Jokes

[carrie-on]

An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the bear rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.

"OH MY GOD! ..."

Time stopped........

The bear froze.......

The forest was silent............

Even the river stopped flowing ...

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around,

"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT.
DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT?
AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said,"It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years,but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL." Said God.

The light went out.

The river flowed

The sounds of the forest resumed.

The bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his
head and spoke:"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."

 

[carrie-on]

THE BOOB POEM

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"Ok," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close," she said.
(She got my boob in line.)
"And tell me when it hurts," she said.
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fin e."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within its vice-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath." She said to me.
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swayin g.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again
My knockers get steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out

 

[redrider4u]

Just a Quickie

what's the differnce between bill clinton and jfk?

one had his head blown off.

the other was assassinated.

 

[Guest]

THE BOOB POEM

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"Ok," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close," she said.
(She got my boob in line.)
"And tell me when it hurts," she said.
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fin e."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within its vice-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath." She said to me.
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swayin g.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again
My knockers get steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out

amen !!!

 

[tonitits]

One Halloween, a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more.
"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight, too."

 

[tonitits]

A couple of F-15's are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk comes around to the relative merits of their respective aircraft.
The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, and pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about."

Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate.

"Just watch," comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing to fly straight and level.

After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the air, saying "There! How was that?"

Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went into the back and took a leak."

 

[tonitits]

This isn't exactly a joke, but I liked it alot.

The Pickle Jar

The pickle jar as far back as I can remember sat on the floor beside the dresser in my parents' bedroom. When he got ready for bed, Dad would empty his pockets and toss his coins into the jar. As a small boy I was always fascinated at the sounds the coins made as they were dropped into the jar.

They landed with a merry jingle when the jar was almost empty. Then the tones gradually muted to a dull thud as the jar was filled. I used to squat on the floor in front of the jar and admire the copper and silver circles that glinted like a pirate's treasure when the sun poured through the bedroom window.
When the jar was filled, Dad would sit at the kitchen table and roll the coins before taking them to the bank. Taking the coins to the bank was always a big production. Stacked neatly in a small cardboard box, the coins were placed between Dad and me on the seat of his old truck.

Each and every time, as we drove to the bank, Dad would look at me hopefully. "Those coins are going to keep you out of the textile mill, son. You're going to do better than me. This old mill town's not going to hold you back." Also, each and every time, as he slid the box of rolled coins across the counter at the bank toward the cashier, he would grin proudly.
"These are for my son's college fund. He'll never work at the mill all his life like me." We would always celebrate each deposit by stopping for an ice cream cone. I always got chocolate. Dad always got vanilla. When the clerk at the ice cream parlor handed Dad his change, he would show me the few coins nestled in his palm. "When we get home, we'll start filling the jar again."

He always let me drop the first coins into the empty jar. As they rattled around with a brief, happy jingle, we grinned at each other. "You'll get to college on pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters," he said. "But you'll get there. I'll see to that."

The years passed, and I finished college and took a job in another town. Once, while visiting my parents, I used the phone in their bedroom, and noticed that the pickle jar was gone. It had served its purpose and had been removed. A lump rose in my throat as I stared at the spot beside the dresser
where the jar had always stood. My dad was a man of few words, and never lectured me on the values of determination, perseverance, and faith. The pickle jar had taught me all these virtues far more eloquently than the most flowery of words could have done.

When I married, I told my wife Susan about the significant part the lowly pickle jar had played in my life as a boy. In my mind, it defined, more than anything else, how much my dad had loved me. No matter how rough things got at home, Dad continued to doggedly drop his coins into the jar. Even the summer when Dad got laid off from the mill, and Mama had to serve dried
beans several times a week, not a single dime was taken from the jar. To the contrary, as Dad looked across the table at me, pouring catsup over my beans to make them more palatable, he became more determined than ever to make a way out for me. "When you finish college, Son," he told me, his eyes
glistening, "You'll never have to eat beans again...unless you want to."

The first Christmas after our daughter Jessica was born, we spent the holiday with my parents. After dinner, Mom and Dad sat next to each other on the sofa, taking turns cuddling their first grandchild. Jessica began to whimper softly, and Susan took her from Dad's arms. "She probably needs to be changed," she said, carrying the baby into my parents' bedroom to diaper
her. When Susan came back into the living room, there was a strange mist in her eyes. She handed Jessica back to Dad before taking my hand and leading me into the room. "Look," she said softly, her eyes directing me to a spot on the floor beside the dresser. To my amazement, there, as if it had never
been removed, stood the old pickle jar, the bottom already covered with coins. I walked over to the pickle jar, dug down into my pocket, and pulled out a fistful of coins. With a gamut of emotions choking me, I dropped the coins into the jar. I looked up and saw that Dad, carrying Jessica, had slipped quietly into the room. Our eyes locked, and I knew he was feeling
the same emotions I felt. Neither one of us could speak.

