Jacking-Off Log

[rimmy]

not sure to what i owe this honor, but i will simply take it and run

as for jacking, by the time i got done with dinner last night i was wound up like a top. i still had the water bottle incident in my psyche and didn't have any toys with me. so i did the obvious---tried to fuck my water bottle. it was kind of big and i didn't have any lube. after spending a while trying to work it in, i resorted to lip balm, which helped.

it hurt a bit, but that was good as i was in the mood for the kind of fuck you feel the next day every time you sit down. i wanted to fuck and scream and bite and generally wrassle-fight in a very sexual way.

i humped that poor little plastic cylinder as if i were riding a man and soon got the urge for something in my ass as well. i bent forward and tried the heel of my shoe (hey, it looked interesting in porn), but it wasn't all that great and i had images of sitting on a plane and everyone trying to figure out from whence the smell of ass was wafting (this was a turn off, and therefore counterproductive to my mission). i resorted to fingers, and with two in the ass and one on the trigger i had a massive O.

got off once again an hour or so later (although with much simpler logistics) before drifting to sleep.

I had to laugh at the lip balm part. Sorry Hester.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I'm not sure anything else counts for much. There's fear, but mostly that's the thought you won't be able to have sex again. Then there's serenity, but that's more of a "I'd die happy" feeling.

OK. But what are these sprightly old fellows thinking about? The Mister Miyagi types who greet the newsagent with a grin @ 6AM and proceed to the park for a bout of chi gung exercise. Is it a sham? Are they still boning @ 70? I see these fellows every day. Chinese herbs? Either they are 1. boning. 2. faking vitality. or 3. onto something else which I would like to know about.

 

[Recidiva]

OK. But what are these sprightly old fellows thinking about? The Mister Miyagi types who greet the newsagent with a grin @ 6AM and proceed to the park for a bout of chi gung exercise. Is it a sham? Are they still boning @ 70? I see these fellows every day. Chinese herbs? Either they are 1. boning. 2. faking vitality. or 3. onto something else which I would like to know about.

A majority of people are faking it, unfortunately.

And if you really get to the heart of the matter, sometimes they're just thinking "Someday I get to die and have (insert fantasy I can't fulfil here)!"

 

[rosco rathbone]

OK, but that would seem to point to a frustrated (sexual) vitality in the old. I've always wondered what it will be like to be old. Will I crave sexual union with young females? Will I not care?

 

[Recidiva]

OK, but that would seem to point to a frustrated (sexual) vitality in the old. I've always wondered what it will be like to be old. Will I crave sexual union with young females? Will I not care?

I think chasing youth is a different issue than just chasing sex, or jacking, or just feeling the current of wanting sex.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I think chasing youth is a different issue than just chasing sex, or jacking, or just feeling the current of wanting sex.

Yes, this is wise. I wonder where the line is drawn , though.

 

[Recidiva]

Yes, this is wise. I wonder where the line is drawn , though.

Which line, chasing youth or losing a sexual vibe?

 

[cjh]

OK, but that would seem to point to a frustrated (sexual) vitality in the old. I've always wondered what it will be like to be old. Will I crave sexual union with young females? Will I not care?

i think the answer to that for many of us is both.

 

[Hester]

I feel your jacking pain. It's that itch which drives us mad. I've often thought that the roots of my sexual violence laid in the simple fact that I am far more sexually wound up than the average man.

The problem is that libidinous peace comes to feel like the preamble to the grave. We get attached to our tension, it begins to feel like a stand-in for vitality itself.

i don't know what i would be like as a man. i can see myself possibly crossing some ugly lines.

i've had short periods of lib-peace. it was nice. but it did make me worry about what was happening to me. living for so long under the spell of my hormones it was disconcerting to be free of them.

 

[Hester]

I had to laugh at the lip balm part. Sorry Hester.

lol

good thing i keep some other details to myself

(but don't forget the lip balm in a pinch---it made all the difference )

 

[Hester]

i think the answer to that for many of us is both.

*clears throat

i thought you weren't reading this thread.

dirty old man.

 

[rimmy]

lol

good thing i keep some other details to myself

(but don't forget the lip balm in a pinch---it made all the difference )

I guess they call it lip balm for a reason.

 

[cjh]

*clears throat

i thought you weren't reading this thread.

dirty old man.

i didn't read it.

i am not reading it now.

i'm using my pin-the-post-on-the-gb technique.

the blindfold is sorta fun.

 

[Hester]

I guess they call it lip balm for a reason.

ha!!!

 

[Hester]

i didn't read it.

i am not reading it now.

i'm using my pin-the-post-on-the-gb technique.

the blindfold is sorta fun.

blindfolds, eh?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Which line, chasing youth or losing a sexual vibe?

Haha. in stating that question, you draw attention to the line.


From now on, "ha!."=[/hester]

 

[rosco rathbone]

i think the answer to that for many of us is both.

Dude, that's awesome, in a taoist wise man way.

 

[Hester]

forgot to log an afternoon jack. nothing much worth noting, although it was a bit difficult to get off.

on the vitality issue, much eastern thought says the goal is to channel the sexual energy up and into "higher" forms. i tried this very seriously for a very long period of time (a time frame inconceivable to me at this point in my life). didn't work. i only got more and more frustrated and ended up in a bad state.

perhaps it works for some people but it's been made obvious that it's not the way i will be going.

