How to get wife more interested?

[racerXXXXXX]

I'd like to know how to get my wife more interested in BDSM?

She leans toward the submissive side. She likes me to be in control of the situations, she likes being tied up and acting out role plays like..."prison guard" and other control type situations which suits me fine since I'm more of the Dom type personality. She has read the 50 shades series and says she was turned on by it.

So what would be the next step(s) to take to get a little further along in the process?

 

[Red Sonja]

It would help to know what you would like her to be more interested in... there's a whole wide world out there that is BDSM. So what are you looking for? Kinkier sex? Pain play? More full time submission instead of just scenes?

 

[njlauren]

Since she already has expressed interest, why not simply do..I assume you have done reading about all the possibilities out there for this kind of play, either on here or other places, why not simply set up a scenario in your mind, and one night when you are with your wife, act it out. If there are things you want to try that she hasn't ever done, then maybe before getting into the bedroom, have a talk with her and ask her what she thinks about things like X, Y or Z (in general), to see if there are any hard limits in there (for example, if you said "I was reading about a couple where the husband blindfolds the wife, puts ear plugs in her, ties her up tight, then does some sort of light spanking: and she said "I don't think I can do that, I would get claustrophobic, I can't stand that kind of sensory deprivation" it might tell you no way).

Best way is to simply start a scene with her following your ideas, but also give her a safeword to use if something you are doing is bothering her, a safeword where there is no punishment for doing so. Thus if your fancy is to try candle wax, and she sees the candle and freaks out (not that I would recommend wax in early play) and safewords, say okay my love, and go onto something else.

The other suggestion? Ready through some of the S/m books out there, the greenery press books, "Different Loving" by Gloria Braehme, screw the roses and send me the thorns and so forth, and read them through together (read them out loud, read them seperately and talk about them) and see what she is interested in. And in play, always have something new up your sleeve, and in the scene someplace say "Hmm, I have something new for you, my pet (or whatever you use)...I am thinking of taking you a bit farther, hmmm, to another place (some kind of dialog like that...), and explain a little of what you are going to do...if she seems interested, start working on your little scene, take it slow and see what happens..could be she may balk, be insistent, but if she safewords, that is out of bounds. Interesting new things in scene play is hot, but it is important also to make her understand she has say in the matter, too, that you will stretch limits but not boundaries.

 

[scarlettmoon]

If it's 50 shades she likes, then 50 shades you should give her!

I read and loved the books to (although they were a little bit less advanced than what I'm used to!)

Ease into it, and slowly build up to a higher level of bdsm over time.

Work out what she likes by reading her body's reactions, but equally work out what she doesn't like, you may need to know for later on if she disobeys

Make sure you establish a safe word and know what it stands for!

But I say:

* Start out with a bit of light rope play, see if she likes being tied up etc. and experiment with different positions to be tied.

* Gently introduce spanking and build up the pressure over time.

* Give strict commands! Tell her what you want her to do! If there's anything we submissives crave more than anything, it's to please!

Over time increase the levels of pleasure and pain, you wouldn't want to throw her in the deep end and scare her off! It's a great journey and it's fantastic to go through it together with someone

HTH xx

 

[silvastormcloud]

*Hands up*

Another 50 Shades lover here.

I think the best way to start dom / sub play is vocally. Start talking more during sex. Tell what your enjoying, what your going to do to her and what you would like her to do for you. Let that lead into you ordering her to do more submisive things.

In a more structured form I would have a nice dinner, bottle of wine (or 2) and then try a blindfold, or hold her hands above her head with one of yours during sex. Little things like that are sexc as hell, and an easy way to judge your appetite for this lifestyle.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Pick up copies of Dossie Easton's books;

"the new topping book"
"The new bottoming book"

Also, buy;
Screw the roses, send me the thorns."

You guys will find a lot of fun out of those ideas!

 

[TxBookGirl]

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[Netzach]

I highly recommend you think beyond the bedroom. Start by making arrangements to have the kids out of the house that evening. Clean up the house including the bathrooms and kitchen. This way when you take your wife into the bedroom she is completely present. She will not be distracted by all the little things/chores she needs to do around the house.

In the real world, most women are tired. It's hard for us to shut out everything and enjoy ourselves. I really think your wife will be open to bdsm, if you take time to address her needs both inside and outside of the bedroom.

Once upon a time I would have been all "yeah 15 minutes of housework on average" but now that I've been the breadwinner for 2 years, I can say

"we are ALL tired."

 

[TxBookGirl]

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[Netzach]

I really wasn't sure if this problem was specific to the Hispanic culture. I was a bit nervous posting my advice.

Those of us from traditional Hispanic families are raised to wait on our men whether it be a father, brother, or family friend. I listen to my married friends and family members complain about how little their husbands help them. Back in the day a Hispanic woman's primary focus was pleasing her husband. Now a days both husbands and wives have to work to make ends meet. Unfortunately, the women are still coming home from a long day of work to then be housewives. This really leaves them exhausted. It's interesting to see women from other cultural backgrounds feel the same way.

No, I think this failed to come across.

There's no culture on earth that approves of my lifestyle, I came out of a working class Jewish family with the same values, that you're a crap human if you don't keep a perfect house and have a vagina, work or no work. This expectation was always foisted off on me, not by the men in my family, but by the other women.

I'm the breadwinner in a relationship with a TG woman. Talk about no preplanned roadmap. Clearly I ceased to care what they wanted of me very early on.

I'm doing money, spouse is doing house. I would resent the idea that I have to now also make sure that the house is clean before I dare get laid. But I wasn't going on the likely assumption that there was vast inequality in work distribution. I've met dads who have had to do everything because the woman was too --- whatever. It's not the norm though, for sure.

For every woman who's freaking out about the kids the state of the bathroom and the bills there's a guy freaking out about the bills, the office politic, his reputation, his sense of his own potency as an earner, as a man - trust me on this. I never thought I'd have that insight....preventing people from relaxing and getting laid.

 

[TxBookGirl]

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[Lancecastor]

So what would be the next step(s) to take to get a little further along in the process?

Get creative. Surprise her. Exercise your D in little ways she'll find exciting.

Example: Next time you go to the movies, once you're seated, tel her to go to the bathroom and take off her panties and bring them to you in her hand...and they'd better be wet.

 

[KWAL]

I really wasn't sure if this problem was specific to the Hispanic culture. I was a bit nervous posting my advice.

Those of us from traditional Hispanic families are raised to wait on our men whether it be a father, brother, or family friend. I listen to my married friends and family members complain about how little their husbands help them. Back in the day a Hispanic woman's primary focus was pleasing her husband. Now a days both husbands and wives have to work to make ends meet. Unfortunately, the women are still coming home from a long day of work to then be housewives. This really leaves them exhausted. It's interesting to see women from other cultural backgrounds feel the same way.

Yes unfortunalty that's not uncommon. Its also outdated in this world of working several long hours with no overtime at tw or more low paying jobs instead of one decent paying one. Both partners work and care for kids and house and all that in my experiance its a joint effort focuused on teamwork with fair distibution of duties. We have so much on our plates it get oftten be overwhelming.

That said I would have to agree help her do her things as you can while still finishing yours. Don't forget sex only last for a limited time ut making loves goes on all day. Tell how. Beutifull and wonderful she is in the morning and throughout the day - even if there's no sex after all its about love and the sex will follow. Lol if you build it she will cum...

 

[TxBookGirl]

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