i dont get it........someone give me advice

[Lethal_beauty_27]

my friend just informed me that she is dating. She settled down and is dating one guy..now first let me give you some back story to this....My friend is 20. I love her dearly, she had her ups and downs with boyfriends. the last boyfriend sent her on a downward spiral. but what she is doing now blows me away.
The guy that she is dating is 16. she says he listens to her and that he is mature, now i know him he tries to hang out and talk with us but i still see the immatuatiy in him..... she asked me to support her and i said im sorry i just cant.....i said if anyone dated my son when he was 16 and they were 20 i would charge her with rape.
now i need help, what should i do. the 16 year guys mother is a close friend of mine. should i tell her whats going on. some of you know what happened last time i knew something and didnt tell that friend.
does anyone think that what she is doing okay ?

[Edited by Lethal_beauty_27 on 08-10-2000 at 12:31 PM]

 

[CreamyLady]

Mmm . . . you don't say exactly what kind of advice you need. Your friend asked for support, presumably you denied it, and (equally presumably) she knows why.

Is there something else?

 

[Lethal_beauty_27]

Mmm . . . you don't say exactly what kind of advice you need. Your friend asked for support, presumably you denied it, and (equally presumably) she knows why.

Is there something else?

okay i edited it and asked my question.

 

[Guest]

Not really advice here...

...just my personal opinion. The father of my baby (before my husband and I ever met) was 18 and I was 21. Only 3 or 4 boyfriends in my life have been younger tha men, the rest were all older. I've had BAD experiences with the younger males, and personally won't be looking to date another one anytime soon. I realize this doesn't help matters with you and your friend. The best you can do is be there for her, try to be nice to her b/f when he is with the two of you, and be there for her to cry to (if/when...). It's not easy seeing your friend hurt, but some things need to be found out on a person's own. Hope that helps at all...

~Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/sd3/lise.gif

 

[Jeff726]

Why would you charge a woman with rape if she dated your son when she is 20 and him 16? Just the fact they would date does not constitute rape. If they have any sexual contact then that's a different story. But if all they do is hold hands and maybe even cuddle, I feel you should just let them be. If you would stop being her friend over this, you are someone with a very narrow mind.

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

Tell her you should know better then anyone what secrets can do???

Bonnie

 

[Lethal_beauty_27]

Why would you charge a woman with rape if she dated your son when she is 20 and him 16? Just the fact they would date does not constitute rape. If they have any sexual contact then that's a different story. But if all they do is hold hands and maybe even cuddle, I feel you should just let them be. If you would stop being her friend over this, you are someone with a very narrow mind.

him being 18 is an ok age what was that 2 years apart.....a least hes old enough to vote. the guy cant even get a drivers licience sure he can apply for one but really he cant get one until hes 17

 

[Lethal_beauty_27]

Why would you charge a woman with rape if she dated your son when she is 20 and him 16? Just the fact they would date does not constitute rape. If they have any sexual contact then that's a different story. But if all they do is hold hands and maybe even cuddle, I feel you should just let them be. If you would stop being her friend over this, you are someone with a very narrow mind.

okay sorry maybe i should of stated that they are fooling around......which they are

 

[Jeff726]

The best thing you can do is to let them go out and be happy together, but if she does do anything sexual to him and you find out, then yes tell the boy's mother. I understand how you feel I honestly do, but all I am saying is if they are nothing more than close emotionally until he is 18, then the best thing is to let them be happy. Your friend would really appreciate that.

 

[Jeff726]

Why would you charge a woman with rape if she dated your son when she is 20 and him 16? Just the fact they would date does not constitute rape. If they have any sexual contact then that's a different story. But if all they do is hold hands and maybe even cuddle, I feel you should just let them be. If you would stop being her friend over this, you are someone with a very narrow mind.

okay sorry maybe i should of stated that they are fooling around......which they are

Then I think you have something you better do and soon. You have my support.


Jeff

 

[Guest]

Originally posted by Lethal_beauty_27
the guy cant even get a drivers licience sure he can apply for one but really he cant get one until hes 17

Wow...learner's permit was 15 here, and driver's license is 16. And believe me, on my 16th b/d I was up at 5am! lol (That's a big thing for a kid in the summer! lol)

 

[CreamyLady]

You do seem to take the part of the messenger that is going to be shot one way or another a lot, don't you?

If you tell this boy's mother, what is her reaction going to be? Will she be concerned, and try to talk to her son, or will she be angry, and demand a rape charge against your friend?

If all hell breaks loose, will you still have your friend?

You have explained your reservations to your friend, and she ignored them. I would really think long and hard, though, before informing the boy's mother. The consequences could be very serious, and the affair may end soon, anyway. Neither sounds mature enough to make any kind of commitment.

 

[Naked Hunny]

How can she charger her with statutory rape is the age of consent in most states 16? It is in mine hell i know of states where its 14!!

