biggbear8
heart and soul
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2002
- Posts
- 14,049
Jokes
- Thread starter biggbear8
- Start date
OLYMPIC CONDOMS
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
WAYS TO SAY NO
* I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
* I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
* I have to floss my pets.
* I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
* I want to spend more time with my blender.
* I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
* I'm building a pig from a kit.
* I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
* I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
* I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
* I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
* I'm staying home to work on my mottled yogurt sculptures.
* I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
* I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
* I've got plans to go downtown to try on gloves.
* It's my parakeet's bowling night.
* My patent is pending.
* The nice man on television told me to stay tuned.
* I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
* I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
* I have to floss my pets.
* I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
* I want to spend more time with my blender.
* I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
* I'm building a pig from a kit.
* I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
* I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
* I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
* I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
* I'm staying home to work on my mottled yogurt sculptures.
* I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
* I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
* I've got plans to go downtown to try on gloves.
* It's my parakeet's bowling night.
* My patent is pending.
* The nice man on television told me to stay tuned.
ASTROLOGICAL CONDOMS
SCORPIO: Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably because people try to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that they're a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn't get caught. Scorpio condoms come in two editions, basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of Scorpio condoms comes with a pre-printed, pre-coital agreement. Symbolized by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you want a Scorpio condom.
SAGITTARIUS: Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship, cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sagittarian condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases. Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They promise a lot and they are extra thick to protect against fluids of a dubious nature. The archer symbolizes Sagittarius. When you want to be on target with Cupid's arrows, you want a Sagittarius condom.
CAPRICORN: Capricorns are known for their longevity, wisdom, practicality, ambition and earthy sensuality. Capricorns tend to be on the conservative side. Capricorn condoms are the most durable, having the longest shelf life. Capricorn condoms are extra strong to last extra long. With Capricorn condoms, wing tips, pin stripes and brief cases are optional. Be sure to shake them out from time to time, otherwise they go stale. Capricorn is the sign of the mountain goat. When you're horny enough to climb the mountains of love, you want a Capricorn condom.
AQUARIUS: Aquarians are gregarious, yet aloof. Aquarius is a high energy sign, and one that is usually politically correct. Aquarian condoms are just a little bit kinky. They come colored hot pink and electric blue, and they come with a battery pack to light up in the dark and French ticklers for extra stimulation. With Aquarius condoms, the packaging features political slogans such as the MiXXe Maxim, "Things can change overnight; it depends upon how late you stay up and with whom doing what." Since Aquarius is a social sign, Aquarian condoms come in multi-packs and are detachable to share with your friends. Aquarius is the sign of the water bearer. When your love juices really get to flowing, you want an Aquarius condom.
PISCES: Pisces is known for their deep feelings that somewhat border on mysticism. Pisces are idealistic, sometimes to the point of ecstatic bliss. Pisces condoms are truly extra sensitive and translucent. Little spikes are optional on the inside. Pisces condoms contain special instructions for erotic fantasy games. Pisces is the sign of the fishes. When it smells like love and you're on a seafood diet, you want a Pisces condom.
ARIES: Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Aries are action oriented people. Aries is symbolized by the ram, so naturally Aries condoms are made from the finest lambskin. Because Aries often exhibits a "get up and go" attitude, Aries condoms are steel belted, feature racing stripes, and every fully equipped sports car dispenses them. Onyx packaging is optional for the black sheep. Aries prides themselves on being first and best. Aries condoms are perfect for quickies. When you want what you want when you want it, you want an Aries condom.
TAURUS: Taurus is perhaps the most sensual and economy minded of the astrological signs. Taurus condoms are made from the most luxurious materials with special models available in silk and velvet. Taurus condoms give you quality at an affordable price, and they're frequently on sale. Taurians may be slow to make their minds, but once they've made a decision, they're almost impossible to stop. When your love is a sure thing, you want a Taurus condom. The bull symbolizes Taurus. Taurus condoms are the ones you want when you're really horny.
GEMINI: Gemini's are known for their versatility, intellect and communications skills. Accordingly, Gemini condoms accommodate a variety sexual positions and combinations. Gemini condoms are sold in multi-packs and come with a special audio chip. Naturally, they're available through mail order. Frequently, Gemini condoms sell two for the price of one. They always come in special pop up dispensers so that you don't have to work too hard. Gemini is the sign of the twins and Gemini condoms come in twin packs and are the preferred model for double headers. When you need to do it more than once, you need Gemini condoms.
