I've been

[secretlover1]

single a VERY LONG TIME!

I mean YEARS!

I am wondering how to be aroused more often?

I only seen to get "horny" once a month for about a week and that seems to be hormonal. I'm completely like I'm on heat for a week and I love it and then it fades.

I would love a man and to be more approachable and less inhibited Unless I am drunk as hell and then I do become "looser" like everyone else. I do masturbate :blushes: but as I say I only do it very little.

What kind of girlfriend am I going to be if I am only aroused once a MONTH!!??

 

[LaChica]

A good girlfriend that would satisfy her guy in a balance between doing it willingly and not doing it willingly (teasing).

But why change yourself for other people right

 

[amofiga]

You are who you are. Perhaps you just haven't met the right guy with whom you feel completely at ease and compatible. It's tough to be uninhibited if you are not with someone you trust completely to accept who you are. Don't give up.

 

[silverwhisper]

you know, when i was writing erotica frequently, i found myself aroused a whole lot more of the time than when i don't.

once/month for about a week is clearly hormonal. and yes, masturbation or other sexual activity is a normal and healthy part of life.

so to be aroused more often: watch/listen to/read more erotic content. i mean, loads of people pop up in the forums saying that they've been reading lit stories for years but only recently learned there are forums here.

you know how someone will tell you that he or she is considering buying a particular type of car, and suddenly you begin seeing that car everywhere? the same thing is at play: have sex on the brain more often and you'll start feeling sexier and being aroused more often.

ed

 

[secretlover1]

Thank you as a friend told me you do get more aroused when you're with a partner as they arouse you

Arousing yourself is a little more difficult as I see, touch, hear myself every day. Not quite the same as a human touch is it?

Stimulation is just that. At the moment mine is of the mind - I think I'm in the right place as a voyage of self discovery

 

[RAddams]

Just because you only feel horny once a month for a week doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex during the rest of the month. It also takes more to feel the need to masturbate than it does to get aroused by a real partner.

 

[cfuhrer]

Ed is right. Exposure to more erotic content will help. If I want to come home 'hot and ready' I read a story at lunch and another in the car before my commute home.

I have also found that frequently masturbating and exploring/ becoming more familiar with my body leads to more desire.

I'm glad your voyage of discovery is in a good place and wish you continued safe passage in your journey.

 

[Vixandra]

Reading and writing erotica get the mind in the mood and that's the most important thing for a lot of women. You might check out the SRP forum and see if you can find a writing partner to work with. I write with a couple of amazing ladies here on Lit and my hubby loves it, even though he never sees the stories (his choice, he's not a reading kinda guy).

The other suggestions here are really good too. I would like to add that just because you aren't horny to start with doesn't mean sex cannot be an orgasmic and wonderful experience. I deal with chronic pain issues and it can be difficult to feel horny around the pain but we've learned how to bypass that to get me going.

You may try reading something erotic every day when you get home for a week, see what happens.

 

[CWatson]

Err... Why do you need to be more hormonal?

First off: the kind of girlfriend you'll be is the kind of girlfriend you'll be. There isn't like a rule in The Book Of Rules somewhere that states, "A girlfriend has to put out [X] amount of the time." (Trust me on this, my two longest relationships were with girls who were waiting until marriage.) All you need to worry about is satisfying the man you are with--whatever it is he ends up wanting.

Besides, walking around in your everyday life is probably not all that arousing. Walking around with a boyfriend probably would be... but you don't have one, so that stuff doesn't kick in as much. That's as it should be. =)

As to becoming looser and less inhibited... well, that's up to you. Only you can change that about yourself. Just push yourself out the door and blab things you feel like you should keep secret. Yes, it'll be embarrassing, but that's kind of the point: as time passes, you'll learn not to be embarrassed about it. Some things can only be learned by doing, and this is one of them. There's no shame in that.

(And yes, the same thing is true of your hormone levels: by changing your daily practices, you can adjust them too. I'm just saying that I feel like that's an unnecessary adjustment to begin with.)

 

[secretlover1]

I think it is about hormone cycles because when I am feeling frisky................I feel FRISKY!

lol

And yes I know I don't HAVE to put out but it would be nice to WANT to. I was just worried that I'd have a low libido because I don't seem to need sex or to masturbate very often. As you've said I probably will more when I am with someone.

The more you have the more you want.

I know what to do and how to do it. It's wanting to do it that I WANT

Want, want, want.........typical woman! x

 

[cf23430]

single a VERY LONG TIME!

I mean YEARS!

I am wondering how to be aroused more often?

I only seen to get "horny" once a month for about a week and that seems to be hormonal. I'm completely like I'm on heat for a week and I love it and then it fades.

I would love a man and to be more approachable and less inhibited Unless I am drunk as hell and then I do become "looser" like everyone else. I do masturbate :blushes: but as I say I only do it very little.

What kind of girlfriend am I going to be if I am only aroused once a MONTH!!??

I think your problems would be solved if you moved to the states.....found you a Man.....and let him arouse you.......just saying.....

 

[secretlover1]

Hahaha! Thank you!

My search for a man has now gone global!

x

 

[satindesire]

You don't have to want sex before you have sex to enjoy sex.

Just be open to the idea of having sex even if you're not in the mood to.

I told my husband a long time ago that I would never say no to him, barring I was ill or injured, and more often than not, I still enjoy myself, even still have orgasms, even if I originally wasn't interested.

THAT is one way you can be a "good girlfriend".

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

You don't have to want sex before you have sex to enjoy sex.

Just be open to the idea of having sex even if you're not in the mood to.

I told my husband a long time ago that I would never say no to him, barring I was ill or injured, and more often than not, I still enjoy myself, even still have orgasms, even if I originally wasn't interested.

THAT is one way you can be a "good girlfriend".

