How to Determine Fetish without Words?

[LesbianMistress]

I have been told that generally you are suppose to pick up on this via subtle ques, but I seem to be blind. How do you figure out someone fetish without them telling you?

 

[NippleMuncher]

Depends on the person and how overt their cues are. If they walk into the room wearing a horses head, hooves and tail butt plug, it's pretty easy to figure out. If it's one fetish magazine hidden in a secret place, it's pretty hard.

How good are you at reading body language, subtext, etc? If you're good at that, then you'll probably pick up on their non-verbal cues. If you're not, then good luck figuring out their kink.

 

[Eilan]

If they walk into the room wearing a horses head, hooves and tail butt plug, it's pretty easy to figure out.

Yup. Latex fetish.

 

[culloden]

Yup. Latex fetish.

Lit needs a Like button.

 

[Jessica_29]

Lit needs a Like button.

I'd 'Like' this post if there was one!

 

[Goey]

Just start off light. I'm very open so my advice is hardly gospel (when I wanted anal I just asked "Do you want to fuck my ass?").

But well, while your going down on someone try playing with their bum a bit and then a bit more each time.

If you like latex buy her something sexy in that. A light bite and a spank to test the waters of rough sex etc.

Or you could always do that thing a lot of people here seem to avoid and "communicate" and talk about your fetishes.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Or you could always do that thing a lot of people here seem to avoid and "communicate" and talk about your fetishes.

You know, that idea is just crazy enough that it might work!

 

[NightL]

You know, that idea is just crazy enough that it might work!

and if they have been open enough to hint they have a fetish, they sure as hell will be just hoping you will ask...

 

[amofiga]

I have been told that generally you are suppose to pick up on this via subtle ques, but I seem to be blind. How do you figure out someone fetish without them telling you?

How open would this person be to reading/writing fantasies? Would they freak out if you gave them a book or story from Lit that hit on several preferences (anal, dirty talking, bondage, etc) and see what they think of it? Would they freak out if you wrote a fantasy story and asked them to reply in kind? In the past I did this with several women to "break the ice".

I used to submit stories to Forum and Variations and some were published. Some women never even heard of these magazines and I gave them a couple to read to see if they liked any of the stories. A couple said it was disgusting trash and that pretty much signaled that the relationship was going nowhere. However, most had some comments that ranged from subtle interest to wild entheusium and it opened up more communication. Often, people are afraid to discuss their preferences and kinks because they are afraid of being judged. Once you show that you accept others, they respond by accepting you. If it doesn't happen that way, it's not meant to be.

You can also try this with movies that touch on certain things or contain scenes that touch on certain sexual attitudes. Even comedies. Hell reruns of "Sex and the City" would have a lot. I remember they even did a couple of shows about watersports. It offers the opportunity to say "I thought that was pretty wild" or "Pretty hot for a mainstream movie. You like?" Good luck. The key is not reacting totally negatively to whatever someone tells you about their sexual likes and dislikes. Everybody is different. Everybody deserves respect.

 

[satindesire]

I have been told that generally you are suppose to pick up on this via subtle ques, but I seem to be blind. How do you figure out someone fetish without them telling you?

Whoever told you that lied.

Good sex requires communication.

 

[Elaya]

Two thoughts...

1... try to gather a few different "play objects" and make an adult "play chest".
Your partner gets to pick something different out of the "chest" .. see what they go for..


2. email your SO's (private/home) email .. tell them you want to try reading them a bed time story. GO though Lit (or find a varied fetish short stories book.. if one exists) .. if the titles arn't obvious enough as to the fetish.. give one line subdescriptions... and ask them to pic. Post titles in the email.. and ask them to let you know which story they want to hear.

 

[serpentwrap]

Or.... Just write a story on some of the fetishes you like. Tell her you have written the erotica story just for her. Let her read it. And wait for her reactions. If she gets upset, you can always say truthfully that you had written that work of "fiction" as testing the water, and that it is onloy a story. If she doesn't seem upset, let her mull over your story for a week or less. She herself will give you cues boldly that you can't miss.


And if you miss it even then, go to the Himalayas and become a celibate monk.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

I think the whole idea is bogus. I can't imagine meeting someone in a normal situation, talking to them a few minutes, or even more and be able to have any idea what their fetishes are. Unless, of course, they come right out and tell you. Then the original point is moot.

MIke

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

When I was a teenager, I was given the advice that I wasn't ready to have sex with someone unless we could both stand in a fully-lit room, completely naked, and stare at each other, without any shame or embarrassment.

The version of this I use in my current relationship is that we aren't ready to engage in a kink/fetish with each other unless we can sit on the couch, fully-clothed, and talk about it waaaaay beforehand (shame and embarrassment optional ).

Things were touch and go before we arrived at that last approach. Some things worked, while others were disasters, both physically and emotionally. But since we started using that approach, things have been great.

So I'll echo everyone else and say: just talk about it.

 

[analgirl69]

When I was a teenager, I was given the advice that I wasn't ready to have sex with someone unless we could both stand in a fully-lit room, completely naked, and stare at each other, without any shame or embarrassment.

The version of this I use in my current relationship is that we aren't ready to engage in a kink/fetish with each other unless we can sit on the couch, fully-clothed, and talk about it waaaaay beforehand (shame and embarrassment optional ).

Things were touch and go before we arrived at that last approach. Some things worked, while others were disasters, both physically and emotionally. But since we started using that approach, things have been great.

So I'll echo everyone else and say: just talk about it.

Sometimes they lie when you try to talk about it because thy are afraid of your reaction. If you want to make someones fetishes/fantasies come true, if you have access to their computer, check the history to see what they watch in porn and replicate. Of course, you may be shocked by what you find since it won't be watered down.

 

[blulilacgrl]

When I was a teenager, I was given the advice that I wasn't ready to have sex with someone unless we could both stand in a fully-lit room, completely naked, and stare at each other, without any shame or embarrassment.

The version of this I use in my current relationship is that we aren't ready to engage in a kink/fetish with each other unless we can sit on the couch, fully-clothed, and talk about it waaaaay beforehand (shame and embarrassment optional ).

Things were touch and go before we arrived at that last approach. Some things worked, while others were disasters, both physically and emotionally. But since we started using that approach, things have been great.

So I'll echo everyone else and say: just talk about it.

I completely second this! Matters of the bedroom are best discussed OUTSIDE of the bedroom in a nice casual, nonjudgmental fashion. We even go the extra step and discuss and then wait 24 hours before trying anything new. Just to give each other time to really think about it, see if we have any more questions, want to do some more research, etc...

But my personal thinking is if you can't talk about it... umm you're probably not ready to do it.

Just my opinion feel free to take it, leave it, or flush it.

 

[Thefamiliar]

What constitutes a fetish?

I thought a fetish was something that turns you on everytime it happens. Like toe sucking or such. If my assumption is correct, then it is possible some people don't have one right?

I am wracking my brain and cant come up with anything in particular that works everytime.

I agree communication, but asking whats your fetish? Might get an I don't know.

If its clothing, just go for it sometime. Heels, latex, corsets etc. that doesnt really require a whole conversation. Its a safe surprize factor.

Anything that requires active participation, talk about it. Would you ever or have you ever? Are pretty easy icebreaking questions.