Is a dom made or born?

[CharleyH]

I have been writing this story, semi-auto, but i wondered if other doms (male or female) feel that the they were born or made?

 

[Marquis]

The dominant (he he) theory on this is that the desire is born, the skill is mastered (I'm on a roll).

 

[Recidiva]

I think you have it or you don't.

You can be good, but I don't think you can be flawless, I don't think you can "get it" if it's not just bone deep.

 

[CharleyH]

The dominant (he he) theory on this is that the desire is born, the skill is mastered (I'm on a roll).

If on a roll go on

 

[CharleyH]

I think you have it or you don't.

You can be good, but I don't think you can be flawless, I don't think you can "get it" if it's not just bone deep.

Are you born a dom or made thru life? Does it make a difference to subs?

 

[Recidiva]

Are you born a dom or made thru life? Does it make a difference to subs?

I think the ability to know a natural pecking order and where you stand on it is an inherent skill. People know it or they don't.

A sub will recognize it, so yeah, it makes a big difference. Being dominant only means you acknowledge that pecking order, rather than deny it for any other socially arranged reason.

If you're not good at acknowledging it or recognizing it, if you're tentative, you're just going to confuse the hell out of people who might otherwise think you would know better. They sure as hell know better.

 

[Marquis]

I think the ability to know a natural pecking order and where you stand on it is an inherent skill. People know it or they don't.

A sub will recognize it, so yeah, it makes a big difference. Being dominant only means you acknowledge that pecking order, rather than deny it for any other socially arranged reason.

If you're not good at acknowledging it or recognizing it, if you're tentative, you're just going to confuse the hell out of people who might otherwise think you would know better. They sure as hell know better.

Pecking order?

What on earth are you talking about?

 

[CharleyH]

Pecking order?

What on earth are you talking about?

I did wonder, but lets not goad so soon They know what, exactly?

I am much of the belief that a sub is often the dom/me ... afterall they have the power of a safe word and the power to say what is and is not done to them. Dom/mes do not have that same power.

 

[Recidiva]

I did wonder, but lets not goad so soon They know what, exactly?

I am much of the belief that a sub is often the dom/me ... afterall they have the power of a safe word and the power to say what is and is not done to them. Dom/mes do not have that same power.

It's a matter of the control over the dynamics of sexuality.

Whether or not you choose to be a sub or a Dom to express it, at a certain point you'll be able to dominate a certain percentage of people. That percentage will get higher the more practice and ability you have.

Say a natural will have a higher chance of being naturally controlling (whether in the sub or Dom position, doesn't matter much)

Subs can define it and control it for themselves, yes.

However, getting someone to agree to something, coercion, "natural right" or persuasion is the dominant quality. You don't have to be a declared dominant to do it. It's about choosing an outcome and having it turn out that way, much more often than not. Regardless of who is in your way or what you want.

 

[Marquis]

So Warren Buffet is dominant?

I mean, he is, but isn't that why we capitalize the D?

 

[SouthernDom]

For me it is a trait i was born with, since the early stages of puberty i have had had desires & fantasies of restraining,teasing,pleasing or punishing potential sex partners.

There is a zero possibility of my Domness being the result of a ''monkey see-monkey do'' visual........i hungered for these things before i was ever exposed to pornography or any sexual contact.

Early on i had no idea what labels or terms were used to describe my sexual tendencies but i was living what i've come to know as BDSM.

This is simply the way i am wired......period.

That being said i still believe someone can convert from nilla and be a Dom......but i do believe it must be a deepseated need that has been ignored ot left uncultivated to be really effective in the role of a Dom in the BDSM lifestyle.

 

[Marquis]

I love this "chosen people" view on BDSM.

 

[CharleyH]

I love this "chosen people" view on BDSM.

I bet you 'D'o.

 

[CharleyH]

It's a matter of the control over the dynamics of sexuality.

Whether or not you choose to be a sub or a Dom to express it, at a certain point you'll be able to dominate a certain percentage of people. That percentage will get higher the more practice and ability you have.

Say a natural will have a higher chance of being naturally controlling (whether in the sub or Dom position, doesn't matter much)

Subs can define it and control it for themselves, yes.

However, getting someone to agree to something, coercion, "natural right" or persuasion is the dominant quality. You don't have to be a declared dominant to do it. It's about choosing an outcome and having it turn out that way, much more often than not. Regardless of who is in your way or what you want.

Hm, I will think on this more, for I am not sure you can define S/m at this moment, let alone your place in S/m.

 

[jadefirefly]

I think that the desire to be a sub or a Dom/me is something you are born with, much in the same way that I believe one's preference for a particular gender for sexual activity is a born thing.

I don't, however, think that just because you're born with it, you automatically have that knack. In everything, there are people who seem to learn easily, and people who seem to struggle. There are PYL's out there who just seem to radiate charisma and something indefinable -- whether or not they're actually any good at what they want, though, that's a totally different story.

In short: desire, inherent. Talent, takes practice. Lots of it. Inborn charisma does not a Dom/me make.

 

[Proudsubinatl]

Both

Thanks

 

[jadefirefly]

I don't think that I said born to be one or the other.

Much in the same way that you can have a female who's totally straight; a female who prefers men, but occasionally looks at other females and wonders what it'd be like; a female who will sleep with men and women equally; and a female who prefers other females... one can have an inborn preference for something, without it being to the exclusion of something else.

 

[Proudsubinatl]

Sorry

Thanks

 

[jadefirefly]

Oh.

I don't know -how- I managed to be so chatty with that foot in there....

 

[Pure]

? (for Charley)

do you mean the vanilla dom or the pervy dom?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Doms come in flavors now?


*sigh* no one ever tells me anything.

 

[jadefirefly]

Doms come in flavors now?


*sigh* no one ever tells me anything.

Can I order one in strawberry?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Can I order one in strawberry?

i dunno. i am still trying to figure out what flavor pervy is.

 

[sincerely_helene]

B/bumps.

 

[realwanderer]

as with almost every thing in life

I have been writing this story, semi-auto, but i wondered if other doms (male or female) feel that the they were born or made?

This is my take: Nature and Nurture. There is really not much more to it.
The split can differ all the way fom 0 to 100% The truth can be boring sometimes