Very much this.

 

[CoyoteTales]

Practice makes ...perfection...

On your own, the only input you have is when it occurs to you to raise your interest level. Which, since you're not going out of your way to jump someone, means only when your hormones go on-cycle.

And it seems like a part of your problem is your own self-consciousness -- you're shy by your own admission, and you haven't given yourself permission to be aroused without someone being interested in you first, but your own performance anxiety holds you back, so it's a vicious catch-22.

On the other paw? Being -wanted- is a pretty darned good aphrodisiac. Knowing that someone just wants your clothes off on the floor, and you in their arms? Yeah, that'll probably get your thoughts in the direction of being taken. Possessed. And there'll be that anticipation that you won't know when that fella will voice that intention, an unpredictability that comes with wondering if when he walks in the door or off a plane that you're going to get jumped.

Years have passed since your last relationship; you've probably forgotten what it feels like, and a part of it too is your own apprehension of 'doing it right' and 'being enough.'

Trust me, I've been there.

New relationship energy burns hot and bright. You'll definitely want more than once a month once you have someone you can trust with yourself and your body.

And even if it isn't something like seven times a week (or seven times a day)? There are guys out there who don't have the appetite of a horny teen. Guys who are just happy to be near someone, and remember, all of us have to deal with a week or so a month where you're off limits for the whole enchilada.

Hell, the last relationship I was in I was mostly good with a couple of times a month, and then maybe every other month as my ex had medical issues that prevented her from having sex in a predictable frequency. I loved her anyway. And I'd still be with her if she hadn't broken it off with me.

But I digress. Not all men are so demanding that they want sex constantly. Some of us want you to want us right back and will play only when you're ready for it.

(The term is 'Conscientious gentleman lover.')

-CT

 

[Bellatrixie]

so to be aroused more often: watch/listen to/read more erotic content. i mean, loads of people pop up in the forums saying that they've been reading lit stories for years but only recently learned there are forums here.

I agree with this. Especially for women sex is in the brain so in order for your body to crave sex your mind has to cooperate and reading erotica will get your engine going (well at least it does mine). Writing it makes me even hornier...and recording it (when I am not having technical issues LMAO) is also incredibly hot.

 

[secretlover1]

I really have discovered that I don't really know "me" since I've come to Lit

I've discovered TODAY at 37 what "horny week" is! How stupid is that?!

I'm ovulating. It sounds icky and clinical when you say that but it's the most natural thing in the world.

I think I need a refresher course in sex education - as I teenager I was just giggling and took no notice and I've been single for like EVER!

Poor me

I'm not kidding. I really need to find someone to teach me. That'll be fun x

 

[StrayKat]

Well I found out I am not very aroused when I am single (heh havent really been single a lot though).
But when I am focused on that one special person I get horny 24/7.

 

[secretlover1]

I'll never leave the house when I get a man Kat!! x

 

[StrayKat]

I'll never leave the house when I get a man Kat!! x

My dear I sure hope he will be worth it

I am at the point where I would not leave the house but kick him out sometimes

 

[secretlover1]

My dear I sure hope he will be worth it

I am at the point where I would not leave the house but kick him out sometimes

hahaha! I sincerely hope so, too!

I'm sure I'll get to that point but until then............



Lit's certainly giving me an education it's like being at school - only a lot more fun x

 

[Que]

What kind of girlfriend am I going to be if I am only aroused once a MONTH!!??

in my experience a fairly typical 1. in a loving relationship where you live with a woman have time to censor mood to just saw them and properly seduce her I think you could better the odds.

at the moment 1 of my many female confidants refers to me as her gay friend, is in the throes of a new relationship with her new guy. at the moment she is behaving like a nymphomaniac. but as in the past with other guys as I've been her confidante I'm sure that it will wane back to normal of "I'm only horny when I'm ovulating and just before i am on my period.

it seems that everyone when I know or meet claims the a raging nymphomaniac. but when your actually chart it on the calendar you'll find that more often than not it thai directly to their cycle

 

[secretlover1]

in my experience a fairly typical 1. in a loving relationship where you live with a woman have time to censor mood to just saw them and properly seduce her I think you could better the odds.

at the moment 1 of my many female confidants refers to me as her gay friend, is in the throes of a new relationship with her new guy. at the moment she is behaving like a nymphomaniac. but as in the past with other guys as I've been her confidante I'm sure that it will wane back to normal of "I'm only horny when I'm ovulating and just before i am on my period.

it seems that everyone when I know or meet claims the a raging nymphomaniac. but when your actually chart it on the calendar you'll find that more often than not it thai directly to their cycle

God, I'm so grateful for all these brilliant responses so thank you to each and every one of you that took the time to reply and didn't piss yourselves laughing at a naive woman of nearly 40!

The above so makes sense than you "Q". If I meet someone I'll "hopefully" be crazy about them and want to be having sex a lot - ovulating or not.

I just think when I am with someone long term I will not only get to know what he likes I'll also learn a hell of a lot about myself.

I sound like a virgin. I'm not but I can't say I've had the relationship sex because they've all been fleeting. Literally it's ages since I had some. It's no wonder I'm grumpy and frustrated hahaha!

As I keep repeating very much looking forward to all this. I am just hoping I won't be knackered! I'll come back and tell you all ALL about it x

 

[DarkRefuge]

Who says you need to be horny and aroused to get into sex? Getting aroused is a part of sex!

Think about beer...for the first one you are just casual, on the third you are getting committed and on the fifth you just want to go on forever.

Same principle applies.

 

[Sexyladykate]

Think about beer...for the first one you are just casual, on the third you are getting committed and on the fifth you just want to go on forever.

Brilliant analogy. Getting there is definitely part of the fun and the best men enjoy investing a little time and effort into the arousal.