Intellectual jokes.

[TE999]

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One, but the light bulb must want to change.

 

[SandraMustard]

(Saw this on Facebook)

Two dyslexics run into a bank and shout, "Air in the hands, you mother stickers! This is a fuck up!"

 

[Stella_Omega]

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One, but the light bulb must want to change.

And it can take years...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

How many parents does it take to change a light bulb?

Parents can't change a light bulb by themselves. It takes a village to change a light bulb.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Why does it only take one woman with PMT to change a light bulb?


Cuz it just does, all right?

 

[LaRascasse]

Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on technicality.

 

[NaokoSmith]

What did the sadist say to the masochist when the masochist said: "Beat me."

"No."

 

[LaRascasse]

What did the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

 

[NaokoSmith]

What did the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

I take it this was because it hadn't barked.

Was he Schrodinger's son?

 

[Handley_Page]

Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Heisenberg gets pulled over by the police.
The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg responds, "No, but I know exactly where I am!"

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Q. How many Surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Giraffe!

 

[Stella_Omega]

What did the sadist say to the masochist when the masochist said: "Beat me."

"No."

That's not funny.

 

[KalIsBack]

nice one

Haha. Good indeed.

 

[KalIsBack]

Heisenberg gets pulled over by the police.
The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg responds, "No, but I know exactly where I am!"

By the same token.

Cop pulls Heisenberg over.

Cop: Did you realise that was a fifty-five zone?
Heisenberg: No, but I know how fast I was going!

 

[Handley_Page]

The Veterinary Police descend on Prof Schroedinger:

OK Prof; where's the cat ?

 

[sr71plt]

Two literary critics saddle up beside each other in a bar. One whispers to the other, "Want to hear a secret?"

"Yes, what?"

"It was just a whale."

 

[LaRascasse]

An allegedly real exchange in a courtroom -

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

 

[CDWilder]

Lovin' this thread! Thanks for sharing all!

 

[TE999]

If Madonna and Paris Hilton are Class,
Then Cellini made sculptures of brass,
Dacron feels like fur,
Air-Wick smells like myrrh,
And plastic's as good as stained glass.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Oh, well done! I've never been any good at limericks.

 

[slyc_willie]

Why does the word monosyllabic have five syllables?

 

[TE999]

A clever young man named Dwight,

Found a way to travel faster than light,

He took off in a flash,

with a touch of panache,

and returned the previous night.

 

[damppanties]

A clever young man named Dwight,
Found a way to travel faster than light,
He took off in a flash,
with a touch of panache,
and returned the previous night.

Okay, that actually made me laugh out loud.

 

[TE999]

Okay, that actually made me laugh out loud.

I'm here all week. Try the prime rib and don't forget to tip your waitress.