IHC's Relationship Advice Thread

[IhateClowns]

I stole it. It makes you easier to understand.

First our dignity. Second our wallets and lastly our decoder rings? Straight ticket to hell for you?

 

[MedicalMuse]

Here are some questions men shouldn't have to answer just because you feel the need to ask them.

1). How much did that cost?
2). Why are you acting like that?
3). Did you just fart?
4). Are you mad at me?
5). Do I look fat?
6). Where do you see this relationship going?
7). Am I still attractive?
8). Are you tired? You look tired.
9). Can I have the last Rice Krispie treat?
10). Want to cuddle?
11). Which dress do you like better?
12). Do we have to watch football every Saturday and Sunday?
13). How much money is in our account?
14). When are you going to now the lawn?
15). Want to go to my parents for Christmas?
16). Do you know what you are getting me for my birthday?
17). What's for dinner?
18). Is that steak cooked all the way through?
19). Wanna watch something in the Lifetime channel?
20). Can I wear my socks to bed?
21). What did you think of the new Twilight movie?
22). Does this movie scare you?
23). Will you change his diaper?
24). What time will you be home?
25). Where are you?
26). How is the job search going?
27). Out of our friends who would you sleep with?
28). Have you gained weight?
29). Is that what you are wearing?
30). Who are you talking to?
31). How many girls have you slept with?
32). Why don't you ever buy me flowers?
33). Where are my keys?
34). Why do we always go out with your friends?
35). Wanna read this funny text I got?
36). Why don't you ever wear that shirt I got you?
37). Wanna go shopping with me?
38). What color looks best on me?
39). Who do you think about when you masturbate?
40). Will you wash the dishes?
41). Why can't I drive?
42). Wanna go to the ballet?
43). Don't you just love Michael Buble?
44). Will you be on top this time?
45). What's wrong?
46). Why does your status say single?
47). Who did you vote for?
48). Does this hat make me look stupid?
49). Am I tight?
50). How does this feel?

Um, you should ask women most of those either. And weren't you just touting communication? Wtf. What if I ask if you farted because I can't distinguish between the dog's gas and yours. I can make one of you go out side to clear the air.

 

[crazy4cock]

You forgot a few:

1. Are you out of your mind?
2. Are you done yet?
3. Are you serious?
4. Are you really going to eat that whole thing?
5. Are we lost?
6. Are you ever going to share that remote?
7. Did you just fart?
8. Did you drink that whole case of beer already?
9. Where did all of these guys come from?
10. Do you know what time it is?

 

[IhateClowns]

Um, you should ask women most of those either. And weren't you just touting communication? Wtf. What if I ask if you farted because I can't distinguish between the dog's gas and yours. I can make one of you go out side to clear the air.

Communication is a mutual dialogue. We have no desire to be asked silly questions that inevitably end up with us trying help calm you down and stop crying.

 

[IhateClowns]

You forgot a few:

1. Are you out of your mind?
2. Are you done yet?
3. Are you serious?
4. Are you really going to eat that whole thing?
5. Are we lost?
6. Are you ever going to share that remote?
7. Did you just fart?
8. Did you drink that whole case of beer already?
9. Where did all of these guys come from?
10. Do you know what time it is?

I wanted to limit it to 50 for the beginners, but thanks for helping.

 

[IhateClowns]

Um, you should ask women most of those either. And weren't you just touting communication? Wtf. What if I ask if you farted because I can't distinguish between the dog's gas and yours. I can make one of you go out side to clear the air.

Plus a real man takes ownership of his farts, then quickly pulls the covers over his woman's head so she can enjoy it thoroughly.

 

[Wife of Bath]

I think 39 can lead to an interesting discussion.

 

[IhateClowns]

I think 39 can lead to an interesting discussion.

Maybe among girlfriends, but in relationships the answer is always you baby.

 

[Wife of Bath]

Lol. I disagree . If any guy told me that I would know he was full of shit.

 

[IhateClowns]

Lol. I disagree . If any guy told me that I would know he was full of shit.

And your point is?

 

[Wife of Bath]

There are women who don't tremble at the thought that every single sexual thought or fantasy their partner has may not be about them specifically.

 

[IhateClowns]

There are women who don't tremble at the thought that every single sexual thought or fantasy their partner has may not be about them specifically.

They must secretly have a penis then.

 

[Wife of Bath]

Lol.

*checks*

Nope.

 

[IhateClowns]

Lol.

*checks*

Nope.

Over sized clit? Reverse happy trail? Adam's apple? Testosterone has to be running mega high then.

 

[Wife of Bath]

If only there were photographic proof somewhere that I were a woman. *sigh* oh well.

 

[IhateClowns]

If only there were photographic proof somewhere that I were a woman. *sigh* oh well.

Anything can be airbrushed out. Need physical evidence.

 

[monoblanco]

31). How many girls have you slept with?

No woman I've ever dated has ever asked me this.

But I have asked a few of them

 

[IhateClowns]

31). How many girls have you slept with?

No woman I've ever dated has ever asked me this.

But I have asked a few of them

As well you should. Need to know if she has keeper potential or not.

 

[monoblanco]

As well you should. Need to know if she has keeper potential or not.

Just to clarify, oh wise one, if it's a number greater than zero, does that mean she has 'keeper potential'?

 

[IhateClowns]

Just to clarify, oh wise one, if it's a number greater than zero, does that mean she has 'keeper potential'?

Absolutely. Unless she sounds like James Earle jones and drives a semi truck.

 

[MedicalMuse]

Communication is a mutual dialogue. We have no desire to be asked silly questions that inevitably end up with us trying help calm you down and stop crying.

Hahahaha no. My kind of calm involves a beer and a football game.

Plus a real man takes ownership of his farts, then quickly pulls the covers over his woman's head so she can enjoy it thoroughly.

As long as turn about is fair play

 

[IhateClowns]

Hahahaha no. My kind of calm involves a beer and a football game.
Schlitz?


As long as turn about is fair play

Ummmm no. Have you smelled what's down there already? Depending on the time of month it either smells like inside of a pelicans mouth or a dirty penny. Over time we have had to trick our minds into believing that it smells like cotton candy and Hail Mary touchdowns. Add in your gassy innards and we just melt. Your legs opening for a fart is equivalent to the opening of the covenant of the ark.

 

[MedicalMuse]

First our dignity. Second our wallets and lastly our decoder rings? Straight ticket to hell for you?

I have known very few men with dignity. I don't want your wallet. Leather absorbs farts. I'll take credit for the decoder ring. I'll save you a seat near the back. I prefer the back. Better for texting.

 

[MedicalMuse]

Ummmm no. Have you smelled what's down there already? Depending on the time of month it either smells like inside of a pelicans mouth or a dirty penny. Over time we have had to trick our minds into believing that it smells like cotton candy and Hail Mary touchdowns. Add in your gassy innards and we just melt. Your legs opening for a fart is equivalent to the opening of the covenant of the ark.

Uh, similar to ball sweat and whatever crawled up your ass and died? Yes I think so.
And we're supposed to like the way your sweaty balls have the tang of weekly washed gym socks and jock straps?

 

[IhateClowns]

Uh, similar to ball sweat and whatever crawled up your ass and died? Yes I think so.
And we're supposed to like the way your sweaty balls have the tang of weekly washed gym socks and jock straps?

Tang is what astronaut's drink. You should feel honored.