I'm so tired of...

[Allexus_TN]

...arguing everytime we have sex. I'm tired of him being so rough that I can't sit down the next day. I'm tired of him not listening when I tell him what I like/want/need sexually, emotionally. I'm tired of him taking me for granted. I want to know why it seems that other people find happy relationships, and I am stuck. I'm tired of being tired.

 

[riff]

He sounds like an asshole to me.

 

[BustyTheClown]

He sounds like an asshole to me.

Snap. I'm sorry he's so callous to your wants and desires, Allexus. Maybe it's time for counseling or something?

 

[april-wine]

He sounds like an asshole to me.

Hmmmmm what Riff said....X2

I hope you find the courage to make you happy....Hugs april

 

[Allexus_TN]

That's the general concensus. Most people don't care too much for him. Even my own family doesn't care for him much anymore.

 

[Wizard]

Hmmmmm what Riff said....X2

I hope you find the courage to make you happy....Hugs april

X3 in my book.....................

 

[Allexus_TN]

He refuses counseling. I have no money and no where to turn to if I leave.

 

[erosman]

Hugs to you, Allexus.


Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Words by E. Y. Harburg, Music by Harold Arlen

When all the world is a hopeless jumble,
and the raindrops tumble all around,
heaven opens a magic lane.
When all the clouds darken up the skyway,
there's a rainbow highway to be found,
leading from your window pane,
to a place behind the sun,
just a step beyond the rain.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue,
and the dreams that you dare to dream,
really do come true.

Someday, I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
away above the chimney tops,
that's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow,
why then, oh, why can't I?
If all those little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
why, oh why, can't I?

 

[La Principessa]

you can't turn to family? that's what they are there for.... and X4 from me!

 

[erosman]

I have no money and no where to turn to if I leave.

Dare to dream, Allexus. Don't be so certain that there are no alternatives. Create one...make a way.

 

[Guest]

 

[LukkyKnight]

He refuses counseling. I have no money and no where to turn to if I leave.

The obstacles you list are genuine challenges. If you choose to they can be overcome, but surely not without some struggle. You choose, Allexus, if you want to struggle to overcome them or if you want to struggle to sit, or if you want to struggle to help him grow in a healthier direction. We can offer distant support, possibly useful perspectives, and answers by the bazillions (often conflicting) to direct questions... but YOU choose the path.

 

[Allexus_TN]

My family can't afford to put me up. None of my friends have enough room for one more. I have checked these options already. If I leave him, my already limited cash flow is gone. When I finally get a job, all my check goes into the bank for bills. I'm nearly panicked.

 

[Jewelz]

...arguing everytime we have sex. I'm tired of him being so rough that I can't sit down the next day. I'm tired of him not listening when I tell him what I like/want/need sexually, emotionally. I'm tired of him taking me for granted. I want to know why it seems that other people find happy relationships, and I am stuck. I'm tired of being tired.

ohh hon, i could have written this!!! Im so sorry!

 

[LukkyKnight]

Ever called a women's shelter? They are often able to point out alternatives that you cannot see on your own.

 

[erosman]

Try not to panic, Allexus. Lukky's right, it is your choice, and...it needs your level headed thinking, not panic.
Get an idea. Tell a friend.
Make a plan. Tell a friend.
Actuate the plan. Tell a friend.
(it's about friends encouraging you)

It's not about him being an asshole, it's about your happiness and will you pursue it

 

[Allexus_TN]

Ever called a women's shelter? They are often able to point out alternatives that you cannot see on your own.

Hadn't thought about that. Always thought I had to be physically abused to call them.

 

[Ice Cold]

Put me down for X-5.

Sounds like a very difficult position you in... hurts to stay and you can't afford to leave... A no win situation... I hope you find an answer to it.

 

[Allexus_TN]

Try not to panic, Allexus. Lukky's right, it is your choice, and...it needs your level headed thinking, not panic.
Get an idea. Tell a friend.
Make a plan. Tell a friend.
Actuate the plan. Tell a friend.
(it's about friends encouraging you)

It's not about him being an asshole, it's about your happiness and will you pursue it

I'm trying not to panic. I just feel terribly alone in this. Like I really don't have anywhere to turn to. The only thing I can thank God for is that we have no children.

 

[hatara]

OK here are some options for you.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

here are some of the resources available to you:

Crisis Intervention:

crisis intervention services
crisis hot lines
shelters or other emergency residential facilities
medical services
transportation networks
laws that allow either victims or perpetrators to be removed from the home

Emotional Support:

self-help support groups
assertiveness training
self-esteem and confidence-building sessions
parenting skills courses

Advocacy and Legal Assistance:

access to and custody of children
property matters
financial support
restraining orders
public assistance benefits
help with immigration status

Other Supportive Services:

housing and safe accommodations
child care
access to community services

There are more options open to women then ever before. One call and you can start finding out about them. Make the choice to take back your life and be happy.

Good luck with whatever you decided to do.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Thank you, hatara.

Allexus, you don't need to be abused any more than you have been. They know better than I do where to point you. Please do not panic, just resolve to act. Take a few deep breaths, knowing that the next few steps will seem daunting... but you CAN do it.

 

[Wiggles]

You said your family can't afford to put you up. Can you pay them rent?

I can't believe not one person you know will help you out here, have you explained the situation to them? Don't assume they won't if you haven't asked yet. That's what friends are for.

Good luck

 

[Starfish]

There is help. You just have to look for it.

It is so commen for people to get stuck. There are ways out. You just have to go for them. You can do it in secret from him, until all arrangements have been made.

In secret, make an appointment to go to your social services office and meet with someone for council on placement in a women's shelter so you can get out of there and then the money you make from a job will go to you and not him. Also, social services can help you find a job. Often you may make a friend in a shelter or hostil who may need a roommate and once you have enough money you can move out into a place of your own. They can help you make arrangements. It can all be okay if you really want to depend on yourself and not him.

It is your call but there are ways out, but it takes persistance and determination.

Good luck to you.

 

[BrownEyes26]

Hey girl

My mom left my dad because she was tired of being tired. And so were my sister and I. Living in a shelter and subsequently on welfare were better than living under the roof with that son of a bitch. And you can do it too.

Talk to your creditors, they may be more understanding than you think. Talk to encouraging friends. Get out. He obviously cares nothing about your needs.

 

[Allexus_TN]

You said your family can't afford to put you up. Can you pay them rent?

I can't believe not one person you know will help you out here, have you explained the situation to them? Don't assume they won't if you haven't asked yet. That's what friends are for.

Good luck

I can't pay them rent. At the moment, I can't pay ANYONE rent. I don't have a job, and can't seem to get offered one that would pay enough to pay my own rent, food, utilities and insurances.
Yes, my friends all know how bad it is, and have told me on many occasions I should get out and make myself happy. However, none of them will open their homes to me to give me any help. I just know that I need out.

Hatara, Thank you for the list.

And also to everyone for the encouragement.