IHC's Relationship Advice Thread

[IhateClowns]

Couples who walk arm in arm with their hand in each other's back pocket should be punched in their pancreas. Stop it and walk like normal people.

 

[rubydlite]

Couples who walk arm in arm with their hand in each other's back pocket should be punched in their pancreas. Stop it and walk like normal people.

^^^too funny...love this thread...

 

[onlydreams]

hello-
I do love your thread IHC.

Gotta love the way that mind works....not sure why....but smiling all the way...

Thank you !!!

 

[IhateClowns]

When your wife or girlfriend comes to you and asks you what do you think about her new haircut, take a moment to look it over. It works two fold.

1. It makes it seem that you actually care what it looks like. Instead of just glancing up from your Maxim magazine and saying "looks good"

2. It helps you come up with a nice response even if her new haircut makes her look like Mary Lou Retton.

When we rush to comment it seems less genuine. Don't get me wrong. We have no desire to make genuine comments or compliments, but as long as she thinks we care it allows us 5 extra minutes of sitting on the toilet without the proverbial "are you ok in there?"

 

[IhateClowns]

This thread is funny as hell....love it!
Puts the Dear Abby column to shame!

Dear Abby was a twat.

^^^too funny...love this thread...

Hopefully you are applying these simple but effective rules to your everyday life.

hello-
I do love your thread IHC.

Gotta love the way that mind works....not sure why....but smiling all the way...

Thank you !!!

I hope you are taking notes. It is always important to write things down.

 

[IhateClowns]

Online relationships can be tricky. Guys if you ask her for a picture and the first one she sends you is a Glamour Shot photo of her with Texas hair laying across a Harley then my suggestion would be to ask for a money shot as the second picture. If she said no then she isn't a keeper.

 

[fire_breeze]

Oh IHC. Thank you. I needed the laugh!!

 

[IhateClowns]

How to tell if you are pussy whipped.


http://i758.photobucket.com/albums/xx222/stilts34/A4A09027-353B-4C22-B5E6-6B2C86554816_zpsw3ipjmz3.jpg

If your woman asks you to wear matching outfits to get your pictures taken and you don't say fuck no right away, then by God your testicles have receded worse than your hairline. Don't allow yourself the humiliation of having a picture taken of yourself while looking like that poor guy up there. He is smiling then, but now his happiest days are sneaking out to the garage and jerking off by the freezer as he pretends to search for a frozen pot pie that he ate a week ago. His manhood has shriveled to the point he has to sit down to pee.

Why doesn't he leave her you ask??? She has this fucking picture to blackmail him with. That is why. He can't leave. Bitches be crazy yo. She will makes thousands of copies of this terrible idea and plaster them anywhere and everywhere. As soon as he said "Honey this is a great idea" her clit literally stood up and cracked a whip against his manhood.

Don't be this guy.

 

[1sickbastard]

What would you advise to a couple with vastly different libidos and kinks/fetishes?

 

[IhateClowns]

........... And .........

 

[1sickbastard]

Well played, sir. Well played.

 

[IhateClowns]

What would you advise to a couple with vastly different libidos and kinks/fetishes?

Come to lit. Isn't that why we are all here???

I think you should make a night for each other's fetishes and kinks. Saturday is all about you. Work her over hard. Then Sunday be hers. Hopefully she will be too tired and sore to try and strap on on you and you catch instead watch Sunday night football while reliving the moments of peeing on her while she wept softly.

 

[1sickbastard]

Come to lit. Isn't that why we are all here???

I'm here for the History A-Z (part II), Actor~Movie~Actor and a few other threads (mostly ones with naughty pictures).
That and the IHC advice thread, obviously.
I can't speak for why others are here.

 

[IhateClowns]

I'm here for the History A-Z (part II), Actor~Movie~Actor and a few other threads (mostly ones with naughty pictures).
That and the IHC advice thread, obviously.
I can't speak for why others are here.

By history A-Z thread you mean sharing cock pics with "women" no? What is you tried in real life the tactics you try here? Next time you see a woman walk up to her and say I rate you a 9, then whip out your cock and show her without consent or getting to know her first name.

