Jokes
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veryblueeyes
Poseidon's Wench
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 28,405
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
veryblueeyes
Poseidon's Wench
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 28,405
A cop was patrolling at night in a well known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel,reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window ... "Uh, yes, officer?" "What are you doing?" "Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine, sir " Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says "And her, what is she doing?" The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater." Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a lovers' lane. And nothing obscene is happening! "What's your age, young man?" "I'm 25, sir." "And her ... what's her age?" The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.
CaLadyInRed69
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2003
- Posts
- 429
Joey3308 said:
I think you meant a Texan Cowboy.... lol
Succulent-one
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2003
- Posts
- 4,656
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I ' m setting up an office in my
den and I ' m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name ' s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don ' t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name ' s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don ' t know. What will I see when I
look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a
computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something
I can use to write proposals, track
expenses and run my business.
What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office.
Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend
for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!
OK, lets just say I ' m sitting at my
computer and I want to type a proposal
What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue " W " .
COSTELLO: I ' m going to click your blue " w " if
you don ' t start with some straight
answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch
movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.
What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it ' s a long movie I also want to
see reel 2, 3 &4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I ' m at my computer and I want to
watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue " 1 " .
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue " 1 " .
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue " 1 " is Real One and the blue " W " is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there ' s three words in " office for windows " !
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it ' s the most
popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren ' t many
other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the
other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word.
Real One isn ' t even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don ' t start that again. What
about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That ' s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer
COSTELLO: What ' s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?
How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A FEW DAYS LATER . . . . . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on " START " ..........
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I ' m setting up an office in my
den and I ' m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name ' s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don ' t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name ' s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don ' t know. What will I see when I
look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a
computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something
I can use to write proposals, track
expenses and run my business.
What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office.
Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend
for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!
OK, lets just say I ' m sitting at my
computer and I want to type a proposal
What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue " W " .
COSTELLO: I ' m going to click your blue " w " if
you don ' t start with some straight
answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch
movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.
What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it ' s a long movie I also want to
see reel 2, 3 &4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I ' m at my computer and I want to
watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue " 1 " .
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue " 1 " .
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue " 1 " is Real One and the blue " W " is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there ' s three words in " office for windows " !
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it ' s the most
popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren ' t many
other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the
other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word.
Real One isn ' t even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don ' t start that again. What
about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That ' s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer
COSTELLO: What ' s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?
How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A FEW DAYS LATER . . . . . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on " START " ..........
Succulent-one
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2003
- Posts
- 4,656
Woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for
her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she
just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is
standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about
this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but, if
you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know
about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a
Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and
it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit
card drops on the floor. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally
breaks wind.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the
blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on
sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is
$11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50!"
her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she
just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is
standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about
this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but, if
you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know
about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a
Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and
it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit
card drops on the floor. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally
breaks wind.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the
blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on
sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is
$11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50!"
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2003
- Posts
- 24,198
A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price. She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize." As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
TNRkitect2b
Sir Brian
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2003
- Posts
- 4,028
The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served
by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put
everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down
the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey
has asked me to announce that he'll be landing this
big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could
just put up your tray tables that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well
dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines
sweet lady. I had asked you to raise your trazy-poo so
the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country,
I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing
a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called
a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."
by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put
everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down
the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey
has asked me to announce that he'll be landing this
big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could
just put up your tray tables that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well
dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines
sweet lady. I had asked you to raise your trazy-poo so
the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country,
I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing
a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called
a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."
veryblueeyes
Poseidon's Wench
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 28,405
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
veryblueeyes
Poseidon's Wench
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 28,405
One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach.
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2003
- Posts
- 24,198
A family of whales was swimming around on a nice day. Suddenly a boat with harpooners came and killed the baby whale. A few years went by and the same boat came around again. When the father whale saw it, he said that they should pay those bastards back for killing their son. He turned to the wife and said "lets go under the boat and blow as hard as we can then tip the boat over." The wife agreed, so they went under the boat and blew as hard as they could and tipped the boat over. They went back to the top adn saw all of the men swimming to rafts and grabbing life jackets. THe dad whale says "We didnt do enough to them to pay them back, lets go eat some of them now." THe wife said "now hold on a minute I agreed to the blow job but I'm not going to swallow any sea men."
Succulent-one
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2003
- Posts
- 4,656
Seniors dress code
WAY over 40 (or hovering near 40) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to be nice and conform to the fashions that the designers in NYC, California, and/or Paris inflict upon the world.
So I made a sincere study of the situation and here are the results. I don't want to burst your bubble, but despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and thus should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. In-line skates and a walker
13. Thongs and Depends
Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you
shop.
