LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Jokes

Blonde Joke~

(Now don't get me wrong I like blondes...he he )
.......(succulent-one....(~.*).....)

A Blonde goes into the library.
Walks up to the counter and say's...
"I'm here to see the Doctor."
The Librarian looks at her strangely..
And say's "This is a library Miss?"
The blonde says in a whisper...
"I'm here to see the Doctor?"..(lol)
 
Last edited:
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. :D
 
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
 
Fairies! :eek:

A Fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish."

"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband", said the wife. The fairy moved her magic wand and - abracadabra! - two tickets appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime. So... I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish.

The fairy made a circle with her magic wand and - abracadabra! Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.

Moral: Men might be jerks. But Fairies are... Female.
 
A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect "loaded" Lexus -- and walked over to inspect it closer.

As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her. Very embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Standing immediately behind her was a salesman. With a pleasant smile, he greeted her, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say
that if you farted just touching it, you are gonna shit when you hear the price." :D
 
Chain Letters

Hello, my name is Red and I suffer from
the guilt of not forwarding 50
billion fucking chain letters sent to me
by people who actually believe
that if you send them on, a poor
6- year--old girl in Arkansas with a
breast on her forehead will be able to raise
enough money to have it removed
before her redneck parents sell her to a
traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates
is going to give you, and everyone
to whom you send "his" e-mail, $1000?
How stupid are you?

"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down
this page and make a wish,
I'll get laid by a model I just happen to
run into the next day!"

Bullshit!

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns
will come into my house and
sodomize me in my sleep for not
continuing a chain letter that was
started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this
country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.

Fuck 'em.

If you're going to forward something, at
least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to
10 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human
being will somehow receive a nickel
from some omniscient being.

Show a little intelligence and think
about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these
forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain
letter that's threatening to leave
you shagless or luckless for the rest of
your life, delete it.
If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel
guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who
has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for 27
years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter
he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone! you know.
Otherwise, tomorrow morning your
underwear will turn carnivorous and
will consume your genitals
Have a nice day!
 
So Pete and Joe are having a beer one Friday afternoon on the deck behind Pete's house, as they have done nearly every Friday during their retirement. The conversation turns to dining out.

Pete says, "So, Joe, last weekend we went to the best French restaurant I've ever enjoyed. The duck was incredible and the chocoloate dessert was so good my wife got horny and I got laid that night."

Joe replies, "That sounds fantastic. I'd love to take the wife there. What's the name of the place?"

Pete scratches his chin a bit and answers, "Geez, I can't remember. Let me think here. Oh, yeah. What do they call that flower that's usually red and has thorns on the stems?"

Joe replies, "Why, that would be a rose I think."

Pete laughs, "That's it."

Hollering to his wife, who's in the kitchen, Pete asks, "Say, Rose, what was the name of that French restaurant we went to last Saturday night?"
 
midwestyankee said:
So Pete and Joe are having a beer one Friday afternoon on the deck behind Pete's house, as they have done nearly every Friday during their retirement. The conversation turns to dining out.

Pete says, "So, Joe, last weekend we went to the best French restaurant I've ever enjoyed. The duck was incredible and the chocoloate dessert was so good my wife got horny and I got laid that night."

Joe replies, "That sounds fantastic. I'd love to take the wife there. What's the name of the place?"

Pete scratches his chin a bit and answers, "Geez, I can't remember. Let me think here. Oh, yeah. What do they call that flower that's usually red and has thorns on the stems?"

Joe replies, "Why, that would be a rose I think."

Pete laughs, "That's it."

Hollering to his wife, who's in the kitchen, Pete asks, "Say, Rose, what was the name of that French restaurant we went to last Saturday night?"
Click to expand...


:eek: Yankee !!! tsk tsk LOLOL
 
Reacting to Federal guidelines, the State of FLORIDA, which has been highlighted as a role model for student testing by the Bush Administration's Dept. of Education, has redesigned and just released a new comprehensive test to be given to all students beginning in the spring of the 2004-2005 school year.

In response to President Bush's Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass it to be promoted to the next grade level.

In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, it will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test, or (FART).

All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in grades 3, 4, and 5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80%. If a student does not
successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a
separate English program, the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language (SMELL).

If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the required FART test, he or she can graduate to middle school by taking a one-semester course in Comprehensive Reading and
Arithmetic Preparation (CRAP).

If by age fourteen, the student cannot FART, SMELL, or CRAP, he will earn his promotion in an intensive one-week seminar. This is
the Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted
Students (PRUNES). It is the opinion of the Florida Department of Public Instruction (DPI) that an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL, or CRAP.

This revised provision of the student-testing component of House
Bill 110 should help clear the air. This is part of the: "No School Left Standing Act".
 
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large. All in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"
:D
 
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
"So how's your breakfast this morning?"

"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."


Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
 
Last edited:
Marriage (Part I)
> >
> > Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
> > and after the wedding,
> > he laid down the following rules:
> > "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
> > I want-and I don't
> > expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to
> > be on the table
> > unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
> > I'll go hunting, fishing,
> > boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
> > buddies and don't you give
> > me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any
> > comments?"
> >
> > His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
> > understand that there
> > will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...
> > whether you're here or
> > not."
> >
> > ( SHE'S GOOD!)
>
>
>
>
>
> >
> > Marriage (Part II)
>
> >
> > Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
> > their 40th wedding
> > anniversary!
> >
> > The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
> > headstone that reads,
> > 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
> >
> > "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
> > headstone that reads,
> > "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
> >
> > (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >
> > Marriage (Part III)
> >
> > Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
> > the breakfast table.
> > Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
> > good in bed either," and
> > storms out of the house.
> >
> > After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to
> > make amends and rings
> > her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and
> > the irritated husband
> > says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
> >
> > She says, "I was in bed."
> >
> > "In bed this early, doing what?"
> >
> > "Getting a second opinion!"
> >
> > (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
>
>
>
>
> >
> > Marriage (Part IV)
> >
> > A man has six children and is very proud of his
> > achievement. He is so proud
> > of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother
> > of Six" in spite of her
> > objections.
> >
> > One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
> > it's time to go home and
> > wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as
> > well. He shouts at the
> > top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"
> >
> > His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of
> > discretion shouts right back,
> > "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
> >
> > (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
> >
> > God may have created man before woman but there is
> > always a rough draft
> > before the masterpiece
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

snexxer
SHITS AND GIGGLES - Snexxers comedy club
3 4 5
Replies
115
Views
1K
barefootgirl69
barefootgirl69
cactusjack0584
A prick’s house of dad jokes
Replies
13
Views
501
dancerbabe2000
dancerbabe2000
InThe312
🥂🎂 Happy Birthday StillRain 🎂🥂
Replies
19
Views
529
RjR3_1954
RjR3_1954
Qky75
Yo Mama.....
Replies
9
Views
348
MrMakersMark
MrMakersMark
redsnowbunny
💦😏 Wet or Dry 😶❌
2
Replies
27
Views
1K
Your_enigmatic_escape
Y
Back
Top