MissVictoria
Falling Farther In
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2001
- Posts
- 2,044
HOW SHARPER THAN A SERPENT'S TOOTH IT IS TO HAVE A THANKLESS CHILD !
(Act I )
(Scene 1, and only Scene 1)
A room in King Lear's palace. Enter KENT and GLOUCESTER, with Gloucester carrying his son EDMUND on his arm. Edmund is a haughty, impish little man, with a high, nasal voice. He wears a monocle over one eye. Actually, Edmund should ideally be a ventriloquist's dummy. Gloucester is the ventriloquist, although he is not very good about not moving his lips. Alternatively, Edmund could be played by a live actor who acts like a ventriloquist's dummy, but the stage directions will assume he is an actual dummy.
Kent should have a beard in this scene.
KENT
I thought the King had more affected the Duke
of Albany than Cornwall.
GLOUCESTER
So it had seemed to me, but it now appears that
he will give equal shares to the husbands of Regan
and Goneril, while reserving the finest lands for
whatever man shall wed Cordelia.
KENT
Is this your son, my Lord?
GLOUCESTER
He is my issue, though there is an issue as to
his legitimacy.
KENT
I don't understand .
EDMUND
He means I'm a little bastard.
KENT
Oh.
GLOUCESTER
Edmund, say hello to the Earl of Kent and remember
him as my honorable friend.
EDMUND
As opposed to all your dishonorable chums.
GLOUCESTER
Perhaps I should be ashamed of having a son out
of wedlock, but I was a young rake in my salad
days.
EDMUND
And now you're an old wreck, and your salad is
wilted.
GLOUCESTER
All the women liked my looks, but Edmund's
mother appreciated my finer qualities...
EDMUND
The gold, the silver, the estate...
GLOUCESTER
Edmund! Do you think your mother was interested
only in the money I gave her.
EDMUND
No! No! She was also after the money you
didn't give her!
GLOUCESTER
I'm ashamed to hear you talk that way!
EDMUND
I could talk better if you'd raise my allowance.
GLOUCESTER
You always want money for being good. Why
can't you like your legitimate brother Edgar? He
never wants anything for being good.
EDMUND
Yeah, he's good for nothing.
GLOUCESTER
Shhhh! The King is coming.
Enter KING LEAR, a grandiose, stout man with a bulbous nose. Following him are his eldest daughter GONERIL, her husband the DUKE OF ALBANY, Lear's middle daughter REGAN, her husband the DUKE OF CORNWALL, and Lear's youngest daughter CORDELIA. Also enter various ATTENDANTS.
KING LEAR
Gloucester! Attend the lords of France and
Burgundy!
GLOUCESTER
I shall, my Lord.
Gloucester bows and exits, taking Edmund with him.
KING LEAR
Present the map!
An Attendant holds up a map of England. The King points to it with his scepter and accidentally pierces it. He pulls the map off the scepter and hands it back to the Attendant.
KING LEAR
(handing back the map)
Careful with that thing!
The King again points to the map, but is careful not to pierce it this time.
KING LEAR
Know that we have divided our kingdom into
thirds, and 'tis our intent to shake all cares and
business from our age, conferring them on younger
strengths, while we unburdened crawl toward
death.
Goneril snorts with contempt.
GONERIL
If he's lay off the booze, he could walk toward
death.
The King glares at Goneril, but doesn't say anything to her.
KING LEAR
Before we bestow the divisions of our domain, we
shall propose this inquiry: tell us, daughters, which
of you shall we say loves us most? Goneril, our
eldest born, speak first.
GONERIL
I love you more than words can say. Beyond all,
no less than life, as much as any child ever loved,
and more than that I love you.
KING LEAR
Good. Very good. (He gestures to the map.)
All this land, we confer to you and your husband
Albany. What says our second daughter, our Regan,
wife of Cornwall. Speak.
REGAN
I find my sister echoes my love, only her words fall
short. I won't allow any other feelings, thoughts or
senses to interfere with my love for my father.
GONERIL
I meant to say that, but I so absorbed in feeling
love for my father, I forgot to mention it.
REGAN
I'm sorry. Did you say something? I was so busy
loving my father, I didn't hear a word you said.
Goneril starts chanting.
GONERIL
I love my Dad! I love my Dad! I love my Dad!
Regan puts her hands over her own ears and chants more loudly:
REGAN
I love him more! I love him more!
Goneril grabs Regan by the neck and starts choking her.
GONERIL
Knock it off! I love the big baboon just as much
as you do!
Regan breaks away from Goneril and gulps in her breath before she can speak. She decides not to argue any longer.
REGAN
(panting for breath)
Okay... We both... love... the old goat... equally.
