DarkSimian]

The shame of this was the first part of this thread was extremely interesting.

Then the dead horse started getting beaten.

Now for a rant:

Pmann, you have a talent for asking insightful questions, laced with venom.

You asked in point #2 last night why daddies weren't posting in this thread...and posited that all of them were fucking around with multiple women, so they daren't show their faces. How exactly was that supposed to "inspire" someone to speak that hadn't spoken already - it was clear what your opinion of said people already was.

If I were able to speak on any given topic - that kind of prodding isn't going to inspire me to respond - quite the opposite. I would think most others would feel the same.

I can't speak for any Little...they're quite capable of speaking for themselves, but I imagine the same is true of them, especially since you've intimated the same of littles at various times over the past few pages - stringing multiple daddies along. So that level of suggestion of personal impropriety isn't exactly inviting civil discussion.

But you knew that. Since that is what you do here...stir the pot. You're clearly intelligent, and speak well. Which oft times is all that separates you from others who more feebly troll. Congrats on completing grammar classes with good grades.

/end rant

From the outside looking in - dd/lg is a way broader term than anyone may have appreciated before this thread started. Everything from simply soft d/s bordering just unusually affectionate "vanilla" relationships to full-on age play.

At this point, this all would be best stipulated and everyone move on.

I'm quoting this, because it sums up my feeling about so much...

I'm done with this, done with being a target for trying to support my friends. I'm not leaving, but I'm not getting sucked in to expressing my opinion either. I too may become a lurking guy. Some of you will be going on ignore. So, yeah...you win.

And I know this is probably the wrong place for this. But I have to say it. I've tried to be a decent guy, tried to be a friend to some. Obviously, that's not enough. So go ahead and destroy this place. That's what some of you do best....

 

[AngelicaS1780]

In addition to being a parent, being a victim of sexual abuse as a minor can make the idea of sexualized age play a bit....<shudders>
I'm thankful that I haven't seen the two combined here (sex and age play), but there's extremes for everything and no doubt that's out there (and occasionally here, on Lit).

You can safely say that there are couples who consider themselves to be in a DD/lg dynamic who DO AGE PLAY. The extent to which they age play, may or may not, spill over into the bedroom. When it DOES spill over into the bedroom, it distastefully reeks of pedophilic tendencies..
For others, again only a subset, they enjoy the taboo potential of incest.

Just a thought, that I may regret having out loud...
Role playing rape is often referred to as “rape play”, and role playing incest, as “incest play”.
If adults are role playing a sexual situation and one of them is pretending to be underage, why don’t we call that “pedo play” or “molester play”?
If that’s what someone wants to do, at least they can be honest and call it what it is instead of (mis)using the more innocuous “age play”.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Just a thought, that I may regret having out loud...
Role playing rape is often referred to as “rape play”, and role playing incest, as “incest play”.
If adults are role playing a sexual situation and one of them is pretending to be underage, why don’t we call that “pedo play” or “molester play”?
If that’s what someone wants to do, at least they can be honest and call it what it is instead of (mis)using the more innocuous “age play”.

totally agree, but it's all about euphemistically expressing one's "darker propensities"..

I mean, how often have you heard "rape play" referred to as "consensual non-con"?

And seriously, how could shit eaters hijack such a beautiful term from the Jazz repertoire to give shine to their kink?

***

 

[AveryElle]

See this is what confuses me. How is age and//or little play NOT sexualized? Presumably, people partake because it is sexually arousing for them. Otherwise there probably wouldn’t be a label for it. It’d just be considered immaturity (not in a good or bad way, but I’d think if it weren’t a turn on, the immaturity aspect would get old for the daddy/mommy...no?)

Indie even posted that the mystery papi said it was caring and nurturing, LIKE A DAD. And that his little was like a surrogate daughter. I know thats one case, but reading that made me react in a specific way.

Anywhoooo I still appreciate the mostly thoughtful discussion

 

[AlwaysFara]

I try to keep my personal biases aside (and often fail), but I think it's important not to lump the exceptions in with the whole. Many here who have referenced age play have noted that it's not sexual for them, so in those cases the term age play isn't really covering up anything with a cute name.

