Hoping for some help/advice! Please read!

[Harry sach]

Your wife seeing her primary care physician, then together seeing a sex therapist who will help you to approach sex differently - eg., more patiently and with less emphasis on always achieving orgasm - should ensure that you both continue to enjoy sex long after her menopause begins.

I really believe that when women call a complete halt to sex after menopause, it's because they didn't really enjoy it all that much before menopause, which is often because they had an impatient and selfish partner.

That's not something I had thought of. Thanks!

 

[Harry sach]

I have an update, and some positive news! We made some big progress today between us. With the help of the new toys and lube, we managed sex without it hurting my wife. She didn't quite manage climax, but came very close. This has always been something that has taken a long time with her to be honest, but it is still a big step in the right direction. She said she felt a bit awkward using a vibrator, as it's not something she has ever done before. She said it didn't feel right, but I suggested that maybe she needed to get used to it perhaps? Happy that we have been able to take steps in the right direction though.

 

[flameinsidesoul]

Hello all,

I am currently experiencing a bit of an issue with my wife, and our sex life, or lack of it. It has never been particularly great anyway, even though we are approaching our 21st anniversary - there's a few factors which have contributed to that I think, but I digress. For some time now, she has literally been unable to let me penetrate her at all. She says that it hurts so much, she physically shuts me out, pushes against me because she can't take it. We wondered whether this might be a menopause problem perhaps? She is in her early 50's. I've Googled bits and bobs, and vaginal dryness was suggested. She doesn't have an issue with taking a finger, just my cock, and I've always tried to make sure that she was ready for it, but it has always ended the same way. We tried with lube today, and made a little bit of progress, but it still reached a point where she couldn't let me any further in.

She is wondering whether it might be worth trying toys, to try and stretch her out a little. I guess having no sex for a good while doesn't help with that much anyway, but does anybody think this would help? Has anyone else experienced these problems with their wife/partner. I hope someone can give us some advice or help - we're desperate!

Thanks in advance

First off, thank you for writing this with honesty and care. You’re not alone and more importantly, she isn’t alone.

Yes, this could absolutely be related to menopause. Vaginal dryness, loss of elasticity, and pelvic floor tension are common and painful penetration isn’t just physical, it’s emotional too. The body starts to anticipate pain, and that creates a subconscious wall, no matter how gentle you are.

Toys can help, but so can pelvic floor therapy there are physiotherapists who specialize in exactly this. Also: look into hormonal creams or localized estrogen (often applied directly to the vaginal area). They’ve helped countless women restore comfort and pleasure.

But beyond solutions, don’t let performance replace presence. Touch her without needing to enter. Worship her without needing her to “fix” anything. Make her feel like she’s still the center of your desire, without pressure.

When safety returns…so will surrender.

Wishing you both softness, patience, and rediscovery.

 

[LMWM321]

First off, thank you for writing this with honesty and care. You’re not alone and more importantly, she isn’t alone.

Yes, this could absolutely be related to menopause. Vaginal dryness, loss of elasticity, and pelvic floor tension are common and painful penetration isn’t just physical, it’s emotional too. The body starts to anticipate pain, and that creates a subconscious wall, no matter how gentle you are.

Toys can help, but so can pelvic floor therapy there are physiotherapists who specialize in exactly this. Also: look into hormonal creams or localized estrogen (often applied directly to the vaginal area). They’ve helped countless women restore comfort and pleasure.

But beyond solutions, don’t let performance replace presence. Touch her without needing to enter. Worship her without needing her to “fix” anything. Make her feel like she’s still the center of your desire, without pressure.

When safety returns…so will surrender.

Wishing you both softness, patience, and rediscovery.

very well said!

 

[Harry sach]

Thanks for the responses, all! We've made a bit of progress, so will keep at it..

 

[lowcollar]

Use good lube, be gentle, talk and start with one finger.