Don't read my story if...

[Rob_Royale]

Please don't read my stories of your looking for deeply broken people and plots full of angst and teeth knashing as characters wrestle with the shades of their past.

My stories are about rather decent people finding each other and having wonderful sex. That's about as deep as I get folks.

 

[Erozetta]

Please don't read my stories of your looking for deeply broken people and plots full of angst and teeth knashing as characters wrestle with the shades of their past.

My stories are about rather decent people finding each other and having wonderful sex. That's about as deep as I get folks.

You shouldn't read mine if you're looking for what he writes.

There might be a couple of exceptions to that, but I mostly write what I know and healthy relationships with decent people ain't it.

 

[Omenainen]

You could help promote each other, @Rob_Royale and @Erozetta. “Too happy? Go read hers!” “Too dysfunctional? Go read his!” That’s a perfect rebuttal to those comments.

 

[Actingup]

Don’t read my story if you think that wife swapping couldn’t possibly result in babies (after some of the responses to my ‘Crapshooting’.)

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Read the first page so far and unless something major changes in the last two pages, nope it's not that deep. Like Stunned said, it's pure limp male fantasy. She's a unicorn who does everything for him and he's ... umm ... some dude getting lucky.

Finished reading. Analysis confirmed 100%. Hits every aspect of the template, she initiates, she elevates, she mounts on, he does nothing, almost resists even. She's gorgeous, he's not even described. She's magically into all of his kinks and dead set on giving them to him despite his complete passivity. It even has the ... don't say it, don't say it ... "... Bulge in my pants," ... (facepalm).

No character development whatsoever. Where have we seen this before? 90% of all one-shot stories on lit. It's a feature, sure, but it's a feature that we can pick up off the dirty sidewalk the moment that we step out the door. 100% kudos to Stunned for admitting this. Most authors that write this honestly believe that they just wrote the X rated version of The Iliad. Stunned makes a good editor, he knows his literary shit.

 

[Bazzle]

Dont read my stories if you hate the wrong words being put in the wrong order, whilst trying to tell a story.

 

[StillStunned]

Dont read my stories if you hate the wrong words being put in the wrong order, whilst trying to tell a story.

From now on, my job title isn't going to be "editor". It's going to be "word herder".

 

[nice90sguy]

don't read my stories if you're white water rafting. My stories really demand concentration, and a peaceful environment, and you'll miss much of their subtlety if you're focusing too much attention on not drowning.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Don't read "Neverland, Don't Go Back There!" if you think every woman should be a virgin when she gets married!

It's actually about a MONOGAMOUS Loving Wife!

 

[StillStunned]

don't read my stories if you're white water rafting. My stories really demand concentration, and a peaceful environment, and you'll miss much of their subtlety if you're focusing too much attention on not drowning.

That's very good advice. Skydiving is probably another activity to put on that list.

 

[Lifestyle66]

That's very good advice. Skydiving is probably another activity to put on that list.

Skydiving is so easy; anyone can do it!

You only need training and a parachute if you want to do it more than once!

 

[StillStunned]

Skydiving is so easy; anyone can do it!

You only need training and a parachute if you want to do it more than once!

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't the hobby for you."

 

[pink_silk_glove]

It's not the fall that kills you. It's that sudden stop at the end.

 

[JuanSeiszFitzHall]

Excuse me while I attempt my Jeff Foxworthy impression, which I haven’t used in several years:

You may not want to read my stories IF…

…You expect deep darkness in one or more characters, or the story’s events. I write shallow darkness once in a while, but mostly I guide characters towards blameless sex-positivity. Recently, in response to an esteemed author who beta-read a story of mine and called the characters ‘boringly perfect,’ I replied: “Well, yeah. I like my characters. I want them to be happy.” To the extent that the stories have conflict, it's with the atmosphere of sex-negativity in so many cultures.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

If there is no conflict, there is no plot. That's okay, but it means that the piece is merely a fantasy and not really a story.

 

[Rob_Royale]

If there is no conflict, there is no plot. That's okay, but it means that the piece is merely a fantasy and not really a story.

Which is absolutely fucking fine.

 

[Bramblethorn]

don't read my stories if you're white water rafting. My stories really demand concentration, and a peaceful environment, and you'll miss much of their subtlety if you're focusing too much attention on not drowning.

*Now* you tell me.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Which is absolutely fucking fine.

Already covered that.

If there is no conflict, there is no plot. That's okay, but it means that the piece is merely a fantasy and not really a story.

 

[StillStunned]

I just submitted a new story. Don't read it if you don't like flowery titles.

It's called "The Only Flower On Rose Street".

 

[yowser]

Botanical Bliss.

 

[StillStunned]

I just realised that the next story I want to finish is called "Goldflower". People are going to start thinking I'm a girlie, or a gardener, or something.

 

[ShamBaLa]

Don't read Pure Sex Title says it all.

Word Wrangler

 

[StillStunned]

I just submitted a new story. Don't read it if you don't like flowery titles.

It's called "The Only Flower On Rose Street".

This story will be published tomorrow morning. Don't read it if you're looking for more stories like "Red Hot". It's not.

 

[Bamagan]

I just realised that the next story I want to finish is called "Goldflower". People are going to start thinking I'm a girlie, or a gardener, or something.

Perhaps you're part bee...

Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
A vis-a-vis its entity, you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?

Singing

A-laa dee dee, a-one two three
Stillstunned, the half a bee
A, B, C, D, E, F, G
Stillstunned, the half a bee

Is this wretched demi-bee
Half asleep upon my knee
Some freak from a menagerie?
Yes! It's StillStunned, the half a bee.

 

[Actingup]

I just realised that the next story I want to finish is called "Goldflower". People are going to start thinking I'm a girlie, or a gardener, or something.

I'm totally up for a Sex-In-The-Garden story event.