KING LEAR
You touch our heart, both of you. To Regan and
her husband Cornwall we impart this ample third
of our fair kingdom. And now our joy, our youngest
daughter Cordelia, what say you?
CORDELIA
What.
KING LEAR
What say you?
CORDELIA
What!
KING LEAR
You haven't been paying attention, have you?
CORDELIA
Yes I have.
KING LEAR
Then perhaps you will enlighten us. What did we
just inquire of you?
CORDELIA
You asked if I'd been paying attention.
KING LEAR
Before that!!!
CORDELIA
You mean before you asked me to say what?
KING LEAR
Yes!
CORDELIA
I don't remember!
King Lear takes a moment to calm himself down before proceeding.
KING LEAR
We believe we asked you to tell us what you think
of us.
CORDELIA
I think you're being awfully silly.
GONERIL
It's clear she doesn't respect you at all!
CORDELIA
Of course I respect him! He's been like a
father to me!
KING LEAR
I am your father!
CORDELIA
And that's why I respect you for being like a father
to me! I wouldn't respect you for acting like my
father if you weren't my father, would I?
GONERIL
You're not going to give this ungrateful witch any
of your kingdom, are you?
REGAN
You can't even consider it! After all the love we've
shown you, we deserve her share!
GONERIL
If you have any respect for yourself at all, you'll
exile this little traitor!
KING LEAR
Silence!!! We remember, when we were a lad,
our father the King expounded to us upon our
duties of filial devotion. "Prince Lear," he said, "if
every day you demonstrate to us the complete and
total adoration that a son owes to his progenitor,
then when we die you shall be the king and live in
ease and luxury. But if even once you fail to show
us perfect love, then we shall disown you utterly,
abandon you to the elements, and leave you to die
in misery, cold and hunger." So I killed him. Conked
him in the cranium right then and there. No use
taking any chances, I thought. Cordelia, we have to
make sure you won't be around to conk us in our
cranium!
CORDELIA
Oh, don't be silly! I could never do that!
KING LEAR
You couldn't?
CORDELIA
Of course not! I don't even know where our
cranium is!
KING LEAR
Here I disclaim all my parental care!
KENT
Good my Liege –
KING LEAR
Peace, Kent! Come not between the dragon and
his wrath! We do invest our power in Goneril and
Regan, keeping for our self one hundred knights
and the name of King. Our loving daughters shall
sustain and care for us!
KENT
Royal Lear, this is madness! You are making a
terrible mistake! It is wrong! It is evil!
KING LEAR
What! You dare to question me! You vassal!
You miscreant! You have ten days to leave
England forever! Out of my sight!
KENT
Very well! Freedom lives hence, and banishment
is here!
Kent exits. Enter Gloucester, still carrying Edmund, followed by the KING OF FRANCE and the LORD OF BURGUNDY. The Lord of Burgundy is a vain, stingy man, who claims to be thirty-nine, but is in fact quite a bit older. The King of France smokes a cigar and smiles between puffs. He is a perfect husband for Cordelia.
CORNWALL
Here are the King of France the and Lord of
Burgundy, my noble Lord.
KING LEAR
My Lord of Burgundy, you and the King of France
have been rivals for our daughter, Cordelia. What
is the smallest dowry you would require to take her
as your wife?
BURGUNDY
For this wonderful girl? I hate to ask anything, and
I certainly wouldn't expect more than what you've
already offered, your Highness, a third of your
kingdom.
KING LEAR
That was what we offered when she was dear to
us, but now her price has fallen.
CORDELIA
He's mad because I said he was like my father.
KING LEAR
This ungrateful wretch wouldn't say how much
she loved me!
BURGUNDY
Is that all? I'm sure she didn't mean anything wrong.
She's so young, and tender and innocent. So
unspoiled.....
KING LEAR
So I've disinherited her!
BURGUNDY
Why that slut!!!
KING OF FRANCE
I'll take her!
KING LEAR
She is yours! I never wish to see her face
again!
Lear exits, followed by everyone except for Burgundy, the King of France, Cordelia, Goneril and Regan.
BURGUNDY
But why do you want her? She hasn't any
dowry!
KING OF FRANCE
Are you kidding? If I ever get tired of being King
of France, she'd be worth a fortune in vaudeville.
Say goodnight, Cordelia.
CORDELIA
Goodnight everybody.
The King of France leads Cordelia off. Burgundy follows them.
REGAN
Can you believe it? He gave us everything and
disinherited Cordelia.
GONERIL
Is he crazy or just drunk?
REGAN
Both, I'd say.
GONERIL
We'd better be careful, or he could turn against
us the same way he turned against Cordelia and
Kent!
REGAN
We shall further think on it.
