FlamingoBlue
a simple country lawyer
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2000
- Posts
- 2,994
I have been a lawyer for more than half of my life.(A pretty good one, I may add) It is no longer who I am. The job makes me sick. I'll explain.
I suffer from clinical depression. The last thing that I neeed in my life, anymore, is more sadness and conflict. The practice of family law is ALL about conflict and loss.( The death of a marriage is the 3rd most stressful event in a person's life). Conflict and stress make me sick. So, I learn at ae 58, that the only way I can rid myself of conflict is to put my life into harmony. That means the office closes.
Life is conflictual, by defintion. It's because there's other people around who we can't control I have now learned how to deal with my reactions to things that happen to me--some times better than others. But at least I recognize it now, when before, I didn't. Unfortunately, I can no longer adequetely control how I feel about the stress and the conflict generated naturally by a divorce practice. Thus, I made up my mind to close down my office, as of 12-31-01. Happy New Year to me. (You, too).
What now?? I'm not sure. I'm gonna have to think on that. Money will NOT be a problem. I will always have enough, no matter how much I have. My home is wonderfully comfortable for me and my friends and family. It's my piece of art---and it has a heart; mine. I intend to see clients in my home if I determine that I want to handle a few matters each year, just to keep the juices flowing. My home is a far less stressful place to see clients than my rather sterile office. I also dress comfortably. And so do my clients.
I am very fortunate in that I have several good people in my life who love me, ME included. I finally decided to be my own best friend. That's not been easy to accomplish because I really disliked myself and most of my former behaviors.
I have a very good friend who happens to be a mental health care practioner. He and I had a professional relationship before we became friends. He helped me find the keys to the locks that held my jail door closed from the outside. The keys were inside me, all along. (When I asked him how I found him, he told me that I created him. Interesting).
Let me tell you a bit about my wife, dr. blue. We are happily married, now, after 13 years of marriage. On 9-11-01, at 8:35 a.m. I faxed my wife a copy of a proposal for the dissolution of our marriage. At 8:40 a.m. I turned tv news and heard about the WTC attack. I made calls to cancel my appointments and was rivetted to the tv set the rest of the day. As the day went by, I called friends and family to tel them that I loved them. I spent a lot of time contacting my son.(He's teaches in Manhattan). I finally tracked him down and was comforted that he was about 5 miles from the WTC. I did not call my wife. Not until 6 p.m. that evening.
All that day I considered my relaionships with those people who are important to me. My wife was one of them and I was discomforted about that because I really thought we could get along but for the fact that we had a lot of very heavy baggage from being married to each other.
Well, I called her and told her that I was concerned about how 9-11 had impacted her. I then told her that I was very sad that we couldn't accept our differences and move forward in functional marriages It was then that I thought of a novel approach. I then suggested that we use the past in a loving fashion, only; remembering those parts of the past that will lead to a loving future. I suggested that we accept each other for who we are now and that we openly discuss anything that concerns us. ( that's a dialouge, not a monolouge). I am proud to say that our marriage has been revitalized and is now built on a foundation of love, not fear.
Here are a few examples of how remembering makes my life much happier:
1. I get gas when I eat certain foods. Solutions include not eating gassy foods, farting or medication. I remember and I do what I do with a vision of the consequences.
2. My wife doesn't like to serve kethup out of the bottle. She likes the ketchup in a glass dish with a special spoon. This drove me crazy until I remembered that she had become my best friend. Now it doesn't bother me at all.
3. My mother, bless her heart, is a narcicistic lady with a very selective memory and a Ph. D. in guilt. She is also a very heroic figure who has been fighting and winning a million battles all her life, but without a loving soulmate . (She loved my father very much and has never recoverd from his death 38 years ago).
I used to hate her. Now I love her. She is who she is and I accept that. I do not accept certain of her behaviors and when they occur, I tell her or remove myself if the behaviors continue. My mother is no less perfect than me. I remembered that I love her and love means acceptance, compassion, and understanding. And tolerance.
4. I suffer from chronic depression. I will always suffer from it. But with medication, study and help, it is controllable within acceptable limits. I remembered that I must accept myself for who I am and how I act. I can finally trust myself to know that certain things or circumstances make my depression worse than it is. Remembering the impact on my life that these things had makes it easy for me to light the path ahead. Love is the best medicine for depression!!
That's it for the office. I'm leaving the house in about an hour to clean things up so that the move tomorrow will be easier. It's interesting that I cannot ever remember feeling like I do, ever before. I am anxious, not scared. Anxious is okay. Anxious is part of love. Scared is fear. I'm thinking about how I will occupy my time and giving myself plenty of time to make those decisions.I am remembering that there is no rush and that have sufficient resourses to meet my responsibilities.
I waited until the last minute to prepare for the actual move. I remembered that I always do this and that my prep for the move WILL get done, in time but at the last minute, just like always.
I heard a great story recently about a man on his death bed. Just before he died he was asked his feelings about death. The man replied, "death should be very interesting". Well, life , like death is pretty interesting, too. As long as you focus on the love side of the scale.
