How to spot an Asshole...

[IzeofGreen]

...

Old, yes, but this Asshole finds many of them to be far more creative and complimentary than the nonesense that's said about legs these days. Today it's not necassarily how nice a pair of legs are, so much as it is cool to come up with creative ways wanting to see them spread wide for easy access.

"The word of the day is 'legs.' Let's spread the word." or "Tonight I'll be eating at the 'Y'." and many more have taken all the beautiful legs out there from being beautiful public distractions to being just distractions in the way of another attribute.

This Asshole says revel in the beauty as a whole and the parts as you venture across them, but forsake not one for the others!!!

Halo,

This delightful and oh-so-true post simply means you are NOT an asshole, and if mine made u think i was poking fun, then i wasn't clear, which makes ME the asshole. (and accurately so!)



Ize

 

[Sexystagemanager]

Well, I had the cell-phone-in-the-theater-Asshole yesterday.

Try having one in a live theatre production! I've had them recieve calls and make them! I'm just like WTF?!?!

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Halo,

This delightful and oh-so-true post simply means you are NOT an asshole, and if mine made u think i was poking fun, then i wasn't clear, which makes ME the asshole. (and accurately so!)



Ize

No, no, no. I didn't think you were poking fun. Calling myself an Asshole is more along the lines of a self-proclamation than anything else. Everyone is an Asshole to someone sometime. I'm sure that to somebody out there even Mother Theresa was an Asshole.

 

[IzeofGreen]

...

Halo,

OH so true.

My not commenting on this for 3 days might make me qualify as an asshole, however, the weather was so nice, i chose to work outside as opposed to being at the 'puter, (and by evening i had consumed enough beverage, that the thought of even getting online was obliterated by the need for sleep...)

SO-

I still would be an asshole, but one with extenuating circumstances.....



Ize

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I still would be an asshole, but one with extenuating circumstances.....

Aaaahh, yes. "The Extenuating Circumstances Asshole" and "The Asshole of Necessity." Sibling Assholes that force the hand of even the most mild mannered from time to time, into bringing out the Mr. Hyde from the Dr. Jekylls of the world.

When my younger sister was graduating high school, her and some friends wanted to throw a little party somewhere clean and safe. They talked to me about using the community center at the apartment complex I was living at.

There was going to be NO alcohol by their decision, and the apartment complex granted me the permission to use their building on the condition that NO ONE ELSE GOT IN that might be able to turn the party into something more than it was. Breaking from that condition meant eviction from the complex, and at the time I really liked it there.

Some people that I knew in the complex, and who were old enough to buy booze, thought the party was something that it wasn't and they tried inviting themselves. Big brother (me) became Captain Asshole of Necessity to keep these people from coming in.

Needless to say I wasn't invited to anymore of their reindeer games after that happened. But my sister and her friends had a great time!

 

[nova4u]

Squirrels are ASSHOLES!

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Squirrels are ASSHOLES!

LOL!!!

 

[Nightbird]

Garden eating Rabbits.. They are ASSHOLES!!

 

[Halo_n_horns]

We own a champion Alaskan Malamute who absolutely hates his own daughter. Not sure why, but he hates her.

That dog is an Asshole!!!

 

[Niiteshade]

this is GREAT!

there's one method for spotting an asshole that i would LOVE to post. sadly it's far too caustic and i just can't bring myself to do it because it would identify one or two fellow lit-members very directly.

one general thing i look for when trying to identify an asshole is poor command of their primary language. the loving, objective side of me knows that everyone has at least one redeeming quality but an otherwise saintly person with poor grammar is of no use to me in most cases.

another way i spot one is looking in the mirror. yeah. that's right. i admit it. i'm one too from time to time. i try to make amends when i slip though.

Would an asshole also be someone who could be so trite as to point out Capitalization and Puncuation errors, too?

LOL!

But I do happen to love Elton John as well.


-Niiteshade

 

[Nightbird]

Halo that is too weird..

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Halo that is too weird..

Actually, with that particular breed, there are instances where the males are intolerant of their own offspring, but they typically learn to just deal with them and move on. This Asshole is at his daughter's throat every time their paths cross. It is a bit weird, but I think we've found a way for him to get over it.

We're muzzling him and letting him and her mingle. He attacks, but she's figuring out that he's not doing any damage, so she's starting to lash back. If we can get her confidence up so she can solidify her place in the pecking order, then he should knock his shit off.

Last night he went at her for nearly half an hour. We could literally see her figuring out that she could fight back. When he was finally too tired to carry on he just drank some water and took a nap while huffin' and puffin' from all the activity. It's a bit brutal, more so without the muzzle, but it's the nature of the beasts.

*crossing fingers*

 

[IzeofGreen]

....

Actually, with that particular breed, there are instances where the males are intolerant of their own offspring, but they typically learn to just deal with them and move on. This Asshole is at his daughter's throat every time their paths cross. It is a bit weird, but I think we've found a way for him to get over it.

We're muzzling him and letting him and her mingle. He attacks, but she's figuring out that he's not doing any damage, so she's starting to lash back. If we can get her confidence up so she can solidify her place in the pecking order, then he should knock his shit off.

