How to handle nasty complaints

[wishfulthinking]

Dear xxx

I regret to inform you that it is not possible for me to find out why the hard
drive last for 13 months, because it could be of numerous reasons. You may
contact the HP Service Center and get it checked by a service engineer. Our
service engineer will check the hard drive and may be able to provide you
information’s regarding the cause of failure.

If you need further help, please do let me know.

Fuckers.

 

[English Lady]

Oh i sympathise.

I'm going through Dell Hell at the moment

My husband recently bought disservice.co.uk, so as soon as we've got it up and running you can write a scathing post about the barstewards there *L*

Also,I wonder if there are any aussie sites like

ciao.co.uk
dooyoo.co.uk
which are consumer opinion sites, definitely worth writing a scathing review then send the company in question the URL


(can you tell I've done this before)

Oh and send it in writing to head office...that tends to work the best for complaints

 

[wishfulthinking]

Yep, can tell you've done this before

Dear Fucker,

the reason the hardrive only lasted 13 months was because it was a piece of shit. This would be obvious to even the most stupidest moron.

Yours sincerely,

I apologise if I offended any morons

 

[English Lady]

Beautifully put

 

[wishfulthinking]

What is Dell doing, or not doing?

 

[English Lady]

replacing my pile of crap laptop.

basically the laptop my hubby uses has been fixed 9/10 times in the last year -big fixes like replacing the motherboard-anyhow finally they decide a replacement is our best option (after i got very irate on the phone with a manager) and so that gets put in place 2 weeks later i've hard nothing so i ring, the swop hadn't even been authorised!

So i keep on to them, and am then told my laptop is held up, I end up talking to a manager again, who (in his wisdom) decides it'd be better to give me a refund. I never asked for a refund (oh the joy) finally we find the refuns would be the money we've paid thus far -credit (so a few hundred pounds) so I told them to stuff it! I didn't want a damn refund (this is 3 days after i was informed i wanted a refund, and about 6 calls later) and now i'm told i'm getting a replacement, a top of the range replacement.

If it doesn't arrive before the 22 October, I'm going to have to get on their backs again.

And now i know why you can't get Dell in the shops -they might have to deal withcomplaints then!

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

That sucks. I'm going through my own company hell right now as well.

Dear University Parking Nazis,

Considering you have the gall to charge my for a ten day pass for a five day period until you start running shuttles after your "summer session", I'm less apt to take on the chin these two tickets I have recieved for a) receiving a ticket while buying said overpriced pass and b) receiving a ticket for not having a pass when it was marked, placed where it was supposed to be and was in plain sight unless you are a blind motherfucker. In response to your rejections of initial appeal and request for personal appeal, only after paying, only after calling between 12 and 12:15 on alternate tuesdays and only after scheaduling an appeal by personal appointment at a undisclosed location and then personal appeal at said undisclosed location in a far off city, I have to say: I will find you, I will kill you, and I will eat of your flesh.

Thank you,
Satan

 

[chris 44]

Hmmm.... the tickets upset you then. Did you notice the small print on the reverse, the really VERY SMALL print advising you that in the case of any complaints, (even a slight case of athlete's foot) the minor fee you have been charged so far for the privilige of parking in our yard will be multiplied a thousand fold, and your address will be passed on to the local branch of 'Gangsta's r us' for execution. Possibly literally.
Have a nice day,
Chris

 

[English Lady]

Hmmm.... the tickets upset you then. Did you notice the small print on the reverse, the really VERY SMALL print advising you that in the case of any complaints, (even a slight case of athlete's foot) the minor fee you have been charged so far for the privilige of parking in our yard will be multiplied a thousand fold, and your address will be passed on to the local branch of 'Gangsta's r us' for execution. Possibly literally.
Have a nice day,
Chris

The more i read you, the more I like you

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Hmmm.... the tickets upset you then. Did you notice the small print on the reverse, the really VERY SMALL print advising you that in the case of any complaints, (even a slight case of athlete's foot) the minor fee you have been charged so far for the privilige of parking in our yard will be multiplied a thousand fold, and your address will be passed on to the local branch of 'Gangsta's r us' for execution. Possibly literally.
Have a nice day,
Chris

Huh.

Don't I own those gangsta's?

This is about to get very interesting.

 

[neonlyte]

Most manufacturers have stopped in house quality control, they now rely upon the customer to perform this service on behalf of the company.

When I have a complaint with a product, or utility service, the first letter always advises them that any subsequent need to pursue the complaint (due to their failure to respond) will cost:
Letter - £25.00
Phone Call - £10.00
E-mail - £15.00

If I need to write a second letter etc, an invoice is always attached with a copy of the warning letter. Invoices find their way to a seperate department in companies and accounts staff ask what the f*** is going on. You generally get a fairly swift resonse.