This truly touched my heart... I know it has yours as well.
Sometimes we are so busy adding up our troubles that we forget to count our blessings.

 

[1sexylady]

I am sure everyone saw this one but I crack up laughing every time I read it.....

-----
A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents'

house for dinner. This is to be her first time

meeting the family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort,

thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli

casserole.

The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve

herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't

loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed,

her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that

had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in

a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big

smile came across her face. A couple of minutes

later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.

This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let

a much louder and longer fart rip.

The father again looked and the dog and

yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".

A few minutes later the woman had to let another

one rip. This time she didn't even think about it.

She

let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust

and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her

before she shits on you!"

 

[tonitits]

I am sure everyone saw this one but I crack up laughing every time I read it.....

-----
A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents'

house for dinner. This is to be her first time

meeting the family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort,

thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli

casserole.

The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve

herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't

loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed,

her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that

had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in

a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big

smile came across her face. A couple of minutes

later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.

This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let

a much louder and longer fart rip.

The father again looked and the dog and

yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".

A few minutes later the woman had to let another

one rip. This time she didn't even think about it.

She

let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust

and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her

before she shits on you!"

too funny!

 

[tonitits]

Surviving Men


THE

NEXT

SURVIVOR

SERIES
*
*
Six married men

will be dropped

on an island

with

1 car

and

4 kids

each,

for 6 weeks.

Each kid plays two sports
and either
takes
music or
dance classes.

*
*
*
There is no access to fast food.

***





Each man must
take care of his 4 kids,
keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,
complete science projects,
cook,
do laundry,
etc.
*
*
*
*
*
The men only have
access to television
When the kids are asleep and
all chores are done.
There is only one TV between them
and .







there is NO REMOTE

*****






The men must shave their legs,
wear makeup daily,
which they must apply themselves,
either while driving or
while making four lunches.




*****
They must attend weekly PTA meetings;
*
clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.;
*
make an Indian hut model with
six toothpicks, a tortilla and
one marker;
*
and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas.
*
*
*
*
*
The kids vote them off the island, based on performance.





*****
The last man wins .


only if .............







he has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
*
*
*

If the last man does win, he can play the game
over and over again
for the next 18-25 years ... eventually earning the right to be called "Mother."
*****
*****

 

[tonitits]

THE CHURCH ORGANIST

MISS BEA, THE CHURCH ORGANIST, WAS IN HER 80's AND
HAD NEVER BEEN MARRIED. SHE WAS VERY MUCH
ADMIRED FOR HER SWEETNESS AND KINDNESS TO ALL.THE PASTOR CAME TO CALL ON HER ONE AFTERNOON
EARLY IN THE SPRING, AND SHE WELCOMED HIM INTO HER VICTORIAN PARLOR.

SHE INVITED HIM TO HAVE A SEAT WHILE SHE PREPARED A LITTLE TEA. AS THE PASTOR SAT FACING HER OLD PUMP ORGAN, THE
YOUNG MINISTER NOTICED A CUT GLASS BOWL SITTING
ON TOP OF IT, FILLED WITH WATER. IN THE WATER
FLOATED, OF ALL THINGS, A CONDOM. IMAGINE
HIS SHOCK AND SURPRISE. IMAGINE HIS CURIOSITY!

SURELY MISS BEA HAD FLIPPED OR SOMETHING! WHEN SHE RETURNED WITH TEA AND COOKIES, THEY BEGAN TO CHAT. THE PASTOR TRIED TO STIFLE HIS CURIOSITY ABOUT THE BOWL OF WATER AND ITS' STRANGE FLOATER, BUT SOON IT GOT THE BETTER OF HIM, AND HE COULD RESIST
NO LONGER.

"MISS BEA," HE SAID, "I WONDER IF YOU WOULD TELL ME ABOUT THIS? (POINTING TO THE BOWL.) "OH YES," SHE REPLIED, "ISN'T IT WONDERFUL? I WAS WALKING DOWNTOWN LAST FALL AND I FOUND THIS LITTLE PACKAGE ON THE GROUND. THE DIRECTIONS
SAID TO PUT IT ON THE ORGAN, KEEP IT WET, AND IT WOULD PREVENT DISEASE."
"AND YOU KNOW...I HAVEN'T HAD A COLD ALL WINTER!"

