Intellectual jokes.

[sr71plt]

OK, I laughed.

 

[TE999]

Q. Why do they use Windows Vista for prison security?

A. Because it always locks up.

 

[drunkenphilosophy]

There was a young law student named Rex,
Who had a very small organ of sex,
When charged with exposure,
He replied with composure,
"De minimis non curat lex."

 

[LaRascasse]

A dwarf psychic escaped from prison. The newspaper the next day read - "Small medium at large"

 

[Elated]

The problem with this joke as posted is that it's told wrong. "Scrod" is a regional usage: Here in New England, restaurants use it to mean a small cod or haddock (hopefully!) The joke is based on the idea that the word is unlikely to be familiar to people in other parts of the country.

In the version that I heard, the man is a New Englander visiting a Southern state: thus the unintentional ambiguity of his question prompts the cab driver's surprised response.

This is not just an intellectual joke but a regional one meant to be told in areas where the term scrod is commonly used and understood.

I like you.

 

[PayDay]

IF YOU ARE GOING TOO FAST, THIS LOOKS BLUE

 

[PayDay]

A man was walking down the street when he accidentally ran into the incomprehensible.

"Hello," says the man.

"Hello," says the incomprehensible.

"What are you?" Asks the man.

"I think I'm infinity," replies the incomprehensible.

"You are?" Asks the man.

"Well, not anymore... No thanks to you, I just turned real."

 

[PayDay]

The philosopher song:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtgKkifJ0Pw‎

 

[Handley_Page]

An SQL query walks up to two tables in a restaurant and asks:
"Mind if I join you?"

 

[SevenSquared]

Why do mathematicians exchange gifts for Halloween?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

 

[Handley_Page]

'Benjamin Button.'

'BENJAMIN WHO?'

'Benjamin'

'WHO'S THERE?'

'Knock knock!'

 

[Zeb_Carter]

A man walks into his bedroom with a duck under his arm,
looks at his wife and say, "This is the pig I was fucking before you."
His wife looks at him and says, "That's not a pig it's a duck."
He looks at her and says, "I was talking to the duck."

Wrong place?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Yeah, kind of. Better put it over on the regular humor thread.

 

[Elated]

I like the proctologist song.
Anybody know a link?

 

[oggbashan]

Why didn't the Dinosaurs make it on to Noah's Ark?

They used a binary system and didn't understand the instruction 'two by two'.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?

Don't be ridiculous! Every mathematician knows you can't cross a scalar with a vector!

 

[Tio_Narratore]

A Higgs boson walks into a church one Sunday morning. A priest, recognizing the so-called 'God particle' and fearing blasphemy, orders him out.

"OK, have it your way," says the boson, "but you won't have any mass."

 

[slyc_willie]

IF YOU ARE GOING TOO FAST, THIS LOOKS BLUE

Nice reference to Hubble there.

An SQL query walks up to two tables in a restaurant and asks:
"Mind if I join you?"

Damn you! I've got enough SQL bullshit going through my head at the moment as it is!

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I like the proctologist song.
Anybody know a link?

Do you mean the "Colorectal Surgeon Song" by Bowser and Blue?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvghrui7388

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Q. Why do they use Windows Vista for prison security?

A. Because it always locks up.

Funny, but I have never had Vista lock up on me on either of my systems. In fact I have only had my desktop crash twice and it was a hardware problem, not Vista. Just saying.

 

[Elated]

Do you mean the "Colorectal Surgeon Song" by Bowser and Blue?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvghrui7388

Yep. Thanks!

"Colo-rectal surgeon song" is the original....funny as Hell

 

[PayDay]

(caps) rdy ?

Best Joke Ever::

Applesauce.

 

[PrincepsCyberius]

A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre, so he gives it to her.

 

[LaRascasse]

A TCP packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and TCP packet says “yes, a beer”.

A UDP packet walks into a bar and says "I want a.."

 

[Handley_Page]

There once was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light
She set out one day
In a relative way
And came back the previous night.