I love my SO

[BlackShanglan]

We have our differences. Lord, we have our differences. In fact we've been, quite seriously, a house of mourning for several days as we've been locked in a draining, depressing, wretched descending spiral over future plans and finances and the painful emotional issues involved therein. It's been destructive and harrowing and I won't bore you with the details other than to say that you don't want to experience them, and that there does now at least seem to be some light at the end of the tunnel. Quite possibly a train, but at least that will keep things interesting.

That said, I love my SO passionately for many fine qualities, not least of which is reading and posting to Lit without ever revealing the SO's gender or connection to me. (Well done.) And for moments like this morning's IM conversation:

Shanglan says:
OK. I know this is a small thing, but this CNN headline is driving me crazy:

Shanglan says:
"FBI: Al Quaida Plot Possibly Uncovered"

SO says:
heh.

Shanglan says:
No. NO!!!! Wrongwrongwrongwrong!!!

SO says:
possible plot uncovered

Shanglan says:
And they do that EVERY time they mention it

Shanglan says:
YES!

Shanglan says:
THANK YOU!

SO says:
we're not sure we found it!

Shanglan says:
I'm glad I'm not the last person in the world who understands that

It's a wonderful thing to be understood. And, if one must admit it - it's wonderful that someone under immense emotional and financial strain still knows me and my little quirks absolutely perfectly.

Strange the things we take comfort in, isn't it? But that cheered me more than hours of budget spreadsheets.

Shanglan

 

[English Lady]

Shanglan, I know what you mean, just one little conversation, look or touch from my darling husband can make me feel a million times better.

It's such a blessing. Love ya hubby

 

[Dar~]

My husband knows me so well. He understands when I get restless because I hate staying home all the time and with just a nod of his head he shows me that its okay to go and leave him with the kids for a bit just so I can escape. Many times he has just held me when I cried through a low spell, not speaking just holding me and letting my tears heal me. I love him so much. I completely understand your fire for this person Shang. I can't picture a life without my husband and to do so breaks my heart.

 

[Guest]

Wonderful for you both.

I remain wildly, passionately in love with my husband. We've been through quite a bit together, especially in the past three years.

I really hate that expression but I believe it to be true.

Overcoming adversity together does make you stronger both as people and as partners.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Overcoming adversity together does make you stronger both as people and as partners.

Then at this rate, in about another year we're going to be a threat to US geopolitical dominance. Also, we'll be able to fly.

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

Sounds like a smart guy to me.

 

[Guest]

Then at this rate, in about another year we're going to be a threat to US geopolitical dominance. Also, we'll be able to fly.

Shanglan

We've said the same thing.

We've also said, stupidly, that things couldn't get any worse. This would have been when we felt we hit rock-bottom financially or with work stresses or child-care issues or extended family concerns . . .

Nahhh. It can always get worse. And I think someone is just waiting for a statement such as that so they can dump more crap your way.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Nahhh. It can always get worse. And I think someone is just waiting for a statement such as that so they can dump more crap your way.

Agreed. But bring it on. If it doesn't kill me, it will only make me stronger, and I always wanted to be a superhero.

And if it does kill me, well, I'll hardly be complaining, will I?

 

[Guest]

Agreed. But bring it on. If it doesn't kill me, it will only make me stronger, and I always wanted to be a superhero.

And if it does kill me, well, I'll hardly be complaining, will I?

Rum + Coke + Lime + Ice

Oh, yeah. And sex.

Lots and lots of sex.

(This works well for my marriage.)

 

[Dar~]

I always look at people who go into a marriage (either gay or straight) with the attitude of "if it doesn't work out I can always divorce" as such a sad thing. Bryan White has a great song and these lyrics make it so true

"It ain't the falling in love that pulls you through
When the times get tough what you gonna do
To make it last day out and day in
It ain't the falling in love it's the stayin'"​

All the things that make my marriage strong are the things that test my ability to cope. It's having that conflict and making it through still in love and loving stronger that makes a relationship.

