wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
FIFTEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO
LEARN
by Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never
will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"Meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours
with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe
daylight saving time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think
she's pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a big deal
about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above
average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you but rude to the
waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important.
Pay attention. It never fail s.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of
professionals built the Titanic.
Final thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine.
They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to
stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.
LEARN
by Dave Barry
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping
pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never
will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"Meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours
with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is
gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe
daylight saving time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think
she's pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a big deal
about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above
average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you but rude to the
waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important.
Pay attention. It never fail s.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember
that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of
professionals built the Titanic.
Final thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine.
They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to
stomp the crap out of them until they turn into
something acceptable to have dinner with.