Last night he went at her for nearly half an hour. We could literally see her figuring out that she could fight back. When he was finally too tired to carry on he just drank some water and took a nap while huffin' and puffin' from all the activity. It's a bit brutal, more so without the muzzle, but it's the nature of the beasts.

*crossing fingers*

Ah, brilliant.... They do learn don't they? My Siberian/Australian mix has gone blind from cataracts brought on from diabetes, however, she has always been the dominant one, all 50 pounds of her. When her 110 pound counterpart German Shepherd laid into her to play, she ALWAYS knew what direction he was coming from.... That made him an asshole, for being stupid enuf to think he could pull it off... (you could tell he KNEW she couldn't see, but he still got his ass kicked.... She misses him dearly)

WHY?

Because the REAL asshole in this is Me. Last Fall, my big boy had a stroke and I didn't recognize it, and he died a week later... So always watch em' gang, and when they piss you off, remember, they are CHILDREN.... Unconditional Love....

Someone wanna take this soapbox? I have enuf baggage TY... LOLOLOL

Thanks For the Opportunity Halo....

Ize

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Thanks For the Opportunity Halo....

Ize

Always my pleasure. Sorry to hear about your dog passing, even though it's been the better of a year.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

What really amazes me is how many people are here while there are so few examples of Assholes being given.

Does everyone else live some place that Assholes don't exist? I want to know where that place is.

Or is everyone else just being an Asshole by viewing this thread but not posting in it? We can never have too many ways to recognize an Asshole!

Or am I just being an Asshole for thinking that everyone should have some sort of an example of an Asshole that they've happened across?

I'm leaning toward the last of those examples. That's just the kind of Asshole I am.

 

[IzeofGreen]

What really amazes me is how many people are here while there are so few examples of Assholes being given.

Does everyone else live some place that Assholes don't exist? I want to know where that place is.

Or is everyone else just being an Asshole by viewing this thread but not posting in it? We can never have too many ways to recognize an Asshole!

Or am I just being an Asshole for thinking that everyone should have some sort of an example of an Asshole that they've happened across?

I'm leaning toward the last of those examples. That's just the kind of Asshole I am.

Oh My Halo, I don't think it's u being an asshole, I think it is a fear of pointing it out to others. Maybe it hits too close to home to some, maybe it's nonsense to others. I however WILL point out the FACT that the co-worker who has now dumped work on me on a Friday, three weekends in a row, AND the ASSHOLE who rode my ass ALL THE WAY HOME, (and no, it wasn't pleasurable) are BOTH assholes.... No debate, no differentiation.

Ize

 

[Nightbird]

I've got a Rhodesian Ridgeback and a German Shepherd mix.. Awesome dogs..

Now onto the Assholes..

In College one day I had it explained to me how to dump your girlfriend..

"You get naked with her, get deep and heavy into foreplay get her very very excited you know to the point where she's telling you she wants you to stick it in her.. Then you stop dead, get up and say I can't do this and walk out on her." Yes that guy is an asshole.

Now for number two.. Ever have Rodeo Sex?
Rodeo Sex is when your on top having regular sex then you bend down to her ear and whisper.. "I had sex with your sister last night and shes better at it than you are" then you hang on for dear life and go for the ride.. Yes that is an assholes invention.

 

[IzeofGreen]

....

LOLOLOL yeah NB both will qualify as asshole status I'm sure.....

Ize

 

[IzeofGreen]

....

HOLY CRAP... and that last post hit me at 200 and that makes the asshole gauntlet fall back to ME (since I wasn't paying attention....)

 

[Nightbird]

Hi Ize... Hows it going?

 

[IzeofGreen]

...

... Surviving Nightbird, Best I can say at this point...

Ize

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I had another great example of an Asshole from this weekend, but my brain has somehow misplaced it. My brain is an Asshole right now.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

Truckers. I'm not saying all truckers, but definitely a healthy percentage of them. I'm sure the feelings are mutual. But this last week I found myself several car lengths from one without a trailer in tow. I saw him a bit earlier and a bit more close up and had noticed that he had put fresh gobs of grease on his hitchplate. After I had backed off a bit I saw some of that grease drop off the hitch in a massive globual that I was hoping landed on the frame or undercarriage of his truck and went no further.

It went further.

I couldn't see it happening, but it had hit the freeway and was slathering itself the length of the of the passenger's side of my one-year-old truck.

Needless to say, I was perturbed when I found it there.

So who was the Asshole? The trucker for putting on such a heavy amount of that shit, or the grease for not staying put?

One way or another, there was an Asshole in this scenario and it wasn't me.

 

[preacher.mk]

more on assholes

know what u mean bout a/h i've been doin' the bar scene
for bout 40 someodd yrs. like most bars u have ur share of
them there..what's fun is when folks that r regulars, but, for
what ever reason/s they had been out for awhile... they come
bk in and want to know what they have missed...i always
tell them " that the only thing that ever changes is the faces
on the assholes, and if u've have been around as long as i've
yall come bk to see me sooner or later " as i shake their
hand and slap them on the back...then awhile later u see
them standing there wondering did i just call them an
asshole or not it's really funny if they've been drinkin' a bit
watching them try to figure it out...sofar i've had noone to
challenge me on it...


preacher.mk

i don't drink either, so it's fun to watch the drunks

 

[babydoll2u]

I still say... just take a good look around here... you'll find plenty of assholes