How to know.....

[Monkey_man_99]

So for those of you have kids, how do you know if they are/have had sex with girlfriends or even just aroud?

I am asking because being of 18 and half years of age, I am pretty sure my parents, along with my girlfriend's parent both think that we have had sex, and in fact are both virgins (upon her request and I am acklodgeing her request).

any help would be cool.

 

[Etoile]

I'm an advocate of open communication about sex between teenagers and their parents. How about just telling them you're a virgin? It doesn't matter what they think, just tell them that you are.

 

[pixiewitch]

Virgins

First there must be something that prompts you to think they believe you have had sex. Have they said something or been suspicious of you or her? Have you given them a reason to think this? Time spent overnight at one another's house or been caught making out?
And second, do you think it's something you could discuss with them? I'm a mother and would LOVE it if my children make it to 18 and are still virgins. But don't believe that there is much reality to that in this day and age. I myself was just shy of 15 and these days it is lost earlier and earlier. It's a shame too because sexuality really doesn't mature until much later.

 

[Monkey_man_99]

I guess I am asking because they won't let me spend the night at her house, even in another room with her parents right across the hall. it wasn't until about 10 months ago that I was alowed to go over her house and be with her alone. We have been together for about 2 and half years now.
I guess it bothers me that my parents don't trust me. I do talk to them about this, but they still don't seem to trust me.

 

[Lust Engine]

Granted I don't have kids but I seriously don't think parents know WHEN you guys will have sex. If I were a parent I'd like to think that I had instilled in you some good sense, solid morals and a healthy respect for your lover. I'd also hope that there would be an open line of communication between parent & child so if you did need information & wanted to talk about it, it'd be available.

I think parents this day and age will already assume that you two would have already had sex if you guys are in a serious committed relationship and genuinely care & respect one another, but it would depend on you kids. Are you the wild & reckless kind of kids that would be more apt to try something like this? I'd like to think parents can have suspicions but if you two have been pretty much trouble free most of your lives & solid citizens, I'd like to think that your parents trust you.

You also seem to have one solid redeeming quality right now in the sense that you respect her virginity. Respecting & acknowledging her wishes is just one of the many steps that will actually make you a better lover further on down the road. If and when you two actually have sex, it should be on both of your terms and should be done in a loving setting. Don't put any pressures on yourselves about being the most wonderful lover right off the bat either. Talk to one another; communication is the key now and will forever be in any relationship.

Kudos to you for being a caring & considerate person.

 

[Lust Engine]

I'm an advocate of open communication about sex between teenagers and their parents. How about just telling them you're a virgin? It doesn't matter what they think, just tell them that you are.

Is there the reason to lie to them that you're having sex?? If they assume it already, do we need to fan the flames?

I'd be up front with my parents and say exactly what's going on. Earn their trust. They hold you by the finacial purse strings right now. You're probably not well off enough financially to break away from them and why alienate the parents now. Whether you believe it or not, you still need them right now and you don't want to lose their respect for you either by blatantly lying.

 

[Etoile]

Lust Engine is right that you should tell your parents exactly what's going on. Be honest - tell them you suspect they believe you've had sex, but you haven't. If you're waiting for a specific reason, tell them what that is. Even if you're just waiting because you're not ready yet, tell them that.

 

[Noor]

I guess I am asking because they won't let me spend the night at her house, even in another room with her parents right across the hall. it wasn't until about 10 months ago that I was alowed to go over her house and be with her alone. We have been together for about 2 and half years now.
I guess it bothers me that my parents don't trust me. I do talk to them about this, but they still don't seem to trust me.

It may not be a trust issue, they may not to place you or your girlfriend in what they consider improper situations. Spending the night at a girlfreinds house might put one of you in a position where your judgement could be swayed by another.

My parents were very concerned by peer pressure when I was growing up, they expected me to make my own judgements independent of what anyone might be doing. It had a pretty big effect on me to the point where even today if someone says well everyone else does this or agrees with me, I think so what? If if someone tells me that "normal" people do this I tend to seriously consider the opposite

 

[Weird Harold]

I guess I am asking because they won't let me spend the night at her house, even in another room with her parents right across the hall. it wasn't until about 10 months ago that I was alowed to go over her house and be with her alone.

