Jacking-Off Log

[Recidiva]

i had a string of men in my life who used my sexuality against me. at the time, i knew how to use my sexuality against men, but didn't know how to deal with it if they used *my own* sexuality against me. i was ashamed of it and had all kinds of negative feelings about myself and my sexual needs. i felt like less of a person and not deserving on multiple levels. while i enjoy some shame and the like as part of a sexual experience, i don't think it's a healthy thing on a very basic and core level, and can in fact be dangerous.

never again. this is one of the several reasons i'm so vehemently single and look more for long-term lovers than "relationships." i'd have to trust a man an awful lot on so many levels to allow him that kind of access and control.

I guess knowing that I can choose to opt for the angelic "above it all" is an option.

Not one I take often, mind, but it's an option.

 

[iansearchof]

And it seems to be also true that men in significant leadership positions get a lot of pussy - being in the power position makes men sexy to women. (I'm not quite sure that this works as well for women, though).

FYI

Women in leadership/power positions may or may not get a lot of pussy, but they are exquisitely exciting to me!

Power is an aphrodesiac for both sides of the docket. However, in my experience women often are reluctant to take advantage of it. Nevertheless, they are aware of its potential.

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

i had a string of men in my life who used my sexuality against me. at the time, i knew how to use my sexuality against men, but didn't know how to deal with it if they used *my own* sexuality against me. i was ashamed of it and had all kinds of negative feelings about myself and my sexual needs. i felt like less of a person and not deserving on multiple levels. while i enjoy some shame and the like as part of a sexual experience, i don't think it's a healthy thing on a very basic and core level, and can in fact be dangerous.

never again. this is one of the several reasons i'm so vehemently single and look more for long-term lovers than "relationships." i'd have to trust a man an awful lot on so many levels to allow him that kind of access and control.

You and Recidiva seem to have had a similar kind of experience that is somewhat different then mine. I can imagine how, if I met a man who could take me completely in sex, that I could become abject. I think I get a glimpse of what you mean, and along with fear, I also feel some wish to know how far I would/could go.

I've been manipulated - more through unfathomable loneliness then through my sexual desire. In my teens and early twenties, I threw myself into life out of desperation, and gave my body up to people who cared nothing for me. That is slightly different then being trapped by my desire.

When I say 'relationship', to me that can mean even a single encounter. Any point where there is the unknown of another person, where you let them close enough to feel them, and maybe be changed by them. I don't have the ability to completely seperate sex from other emotions. Even if it is pure sex, the other person matters to me, and I want to matter, even if we never see each other again.

I had a brief relationship once with someone who spoke another language. We had, at most, 50 words in common. And the whole thing is still vivid in my mind - more so then other brief affairs I've had.

 

[Recidiva]

You and Recidiva seem to have had a similar kind of experience that is somewhat different then mine. I can imagine how, if I met a man who could take me completely in sex, that I could become abject. I think I get a glimpse of what you mean, and along with fear, I also feel some wish to know how far I would/could go.

I've been manipulated - more through unfathomable loneliness then through my sexual desire. In my teens and early twenties, I threw myself into life out of desperation, and gave my body up to people who cared nothing for me. That is slightly different then being trapped by my desire.

When I say 'relationship', to me that can mean even a single encounter. Any point where there is the unknown of another person, where you let them close enough to feel them, and maybe be changed by them. I don't have the ability to completely seperate sex from other emotions. Even if it is pure sex, the other person matters to me, and I want to matter, even if we never see each other again.

I had a brief relationship once with someone who spoke another language. We had, at most, 50 words in common. And the whole thing is still vivid in my mind - more so then other brief affairs I've had.

I think there's such a concept as sexual agility or regeneration, whether or not you think you have it or can call on it. I seem to think that I can survive or get past almost anything that's thrown at me. I say almost, because sex has kicked my ass royally in the past, but knowing my ass got kicked and I got past it, I just can't imagine it being any worse in the future. I don't have the heedless death wish I once had, or the need to track down the most dangerous person available. Now that's just sort of a hobby and not a way of life.