GONERIL
We must do something!
Regan and Goneril exit.
(End Scene 1)
(Act I )
(Scene 1, and only Scene 1)
A room in King Lear's palace. Enter KENT and GLOUCESTER, with Gloucester carrying his son EDMUND on his arm. Edmund is a haughty, impish little man, with a high, nasal voice. He wears a monocle over one eye. Actually, Edmund should ideally be a ventriloquist's dummy. Gloucester is the ventriloquist, although he is not very good about not moving his lips. Alternatively, Edmund could be played by a live actor who acts like a ventriloquist's dummy, but the stage directions will assume he is an actual dummy.
Kent should have a beard in this scene.
KENT
I thought the King had more affected the Duke
of Albany than Cornwall.
GLOUCESTER
So it had seemed to me, but it now appears that
he will give equal shares to the husbands of Regan
and Goneril, while reserving the finest lands for
whatever man shall wed Cordelia.
KENT
Is this your son, my Lord?
GLOUCESTER
He is my issue, though there is an issue as to
his legitimacy.
KENT
I don't understand .
EDMUND
He means I'm a little bastard.
KENT
Oh.
GLOUCESTER
Edmund, say hello to the Earl of Kent and remember
him as my honorable friend.
EDMUND
As opposed to all your dishonorable chums.
GLOUCESTER
Perhaps I should be ashamed of having a son out
of wedlock, but I was a young rake in my salad
days.
EDMUND
And now you're an old wreck, and your salad is
wilted.
GLOUCESTER
All the women liked my looks, but Edmund's
mother appreciated my finer qualities...
EDMUND
The gold, the silver, the estate...
GLOUCESTER
Edmund! Do you think your mother was interested
only in the money I gave her.
EDMUND
No! No! She was also after the money you
didn't give her!
GLOUCESTER
I'm ashamed to hear you talk that way!
EDMUND
I could talk better if you'd raise my allowance.
GLOUCESTER
You always want money for being good. Why
can't you like your legitimate brother Edgar? He
never wants anything for being good.
EDMUND
Yeah, he's good for nothing.
GLOUCESTER
Shhhh! The King is coming.
Enter KING LEAR, a grandiose, stout man with a bulbous nose. Following him are his eldest daughter GONERIL, her husband the DUKE OF ALBANY, Lear's middle daughter REGAN, her husband the DUKE OF CORNWALL, and Lear's youngest daughter CORDELIA. Also enter various ATTENDANTS.
KING LEAR
Gloucester! Attend the lords of France and
Burgundy!
GLOUCESTER
I shall, my Lord.
Gloucester bows and exits, taking Edmund with him.
KING LEAR
Present the map!
An Attendant holds up a map of England. The King points to it with his scepter and accidentally pierces it. He pulls the map off the scepter and hands it back to the Attendant.
KING LEAR
(handing back the map)
Careful with that thing!
The King again points to the map, but is careful not to pierce it this time.
KING LEAR
Know that we have divided our kingdom into
thirds, and 'tis our intent to shake all cares and
business from our age, conferring them on younger
strengths, while we unburdened crawl toward
death.
Goneril snorts with contempt.
GONERIL
If he's lay off the booze, he could walk toward
death.
The King glares at Goneril, but doesn't say anything to her.
KING LEAR
Before we bestow the divisions of our domain, we
shall propose this inquiry: tell us, daughters, which
of you shall we say loves us most? Goneril, our
eldest born, speak first.
GONERIL
I love you more than words can say. Beyond all,
no less than life, as much as any child ever loved,
and more than that I love you.
KING LEAR
Good. Very good. (He gestures to the map.)
All this land, we confer to you and your husband
Albany. What says our second daughter, our Regan,
wife of Cornwall. Speak.
REGAN
I find my sister echoes my love, only her words fall
short. I won't allow any other feelings, thoughts or
senses to interfere with my love for my father.
GONERIL
I meant to say that, but I so absorbed in feeling
love for my father, I forgot to mention it.
REGAN
I'm sorry. Did you say something? I was so busy
loving my father, I didn't hear a word you said.
Goneril starts chanting.
GONERIL
I love my Dad! I love my Dad! I love my Dad!
Regan puts her hands over her own ears and chants more loudly:
REGAN
I love him more! I love him more!
Goneril grabs Regan by the neck and starts choking her.
GONERIL
Knock it off! I love the big baboon just as much
as you do!
Regan breaks away from Goneril and gulps in her breath before she can speak. She decides not to argue any longer.
REGAN
(panting for breath)
Okay... We both... love... the old goat... equally.
KING LEAR
You touch our heart, both of you. To Regan and
her husband Cornwall we impart this ample third
of our fair kingdom. And now our joy, our youngest
daughter Cordelia, what say you?
