I'm not rough enough.

[FatherMuck]

My bottom feels that I'm not rough enough with her. How do I get past seeing her as a person?

Any advice is welcome, as I would love to beat the shit out of her, like she wants, but my brain still has brakes before I can get to that point. I just can't really hurt her.

 

[lilylicious]

More experienced Dom/mes will probably offer better advice but for me, it was just a matter of sucking it up and doing it once. I saw how much she loved it and I wanted to give her more. Somewhere a switch was flipped in my mind and suddenly I was open minded to inflicting pain/pleasure AND not only that but I found intense pleasure of my own in doing so.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

My bottom feels that I'm not rough enough with her. How do I get past seeing her as a person?

Any advice is welcome, as I would love to beat the shit out of her, like she wants, but my brain still has brakes before I can get to that point. I just can't really hurt her.

Try "ramping up" a bit at a time to get yourself used to being more severe/rough. As you see that increased pain/sensation doesn't bother her - in fact, pleases her - it will become natural to keep increasing the force/frequency/severity of your activities.

 

[FatherMuck]

More experienced Dom/mes will probably offer better advice but for me, it was just a matter of sucking it up and doing it once. I saw how much she loved it and I wanted to give her more. Somewhere a switch was flipped in my mind and suddenly I was open minded to inflicting pain/pleasure AND not only that but I found intense pleasure of my own in doing so.

Yes, I feel it's a lot easier when I just 'do it', without really thinking about it. Alcohol helps, but I don't like sex under the influence.

I think ramping it up should be a good idea, and I know she will enjoy it. I understand all the theory, it's just a matter of being able to apply it.

Feel free to link this to another thread, I'm sure it's been asked before, I just couldn't find it when I looked.

 

[FatherMuck]

More experienced Dom/mes will probably offer better advice but for me, it was just a matter of sucking it up and doing it once. I saw how much she loved it and I wanted to give her more. Somewhere a switch was flipped in my mind and suddenly I was open minded to inflicting pain/pleasure AND not only that but I found intense pleasure of my own in doing so.

Yes, I feel it's a lot easier when I just 'do it', without really thinking about it. Alcohol helps, but I don't like sex under the influence.

I think ramping it up should be a good idea, and I know she will enjoy it. I understand all the theory, it's just a matter of being able to apply it.

Feel free to link this to another thread, I'm sure it's been asked before, I just couldn't find it when I looked.

Your advice has been helpful so far.

 

[Netzach]

I find hoods really helpful. Or blindfolds. Visually stripping identity is a. very freaking hot for me and b. gets me to that delicious dangerous only slightly detached place where the screams are pretty and don't pluck my heart too much. Then I like to graduate to a cloth gag and only the eyes visible.

 

[FurryFury]

My bottom feels that I'm not rough enough with her. How do I get past seeing her as a person?

Any advice is welcome, as I would love to beat the shit out of her, like she wants, but my brain still has brakes before I can get to that point. I just can't really hurt her.

It sounds like her wishes are just not your cup of tea in this particular area.

Some actually enjoy being rough. They don't need to think of their partner as a non person or even consider it beating the shit out of them. Some people don't consider it hurting or hurtful but rather see it as needed sensations which are in fact pleasurable.

So unless you can shift from it's pain, it's bad, she needs to not be a person to, it's sensation, it's good because we BOTH enjoy it, she is a person who fits me well, then I'd say it's just not going to work perfectly for either of you.

Trying to be uncaring isn't the best way IMO. Using alcohol isn't best either, IMO.

 

[Condatis]

It sounds like her wishes are just not your cup of tea in this particular area.

Some actually enjoy being rough. They don't need to think of their partner as a non person or even consider it beating the shit out of them. Some people don't consider it hurting or hurtful but rather see it as needed sensations which are in fact pleasurable.

So unless you can shift from it's pain, it's bad, she needs to not be a person to, it's sensation, it's good because we BOTH enjoy it, she is a person who fits me well, then I'd say it's just not going to work perfectly for either of you.

Trying to be uncaring isn't the best way IMO. Using alcohol isn't best either, IMO.

Actually. I agree FurryFury, it is a very personal thing...each situation is dependant on the the boundaries that are excepted and both agreed...

My advice is to see the 'boundaries' in your mind, go for what you believe is acceptable...and push it, bit by bit...It is a mind set, One is the Master/Mistress, the other is the submissive...It really is that simple

Faith, trust and belief...Yin and Yan...believe me, it works!!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Does your bottom have a safeword? If so there should be no real danger of doing something that she really doesn't want. Objectification is something that people either get a kick out of or they don't.

Try verbalising what you're trying to achieve, call her a worthless fuckhole and slap her about a bit until you're approaching 'the zone.' Humiliating talk can be even more effective than rough sex and if you want to 'stop seeing her as a person' it is objectification you're aiming for. Have her assume a pose you find attractive and use her as decoration for a while. Put her on her hands and knees and use her as a footstool while you sip a drink and contemplate how you're going to use her. There are many ways to objectify a bottom without being rough, to get you into the mindset that allows you to treat her like fuckmeat.

Spitting and golden showers are also useful tools for making your bottom feel like so many orifices rather than a respected playmate. If Master's on a humiliation kick with me, he'll find fault with everything I do, tell me I'm a fucking useless set of holes and he'll threaten to get rid of me or administer a really nasty punishment. When we're i that kind of mindset, it doesn't feel like playacting, even though I know on some level that my service is as good as it's always been.

These are just of the top of my head. Objectification doesn't always mean the same thing to people so make sure you're on the same page.

 

[YourCaptor]

My bottom feels that I'm not rough enough with her. How do I get past seeing her as a person?

Any advice is welcome, as I would love to beat the shit out of her, like she wants, but my brain still has brakes before I can get to that point. I just can't really hurt her.

Don't get past seeing her as a person.

Seems like a bad idea.

I find that the mood to be rough just comes, you can't really call it out at a specific moment. I mean you can't make yourself feel happy all of a sudden either.

Something that seems to trigger it rather quickly however would be pet peeves, especially if you have corrected them time and time again. Somethings they just never learn.

But then after its all done, and she is curled up crying, begging for forgiveness. Something about it just feels good.

 

[Homburg]

Learn yourself more. With practice, and, if possible, instruction, you will learn to trust yourself more. If you get to the point where you know how to be rough without damaging, you will likely have less issues with being rough with her.

Not saying that you don' tknow what you are doing, just suggesting that upping your skill level might help to feel like you have the control to hurt without harming.