 

[Hester]

jacked before bed. fell asleep a couple of times while trying but stuck with it.

 

[Hester]

same thing as last night---tried to get off before bed and fell asleep before completion. grrr.

 

[naughtygirl69s]

I jacked so much I've hurt my jacking arm

I will now be jack free for over a week.

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

Jack inspired by a single word - attagirl.

 

[pocahontas]

I got myself off last was thursday morning. Hubby was out and I woke up horny and just had to take care of myself. No toys just my fingers and it was quick. I've been too busy and stressed to take care of myself. I'm horny now and saving it for some fun with pictures later...........

 

[testing123456]

While I agree with Recidiva to an extent - that sexual drive is vitality, I think Rosco has a point about the stand-in for vitality. I wonder, for example, if there is something thwarted - something like vision or greatness. I think about certain language that is used to describe a significant contribution to culture - 'this is a seminal work'. I ask myself if your knowing is short-circuited into jacking. You seem to be a philosopher/psychologist/mystic.

I am going to read this in the morning, and I absolutely promise you that I will feel like an asshole for posting this.

please, please keep posting. love the challenges on my mind.

 

[pinkladyzz11]

technology jack

Late last night a jacking friend of mine came online and with the assistance of our web cams and the phone company we reached very strong and satisfying O's after about 15 minutes of pleasuring ourselves.

He is someone with whom it always works. Funny how some people have a voice for sex. And know just what to say to get you there.

 

[petecyclone]

Omg...

I am ... about halfway through reading all the back posts on this and it is so hardon-a-riffic that I'm almost having trouble sitting down. Thanks to all for these hot, hot stories. I'm going to try not to touch myself until I've read every one, although I may explode if the general tone and content continue as they have. I'm heading back to my reading now.

Cheers,

 

[Marquis]

Just watched myself jack on webcam, weird experience.

 

[naughtygirl69s]

I jacked so much I've hurt my jacking arm

I will now be jack free for over a week.

I have failed!

This orgasm denial/deprivation thing fucking WORKS

a phone sex inspired jack, I waited as long as I could to rub it, but then I HAAADDDD to. It was intense, my pussy hole was throbbing and had there been a cock to put anywhere near my hole, I'm pretty sure it would have sucked it right in!

I"m downright giddy!

 

[sincerely_helene]

Dreams depicting unspeakable acts of depravity seem to be my only trigger these days, to an admittedly disconcerting and embarassing level.

 

[Allenjay]

Get me off...............

Late last night a jacking friend of mine came online and with the assistance of our web cams and the phone company we reached very strong and satisfying O's after about 15 minutes of pleasuring ourselves.

He is someone with whom it always works. Funny how some people have a voice for sex. And know just what to say to get you there.

By the look of your pic you could get me off anytime....WOW

 

[Hester]

finally got one off before bed last night. after several days of not having time/energy to jack to completion i would have thought it would be easy and good. it was like pulling teeth and was disappointingly dull, but i finally got off.

i wish there were a way to just drain off the sexual energy at times so i don't have to fight with my orgasmic response and my tired, uncooperative brain. some kind of miniature bleed valve.

 

[Hester]

this has been the week of the epiphany jack. i'm blaming it on recidiva.

was doing my usual pre-bed activity and my mind started to wander to my most recent long-term lover, thinking about past events. i had a slow, leisurely jack reminiscing about my time with him; the memories came to me almost in vignettes.

he pursued me aggressively for a few months before i gave in. he was a nice enough guy, no major observable deformations, smelled good, but just didn't interest me. but i never saw anything in him that made that switch of interest turn on. one day he was helping me around my house and asked me what he should do with some electrical wire. i joked around and told him he should tie me up with it. he said slowly and incredulously "you want me to tie you up?" for a split second, his face flashed, and i saw the animal within. it was self aware, very intense, and totally in control. in an instant, the switch clicked on, and i brought him in my house, unzipped him, and sucked him off.