 

[CharleyH]

Gender does not matter, not here. As an aside, I was sad to listen to someone recently in the states who got such a thrill walking down the street holding her female lovers hand, which she said was not common in the US. Having spent much time in NYC, one of the more open US cities, yes .. I get it and do not live it. I AM LUCKY to be in Canada, where the only comments I get holding a female lover is how beautiful we look.

Back to you. Life is an experience where we are pushed to the utmost of our limits and boundries - this is life, and how we take it is the most important. I have plenty to be pissed about, and words are complex, but the simple way to put it is: everything is forgivable, nothing is beyond the worst pain, and the worst, if forgiven makes everything easier, though no less painful. Pain is something we carry, unfortunately, more as humans, than our joy. Love is most important, and the things you hate the most? You love the most when they are not present. (a Haphazard articulation, I know, but things are complex. If we knew the answers, we would not have to learn or live and learning and living are awesome.).

Good luck, Shanglan. I love the one I do, and she is my breath, my soul. I have my theories - LOL

We have our differences. Lord, we have our differences. In fact we've been, quite seriously, a house of mourning for several days as we've been locked in a draining, depressing, wretched descending spiral over future plans and finances and the painful emotional issues involved therein. It's been destructive and harrowing and I won't bore you with the details other than to say that you don't want to experience them, and that there does now at least seem to be some light at the end of the tunnel. Quite possibly a train, but at least that will keep things interesting.

That said, I love my SO passionately for many fine qualities, not least of which is reading and posting to Lit without ever revealing the SO's gender or connection to me. (Well done.) And for moments like this morning's IM conversation:



It's a wonderful thing to be understood. And, if one must admit it - it's wonderful that someone under immense emotional and financial strain still knows me and my little quirks absolutely perfectly.

Strange the things we take comfort in, isn't it? But that cheered me more than hours of budget spreadsheets.

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

I've gone from hoping for "understanding" to "glad he puts up with me"

 

[CharleyH]

I've gone from hoping for "understanding" to "glad he puts up with me"

If anyone has to put up with you? WHAT A LUCKY BASTARD!!!

 

[angelicminx]

My mama always told me if I didn't have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all. So, I think I'll keep my mouth shut for the moment.

 

[carsonshepherd]

If anyone has to put up with you? WHAT A LUCKY BASTARD!!!

that's what I keep trying to tell him...

 

[carsonshepherd]

If we knew the answers, we would not have to learn or live and learning and living are awesome...

wow. I really like that... and it made sense... *grabs onto heavy object*

 

[CharleyH]

that's what I keep trying to tell him...

If he has not learned? Is he worth it? You are Carson Grrrr

PS: GRAB TIGHT - I am the Titanic :| I sink and sail, but am happy for both, and care not I do try TO give good advice though

 

[SeaCat]

I have said it before and I say it again. My wife is my foundation. To lose her would be to lose all I hold dear.

We have been through hardships. we have been through two hurricanes, and put the pieces back together. We have been homeless and living in a tent for two months. We pulled each other through. We have dealt with the worries of one or the other of us having Cancer, it has just pulled us closer. She has comforted me when I was injured, and I comforted and avenged her when she was raped. We pulled through. We have had our bad times as well as our good times. We hold each other and love each other.

Yes we have our differences and our fights. We are only human. Those differences though are what makes our lives together interesting and worthwhile. Would you wish to be with someone who was exactly like yourself? I wouldn't.

We have our seperate beliefes and we respect each other for them. We have our seperate friends and love each other for them. I feel sorry for the person who tries to come between us, they will not survive the hell they will bring down upon themselves.

One thing which I have noticed in my marriage is our ability to learn and to grow. As the quote in my sig says, ones love is not a finite thing. It grows.

Cherish those who love you, love them in return. Learn to fogive, it is what truly makes us human.

Cat

 

[minsue]

 

[cloudy]

My mama always told me if I didn't have something nice to say, then don't say anything at all. So, I think I'll keep my mouth shut for the moment.

