I don't often feel this way...

[k¡tty]

But there are times when I just feel like I'm drowning.. that I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.


I hate checking my mail.. because it rarely ever brings anything good. Sometimes even just answering the phone can bring on anxiousness.

I can't make everyone happy and I'm tired of trying to do so.

There are moments of insecurities, doubts, fear that arise.. I get weak and I wonder if I'm making the right decisions, not only for myself but for my child. Even as difficult and unhappy as it was a year ago.. it wasn't as strained and hard as it is now.

Right now I feel like a 13 year old... on the verge of something yet not knowing what it is and fearing the unknown road before me.

Sometimes it sucks being an adult.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

*hugs*


Don't forget, babe...you have lots of friends here. If'n you need anything, even just someone to vent to, you have plenty of us who will be there for ya.

Just turn left hun, and you'll be fine.

 

[Nora]

Life's always changing, Kitty. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it always changes. You've hit a snag, but you'll pull it up by the bootstraps and make it good for you and your kid, hon.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

And one other thing...make yourself and your son happy, and let everyone else take care of themselves. I know for a fact that you'll make me happy as can be, if when your rough times are past, you're still the same great person you are now. Your happiness, your son's happiness, are all anyone involved should care about.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Dear Lady;

You've always be very sweet to me, and I've never seen you be cross with anyone.

This bouquet I hope it will make you smile, as you've often made me smile

 

[Lost Cause]

If you could make it go away...

How would you do it?
Maybe go back to rule #1...Please yourself first! In 50 years, will any of this matter?
The creditors can't take your life, so all is not lost.
Believe me, I've been through this wringer, declared bankrupcy once, and am seeing the dim light in the tunnel after so long.
It was only after I went to rule #1, that everything fell into place without pressure I put on myself.
You are stronger than you believe right now, maybe you need a power nap!

 

[crappie master]

I hate going to the mailbox usually just bills and credit card offers and other junk mail.
And I agree that being an adult ain't all it's cracked up to be,but at least we're old enough to post on lit !
If you want, you can count me as one of those friend you can vent at , ....I've grown to enjoy your posts, even though I don't really know you , you seem like a fun, classy lady who I respect.

 

[Sillyman]

It'll get better.

 

[k¡tty]

For a few weeks I think I'm okay.. I'm surviving. I can smile, giggle and push it away.


But then suddenly boom I'm slammed back into reality of my world.


Receiving papers for my divorce hearing in the same day I receive a letter from my insurance company about the fire that took all that I had.

I have to go back to the shell of my home.. the home I had for 9 years. The home that I raised my child in. In which every room held very dear memories. Every item had something special to it. From my son's first lost baby tooth, his baby pictures, barbie doll dresses that my mother had crotcheted for me, pictures he drew and colored for me. I love you mommy notes, cards and letters from very dear friends, video tapes.. the one that captured the moment of his amazing catch of a pop up flyball in left field that cinched their win. I've only been back a few times... I blame the weather for it. But in truth.. I cannot stand it. I look at the remains and it's like visiting an open grave.

I know that I should be grateful that I have my health and for my sons. I am, make no doubt about that. But I'm in the mood to wallow for just a short while, I think that I'm allowed that occasionally.

I hate the feeling of being frozen in place from fears. I'm just feeling overwhelmed from all the pressures and I needed to vent.. to whine and this is was the only place that I could do it. What I really need is to scream at those around me who are uncaring, unfeeling, unsympathetically hounding me.

If I weren't so old and had a child I'd just run away. lol Do you remember being a child and sometimes just feeling that way? To run away because someone did something to you that you didn't like or didn't agree with. But you can't run away from your problems.. they always catch up to you.





thanks ya'll .. I didn't really start this thread intending that anyone would even actually respond. But I appreciate those that did. It does mean something to me.

 

[Blindinthedark]

Feel better *hugs*
I think everyone feels the way you do at least once in their lives. We're all lost in some way.
Hang in there sunshine, answers come from the strangest places.

