I need some advice!!

[theshadow]

Hi everyone.. I need some advice from you all..

Well my girlfriend called me last week and asked for a time out on our relationship as she feels confused in her feelings about me.. She has some doubts about me and as she had doubts about her previous relationship which lasted 3 years and he physically/mentally abused her, because she didnt listen to those doubts then it aint the right relationship for her..

Well when we are together the look of love from her just comes out of every pore, the way she looks at me, kisses me, and holds me.. She has also said that when we are together she has never felt like this before.. they are amazing feelings..

So this is the thing that is so perplexing.. if she feels this way then why does she need a timeout?? She also said that we might end up as friends if she decides that..

I could agree and understand this if I felt at anytime we were together I could feel that kind of doubt from her, but I believe she is afraid to love again in case I turn out to be an evil fucker like her ex..

We have agreed not to contact each other until we meet up next week for the day.. However Im still trying to make sense out of this..

Has anyone else went through this as the pain is as bad as a death of a loved one..

 

[Guest]

I don't want to speculate, but I can speak from my experience. She may be scared. She may just need some breathing space to figure out what she wants and needs. The timing may be wrong, for her. There could be so many reasons.
Trust me, though. The best thing you could do, is to respect her wishes. Don't pressure her. Give her some space. When she contacts you, let her know you care, but don't go overboard. She may just come back to you feeling more confident and trusting you all the more.
Good luck!

 

[phrodeau]

Been there, and it's a real wrench. The worst is assuming that she's not going through the pain of separation herself.

Emotions will cloud reason and analysis. She may feel that she needs separation to think her issues through. But you're left unable to think it through for yourself because of your emotional response to the separation. You'll need to get past that, and distract yourself from your feelings before you can be clear about the value of this relationship.

Until then, try applying your anguish toward art. Strong emotional states can lead to masterpieces.

 

[AnnaB]

Speaking of someone who has been there before give her the space. It doesn't mean she doesn't care but if she has had a bad relationship she could very well be fearing the same thing happening again. Give her the space and the time she needs and if all works out you may find someone who trusts you and her feelings even more than ever before.

 

[theshadow]

Thank you for the advice!! I do feel a hell of a lot better now.. In my life everything has went wrong for me and I just need this bit of luck to get me and my girlfriend over this.. When I last spoke to her, she said that she doesnt class me as her boyfriend at the moment and that I should not call her my girlfriend.. Thats the scarey thing about it all..

 

[AnnaB]

Trust me I know about life going wrong...been there done that type thing. Just give it time and if she decides she doesn't want anything but friendship right now give her that...you never know what the future may hold.

}{ugs to you shadow it will all work out!

 

[Georgia Girl]

As someone who has been the abusive route please realize that stepping into a new relationship is scarey as hell. You want it so badly, you want to trust, you want to be loved and wanted but you are frightened as well. When/if you speak try as much as possible not to push, just remain open and let things fall into place as they will.

The wounds from abuse are many and varied, most cannot be seen with the eye. A black eye or broken arm will heal, a shattered soul takes longer and there will always be those places that don't come back together to fit just right. Time, love, caring and the rebuilding of trust will help to smooth those rough places.

Good luck to both of you.

Dawn

 

[theshadow]

Yeah she went through hell.. and ended up trying to take her own life.. That kind of pain does not go away for a long long time and i wish I could let her see what an amazing person she is and how she loves me..

Our relationship was unplanned, it just happened when none of us expected it to be.. when we are together its an amazing feeling and the vibes I feel from her are superb..

I will give her all the time she needs..

 

[IrishWolfhound]

I can only mirror what you were already told, shadow. Give her the space she needs. Support her. Let her know you still care about her, love her if thats the case. She will trust you and appreciate you more if you don't pressure her. It sounds like right now she needs a friend more than a lover. Give her that, and in time she will come back to you, if its right for her.

 

[patient1]

It's not that she doesn't trust you,
it's that she can't trust her own judgement.

 

[IrishWolfhound]

It's not that she doesn't trust you,
it's that she can't trust her own judgement.

I couldn't say it better, myself. In fact, I already didn't.

 

[markb325]

Yeah she went through hell.. and ended up trying to take her own life.. That kind of pain does not go away for a long long time and i wish I could let her see what an amazing person she is and how she loves me..

Our relationship was unplanned, it just happened when none of us expected it to be.. when we are together its an amazing feeling and the vibes I feel from her are superb..

I will give her all the time she needs..

Shadow I know the feeling man and can understand where you are coming from. I probably came close to over protecting the lady I am so much in love now and that has caused a few arguements between us. I learned from that to give her space when she needs it.

 

[theshadow]

Thank you for all the feedback.. I really do feel better about the situation and I have some hope for the future when I meet up with her next week..

 

[IrishWolfhound]

Thank you for all the feedback.. I really do feel better about the situation and I have some hope for the future when I meet up with her next week..

Good man. Just remember...let her know you are there for her, but only as much as she needs you

 

[patient1]

I couldn't say it better, myself. In fact, I already didn't.

Thank you. You folks already had the proper prescriptions written, all that was left for me was the diagnosis.

 

[Cheyenne]

When I last spoke to her, she said that she doesnt class me as her boyfriend at the moment and that I should not call her my girlfriend.. Thats the scarey thing about it all..

Sounds to me like she wants more than just a short time away from each other. Those are "dumping" words.

I hope I'm wrong.

 

[IrishWolfhound]

Sounds to me like she wants more than just a short time away from each other. Those are "dumping" words.

I hope I'm wrong.

Cheyenne...you are not HELPING!!!!!!!

 

[Cheyenne]

Cheyenne...you are not HELPING!!!!!!!

Depends on how you define "helping." I'd rather know the truth than kid myself. But maybe that's just me.

 

[theshadow]

Look Im old and ugly enough to know when Im dumped but it is not like that.. i have asked her several times over the past few days if it is over and she has said that her feelings for me are kind of confused because everything in her life has ended in tears..

She had doubts before and her ex was evil so she doesnt want to make the same mistakes again..

Its just confusion not dumping talk at all.. I do feel as if yes Ive been dumped but last week when I saw her I asked her if she was happy and that everything was okay.. she replied telling me that she never felt like this before.....

The night before we made love.. well I had problems on the nite.. but she foned crying convinced that when I saw her nude Id run away so we should end it now.. Well that never happened..

She is just a confused soul sometimes..