Of course, for others age play does mean more. But it wouldn't be the first to coin an innocuous name in order to do so. Like RA referenced, rape play is often called CNC. We don't call pet/furry play beastiality play. I think the important thing to remember is that these are consenting adults, regardless of what it's called. Age play, sexual or not, does not mean someone is a pedophile any more than rape play makes someone a rapist or pet play makes someone want to fuck PLPs cat. Could it mean those things? Sure. Of course. People are fucked up and will hide behind anything to justify their twisted mind. But again, that's the minority. When we see that stuff, it needs to be shut down and dealt with immediately. It's unacceptable and gives the rest of the community a bad rap.

Yea, I think sexualized age play is sick. I'm sure people think lots of things I do are sick, too. And that's fine. If no one gets hurt and everything stays between consenting adults, then where is the harm?

I have really enjoyed this discussion and am not sure I really have anything else to add to it. I sincerely hope that I haven't hurt or offended anyone with my questions and responses, that is not my intention.

See this is what confuses me. How is age and//or little play NOT sexualized? Presumably, people partake because it is sexually arousing for them. Otherwise there probably wouldn’t be a label for it. It’d just be considered immaturity (not in a good or bad way, but I’d think if it weren’t a turn on, the immaturity aspect would get old for the daddy/mommy...no?)

Indie even posted that the mystery papi said it was caring and nurturing, LIKE A DAD. And that his little was like a surrogate daughter. I know thats one case, but reading that made me react in a specific way.

Anywhoooo I still appreciate the mostly thoughtful discussion

This and this, and I’m mostly going into voyeur mode, now.

 

[lurkingguy1978]

This and this, and I’m mostly going into voyeur mode, now.

Maybe voyeurism should be Honey's next kink discussion thread.

 

[lurkingguy1978]

I'd watch.

I was watching closely enough to see what you did there...

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

https://media.giphy.com/media/wSU1U3h1PFFsc/giphy.gif

 

[Lord Pmann]

See this is what confuses me. How is age and//or little play NOT sexualized? Presumably, people partake because it is sexually arousing for them. Otherwise there probably wouldn’t be a label for it. It’d just be considered immaturity (not in a good or bad way, but I’d think if it weren’t a turn on, the immaturity aspect would get old for the daddy/mommy...no?)

I personally think that much of the age play IS sexualized. But I feel like people don’t want to admit it. And this is where, despite the littles thinking I’m against all they do, I’m actually more in their corner than most.

I don’t really think it matters. I’ve said before, consenting adults can do what they want. And here is why I think this age play thing is not a breeding ground for Paedos...

Most people here love some form of BDSM play. Some people love their partners to call them whores or sluts or beat the living shit out of them during sex. Leave marks. Cut them. Degrade them. But most here know that those people (for the most part) are not going to turn around and beat their wives. Same with rapey sex. For the most part, those attracted to rapey sex aren’t rapists. No one here (or very few) thinks it breeds rapists. I’m into it. And I’m the least real rapey guy I know. In fact, I’m known for my lack of rapey vibes. Ask my parole officer. We say those things are between consenting adults and it’s just play.

But for some reason, people think that having sex and pretending to be XX (edited by me as to not get in trouble with forum guidelines) years old means they’ll become paedos. That’s obviously not the case. I’ve seen lots of these littles post on the boards and, while I’ve found so many of them to be whiny as hell these last few days with their little feelings, I don’t think their paedos. They just have a kink. And they like weird shit.

I do not believe for one second that a lot of them don’t engage in age play during sex. I’d venture to say the majority do, if they’re honest. If I accept their story of denial, I’m to believe they’ve come to a SEX board, post about being daddy’s little girl, wear frilly outfits, do kid stuff, pretend to be innocent, post explicit sexual images, etc and not fuck in that mindset? There’s not a fucking chance. I’m sure some do avoid it- as Moochie explained her ways. Perhaps this is one where I just have a bias, but I can’t believe it doesn’t happen on a majority scale. I feel like if people were 100% honest, they’d agree.

I believe they pretend this is not the case for what I said two paragraphs above. I think many assume it leads to creepy shit outside the two consenting adults disclaimer. I don’t believe that any more than I believe being into BDSM makes you a wife beater or being a rapey sex person makes you a rapist.

For me, the idea of it turns my stomach. I dislike it and it makes me feel icky. But it’s also not too dissimilar in the icky that scat makes me feel. Just more icky.

