I want to be open....

[Shadowann2]

I want to have an open marriage. My husband and I are having problems with our sex life because of his porn addiction. I don't want to hear how we should go to counselling or I should leave him. I would like to know if any of you have an open marriage and how it worked for you. What are your "rules"? Would any of you concider having an open marriage if you don't now?

 

[Spinaroonie]

Does he post on something awful? I think I read the other side of this argument there.

 

[christcat69]

I tend to think these things don't work. My x boyfriend and I shared a girl and they did meth behind my back and lied constantly to me. Once you open the door, you can not close it. Try going clubbing and just flirting one night and see if that sparks a new flame but don't just jump into something so extreme honey. Believe me, it's not worth it. Someone will get more hurt than they are at this point. Hang in there. Try going to a sex shop together.

 

[Shadowann2]

No, he's not real bright and typing coherently is beyond him. Typeing in the porn site web addresses is a strain for him (abet a nessessary one, he seems to think).

 

[Shadowann2]

I tend to think these things don't work. My x boyfriend and I shared a girl and they did meth behind my back and lied constantly to me. Once you open the door, you can not close it. Try going clubbing and just flirting one night and see if that sparks a new flame but don't just jump into something so extreme honey. Believe me, it's not worth it. Someone will get more hurt than they are at this point. Hang in there. Try going to a sex shop together.

Thanks for the encouragement, honey. I've tried to respark that flame but it doesn't seem to go anywhere. I don't have th ehuge breasts of the women on his porn sites. As for going to a sex shop...He's embarrassed by them and I used to work in one. I own plenty of exciting sex toys and "marital aids".

 

[Spinaroonie]

Try this...

When you ask him to give up porn again, why don't you give up something too, like chick flicks or something. Then he'll see it as fair.

 

[Shadowann2]

He wants me to give up Lit because it porn to him. That is the only trade he is willing to make.

 

[BgMma]

You know what? Go for it, have a fling. Don't worry about him because he obviously isn't worried about you.

Be careful, and be discreet. Most importantly, be safe.

I wouldn't recommend bringing anyone home, but somewhere neutral where you will be safe. After that, it's all up to you.

 

[christcat69]

I have to agree with BgMama after you eliberating on the subject. Have your cake and eat it too if he's really that shallow.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I want to have an open marriage. My husband and I are having problems with our sex life because of his porn addiction. I don't want to hear how we should go to counselling or I should leave him. I would like to know if any of you have an open marriage and how it worked for you. What are your "rules"? Would any of you concider having an open marriage if you don't know?

How is fucking other people going to help your relationship? Sounds to me like you do need counseling... but you don't want to hear that.

I wouldn't recommend even broaching the subject of an open marriage unless you have a strong relationship, built on respect and trust. This quote leads me to believe that's not the case.

No, he's not real bright and typing coherently is beyond him. Typeing in the porn site web addresses is a strain for him (abet a nessessary one, he seems to think).

I also wouldn't recommend it if you have a low self esteem... it's not gonna help. If you really believe that he doesn't want you because you don't have porn star tits...

I don't have th ehuge breasts of the women on his porn sites.

I definitely wouldn't recommend it.

 

[Spinaroonie]

He wants me to give up Lit because it porn to him. That is the only trade he is willing to make.

Then maybe you should make the deal. Which is more important to you? Your marriage or Lit?

 

[LukkyKnight]

He wants me to give up Lit because it porn to him. That is the only trade he is willing to make.

So, give it up. Small price to pay to keep a marriage working. Think of it this way, maybe: If you look back in a year and think "Damn, if only I had been willing to give up that troll-infested site we might still be together..." would you feel bad about not giving it a try?

On the other hand, if you come back in a year and say, "I left - Do you recall our trade? I'm back." I'll bet people here won't hold it against you.

 

[cherrylips_au]

Maybe you should ask yourself what you will gain from an open marriage?

If things are so bad then why not get out of the marriage and find someone else. An open marriage needs a strong foundation if it's going to work.

 

[glamorilla]

dump him.

 

[freakygirl]

If the net is causing that much trouble in real life.. it's time to get rid of it.

