Intellectual jokes.

[Beatnic_jazzman]

Found on Reddit.

A man is on his first visit to Boston, and he wants to try some of that delicious New England seafood that he'd long heard about. So he gets into a cab, and asks the driver, "Can you take me to where I can get scrod?" The driver replies, "I've heard that question a thousand time, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."

This sentence contains exactly threee erors.

 

[Handley_Page]

Found on Reddit.

I haven't a clue about the scrod one; I don't have enough grasp of English.

However:
This sentence contains exactly threee erors.

I presume the third is that there are only those two ?

 

[Cinner]

I haven't a clue about the scrod one; I don't have enough grasp of English.

However:
This sentence contains exactly threee erors.

I presume the third is that there are only those two ?

I think that yours is a clever solution.

 

[Beatnic_jazzman]

Exactly right.

Here's the explanation given by one of the commentators.

pluperfect subjunctive

screwed -> scrod

And scrod is a type of fish.

 

[Handley_Page]

Any more?

 

[Beatnic_jazzman]

Lots...

If you follow the link.

The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

 

[Handley_Page]

Love that one!

 

[3113]

I like this one:
Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting "oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!"

 

[sr71plt]

Liked the last two of those.

 

[lovecraft68]

I like this one:
Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint, the phone rings and he jumps up shouting "oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!"

Good one!

 

[AirRichard101]

The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

As a programmer, I pity the poor husband for doing exactly what he was told.

 

[Stella_Omega]

One from R.A. Lafferty;

What did one flatlander say to the other?

"Dimension of us never did get a round."

 

[TE999]

Q. What's purple, hangs from a vine and has one side?

A. A Mobius grape.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Q. What's purple, hangs from a vine and has one side?

A. A Mobius grape.

oooh, that one gets me in my math AND my music funnybones, very good!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

That was always a high point of sixth grade math, introducing them to the Mobius strip. Letting them make their own and then try to cut them in half was good entertainment for as much as an hour on a rainy day.

 

[Stella_Omega]

That was always a high point of sixth grade math, introducing them to the Mobius strip. Letting them make their own and then try to cut them in half was good entertainment for as much as an hour on a rainy day.

Did you let them listen to Moby Grape while they were doing it?

 

[slyc_willie]

Define the universe. Give three examples.

 

[Handley_Page]

Define the universe. Give three examples.

1. It's BIG; mind bogglingly big
2. It's empty; or mostly so
3. It's Black, mostly.

[Based in the Hitchiker's guide]

 

[LaRascasse]

Bah.. just read xkcd for your smart laughs. One of my favs...

 

[R. Richard]

Scrod was originally any young (2.5 lb or 1.1 kg or less) cod, haddock, or other whitefish, split and boned.
I lived (or whatever) in Boston and it now basically means 'fresh catch of the day.'

 

[mynameisben]

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who get the binary number system, and those who do not.

 

[slyc_willie]

1. It's BIG; mind bogglingly big
2. It's empty; or mostly so
3. It's Black, mostly.

[Based in the Hitchiker's guide]

But you didn't provide three examples.

 

[Stella_Omega]

But you didn't provide three examples.

The Cosmos,

The Sixth Dimension,

The Universe Next Door.

 

[sr71plt]

The universe in the middle and the one on the right and the one of the left.

 

[Handley_Page]

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who get the binary number system, and those who do not.

One of my favourites.