 

[*Eve*]

Although it's only a four year difference, at that age it's a big difference. I think your friend is just looking for a void to feel and she feels that this boy provides it for her, when she's really just using him as a crutch. I think you should talk to your friend, but the best thing you can do after you have given your advice it let it be because ultimately it is up to your friend what to do with her own like and often when you are very adamantly against something it only makes the person want to do it all the more.

 

[Ezzy]

The four years makes some difference I'm sure, but if she was 40 and he was 32 would you feel as stuck with telling either one (or his mother) they are in the wrong (as you see it).The proportinal difference is the same; but I'm quite sure you would bite your tongue and say very little that may upset your friendships.

EZ

 

[Skibum]

It sounds like this girl (and I use that term on purpose, she doesn't sound mature enough to be a woman) has had so much trouble with men that she has turned to a boy for a relationship. He is probably easily led, and she can be the dominant partner for a change. Most likely she will soon tire ofhim and seek a partner nearer her own age.

 

[Lethal_beauty_27]

thank you all for your advice, i am stuck do a tell a friend about what another friend is doing tought decision i wish i never knew. i will tell her son that he should either talk to his mom or dad about what is going on. right now hes just thinking cool an older women wants me big shot to his friends.how can my friend think hes mature .
If he was 19 i wouldnt have a problem with it but come on hes only 16. in school. what could they have in commom.
I will give the son a couple of days to spill the beans or i will.
thanks again for listening and alll tha advice



lethal

 

[Monaco]

Devil's advocate...

Hmm. Pondering his actions as he steps into the thorn-ladden terrain, all too aware of his bare feet...

This might seem pretentious and out of order to some of you, so be warned: I know nothing about the boy nor the girl. But since this is a question of ethics and liberty, I think the only question we need to be asking is the following: "Is anyone directly involved going to get hurt by the consummation of this (whatever its true nature be) relationship?"

If yes, by all means, intervene. But if not, and the only outrage is to your personnal morals and opinion on the matter, then please, respect their liberty. Your imposing your values on their situation (if it was a harmless one) would do no one a service. And keep in mind that laws such as that on statutory rape are meant as guide-lines, not absolutes. Each case must be evaluated for what it is, and not be bluntly decided through the trappings of statistics (read: their age). Truthfully, such cases as this have, in the past, been thrown out of courts all over the country when it was judged no harm was being committed by either party to anyone involved. So be sure of what you are talking about before you leap in as the ethics police. You might be the instigator of tragedy where there would have been none.

Now let me nuance that by saying that if the genders were inversed - i.e. guy 4 years the senior, minor girl - I'd probably tend towards the "Seek and destroy, asap" stance. But this is one area where, you have to agree, a certain gap exists between the sexes.

Let's face it: consenting young men having premature sex will seldom (if ever) live their lives feeling they were cheated of their virginity or somehow abused by an older woman. No, 16 is not adulthood. But let's be honest: how many 16 year-old guys do you know would suffer psychological damage by having an affair with an older woman? None. They've lived and re-lived such flings in their minds for at least two years already. They masturbate on average three times a day. They struggle every waking minute to keep their erections down when the time just isn't right (and it never is).

I'm not saying this situation is peachy. I'm just saying I very much doubt there is real cause for concern here. (And I am still aware of the thorns poking at the bare feet of my ignorance in this particular case - I myself am merely basing this on the statistics of hornyness among pubescent young lads - a state of mind infamous the world around). In the long run, assuming the bottom will fall out on the relationship, he might get hurt emotionally, but at his age, any relationship with the opposite sex would hold just as much risk - with or without the sex.

Do be careful in getting involved in this situation. You might do more hurt than good - and for what? Moral righteousness? It's not your place to dictate right from wrong. I have to agree with Tiggs: Let them make their own mistakes, so long as no real harm is done. To accuse, punish and blow open an already bad situation only worsens the hurt. Be there, console and try to guide. But ultimately, let live.

...thinking the coast is clear of thorns, M runs - still the barefoot fool - for cover on a paved surface only to find glass strewn everywhere... Damn these thorny questions... Damn them all!

M.

------------
Who IS this guy, anyways? Honestly? We haven't been able to piece that one together yet...

 

[Mensa]

Geography plays a part

I see that you are a fellow Canadian. So I feel I should inform you that the legal age of consent for both males and females in Canada is fourteen. There is no possibility of a charge of statutory rape in this instance. You will have to rely on good judgement and common-sense to convince them of your fears.

Your dealing with raging hormones so I'm not sure how much that will help but good luck anyway!

 

[April]

Monaco, that was a well thought out and well reasoned response. I think you're quite right in what you said about 16 year old boys. Well said!

Personally, I think they're all nothing but walking hormones!

 

[Ezzy]

Personally, I think they're all nothing but walking hormones! [/B]

and rageing hardons !

Smileing as I remember those days (as a 15 year old) when I dated a 32 year old. This may have affected my first post.

EZ http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[Monaco]

Thanks April...

but someone please get me to stop posting novellas everytime an idea pops into my head! At this rate, I'll only have 25 posts by 2005 - each averaging 10,240 words!!!

HELP! I'M SUCCINCTLY CHALLENGED!!!

M.