 

[Hester]

OK, but that would seem to point to a frustrated (sexual) vitality in the old. I've always wondered what it will be like to be old. Will I crave sexual union with young females? Will I not care?

having been the object of desire of many a dirty old man, i'd vote for the crave sexual union as the likely scene.

as one 70+ gentleman put it, he just needed a little help getting started (i think "helping hand" was the phrase he used) but otherwise didn't lose his desire.

 

[Hester]

shit, i almost forgot---

ha!!!

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

warning: alcohol may play a role in this post.

I feel your jacking pain. It's that itch which drives us mad. I've often thought that the roots of my sexual violence laid in the simple fact that I am far more sexually wound up than the average man.

The problem is that libidinous peace comes to feel like the preamble to the grave. We get attached to our tension, it begins to feel like a stand-in for vitality itself.

While I agree with Recidiva to an extent - that sexual drive is vitality, I think Rosco has a point about the stand-in for vitality. I wonder, for example, if there is something thwarted - something like vision or greatness. I think about certain language that is used to describe a significant contribution to culture - 'this is a seminal work'. I ask myself if your knowing is short-circuited into jacking. You seem to be a philosopher/psychologist/mystic.

I am going to read this in the morning, and I absolutely promise you that I will feel like an asshole for posting this.

 

[Recidiva]

forgot to log an afternoon jack. nothing much worth noting, although it was a bit difficult to get off.

on the vitality issue, much eastern thought says the goal is to channel the sexual energy up and into "higher" forms. i tried this very seriously for a very long period of time (a time frame inconceivable to me at this point in my life). didn't work. i only got more and more frustrated and ended up in a bad state.

perhaps it works for some people but it's been made obvious that it's not the way i will be going.

I think there's sexual vitality when you feel like you're in the game or on the hunt. It can be internal or external. Just feeling connected to that, partnered or no.

Forms of either sublimation or channeling that energy tend to transform it into something else. You're not in the game, you're observing it. Or you're not in the game, you're controlling it, or you're not in the game, you're one with it all.

But I think in order to sublimate or channel...you still have to have that energy in the first place. This is the raw material you use to transform attitudes.

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

O three times last night, into the wee hours, unable to sleep. The orgasms were almost pleasureless.

I am doubting this premise that you would need to channel sexual energy to a higher purpose. I'm suggesting the opposite - that you are channelling other forms of emotional energy into physical release. That's what I'm doing now - using my sexual response to delete emotions.

You talked about skinner. Orgasm is the ultimate reinforcement - a huge hit of pleasure that rewards the efforts involved in getting laid. It is the outcome of a meeting. Fantasy/self-stim channels that complexity of relating to another into something solitary. The specifically sexual urge is satisfied, which is great, and the other components of relating are thwarted and sublimated. I think the intensity of sexual drive reflects the intensity of a need for relating in some larger sense. Perhaps a constantly recurring desire to dominate sexually reflects a need to be in a position of leadership in a broader sense. And it seems to be also true that men in significant leadership positions get a lot of pussy - being in the power position makes men sexy to women. (I'm not quite sure that this works as well for women, though). Too bad political lives get ruined when people cash in on those perks, but for rock stars and atheletes, the deal is understood.

 

[Recidiva]

O three times last night, into the wee hours, unable to sleep. The orgasms were almost pleasureless.

I am doubting this premise that you would need to channel sexual energy to a higher purpose. I'm suggesting the opposite - that you are channelling other forms of emotional energy into physical release. That's what I'm doing now - using my sexual response to delete emotions.

You talked about skinner. Orgasm is the ultimate reinforcement - a huge hit of pleasure that rewards the efforts involved in getting laid. It is the outcome of a meeting. Fantasy/self-stim channels that complexity of relating to another into something solitary. The specifically sexual urge is satisfied, which is great, and the other components of relating are thwarted and sublimated. I think the intensity of sexual drive reflects the intensity of a need for relating in some larger sense. Perhaps a constantly recurring desire to dominate sexually reflects a need to be in a position of leadership in a broader sense. And it seems to be also true that men in significant leadership positions get a lot of pussy - being in the power position makes men sexy to women. (I'm not quite sure that this works as well for women, though). Too bad political lives get ruined when people cash in on those perks, but for rock stars and atheletes, the deal is understood.

There was one time that someone was trying to use my sexuality against me. Doing an extremely good job with it, too.

I really had to shift my perspective, my choices and my responses in order to "win" that one. Ultimately I managed to gain a completely different perspective that was much more about being "outside" my own body and looking at things almost remotely. Much more like observing a chess game than playing it. No attachment to the game pieces, like my body or hormones, or desire. I did manage. Interesting celibate place. Could have gotten a lot done if I weren't mostly focused on figuring out what part of my sexuality was being jerked around. Pretty much all of it.

I'll only go there, though, if I feel I'm being driven toward something destructive by my sexuality. But I know it's there.

 

[Hester]

i had a string of men in my life who used my sexuality against me. at the time, i knew how to use my sexuality against men, but didn't know how to deal with it if they used *my own* sexuality against me. i was ashamed of it and had all kinds of negative feelings about myself and my sexual needs. i felt like less of a person and not deserving on multiple levels. while i enjoy some shame and the like as part of a sexual experience, i don't think it's a healthy thing on a very basic and core level, and can in fact be dangerous.

never again. this is one of the several reasons i'm so vehemently single and look more for long-term lovers than "relationships." i'd have to trust a man an awful lot on so many levels to allow him that kind of access and control.