CANCER: Cancer is a water sign and as such is very much interested in safety and tradition. Therefore, Cancer condoms are waterproof and heat treated for hot tubs and natural springs. Cancer condoms make you feel secure. Cancer is also the sign of motherhood. With Cancer condoms, if you decide to become a parent, you can always return the unused portion for a partial refund. Cancer condoms are clingy. Never has history known a time when Cancer condoms were not available. Fine antique specimens grace many collections. Astrologically speaking, Cancer is associated with the breasts. The makers of Cancer condoms are happy to sponsor the annual spring "Breast Worship Rituals." Cancer condoms are freely dispensed to beautiful, large breasted women. Cancer is symbolized by the crab. When you're not getting enough love and are starting to feel crabby, reach for a Cancer condom.
LEO: Leos are known for their passion, pride, and (pro)creative urges. Leos tend to be a bit flashy, showy and original in and out of bed. Leo condoms come in gold foil packaging with custom monogramming. Leo condoms come in one size: extra, extra large. Leo is symbolized by the lion. When you're ready to meet your mate and make wild jungle noises, you're ready for a Leo condom.
VIRGO: Virgos are fussy and particular. Virgo condoms feature perfection of fit and they keep you neat and clean. Virgos tend to be environmentally sound consumer types. Naturally, Virgo condoms have the lowest failure rate, the highest performance rating and come equipped with a detailed, all purpose instruction manual. Virgo is symbolized by the virgin. When you're ready for some ritualized defloweration activities, you're ready for a Virgo condom.
LIBRA: Libras are suave and anxious to please others. Libra condoms are the fancy European models and come in fashionable hand-painted designer packaging. Libra condoms make for an elegant accessory on the best dates. Libra condoms are aesthetically pleasing to both partners. They are reversible and can turn into a diaphragm thus sharing the responsibilities. Libra is symbolized by the scales. When sex weighs heavily on your mind, you want a Libra condom.
SCORPIO: Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably because people try to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that they're a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn't get caught. Scorpio condoms come in two editions, basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of Scorpio condoms comes with a pre-printed, pre-coital agreement. Symbolized by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you want a Scorpio condom.
SAGITTARIUS: Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship, cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sagittarian condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases. Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They promise a lot and they are extra thick to protect against fluids of a dubious nature. The archer symbolizes Sagittarius. When you want to be on target with Cupid's arrows, you want a Sagittarius condom.
CAPRICORN: Capricorns are known for their longevity, wisdom, practicality, ambition and earthy sensuality. Capricorns tend to be on the conservative side. Capricorn condoms are the most durable, having the longest shelf life. Capricorn condoms are extra strong to last extra long. With Capricorn condoms, wing tips, pin stripes and brief cases are optional. Be sure to shake them out from time to time, otherwise they go stale. Capricorn is the sign of the mountain goat. When you're horny enough to climb the mountains of love, you want a Capricorn condom.
AQUARIUS: Aquarians are gregarious, yet aloof. Aquarius is a high energy sign, and one that is usually politically correct. Aquarian condoms are just a little bit kinky. They come colored hot pink and electric blue, and they come with a battery pack to light up in the dark and French ticklers for extra stimulation. With Aquarius condoms, the packaging features political slogans such as the MiXXe Maxim, "Things can change overnight; it depends upon how late you stay up and with whom doing what." Since Aquarius is a social sign, Aquarian condoms come in multi-packs and are detachable to share with your friends. Aquarius is the sign of the water bearer. When your love juices really get to flowing, you want an Aquarius condom.
PISCES: Pisces is known for their deep feelings that somewhat border on mysticism. Pisces are idealistic, sometimes to the point of ecstatic bliss. Pisces condoms are truly extra sensitive and translucent. Little spikes are optional on the inside. Pisces condoms contain special instructions for erotic fantasy games. Pisces is the sign of the fishes. When it smells like love and you're on a seafood diet, you want a Pisces condom.
ARIES: Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Aries are action oriented people. Aries is symbolized by the ram, so naturally Aries condoms are made from the finest lambskin. Because Aries often exhibits a "get up and go" attitude, Aries condoms are steel belted, feature racing stripes, and every fully equipped sports car dispenses them. Onyx packaging is optional for the black sheep. Aries prides themselves on being first and best. Aries condoms are perfect for quickies. When you want what you want when you want it, you want an Aries condom.