CORDELIA
What.
KING LEAR
What say you?
CORDELIA
What!
KING LEAR
You haven't been paying attention, have you?
CORDELIA
Yes I have.
KING LEAR
Then perhaps you will enlighten us. What did we
just inquire of you?
CORDELIA
You asked if I'd been paying attention.
KING LEAR
Before that!!!
CORDELIA
You mean before you asked me to say what?
KING LEAR
Yes!
CORDELIA
I don't remember!
King Lear takes a moment to calm himself down before proceeding.
KING LEAR
We believe we asked you to tell us what you think
of us.
CORDELIA
I think you're being awfully silly.
GONERIL
It's clear she doesn't respect you at all!
CORDELIA
Of course I respect him! He's been like a
father to me!
KING LEAR
I am your father!
CORDELIA
And that's why I respect you for being like a father
to me! I wouldn't respect you for acting like my
father if you weren't my father, would I?
GONERIL
You're not going to give this ungrateful witch any
of your kingdom, are you?
REGAN
You can't even consider it! After all the love we've
shown you, we deserve her share!
GONERIL
If you have any respect for yourself at all, you'll
exile this little traitor!
KING LEAR
Silence!!! We remember, when we were a lad,
our father the King expounded to us upon our
duties of filial devotion. "Prince Lear," he said, "if
every day you demonstrate to us the complete and
total adoration that a son owes to his progenitor,
then when we die you shall be the king and live in
ease and luxury. But if even once you fail to show
us perfect love, then we shall disown you utterly,
abandon you to the elements, and leave you to die
in misery, cold and hunger." So I killed him. Conked
him in the cranium right then and there. No use
taking any chances, I thought. Cordelia, we have to
make sure you won't be around to conk us in our
cranium!
CORDELIA
Oh, don't be silly! I could never do that!
KING LEAR
You couldn't?
CORDELIA
Of course not! I don't even know where our
cranium is!
KING LEAR
Here I disclaim all my parental care!
KENT
Good my Liege –
KING LEAR
Peace, Kent! Come not between the dragon and
his wrath! We do invest our power in Goneril and
Regan, keeping for our self one hundred knights
and the name of King. Our loving daughters shall
sustain and care for us!
KENT
Royal Lear, this is madness! You are making a
terrible mistake! It is wrong! It is evil!
KING LEAR
What! You dare to question me! You vassal!
You miscreant! You have ten days to leave
England forever! Out of my sight!
KENT
Very well! Freedom lives hence, and banishment
is here!
Kent exits. Enter Gloucester, still carrying Edmund, followed by the KING OF FRANCE and the LORD OF BURGUNDY. The Lord of Burgundy is a vain, stingy man, who claims to be thirty-nine, but is in fact quite a bit older. The King of France smokes a cigar and smiles between puffs. He is a perfect husband for Cordelia.
CORNWALL
Here are the King of France the and Lord of
Burgundy, my noble Lord.
KING LEAR
My Lord of Burgundy, you and the King of France
have been rivals for our daughter, Cordelia. What
is the smallest dowry you would require to take her
as your wife?
BURGUNDY
For this wonderful girl? I hate to ask anything, and
I certainly wouldn't expect more than what you've
already offered, your Highness, a third of your
kingdom.
KING LEAR
That was what we offered when she was dear to
us, but now her price has fallen.
CORDELIA
He's mad because I said he was like my father.
KING LEAR
This ungrateful wretch wouldn't say how much
she loved me!
BURGUNDY
Is that all? I'm sure she didn't mean anything wrong.
She's so young, and tender and innocent. So
unspoiled.....
KING LEAR
So I've disinherited her!
BURGUNDY
Why that slut!!!
KING OF FRANCE
I'll take her!
KING LEAR
She is yours! I never wish to see her face
again!
Lear exits, followed by everyone except for Burgundy, the King of France, Cordelia, Goneril and Regan.
BURGUNDY
But why do you want her? She hasn't any
dowry!
KING OF FRANCE
Are you kidding? If I ever get tired of being King
of France, she'd be worth a fortune in vaudeville.
Say goodnight, Cordelia.
CORDELIA
Goodnight everybody.
The King of France leads Cordelia off. Burgundy follows them.
REGAN
Can you believe it? He gave us everything and
disinherited Cordelia.
GONERIL
Is he crazy or just drunk?
REGAN
Both, I'd say.
GONERIL
We'd better be careful, or he could turn against
us the same way he turned against Cordelia and
Kent!
REGAN
We shall further think on it.
GONERIL
We must do something!
Regan and Goneril exit.
(End Scene 1)