Last year I e-mailed every head of department in an airline company over their tawdy behaviour in delaying to refund my daughters airfare for a flight they cancelled. I even put up a complaints website on behalf of fed up customers. I took the site down after they refunded her ticket money and paid me 300Euros for letters, phone calls and time.

 

[English Lady]

Most manufacturers have stopped in house quality control, they now rely upon the customer to perform this service on behalf of the company.

When I have a complaint with a product, or utility service, the first letter always advises them that any subsequent need to pursue the complaint (due to their failure to respond) will cost:
Letter - £25.00
Phone Call - £10.00
E-mail - £15.00

If I need to write a second letter etc, an invoice is always attached with a copy of the warning letter. Invoices find their way to a seperate department in companies and accounts staff ask what the f*** is going on. You generally get a fairly swift resonse.

Last year I e-mailed every head of department in an airline company over their tawdy behaviour in delaying to refund my daughters airfare for a flight they cancelled. I even put up a complaints website on behalf of fed up customers. I took the site down after they refunded her ticket money and paid me 300Euros for letters, phone calls and time.

I U


You are my hero *frantically taking notes for the next time I contact Dell*

 

[chris 44]

Huh.

Don't I own those gangsta's?

This is about to get very interesting.

In a manner of speaking, yes you do own them, they are a public service provided by the British Government when they want to hit one of the electorate. Like the 80 year old who shouted 'nonsense' at Jack (man of) Straw at the recent Labour party conference. Of course you only own them to the extent that you pay for them. You don't actually have any say in who they hit. Not even when you say 'NO,' or 'YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY.' Their employees are programmed to ignore minor flaws in their argument, like innocence or the right to free speech.

I hope you will understand that I'm apolitical - at least I am if that means I don't trust ANY of them. Unfortunately, now that I've disclosed this fact I shall have to go into hiding, change my name, appearance, politics and religion as the mind police will be on their way to my last known address in a fleet of unmarked cars the instant I press 'send'.

I do this for the nation.
Goodbye - and thanks for all the fish

Chris

 

[chris 44]

P.S. But before I go, I would like to say thank you to English Lady for her recent kind comments.

 

[Alex De Kok]

Chris, you're mad! (Not about EL, I hasten to say ) But, ah! 'Tis a fine madness . . .

And now, back to my revision

Alex

 

[chris 44]

Thank you Alex, it's nothing but compliments this morning

Oh and there's a special prize on offer for the first person to name the cunningly disguised literary reference I used a short while ago.
'Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.'

Chris
I'm not getting much writing done this morning, but I am slowly losing my virginity.

 

[English Lady]

P.S. But before I go, I would like to say thank you to English Lady for her recent kind comments.

My pleasure

 

[chris 44]

One day soon I might even post a STORY.
Hands up all who'd like that.

No EL, not up there !!!
Honestly

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Dear xxx

I regret to inform you that it is not possible for me to find out why the hard
drive last for 13 months, because it could be of numerous reasons. You may
contact the HP Service Center and get it checked by a service engineer. Our
service engineer will check the hard drive and may be able to provide you
information’s regarding the cause of failure.

If you need further help, please do let me know.

Fuckers.

If you attempt to go through a companies customer service deaprtment, you are approaching you rproblem from the wrong direction. Customer service phone monkeys have zero power and are trained to make dealing with them so aggravating you just give up. Working upwards, through a heirarchy of only slightly less powerless people could take months.

My suggestion. Go onto the web and find the corporate offices. You will find an address for them as well as the current CEO. Write aleter of complaint to him. Adress it to him personally, not customer service, ot complaints, just Bob Whothefuck, CEO.

Be professional with it, no foul language, State the problem, the troubles you have had, and how it is causing you to think you will have to go with someone else and advise your friends and bussiness colleagus that the company simply won't help if there is a problem.

Bob will be uber pissed to get said letter. He will call in vice president Schlidt and deman to know why this letter is on his des. He will hand it to her and tell her to make it go away. She will go down to the next level, bitching and moaning that she thought she was done with customer service crap when she won her harassment lawsuit and got promoted. And so on down, until it hits the one fucker in the wohle coporation who can help you. But since the orders to do so come from Above, instead of below, you will get helped. And they will be concienctious about it, because if they screw up, they are afraid the shit will roll down hill onto their little heads.

Management is top down. If you want your complaint to get attention, it needs to come from the top, down. Working up through the powerless is sure way to get ignored.

 

[matriarch]

If you attempt to go through a companies customer service deaprtment, you are approaching you rproblem from the wrong direction. Customer service phone monkeys have zero power and are trained to make dealing with them so aggravating you just give up. Working upwards, through a heirarchy of only slightly less powerless people could take months.

My suggestion. Go onto the web and find the corporate offices. You will find an address for them as well as the current CEO. Write aleter of complaint to him. Adress it to him personally, not customer service, ot complaints, just Bob Whothefuck, CEO.