TAURUS: Taurus is perhaps the most sensual and economy minded of the astrological signs. Taurus condoms are made from the most luxurious materials with special models available in silk and velvet. Taurus condoms give you quality at an affordable price, and they're frequently on sale. Taurians may be slow to make their minds, but once they've made a decision, they're almost impossible to stop. When your love is a sure thing, you want a Taurus condom. The bull symbolizes Taurus. Taurus condoms are the ones you want when you're really horny.
GEMINI: Gemini's are known for their versatility, intellect and communications skills. Accordingly, Gemini condoms accommodate a variety sexual positions and combinations. Gemini condoms are sold in multi-packs and come with a special audio chip. Naturally, they're available through mail order. Frequently, Gemini condoms sell two for the price of one. They always come in special pop up dispensers so that you don't have to work too hard. Gemini is the sign of the twins and Gemini condoms come in twin packs and are the preferred model for double headers. When you need to do it more than once, you need Gemini condoms.
CANCER: Cancer is a water sign and as such is very much interested in safety and tradition. Therefore, Cancer condoms are waterproof and heat treated for hot tubs and natural springs. Cancer condoms make you feel secure. Cancer is also the sign of motherhood. With Cancer condoms, if you decide to become a parent, you can always return the unused portion for a partial refund. Cancer condoms are clingy. Never has history known a time when Cancer condoms were not available. Fine antique specimens grace many collections. Astrologically speaking, Cancer is associated with the breasts. The makers of Cancer condoms are happy to sponsor the annual spring "Breast Worship Rituals." Cancer condoms are freely dispensed to beautiful, large breasted women. Cancer is symbolized by the crab. When you're not getting enough love and are starting to feel crabby, reach for a Cancer condom.
LEO: Leos are known for their passion, pride, and (pro)creative urges. Leos tend to be a bit flashy, showy and original in and out of bed. Leo condoms come in gold foil packaging with custom monogramming. Leo condoms come in one size: extra, extra large. Leo is symbolized by the lion. When you're ready to meet your mate and make wild jungle noises, you're ready for a Leo condom.
VIRGO: Virgos are fussy and particular. Virgo condoms feature perfection of fit and they keep you neat and clean. Virgos tend to be environmentally sound consumer types. Naturally, Virgo condoms have the lowest failure rate, the highest performance rating and come equipped with a detailed, all purpose instruction manual. Virgo is symbolized by the virgin. When you're ready for some ritualized defloweration activities, you're ready for a Virgo condom.
LIBRA: Libras are suave and anxious to please others. Libra condoms are the fancy European models and come in fashionable hand-painted designer packaging. Libra condoms make for an elegant accessory on the best dates. Libra condoms are aesthetically pleasing to both partners. They are reversible and can turn into a diaphragm thus sharing the responsibilities. Libra is symbolized by the scales. When sex weighs heavily on your mind, you want a Libra condom.
TheOverlord
Walking into the sunset
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2003
- Posts
- 8,619
sounds about right...and i AM a scorpio!
TheOverlord
Walking into the sunset
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2003
- Posts
- 8,619
G
Guest
Guest
lol.. jungle noises !! yes indeed !!rosylady said:
biggbear8
heart and soul
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2002
- Posts
- 14,049
Snappy Answer #1
>
>A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As
>a
>man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his
>trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said "Sir, I
need
>to see
>your ticket, not your stub."
>
>Snappy Answer #2
>
>A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but
>couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do
>these
>turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."
>
>Snappy Answer #3
>
>The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled
>down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid
>replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop
finally
>stopped
>laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
>
>Snappy Answer #4
>
>A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads
>"low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and
>he
>gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a
>police
>car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the
truck
>driver,
>puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck
driver
>says,
>"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
>
>and finally #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
>
>A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I
>won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
>consider a
>nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in
your
>immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A
smart-ass
>guy in
>the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if
>tomorrow
>I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The
>entire
>class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When
silence
>is
>restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes
her
>head,
>and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with
your
>other
>hand."
>
>A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As
>a
>man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his
>trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said "Sir, I
need
>to see
>your ticket, not your stub."
>
>Snappy Answer #2
>
>A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but
>couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do
>these
>turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."