It sounds to me like your parents are more concerned about appearances and reputations than whether you're actually having sex.

Allowing you to spend the night gives the appearance that they condone any sexual activity that might be going on (and supect that her parents do condone it or would turn a blind eye on any nocturnal changes in sleeping arrangements.)

Spending the night at your girlfriend's house presents the appearance that something sexual is going on whether it is or not. That can have an adverse effect on both your reputation and your girlfriend's as well as the reputations of your parents and hers -- especially if there isn't any justification for you spending the night like travel problems or a special occasion.

 

[Etoile]

By the way, 18 is fully old enough to be having sex. I realize your family might be religious, or there just might be other reasons they don't want you to have sex...but you are a legal adult, at least. Though the financial independence can come into play with this.

 

[Monkey_man_99]

Thanks everyone,
I haven't had sex yet because my girlfriend doesn't want to yet, so I respect that. but anyway, just reading everyone's posts i guess I don't have to hate my parents for being "over protective" or anything like that. thanks y'all.

 

[Noor]

Thanks everyone,
I haven't had sex yet because my girlfriend doesn't want to yet, so I respect that. but anyway, just reading everyone's posts i guess I don't have to hate my parents for being "over protective" or anything like that. thanks y'all.

Yes, now you are free to "hate" them for something else

Just joking!

Noor

 

[dollface007]

It sounds to me like your parents are more concerned about appearances and reputations than whether you're actually having sex.

Allowing you to spend the night gives the appearance that they condone any sexual activity that might be going on (and supect that her parents do condone it or would turn a blind eye on any nocturnal changes in sleeping arrangements.)

Spending the night at your girlfriend's house presents the appearance that something sexual is going on whether it is or not. That can have an adverse effect on both your reputation and your girlfriend's as well as the reputations of your parents and hers -- especially if there isn't any justification for you spending the night like travel problems or a special occasion.

This is a really good point. And also, parents can be pretty wise from time to time.....they know that if you spend the night with her, even if her parents are there, you won't be having warm milk and cookies and going to bed at 8:30. They know it's an excuse to spend more time together doing things like making out and heavy petting....which leads to other very very powerful temptations. They're trying to keep you and your girl as far from temptation as possible while you are under their watch.

The solution?? Get good grades and go to college....preferably out of town. Then you can do whatever the hell you want. It's great!!! You sound like a good guy...i'm glad you are respecting your gf's wishes.

D

 

[breakbeat]

Speaking as a nineteen-year-old, living with his parents, I have a few observations.

First of all, practically every parent is flat-out weird about the very idea of their kids having sex. It seems to give them the heebie-jeebies -- something about bringing us up from babies, I don't know. My parents are remarkably enlightened, and we've always communicated well -- so my mom told me herself that it freaks her right out.

I'm just saying, keep in mind that talking or even thinking about this stuff is at least as weird for them as it is for you.

Second, when you're 18, and your girlfriend's 18, you're responsible for yourselves. Your parents have a right to say what you do in their house, and a right to kick you out, but they have zero right to tell you what to do outside, or to tell you that you have to sleep at home. They can offer advice, but that's all it is -- advice. The sooner you and they get used to that, the sooner you can establish a relationship with them as adults on an equal footing. In the long run, straightening that out is way more important than figuring out sleepover arrangements.

Of course, you may have to move out entirely before that can happen ...

 

[BlueSugar]

Started having sex when I was 15 ... I'm 22 now and my parents still think I'm a virgin...or still want to think I am. I refuse to fan the flames, its really none of their buisness so to say.

I'm adventerious and playful probably too much for my own good...but I'm super careful ... I'm sure they think differently, but neither of them say anything ... so I just leave it at that.

In your case, since they think so already... I would tell them when I finally do. They are concerned and don't want to be "young grandparents" and only want the best for the both of you. They probably think that since you've been dating for 2 years, that you both ran the bases already.
You know what you are, who you are, what you are cappable of ... so what is it really to anyone else.

When your parents start to limit how much you see your girlfriend and they start to snoop in your things, then it is time to sit down with them and tell them to fuck off, and that you are having a "respectful" relationship.