Happy new year, folks. Peace and love. and smooches to all the ladies.
blue
I suffer from clinical depression. The last thing that I neeed in my life, anymore, is more sadness and conflict. The practice of family law is ALL about conflict and loss.( The death of a marriage is the 3rd most stressful event in a person's life). Conflict and stress make me sick. So, I learn at ae 58, that the only way I can rid myself of conflict is to put my life into harmony. That means the office closes.
Life is conflictual, by defintion. It's because there's other people around who we can't control I have now learned how to deal with my reactions to things that happen to me--some times better than others. But at least I recognize it now, when before, I didn't. Unfortunately, I can no longer adequetely control how I feel about the stress and the conflict generated naturally by a divorce practice. Thus, I made up my mind to close down my office, as of 12-31-01. Happy New Year to me. (You, too).
What now?? I'm not sure. I'm gonna have to think on that. Money will NOT be a problem. I will always have enough, no matter how much I have. My home is wonderfully comfortable for me and my friends and family. It's my piece of art---and it has a heart; mine. I intend to see clients in my home if I determine that I want to handle a few matters each year, just to keep the juices flowing. My home is a far less stressful place to see clients than my rather sterile office. I also dress comfortably. And so do my clients.
I am very fortunate in that I have several good people in my life who love me, ME included. I finally decided to be my own best friend. That's not been easy to accomplish because I really disliked myself and most of my former behaviors.
I have a very good friend who happens to be a mental health care practioner. He and I had a professional relationship before we became friends. He helped me find the keys to the locks that held my jail door closed from the outside. The keys were inside me, all along. (When I asked him how I found him, he told me that I created him. Interesting).
Let me tell you a bit about my wife, dr. blue. We are happily married, now, after 13 years of marriage. On 9-11-01, at 8:35 a.m. I faxed my wife a copy of a proposal for the dissolution of our marriage. At 8:40 a.m. I turned tv news and heard about the WTC attack. I made calls to cancel my appointments and was rivetted to the tv set the rest of the day. As the day went by, I called friends and family to tel them that I loved them. I spent a lot of time contacting my son.(He's teaches in Manhattan). I finally tracked him down and was comforted that he was about 5 miles from the WTC. I did not call my wife. Not until 6 p.m. that evening.
All that day I considered my relaionships with those people who are important to me. My wife was one of them and I was discomforted about that because I really thought we could get along but for the fact that we had a lot of very heavy baggage from being married to each other.
Well, I called her and told her that I was concerned about how 9-11 had impacted her. I then told her that I was very sad that we couldn't accept our differences and move forward in functional marriages It was then that I thought of a novel approach. I then suggested that we use the past in a loving fashion, only; remembering those parts of the past that will lead to a loving future. I suggested that we accept each other for who we are now and that we openly discuss anything that concerns us. ( that's a dialouge, not a monolouge). I am proud to say that our marriage has been revitalized and is now built on a foundation of love, not fear.
Here are a few examples of how remembering makes my life much happier:
1. I get gas when I eat certain foods. Solutions include not eating gassy foods, farting or medication. I remember and I do what I do with a vision of the consequences.
2. My wife doesn't like to serve kethup out of the bottle. She likes the ketchup in a glass dish with a special spoon. This drove me crazy until I remembered that she had become my best friend. Now it doesn't bother me at all.
3. My mother, bless her heart, is a narcicistic lady with a very selective memory and a Ph. D. in guilt. She is also a very heroic figure who has been fighting and winning a million battles all her life, but without a loving soulmate . (She loved my father very much and has never recoverd from his death 38 years ago).
I used to hate her. Now I love her. She is who she is and I accept that. I do not accept certain of her behaviors and when they occur, I tell her or remove myself if the behaviors continue. My mother is no less perfect than me. I remembered that I love her and love means acceptance, compassion, and understanding. And tolerance.
4. I suffer from chronic depression. I will always suffer from it. But with medication, study and help, it is controllable within acceptable limits. I remembered that I must accept myself for who I am and how I act. I can finally trust myself to know that certain things or circumstances make my depression worse than it is. Remembering the impact on my life that these things had makes it easy for me to light the path ahead. Love is the best medicine for depression!!
That's it for the office. I'm leaving the house in about an hour to clean things up so that the move tomorrow will be easier. It's interesting that I cannot ever remember feeling like I do, ever before. I am anxious, not scared. Anxious is okay. Anxious is part of love. Scared is fear. I'm thinking about how I will occupy my time and giving myself plenty of time to make those decisions.I am remembering that there is no rush and that have sufficient resourses to meet my responsibilities.
I waited until the last minute to prepare for the actual move. I remembered that I always do this and that my prep for the move WILL get done, in time but at the last minute, just like always.
I heard a great story recently about a man on his death bed. Just before he died he was asked his feelings about death. The man replied, "death should be very interesting". Well, life , like death is pretty interesting, too. As long as you focus on the love side of the scale.
Happy new year, folks. Peace and love. and smooches to all the ladies.
blue