What minx said.

 

[shereads]

Thank you, pookie.

We have our differences. Lord, we have our differences. In fact we've been, quite seriously, a house of mourning for several days as we've been locked in a draining, depressing, wretched descending spiral over future plans and finances and the painful emotional issues involved therein. It's been destructive and harrowing and I won't bore you with the details other than to say that you don't want to experience them, and that there does now at least seem to be some light at the end of the tunnel. Quite possibly a train, but at least that will keep things interesting.

That said, I love my SO passionately for many fine qualities, not least of which is reading and posting to Lit without ever revealing the SO's gender or connection to me. (Well done.) And for moments like this morning's IM conversation:



It's a wonderful thing to be understood. And, if one must admit it - it's wonderful that someone under immense emotional and financial strain still knows me and my little quirks absolutely perfectly.

Strange the things we take comfort in, isn't it? But that cheered me more than hours of budget spreadsheets.

Shanglan

 

[shereads]

I always look at people who go into a marriage (either gay or straight) with the attitude of "if it doesn't work out I can always divorce" as such a sad thing.

Bad marriages are sad on a lot of levels, one of which is that there are couples who should divorce but don't.

Being desperate for a divorce is an awful realization, but it's nothing like the anguish of asking for one. It can take years to work up the courage to take that necessary step. When you've given someone you care for the most serious promise it's possible to give, divorce means you can no longer think of yourself as someone whose word is unbreakable. The Puritan ancestors latch onto your DNA and insist that if you have any honor, you'll sleep in the bed you've made. Forever.

Eventually, forever begins to seem like it will never end.

I'm willing to bet that there are not nearly as many divorces as there are failed marriages. Failing at anything can be a source of pain; failing the person you've been closer to than anyone is an utterly miserable experience - like the grief of losing a loved one, plus culpability. But if it hadn't been possible to make that break, we would both have been condemned to joyless lives, because of one mistake. A big mistake, granted; but thank God, not an irrevocable one.

Maybe the divorce rate isn't a sign that divorce is too easy, but that marriage isn't right for everyone and is much too easy to do. Teenagers do it it, for God's sake. Why not let toddlers choose a mate for life if we let teenagers do it? I was in my twenties, and thought I was sufficiently grown up to know what I wanted out of life, and what compromises I was willing to make. I didn't have a clue.

I envy whatever it is that makes some marriages worth keeping forever, but I don't envy marriages that stay together out of a sense of obligation and not out of joy. Growing old alone is a terrible prospect, but it can't be any lonelier than sharing a life with the wrong person.

When I'm nostalgic for the certainty of companionship, there is one thing that's guaranteed to snap me out of it: overhearing the petty bickering of couples in shopping malls and supermarkets, trading insults over his failure to pick up the dry cleaning, and her indecision over which cereal to buy. Public battles over things that insignificant would be laughable if I didn't remember participating in them, and how sad it felt to have turned each other into people we didn't recognize. When people no longer feel bound by the rules of common courtesy, you can bet that they feel bound by a permanent commitment that at least one of them regrets.

If you're fighting over the big things, maybe you'll be stronger for it. If you're fighting over dust bunnies and frozen hamburger patties, divorce isn't the worst thing that could happen.

Life. It's a bitch, isn't it?

 

[BlackShanglan]

Thank you, pookie.

Any day, my little muffin.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

If you're fighting over the big things, maybe you'll be stronger for it. If you're fighting over dust bunnies and frozen hamburger patties, divorce isn't the worst thing that could happen.

A very wise man(Cantdog) was just telling me the other day how too many people let roommate issues ruin otherwise good relationships. The more I started to think about it, the more I realized almost all my relationship problems were cohabitation altercations. When I started to seperate these things from everything else, I realized my boyfriend and I are pretty damn compatible.

My SO and I did everything the ass-backwards way. We slept together, then we met, then we started dating, we broke up, we moved in together, we had a baby and then recently, we fell in love.

He puts up with me with a smile on his face, that in itself is no small task.