 

[1sickbastard]

By history A-Z thread you mean sharing cock pics with "women" no? What is you tried in real life the tactics you try here? Next time you see a woman walk up to her and say I rate you a 9, then whip out your cock and show her without consent or getting to know her first name.

No.

Viewing my cock is by invite only (by which I mean she invites me to show her) and never, ever in a digital format.

 

[IhateClowns]

No.

Viewing my cock is by invite only (by which I mean she invites me to show her) and never, ever in a digital format.

Is it like an e-vite in greeting card format? Sent to 15 people where they can check yes, no or maybe. Sounds romantic to me.

 

[1sickbastard]

Is it like an e-vite in greeting card format? Sent to 15 people where they can check yes, no or maybe. Sounds romantic to me.

That is an interesting concept of romance you have. But if it works, well, good for you.

 

[IhateClowns]

That is an interesting concept of romance you have. But if it works, well, good for you.

I don't condone sending out e-vites for cock pics. I just send them out randomly when saying oh and asking how their day went. As for romance I don't believe in it. Romance is just a feeling of being loved. If by laying beside you each night, taking out the trash, putting away the laundry, and doing other mundane chores doesn't show you I love you then I don't know what can. Flowers? They die in a week and I have to throw them away. Candy? Then I have to listen to her whine about feeling bloated even though she looks great.

Nah. Romance is for those who are too insecure in themselves and need that validation from their partner that they still love them.

 

[1sickbastard]

As for romance I don't believe in it. Romance is just a feeling of being loved. If by laying beside you each night, taking out the trash, putting away the laundry, and doing other mundane chores doesn't show you I love you then I don't know what can. Flowers? They die in a week and I have to throw them away. Candy? Then I have to listen to her whine about feeling bloated even though she looks great.

Nah. Romance is for those who are too insecure in themselves and need that validation from their partner that they still love them.

Amen brother.

 

[IhateClowns]

Amen brother.

And peace be unto you.

 

[The_Fool]

I don't condone sending out e-vites for cock pics. I just send them out randomly when saying oh and asking how their day went. As for romance I don't believe in it. Romance is just a feeling of being loved. If by laying beside you each night, taking out the trash, putting away the laundry, and doing other mundane chores doesn't show you I love you then I don't know what can. Flowers? They die in a week and I have to throw them away. Candy? Then I have to listen to her whine about feeling bloated even though she looks great.

Nah. Romance is for those who are too insecure in themselves and need that validation from their partner that they still love them.

At least you didn't throw poetry in there or I would be fucked. Or maybe I am.

 

[IhateClowns]

At least you didn't throw poetry in there or I would be fucked. Or maybe I am.

Depends on the type of poetry you write. If it is something classy like:

If you hose is short
And your pump is weak
Stand very close
Or you will wet your feet.

Then you are just fine. Once you start claiming that her lips are like plump orange slices and her hair smells like lemon pledge and giving other sappy loving compliments that is when her vadge has sucked all the manhood from you.

Women don't like poetry that you googled then copied then changed a few words around to make it your own. Do something simple. Make the bed without being asked one day. Leave the seat down after you have pissed. Not before mind you, after. Take her car one morning and get it detailed. Her her a dust pan with an extension handle so she doesn't have to bend over. It's simple kind gestures like that which go a looong way.

 

[PeteHulbert37]

She says, "don't get me any gifts for Christmas."


Ok, so what should I buy her???

 

[IhateClowns]

She says, "don't get me any gifts for Christmas."


Ok, so what should I buy her???

Nothing. Throw a recorder in your pocket and ask her again. Get it on tape. Women need to learn that we aren't going to play detective in trying to figure out that "I don't want anything" really means "you figure it out" fuck that. When she asks you tell her exactly what you want. I guarantee she will then do the same next time you ask.

 

[IhateClowns]

Guys make sure you sit through at least one episode of Real Housewives of Cuntville and Dance Moms and 16 and pregnant. It allows you to bitch and moan about the crap she watches without her smarts as retorts of "you haven't even seen it"