>
>Snappy Answer #3
>
>The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled
>down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid
>replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop
finally
>stopped
>laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
>
>Snappy Answer #4
>
>A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads
>"low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and
>he
>gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a
>police
>car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the
truck
>driver,
>puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck
driver
>says,
>"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
>
>and finally #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
>
>A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I
>won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
>consider a
>nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in
your
>immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A
smart-ass
>guy in
>the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if
>tomorrow
>I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The
>entire
>class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When
silence
>is
>restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes
her
>head,
>and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with
your
>other
>hand."
biggbear8
heart and soul
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2002
- Posts
- 14,049
The origin of Chap Stick
> >
> >An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The
> >local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the
> >cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet
in
> >front of the sheriff.
> >
> >"Howdy, Stranger."
> >"Howdy, Sheriff."
> >
> >The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of the horse, lifted his
tail
> >and placed a big kiss where the sun doesn't shine. He dropped the
> >horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swing
doors
> >of the saloon.
> >
> >"Hold on there, Mister," said the Sheriff. "Did I just see what I
think
> >I saw?"
> >"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
> >"And does that cure them?" the Sheriff asked.
> >"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin 'em."
> >
> >
> >
> >An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The
> >local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the
> >cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet
in
> >front of the sheriff.
> >
> >"Howdy, Stranger."
> >"Howdy, Sheriff."
> >
> >The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of the horse, lifted his
tail
> >and placed a big kiss where the sun doesn't shine. He dropped the
> >horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swing
doors
> >of the saloon.
> >
> >"Hold on there, Mister," said the Sheriff. "Did I just see what I
think
> >I saw?"
> >"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
> >"And does that cure them?" the Sheriff asked.
> >"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin 'em."
> >
> >
G
Guest
Guest
biggbear8 said:
ewwwwww LMAOOO
G
Guest
Guest
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in
the crotch. Screaming in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week
and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doctor told him, "Your testicles are fine, but I'll have to
put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it
straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue
depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage,
and wired it all together, an impressive work of
art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her and goes
on their honeymoon. That night in the hotel room
she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
This was the first time he saw them. She said, "You're
the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." Next she takes
off her panties and says,"you're the first, no one has
ever touched me here."
Barely able to contain himself, he immediately drops his pants
and replies........
"Look at this, it's still in the crate !"
the crotch. Screaming in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week
and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doctor told him, "Your testicles are fine, but I'll have to
put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it
straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue
depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage,
and wired it all together, an impressive work of
art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her and goes
on their honeymoon. That night in the hotel room
she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts.
This was the first time he saw them. She said, "You're
the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." Next she takes
off her panties and says,"you're the first, no one has
ever touched me here."
Barely able to contain himself, he immediately drops his pants
and replies........
"Look at this, it's still in the crate !"
G
Guest
Guest
biggbear8 said:
my pleasure (((( bear ))))
this thread always gives me a smile !!
biggbear8
heart and soul
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2002
- Posts
- 14,049
xx--jasmine--xx said:
awwwwww my sweet beautiful Jasmine
thank you it makes me smile also and even more then beautiful ladies such as urself post.
how are you doing hon hugs and kisses hope your having a wonderful day and a great weekend
{{{{{{{{{{{ JASMINE }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
pm me sometime and lets chat
G
Guest
Guest
good morning bear
Alcohol Warnings
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a giraffe in heat.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends repeatedly that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcahol may maak yu tink you kan tipe real gude.
Alcohol Warnings
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a giraffe in heat.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends repeatedly that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcahol may maak yu tink you kan tipe real gude.
TheOverlord
Walking into the sunset
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2003
- Posts
- 8,619
NICE!!!!!!
TheOverlord
Walking into the sunset
- Joined
- Jun 10, 2003
- Posts
- 8,619
Insider's Guide To The Male Vocabulary
"Haven't I seen you before?"
== "Nice ass."
"I'm a Romantic."
== "I'm poor."
"I need you"
== "My hand is tired."
"I am different from all the other guys"
== "I am not circumcised."
"I want a commitment."
== "I'm sick of masturbation."
"You're the only girl I've ever cared about"
== "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
"I really want to get to know you better."
== "So I can tell my friends about it."
"It's just orange juice, try it."
== "3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."
"She's kinda cute."
== "I want to have sex with her till I am blue."
"I don't know if I like her"
== "She won't sleep with me."
"I miss you so much"
== "I am so horny that my male-roommate is starting to look good."
"Was it good for you?"
== "I'm insecure about my manhood."
"How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
== "Is my penis really that small?"
"I had a wonderful time last night."
== "Who the hell are you?"
"Do you love me?"