 

[MissTaken]

Hey, hon

I wish I had a life preserver to help keep your head above water.

sorry.

But lots of hugs your way and you know where to find me.

My best advice is to chip away at one thing at a time. Make sure at the end of the day, that you can mark at least one thing off as having been accomplished.

Hmmmm wish I had some really good answers for ya, Sorry.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Poor sweetie.

My grandmothers house burnt down twice and not to long ago my Dad was cleaning out storage and threw away (among other things) my daughters birth box (with the foot print BC, umbial cord, both of our braclets etc) the love letters from her father I was keeping for her, and a couple of thousand dollars worth of bonds for her college. I never told my Dad tho, coz he would have felt bad and he's done so much for us.

So, I can empthize...or however it's spelt. Maybe you do need to actually run away for a bit. Take your son and go camping for a weekend, or to the next town and stay at a hotel one night....

Just a change of pace to help you get some balance from your troubles.

*big hugs*

 

[Sillyman]

It's the memories that make things special, not the molecules.

 

[k¡tty]

Thanks again for the kind words of understanding and friendship ya'll



That's a great suggestion MissTaken, one that I'm going to implement today. Taking one thing no matter how small and marking it off my list.


I'd love to take a wee trip PS. I could use a brief escape from my reality.. but I don't see that being feasible at this point. Maybe in a few months..


I know Sillyman.. I know.

 

[glamorilla]

as scary as it is there are some advantages to being n adult.

when i figure them out i'll let you know.

sometimes i feel like that little prince character from the childrens books. you know the little kid who was almost as big as the planet~so big he could just step right off the world and its weird becouse when i get that way i get the urge to hug someone just to have someone to keep me grounded.

 

[k¡tty]

I know exactly what you mean Glam.


While I was posting those two posts.. I kept thinking how I just wish I had someone to hug or rather someone to just grab me in a tight embrace and squeeze me tightly to their chest.

I don't think my son would appreciate that at the moment however. lol

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

You could always take a vacation, Kitty...even if just at a hotel for a night, bubblebath and a relaxing evening where no one knows where you are...

 

[Sillyman]

Being an adult means that smaller tragedies don't mean as much to you. If you drop your ice cream, you can get another, and you don't have to prove you aren't lying about it.

You can drive. Try going without it for a while if you have lost apprciation for this privilege.

You can have sex. Whoopee.

You set your own bed time and diet. You may not always eat what you want, but no one can force you to eat what you hate.

Like most of life, it's the little things you take for granted.

 

[Sillyman]

I know exactly what you mean Glam.


While I was posting those two posts.. I kept thinking how I just wish I had someone to hug or rather someone to just grab me in a tight embrace and squeeze me tightly to their chest.

I don't think my son would appreciate that at the moment however. lol

*HUG*

 

[k¡tty]

I'd love that Johnny.. but I don't know how I can swing it.



All very good points Sillyman.

But you'd need a partner for the sex thangy.. except for self lovin. lol

A few others

- You get to choose what you listen to in the car.

- If I want cereal for supper no one can tell me I can't.

- I can talk on my own phone for as long as I want.

- I get control of the remote control and if I want I can watch skinemax.

- I don't have to turn my head on the nakey scenes in movies.



Thanks for the hugs.


btw Johnny.. I'm looking left.

 

[Sillyman]

All very good points Sillyman.

But you'd need a partner for the sex thangy.. except for self lovin. lol

Happy to help you out. We never clothes!

 

[k¡tty]

Happy to help you out. We never clothes!

lmao



I think I need to move to a large city.. so that I'm in a more central location to meet ya'll.

 

[Sillyman]

lmao

I think I need to move to a large city.. so that I'm in a more central location to meet ya'll.

Do, do. We'll have ever so much fun.

 

[k¡tty]

Do, do. We'll have ever so much fun.

I'm very sure that would be the case.




Thank you for your part in perking me up tonight.

 

[Sillyman]

I'm very sure that would be the case.

Thank you for your part in perking me up tonight.

Perking people up is the only thing that makes me happy.
Ya welcome.