Be professional with it, no foul language, State the problem, the troubles you have had, and how it is causing you to think you will have to go with someone else and advise your friends and bussiness colleagus that the company simply won't help if there is a problem.

Bob will be uber pissed to get said letter. He will call in vice president Schlidt and deman to know why this letter is on his des. He will hand it to her and tell her to make it go away. She will go down to the next level, bitching and moaning that she thought she was done with customer service crap when she won her harassment lawsuit and got promoted. And so on down, until it hits the one fucker in the wohle coporation who can help you. But since the orders to do so come from Above, instead of below, you will get helped. And they will be concienctious about it, because if they screw up, they are afraid the shit will roll down hill onto their little heads.

Management is top down. If you want your complaint to get attention, it needs to come from the top, down. Working up through the powerless is sure way to get ignored.

Exactly.
That is exactly how it works in any corporation, organisation, local government.
You complain high enough and it gets dealt with asap.

The only time I had reason to complain about a company performance, I wrote directly to the Managing Director. My letter was polite, factual, but written in a jovial, amusing (not quite touching sarcastic but not far off patronising) tone.

2 days later I received a personal letter of apology, a refund and a replacement of the said item.

Yes, it definitely works.

Where I used to work, if a parent had a complaint about the education authority, and went to the local member of parliament, who then wrote to the director of education, the problem was dealt with within a certain time....copies sent to the 3 line managers below him, requesting (not a request to be ignored), an explanation and a draft reply within said time limit.

Never saw them boys work so fast as they did on those occasions. Situation was investigated ('Why the hell didn't I know about this???') Answer was written and back to the MP faster than you could say 'fucking hell!'

Yes, it definitely works.

 

[wishfulthinking]

I see I'm not agressive enough in tracking down the head fucker. Will have to rethink my strategy!

But just so you don't think I'm not a gangsta when it comes to complaints, I recently wrote a furious letter to the local council, demanding why they were giving me a parking ticket when I couldn't figure out how to use the machine and won. I'm not stupid [just don't read the other thread about drunken atm use] just that it was a monday morning and early.

I'm thinking Neon was the author of a letter sent to Telstra advising them how much they were charging to company for writing the complaint and which made the rounds around Australia via email forwards.

 

[impressive]

Most manufacturers have stopped in house quality control, they now rely upon the customer to perform this service on behalf of the company.

When I have a complaint with a product, or utility service, the first letter always advises them that any subsequent need to pursue the complaint (due to their failure to respond) will cost:
Letter - £25.00
Phone Call - £10.00
E-mail - £15.00

If I need to write a second letter etc, an invoice is always attached with a copy of the warning letter. Invoices find their way to a seperate department in companies and accounts staff ask what the f*** is going on. You generally get a fairly swift resonse.

Last year I e-mailed every head of department in an airline company over their tawdy behaviour in delaying to refund my daughters airfare for a flight they cancelled. I even put up a complaints website on behalf of fed up customers. I took the site down after they refunded her ticket money and paid me 300Euros for letters, phone calls and time.

I'm puttin' that one in my arsenal. Wonder if it'd work with state government?

 

[cloudy]

If you attempt to go through a companies customer service deaprtment, you are approaching you rproblem from the wrong direction. Customer service phone monkeys have zero power and are trained to make dealing with them so aggravating you just give up. Working upwards, through a heirarchy of only slightly less powerless people could take months.

My suggestion. Go onto the web and find the corporate offices. You will find an address for them as well as the current CEO. Write aleter of complaint to him. Adress it to him personally, not customer service, ot complaints, just Bob Whothefuck, CEO.

Be professional with it, no foul language, State the problem, the troubles you have had, and how it is causing you to think you will have to go with someone else and advise your friends and bussiness colleagus that the company simply won't help if there is a problem.

Bob will be uber pissed to get said letter. He will call in vice president Schlidt and deman to know why this letter is on his des. He will hand it to her and tell her to make it go away. She will go down to the next level, bitching and moaning that she thought she was done with customer service crap when she won her harassment lawsuit and got promoted. And so on down, until it hits the one fucker in the wohle coporation who can help you. But since the orders to do so come from Above, instead of below, you will get helped. And they will be concienctious about it, because if they screw up, they are afraid the shit will roll down hill onto their little heads.

Management is top down. If you want your complaint to get attention, it needs to come from the top, down. Working up through the powerless is sure way to get ignored.

What Colly said.

After close to twenty years in middle management positions, I've seen this many times, and in every single company I've worked for.

Without fail, I heard, "If a customer comes to you and complains, do whatever it is you have to do to keep that customer from getting in touch with XXXXX - the regional manager. I know that sometimes they can be unreasonable, but JUST DEAL WITH IT - make them happy."

 

[Guest]

I have to say: I will find you, I will kill you, and I will eat of your flesh.

Thank you,
Satan

my hero.

 

[Guest]