 

[Lord Pmann]

https://media.giphy.com/media/wSU1U3h1PFFsc/giphy.gif

Glad you posted this gif. I was going to do one of someone fucking a dead horse, but I’d get kink shamed to hell for that one.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Oh damn. I had one more thing to add but the horse died before I could get here. Oh well...

 

[AngelicaS1780]

I try to keep my personal biases aside (and often fail), but I think it's important not to lump the exceptions in with the whole. Many here who have referenced age play have noted that it's not sexual for them, so in those cases the term age play isn't really covering up anything with a cute name.

Just to clarify, my observation initially came from the seeming confusion about what "age play" is or isn't. My suggestion was partly about giving the term "age play" back to those who want to use it to refer to nonsexual activities, and coming up with a more accurate, and succinct, term to describe play that involves role playing an underage person.

Of course, for others age play does mean more. But it wouldn't be the first to coin an innocuous name in order to do so. Like RA referenced, rape play is often called CNC. We don't call pet/furry play beastiality play. I think the important thing to remember is that these are consenting adults, regardless of what it's called. Age play, sexual or not, does not mean someone is a pedophile any more than rape play makes someone a rapist or pet play makes someone want to fuck PLPs cat.

I am really not trying to incite debate or argument. I am just a person for whom words and their associated meanings are important and interesting. While CNC might be a nicer term for rape play, it still acknowledges the non consent aspect. Maybe I don't look at the right threads, but it also seems to me that people are at least somewhat comfortable calling it rape play. No one seems to have an issue using the term incest play, even though incest is considered taboo/"wrong" by much of society. I guess that sometimes the word "family" is used to imply incest, but there is no confusion as to what the word means in that context.

As far as the pet play is concerned, at least for me and my limited exposure, that has never appeared to be about role playing the abuse of actual animals. It feels more like a type of D/s relationship with a pet and a caregiver, or, perhaps, people being able to express a more primal, animal-like, aspect of themselves. But I admit, I don't know much about it.

I am not arguing that everyone who engages in rape play is a rapist or a victim in real life. I don't think there is any solid research that looks at whether role playing rape/CNC makes someone with criminal tendencies more likely or less likely to actually commit a rape. I am sure that PLP's cat is lovely, but has nothing to worry about from most who engage in pet play.

I am just saying that I think there are reasons to be more accurate in our terminology. Age play seems much farther away from pedophilia, than consensual non consent seems from rape. Maybe underage play would be a more palatable term while still being accurate. But then, it probably violates the terms of service. Or does it, as long as it is clear that it's consenting adults role playing? Just my musings.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

https://media.giphy.com/media/wSU1U3h1PFFsc/giphy.gif

Oh damn. I had one more thing to add but the horse died before I could get here. Oh well...

Sorry. I did actually start my above reply well before the horse keeled over.
Oops, no I didn't. I just replied to indie, as she had pm'ed me, and didn't note the next page of posts. To quote PLP, "Oh well..."

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Sorry. I did actually start my above reply well before the horse keeled over.
Oops, no I didn't. I just replied to indie, as she had pm'ed me, and didn't note the next page of posts. To quote PLP, "Oh well..."

Lol you're totally fine. I'm enjoying everyone's thoughtful answers. I just didn't have time earlier.


Also, I kind of love how much love my cat is getting here. I'll pass on the belly rubs.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Oh well fuck it. We have a briefly resurrected zombie horse.

I think there is two things that most people are leaving out of the conversation.

Transgression. This is the big umbrella that all kinks fall under. That we are turned on by something that is "bad" or "socially unacceptable" is the actual kink.

Pedophilia is an attraction to actual children.

Now, there is a world of difference between a 35 year old woman in a school girl outfit and an actual child. The turn on is the transgression, not the "age".

This applies to a lot of kinks mentioned here - from pain play to incest. I might let let you spank my ass black and blue but that is different than the reaction I would have to you raising your hand to me in an argument. I might like authority play but I don't want to actually fuck my boss, my dad, my priest. I might like to girls to play innocent virgins but I'm not going to sit outside of playgrounds.

While I totally and completely understand people getting squicked out about things they personally don't like or aren't turned on by (feet totally yuck me out but there are tons of threads about feet, shoes, stockings, etc), that doesn't mean we aren't all under the same transgression umbrella.

I know I'm repeating things other people have said better. Mainly, don't yuck someone else's yum.

<smacks horse with shovel> and I'm back out...