 

[Wantonica]

As a parent (and a fairly young one, considering I am 37 and one of my kids is in the service and the others are almost adults), I always relayed during our sexual discussions that they could and should be open with me. If they decided to "do the deed", ask me for condoms.

I kept some around just in case. When my son first decided to take me up on the offer, he didn't ask. He got into my closet and got some himself. The only reason I knew about it was because he informed me how sick I was. You see, the pornos and toys were right there too. *sigh*

My daughter was not quite as smart and had to ask me for a pregnancy test (thankfully negative) and a visit to the doctor for a check-up. My boyfriend's daughter had the urge to give me too much information, such as how embarrassed she was when her boyfriend came in her mouth and she spit it all over the carpet.

Kick me for being so darn open-minded. Kick me hard.

I'm glad to hear you have saved your virginity and are so respectful of your girlfriend's feelings. If your parents are being assuming, I suggest you sit down with them and just be honest. They will be relieved and you will all become closer. Do this with both sets of parents and with both you and your girlfriend present.

Smiles,
Wantonica

 

[sheath]

Yes, now you are free to "hate" them for something else

Just joking!

Noor

Oh, goodness, Noor.

That was worth cleaning the keyboard from that orange juice spew of laughter! lol

S.

 

[Lust Engine]

Thanks everyone,
I haven't had sex yet because my girlfriend doesn't want to yet, so I respect that. but anyway, just reading everyone's posts i guess I don't have to hate my parents for being "over protective" or anything like that. thanks y'all.

And I think you've earned our respect here for being so upfront with things and respecting your girlfriend's wishes.

Hats off to you for being so mature about these things.

 

[BTK51]

So for those of you have kids, how do you know if they are/have had sex with girlfriends or even just aroud?

I am asking because being of 18 and half years of age, I am pretty sure my parents, along with my girlfriend's parent both think that we have had sex, and in fact are both virgins (upon her request and I am acklodgeing her request).

any help would be cool.

As the parent of an 18 year old boy (28 & 30 too), I can identify with your parents. My sons all had sex with their girlfriends at your age and my wife & I knew it before we found out for sure. We were 18 once, can still remember the feelings and know what we did. I could see how my sons treated their girlfriends and how affectionate they were. While I wasn’t 100% positive, it didn’t take a Phi, Beta, Kappa to figure out what was most likely happening. We could have been wrong though.

One fessed up after the fact and with the other two I came across condoms. When I confronted them, they admitted it. My biggest concern was that they had our opinions on safety, a healthy attitude towards sex and healthy attitude towards women. I had no intention of giving them any “tricks of the trade” but rather be there to answer ANY questions they had. In retrospect, I should have done a better job, but that’s another thread.

Just because they are strict doesn’t mean they are bad parents. While I do not know them or your relationship, I sounds to me that they are only interested in what’s best for you. It is much easier on the parents to be lenient than strict. My wife and I always felt that it was not realistic to try and prevent our boys from doing something when then got that old because really, nothing we could do could stop our kids from doing something. The only option was communication. While we were relatively strict (and very unreasonable at points), if they presented a valid argument, we could and did admit we were wrong. I will also say that most times when we all felt we were right, we reached common ground. I would strongly suggest that you take this route. Tell them why you want to stay over (or whatever) and address their concerns.

Breakbeat said, “practically every parent is flat-out weird about the very idea of their kids having sex”. He’s right in a way but I think that most parents, us included, just find it an uncomfortable subject with our kids. Many times it’s the children’s “heebie-jeebies” that make us uncomfortable. If you all just verbalize that you acknowledge the discomfort upfront the next thing you’ll realize is, it goes away.

We’ve tried to teach our sons from an earlier age that there SHOULD be nothing that they can’t speak with us about. We won’t always agree but the important thing is win or lose, keep talking. You have some very valid arguments that you can make. Even though you’re eighteen, you’re still their “little baby”. Parents have a tough time dealing with this change and unfortunately, some never do.

 

[Wantonica]

First of all, practically every parent is flat-out weird about the very idea of their kids having sex.

Just as kids are weird about the very idea of their parents having sex ...

Smiles,
Wantonica