we were lovers for a year and a half after that. he was the most natural top i'd ever been with, but he hadn't ever been with a woman who was okay with it. so i walked him through each doorway, giving him permission to go further and further. it was great. even better was that he was okay with letting me top him once in a while. he had a way of being sadistic with me that really, really worked for both of us, but didn't like receiving pain, so i could control but not hurt. most often, we'd end up with him pinned down and me riding him so violently i don't know how i never injured him. he'd either lay there, eyes closed and smiling, or be laughing. i almost always squirt that way. given how ingrained his impulses for control and sadism were, i was always was surprised at his enjoyment. i was maintaining the jack and meditating on my own need to top at times and how i could only truly enjoy sex, either as a top or a bottom, with someone as or more controlling and aggressive than i. this has always perplexed me, but at that moment had an epiphany, and came hard to my realization.

_________

i went this morning for acupuncture and was laying on the table. with all of the needles in me, i couldn't move. although i couldn't make any gross movements, i'll often contract my inner thigh muscles and stimulate myself that way. i can't cum doing that, but can work myself into a frenzy without moving or having anyone notice. i lay there, thinking again of this former lover, twitching my inner thighs, and getting worked up. more vignettes. the time he came over drunk, woke me up, and against my will insisted i have sex with him; we broke the bed that night. the time he was fucking me hard and we got into a position that really delivered pain on each thrust. it wasn't a good pain, and when i told him he was hurting me, it turned him on ever more and he went at it harder; this seriously pushed some buttons for me and i am embarrassed at how much i got off on the fact that he got so much enjoyment from hurting me. the time in my yard one summer night that i lay on his lap as people unknowingly walked past us and he fingered me violently in the dark as i begged him to fist me. and on and on.

i hadn't seen him in many months and i began to wonder why i was missing him all of a sudden. then i realized i didn't miss him. at all. but i missed what i had with him. the sheer magnitude of my objectification of him hit me at that moment with such force and self-disgust it knocked all the sexual impulse out of me.

 

[rosco rathbone]

^^^ Solid gold!


I'm back in the jacking game. Send me in, coach!

 

[Hester]

^^^ Solid gold!


I'm back in the jacking game. Send me in, coach!

where's olivia? we need a good cheer for you!

 

[Hester]

back on schedule. resorted to porn to make sure my mind didn't drift to a place that would cause me to reject my own sexuality. weird, that. multiples, wet, facile.

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

That epiphany post of yours, Hester ... fuck! I can feel my brain lighting up all over the place.

I always said I was not into pain, but reading something in that experience made me so aware: I'm not into pain as a script - as something done to turn me on. Lacks brutality. But if something happens to hurt, and if that turns him on, the cruelty of that is so hot it burns. that's it - I don't want to do a roleplay.


Cheer
Grab her, shove her, she's in shock
Bend her forward, slide in cock
Grab her curls to arch her back
Now she's gasping. Jack Jack Jack.
Go Rosco

 

[Olivia_Yearns]

Oh, and I came twice reading "oral servitude" thread in the wee hours.
I think I'm gonna do one now.

 

[Hester]

^^^ Solid gold!


I'm back in the jacking game. Send me in, coach!

this sent me thinking of 70s dance shows, solid gold, then dance fever, and now i have denny terrio on the brain

 

[spacekowboy]

That epiphany post of yours, Hester ... fuck! I can feel my brain lighting up all over the place.

I always said I was not into pain, but reading something in that experience made me so aware: I'm not into pain as a script - as something done to turn me on. Lacks brutality. But if something happens to hurt, and if that turns him on, the cruelty of that is so hot it burns. that's it - I don't want to do a roleplay.


Cheer
Grab her, shove her, she's in shock
Bend her forward, slide in cock
Grab her curls to arch her back
Now she's gasping. Jack Jack Jack.
Go Rosco

Yay team!