Call tomorrow and have it disconnected. Get rid of the computer. Work on your marriage.

An open marriage is NOT going to make your already failing marriage better. Having an affair isn't going to make you happy (in the long run). You still have to go home to husband and the problems.

Good luck.

 

[JazzManJim]

What, exactly, is the upside of staying married to this guy? From what you'v esaid, he ignores you physically and emotionally, he's a drain on your mind and spirit, he obviously doesn't care about the relationship enough to give up something relatively simple for something better (Yes, real sex is better than imagined sex).

Why are you still with him? Convenience? Security? Neither of those are a fair trade for a happy life, which you just don't seem to have right now.

 

[Darlinosity]

you know, maybe you should start slow. You limit your time here, and he limits his porn. If that goes well then you both cut back even more?

Have you talked to him about your concerns of your relationship? Sometimes all it takes is to sit down and just talk, be clear and straight forward on what you want ..... wheather that is to split up, to work on making things better between the 2 of you, or whatever.

I dont think an open marriage will help.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Doesn't anyone find it odd that this person has less than 200 posts, yet lit is causing such a strain on the relationship that their spouse is asking them to give it up?

Or that the same spouse who supposedly has a porn addiction, wants her to give up Lit... not because it's a gigantic vacuum that sucks up time at an alarming rate, but because it's porn?

Or that this person hasn't responded to any of the people who totally justified her desire to fuck someone else? That is, afterall, what she's looking for. Not an open relationship... she wants us to tell her it's ok to fuck other people because her 'not very bright husband' is 'addicted to porn' and apparently ignores her because she 'doesn't have huge tits'.

I just think it's odd, that's all. Carry on.

 

[bknight2602]

Be open and honest, talk about expectations. Keep each other informed of what will/won't be happening. And don't judge each other by the ones you meet. Make sure that there is playing done on each other as well as the guests, without that you might as well be on your own. Good Luck.

 

[MissTaken]

Thanks, pcg.

So far, I haven't read anything concerning his desire for openess. IF he doesnt' want it, it is cheating.

Successful open marriage require a great deal of love and trust and a strong foundation.

IF you dont' have that, it isn't the answer or even a short term solution.

I have to agree with pcg and freakgurl on many points. It sounds like you and your husband need to both get off the pc, do some talking and figure out your path, together or separate.

The internet doesn't heal marriages that are failing. There are many here who can attest to that.

Good Luck.

 

[Monazwx]

Pagancowgirl, this was my first thought. Shadwann2, you barely make 3 posts a day!

The open marriage won't solve anything or fix an unravelling marriage. When you posted that you didn't want to hear about counselling, I was like, "counselling is what's needed here."

How addicted is he?

 

[freakygirl]

Doesn't anyone find it odd that this person has less than 200 posts, yet lit is causing such a strain on the relationship that their spouse is asking them to give it up?

Or that the same spouse who supposedly has a porn addiction, wants her to give up Lit... not because it's a gigantic vacuum that sucks up time at an alarming rate, but because it's porn?

Or that this person hasn't responded to any of the people who totally justified her desire to fuck someone else? That is, afterall, what she's looking for. Not an open relationship... she wants us to tell her it's ok to fuck other people because her 'not very bright husband' is 'addicted to porn' and apparently ignores her because she 'doesn't have huge tits'.

I just think it's odd, that's all. Carry on.

I still think we are long lost sisters.. we think way to much alike.

I was going to say something to this effect.. but you did it so much better. I knew I could count on you.

I think the whole thread is a line of shit. I doubt she is married.. *shrugs*

 

[MissTaken]

Shadwann may be reading stories or in the chatroom when she isn't making three posts a day.

So, there could be some substance to the lit addiction thing.

 

[freakygirl]

click on her profile.. she's a model and has a webpage.

wait.. nevermind I'll post it here.

http://hometown.aol.com/shadwann2/myhomepage/profile.html

 

[MissTaken]

click on her profile.. she's a model and has a webpage.

wait.. nevermind I'll post it here.

http://hometown.aol.com/shadwann2/myhomepage/profile.html

Okay!

So I am the gullible one!



Damn...taken again!