 

[tonitits]

A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read: "HUSBAND WANTED, MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON." On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. The woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you....you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!" She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

 

[tonitits]

www.ticz.com/homes/users/bob/The-Rope/The-Rope.htm

 

[Guest]

www.ticz.com/homes/users/bob/The-Rope/The-Rope.htm

wow toni.. that was truly beautiful

 

[4_4time]

RE chortle, chortle

Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second. "I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "that's so ironic" he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."



Ta-Boom

 

[tonitits]

Re: RE chortle, chortle

Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second. "I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "that's so ironic" he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."



Ta-Boom

I heard that before but it was 2 blonde women! Pretty funny!

 

[4_4time]

yea, a cute one

 

[4_4time]

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

 

[tonitits]

A woman's husband dies. He had $20,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,000 and of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $2,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$12,000 for the memorial stone? My Gosh, how big is it?"

The widow says, "Three carats."

 

[tonitits]

1. I used to have Saturday Night Fever... Now I just have Saturday Night hot flashes.

2. Ever get the feeling your stuff strutted off without you?

3. Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old... as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

4. My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

5. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

6. I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

7. I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

8. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

9. I think I've reached my sexpiration date. People our age can still enjoy an active, passionate sex life! Provided we get cable or that dish thing.

10. The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

11. These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

12. We tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age.. But they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

13. Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

14. Don't let aging get you down...It's too hard to get back up!

 

[tonitits]

Coffee Break Romance
It's reported that more than 10,000 marriages a year now are directly traceable to romances which begin during coffee breaks.


Engagement Lengths
The average engagement lasts 6 months.


First Love
Two out of five marry their first love.


Wearing a Wedding Ring
The reason that the engagement ring and wedding band is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand is because the ancient Egyptians thought that the "vein of love' ran from this finger directly to the heart.


Go Ahead and Kiss
A team of medical experts in Virginia contends that you're more likely to catch the common cold virus by shaking hands than by kissing


Having Sex?
According to a survey, the second most popular reason for having sex is to produce a baby.



Strange But True
In Pennsylvania, Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.


Median Age for Marriage
In 1970, brides were on average 20.8 years old when they married, while grooms were 23.2. Americans are now marrying later in life. In the year 2000, brides were on average 25.1 with their grooms averaging 26.8.

 

[biggbear8]

When I was born, I got a choice- A big dick or a good memory. I am not able to remember what I chose.

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are used together.

Panties not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Bi Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? .

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing......

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

Q: Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.
A: Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'.

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

Of course you've heard about the Virgo computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives !!!.

 

[biggbear8]

One day, when the teacher walked to the black board, she

noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters.

She turned to the class, scanned the boys and girls, looking

for the guilty face. Finding not a guilty face in the bunch,

she quickly erased the blackboard and began her class.


The next day, the teacher went into the classroom and noticed,

in larger letters this time, the word "penis" scrolled on the

blackboard. Again, she looked around the classroom in vain

for the culprit, but found none. And so, the teacher erased

the blackboard and proceeded with the day's lesson.


Every morning, for about a week, the teacher went into the

classroom and found the same word written on the blackboard,

each day, scrolled larger than the previous day.


Finally, one day, the teacher walked into the classroom

expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board. Instead,

she found scrolled on the blackboard:


"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

 

[Guest]

One day, when the teacher walked to the black board, she

noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters.

She turned to the class, scanned the boys and girls, looking

for the guilty face. Finding not a guilty face in the bunch,

she quickly erased the blackboard and began her class.


The next day, the teacher went into the classroom and noticed,

in larger letters this time, the word "penis" scrolled on the

blackboard. Again, she looked around the classroom in vain

for the culprit, but found none. And so, the teacher erased

the blackboard and proceeded with the day's lesson.


Every morning, for about a week, the teacher went into the

classroom and found the same word written on the blackboard,

each day, scrolled larger than the previous day.


Finally, one day, the teacher walked into the classroom

expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board. Instead,

she found scrolled on the blackboard:


"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

ROFL !! {{{Bear}}}

 

[4_4time]

A man and woman were dating and he asked her to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her she wanted him to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When it was erect is said Wendy and when it was limp if said Wy. They got married and went to Jamaica to a nude beach for their honeymoon. Wendy told her husband to go get them a drink so he went to a stand on the beach and noticed the man who was waiting on him also has a Wy on his penis. He said oh you must have a wife named Wendy to and the waiter said no mine says Welcome to Jamaica man have a nice day!!!