WAY over 40 (or hovering near 40) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to be nice and conform to the fashions that the designers in NYC, California, and/or Paris inflict upon the world.
So I made a sincere study of the situation and here are the results. I don't want to burst your bubble, but despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and thus should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. In-line skates and a walker
13. Thongs and Depends
Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you
shop.
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2003
- Posts
- 24,198
A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that Native Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"He coolly replied, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
CaLadyInRed69
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2003
- Posts
- 429
Bump!!!!!!!!!!!
and a purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
and a purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2003
- Posts
- 24,198
"Three Worst Chinese Tortures"
Once there was a guy wandering through the desert. he was starved and very thirsty so he was very excited when he saw this huge house out of nowhere. He walked up and rang the doorbell. After a couple of rings an old chinese guy answered. The starved man begged him for a meal and some shelter. The Old man said that he could stay as long as he needed to, but there was one exception the old man said "you can not touch my daughter. If you do you will experience the 3 worst chinese tortures". The man, being very hungry and tired, quickly agreed. " how good looking can she be if she lives out in the middle of nowhere" he thought. That night at dinner he saw the old man's daughter for the first time. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. He tried not to stare at her but he couldn't help it. After dinner she handed him a note that said " meet me in my room at midnight". That night after the old man had gone to sleep he went into the beautiful daughter's room. She gave him the best sex of his life. The next mourning he woke up in bed with a huge rock next to him. On the rock it said " 1st worst chinese torture". He didn't know how it got there but he wanted to get ride of it. He picked it up, walked over to the window and threw it out. just then he saw a note on the window sill. It read " 2nd worst chinese torture: left testicle tied to rock". Knowing this he jumped out after the rock. While falling he got close enough to the rock to see another sign on it. The sign read " 3rd worst chinese torture: right testicle tied to bed post".
Once there was a guy wandering through the desert. he was starved and very thirsty so he was very excited when he saw this huge house out of nowhere. He walked up and rang the doorbell. After a couple of rings an old chinese guy answered. The starved man begged him for a meal and some shelter. The Old man said that he could stay as long as he needed to, but there was one exception the old man said "you can not touch my daughter. If you do you will experience the 3 worst chinese tortures". The man, being very hungry and tired, quickly agreed. " how good looking can she be if she lives out in the middle of nowhere" he thought. That night at dinner he saw the old man's daughter for the first time. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. He tried not to stare at her but he couldn't help it. After dinner she handed him a note that said " meet me in my room at midnight". That night after the old man had gone to sleep he went into the beautiful daughter's room. She gave him the best sex of his life. The next mourning he woke up in bed with a huge rock next to him. On the rock it said " 1st worst chinese torture". He didn't know how it got there but he wanted to get ride of it. He picked it up, walked over to the window and threw it out. just then he saw a note on the window sill. It read " 2nd worst chinese torture: left testicle tied to rock". Knowing this he jumped out after the rock. While falling he got close enough to the rock to see another sign on it. The sign read " 3rd worst chinese torture: right testicle tied to bed post".
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2003
- Posts
- 24,198
"Deaf People Signaling For Sex"
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times."
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times."
veryblueeyes
Poseidon's Wench
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 28,405
A husband and wife are watching ''Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,'' and the husband winks and says, ''Honey, let's go upstairs...'' The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no. So the husband says, ''Is that your final answer?'' The wife says yes. The husband says, ''Well, can I phone a friend?''
veryblueeyes
Poseidon's Wench
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 28,405
Something to think about before we vote: Right now we have a "BUSH" for a president,A "DICK" for a vice president and a "COLON" for secretary of state! With those three you can Literally FUCK everybody!!!!
veryblueeyes
Poseidon's Wench
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 28,405
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
potatohead
pervy potato
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2003
- Posts
- 2,368
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toliet?
'Cause he was looking for Pooh.
'Cause he was looking for Pooh.
HairTrigger
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 24, 2004
- Posts
- 114
Morning Coffee
Enjoy....
Enjoy....
Joey3308
Let's Monkey Around
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2003
- Posts
- 24,198
A nun gets on a bus and sits behind the driver. She says to the bus driver she needs someone to talk to. She lives in a convent and wants to experience sex before she dies. The bus driver agrees but the nun explains she can't have sex with a married man because it would be a sin. The bus driver says no problem, he's not married.. The nun says she also has to die a virgin, so she has to take it in the ass. The bus driver agrees again and being the only two people on the bus they go in the back and take care of business. When they were done and he had resumed driving the bus driver said, Sister, I have a confession to make, I'm married and have three kid's." The nun replied, "That's O.K. I have a confession too. My name is Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party.