== "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
"Do you 'really' love me?"
== "I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or
later."
"How much do you love me?"
== "I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to
tell you by now."
"I have something to tell you."
== "Get tested."
"I'll give you a call."
== "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you
again."
"I've been thinking a lot."
== "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
"I think we should just be friends."
== "You're ugly."
"I've learned a lot from you."
== "Next!!!!"
"Haven't I seen you before?"
== "Nice ass."
"I'm a Romantic."
== "I'm poor."
"I need you"
== "My hand is tired."
"I am different from all the other guys"
== "I am not circumcised."
"I want a commitment."
== "I'm sick of masturbation."
"You're the only girl I've ever cared about"
== "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
"I really want to get to know you better."
== "So I can tell my friends about it."
"It's just orange juice, try it."
== "3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."
"She's kinda cute."
== "I want to have sex with her till I am blue."
"I don't know if I like her"
== "She won't sleep with me."
"I miss you so much"
== "I am so horny that my male-roommate is starting to look good."
"Was it good for you?"
== "I'm insecure about my manhood."
"How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
== "Is my penis really that small?"
"I had a wonderful time last night."
== "Who the hell are you?"
"Do you love me?"
== "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
"Do you 'really' love me?"
== "I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or
later."
"How much do you love me?"
== "I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to
tell you by now."
"I have something to tell you."
== "Get tested."
"I'll give you a call."
== "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you
again."
"I've been thinking a lot."
== "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
"I think we should just be friends."
== "You're ugly."
"I've learned a lot from you."
== "Next!!!!"
G
Guest
Guest
Too funny !!!
biggbear8
heart and soul
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2002
- Posts
- 14,049
Senior Sex
> >
> >
> >Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone
in
> >the lobby of their nursing home one evening.
> >
> >The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what
> >you're wanting, and for $5 I'll have sex with you right over there
in
> >that rocking chair." The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a
> >word.
> >
> >The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice
soft
> >sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light
> >some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had
> >in your life.
> >
> >The old lady still says nothing but after a couple minutes, starts
> >digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and
> >holds it up.
> >
> >"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old
man.
> >
> >"Get serious" she replies. "I want it four times in the rocking
> >chair."
>
> >
> >
> >Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone
in
> >the lobby of their nursing home one evening.
> >
> >The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what
> >you're wanting, and for $5 I'll have sex with you right over there
in
> >that rocking chair." The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a
> >word.
> >
> >The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice
soft
> >sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light
> >some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had
> >in your life.
> >
> >The old lady still says nothing but after a couple minutes, starts
> >digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and
> >holds it up.
> >
> >"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old
man.
> >
> >"Get serious" she replies. "I want it four times in the rocking
> >chair."
>
biggbear8
heart and soul
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2002
- Posts
- 14,049
A Cowboy Story
> >
> >
> > Two local cowboys walk into a saloon to wash the trail dust from their
> > throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer, and talking about
> > current cattle prices.
> > Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to
> > cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real
> > distress! One of the cowboys looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?"
> > The woman shakes her head, No. "Kin ya breathe?"
> > The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.
> > The cowboy walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress,
>yanks
> > down her drawers and quickly gives her butt cheek a lap with his tongue.
> > The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction
> > flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the cowboy walks
> > slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. His partner says,
> > "Ya know, I heard of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver", but I ain't never
> > seen nobody really do it."
> >
> >
> >
> > Two local cowboys walk into a saloon to wash the trail dust from their
> > throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer, and talking about
> > current cattle prices.
> > Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to
> > cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real
> > distress! One of the cowboys looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?"
> > The woman shakes her head, No. "Kin ya breathe?"
> > The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.
> > The cowboy walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress,
>yanks
> > down her drawers and quickly gives her butt cheek a lap with his tongue.
> > The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction
> > flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the cowboy walks
> > slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer. His partner says,
> > "Ya know, I heard of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver", but I ain't never
> > seen nobody really do it."
> >
G
Guest
Guest
biggbear8 said:
ROFL !!! that's a good one !! (((Bear)))
G
Guest
Guest
biggbear8 said:
redrider4u
This pix is for you......
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2002
- Posts
- 5,991
Found on another thread.........
CONFESSION
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody."
CONFESSION
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm telling everybody."
G
Guest
Guest
Re: Found on another thread.........
OMG !! that's a keeper !!
redrider4u said:
OMG !! that's a keeper !!
