How to spicing up marriage?

[aziegmann]

What’s the best way for starting a conversation with your partner about sexual fantasies or other options to spice up your relationship? What are the best questions to ask without creating tension in the relationship?

What works best? Asking for a conversation about the main topic (sexual fantasies) or cutting to the chase and telling your partner what you would like to try someday?

What was your experience like? Did your partner initiate the conversation or did you? And how did you do it so that communication flowed well?

 

[staylate]

After a few years of marriage, I confessed to my wife that I wanted to see her with another guy. She was certainly surprised, but she was comfortable discussing it. We've turned it into a fantasy. While it hasn't happened, I was able to discuss this rather odd (at least to her) request because we have a good relationship and because we both feel comfortable saying yes, and no, to each other.

You certainly know your wife best, and you probably know when she's amendable to the conversation. I think the key, though, is that she feels comfortable saying no.

 

[hulmule]

After a few years of marriage, I confessed to my wife that I wanted to see her with another guy. She was certainly surprised, but she was comfortable discussing it. We've turned it into a fantasy. While it hasn't happened, I was able to discuss this rather odd (at least to her) request because we have a good relationship and because we both feel comfortable saying yes, and no, to each other.

You certainly know your wife best, and you probably know when she's amendable to the conversation. I think the key, though, is that she feels comfortable saying no.

Your lucky your able to talk about it... My wife wont even discuss anything sexual..

 

[staylate]

Your lucky your able to talk about it... My wife wont even discuss anything sexual..

TBH, I was a little nervous about it. I kinda just blurted it out. We can talk about sex plenty, but she's pretty conservative sexually, so I don't bring up things too often. And after 18 years of marriage, I know when she's willing to have these conversations and when she's not. I'm sorry yours won't even let you address the topic. Have you considered asking her about sex therapy, or anything like that?

 

[hulmule]

No thats not going to happen... sadly

 

[staylate]

What do you want her to do? PM if you'd rather chat there, or feel free to tell me to mind my own business.

 

[KatieDoes]

What’s the best way for starting a conversation with your partner about sexual fantasies or other options to spice up your relationship? What are the best questions to ask without creating tension in the relationship?

What works best? Asking for a conversation about the main topic (sexual fantasies) or cutting to the chase and telling your partner what you would like to try someday?

What was your experience like? Did your partner initiate the conversation or did you? And how did you do it so that communication flowed well?

The best way to ensure that your partner feels safe opening up to you about sex is to ensure they feel safe, heard, valued, considered, and supported enough to open up to you about things that aren’t sex.

 

[aziegmann]

After a few years of marriage, I confessed to my wife that I wanted to see her with another guy. She was certainly surprised, but she was comfortable discussing it. We've turned it into a fantasy. While it hasn't happened, I was able to discuss this rather odd (at least to her) request because we have a good relationship and because we both feel comfortable saying yes, and no, to each other.

You certainly know your wife best, and you probably know when she's amendable to the conversation. I think the key, though, is that she feels comfortable saying no.

How did you do it in practice? Did you simply say what you wanted or did you use metaphors that left the idea implied, instead of going straight to the point?

And what exactly did she say that made you sure she was comfortable with the idea? Is she comsidering to do it someday or is it definitive the decision of not let this to happen and make it only as a fantasy?

And as a fantasy, probably both of you make it work by using dirty talking during sex, right?

 

[staylate]

How did you do it in practice? Did you simply say what you wanted or did you use metaphors that left the idea implied, instead of going straight to the point?

And what exactly did she say that made you sure she was comfortable with the idea? Is she comsidering to do it someday or is it definitive the decision of not let this to happen and make it only as a fantasy?

And as a fantasy, probably both of you make it work by using dirty talking during sex, right?

I think I just blurted it out one day as we were either about to have sex, or had just finished. She was surprised to say the least. I think her response was "that might take me some time to get used to." I knew that that meant it wasn't likely to happen, but that's ok. I asked once and never really asked again. So it has only stayed a fantasy.

But yes, typically, I'll finger her and tell her about what her and the other guy are doing. She cums like crazy when we really get into it. She loves the fantasy, but the reality still is elusive and likely will be.

 

[aziegmann]

After a few years of marriage, I confessed to my wife that I wanted to see her with another guy. She was certainly surprised, but she was comfortable discussing it. We've turned it into a fantasy. While it hasn't happened, I was able to discuss this rather odd (at least to her) request because we have a good relationship and because we both feel comfortable saying yes, and no, to each other.

You certainly know your wife best, and you probably know when she's amendable to the conversation. I think the key, though, is that she feels comfortable saying no.

I think she is, but one day, after sex, she told me about being curious about what it would be like to receive oral sex from another woman, even though she knew she wasn't a lesbian.

She only told me this once, and I remember asking her if she would be comfortable with it, and she said she couldn't answer me without trying. She also said she would only do it with a woman who was more masculine-minded, not someone who was too delicate or anything like that.

 

[staylate]

I think she is, but one day, after sex, she told me about being curious about what it would be like to receive oral sex from another woman, even though she knew she wasn't a lesbian.

She only told me this once, and I remember asking her if she would be comfortable with it, and she said she couldn't answer me without trying. She also said she would only do it with a woman who was more masculine-minded, not someone who was too delicate or anything like that.

Well, that's pretty exciting! My wife was a solid no on other women. She has no interest in a lesbian experience, sadly.
You haven't brought it up since then?

 

[aziegmann]

I think I just blurted it out one day as we were either about to have sex, or had just finished. She was surprised to say the least. I think her response was "that might take me some time to get used to." I knew that that meant it wasn't likely to happen, but that's ok. I asked once and never really asked again. So it has only stayed a fantasy.

But yes, typically, I'll finger her and tell her about what her and the other guy are doing. She cums like crazy when we really get into it. She loves the fantasy, but the reality still is elusive and likely will be.

This sounds really hot and is something I would like to try as a fantasy during sex to observe her reaction. But when I think about it, I’m afraid of not being natural (once I’ve never done this before) or make her uncomfortable.

The first time you did this with your wife, reminding her that it was just for imagination, was she well receptive and comfortable to the first dirty things you said, imagining a third person during sex, or did she hesitate for a moment, considering it was her first time in this sexual dynamic?

 

[aziegmann]

Well, that's pretty exciting! My wife was a solid no on other women. She has no interest in a lesbian experience, sadly.
You haven't brought it up since then?

Not yet, but I want to do it soon, on a day when she's really horny. First, because the idea is really interesting for me. Second, because I don't know if she's thinking about having a solo experience with the other woman or if she's considering the idea of a threesome.

My main question at these times is how to open the subject without seeming like I'm forcing an idea, even though it was something she herself mentioned first some months ago.

 

[staylate]

That's a good question. The first time we did it was several years ago. I think I began by getting her warmed up with my fingers and my mouth on her favorite parts. Once she was revved up, I wove a role play where I hired a very handsome masseuse to give her a private massage. I went through all the motions that he would do, from being completely professional, to slowly pressing boundaries and massaging her erogenous zones, to losing all abandon and having to fuck her. It might have been the biggest orgasm I ever gave her up to that point. But I also know when she's not into it, and I don't press even if I want to go down that road again.

 

[aziegmann]

The best way to ensure that your partner feels safe opening up to you about sex is to ensure they feel safe, heard, valued, considered, and supported enough to open up to you about things that aren’t sex.

Thanks for your message. Any tips of how to do it without seeming like I'm trying to force something and don’t make her think she’s not enough in bed, in a way that sounds natural.

 

[KatieDoes]

Thanks for your message. Any tips of how to do it without seeming like I'm trying to force something and don’t make her think she’s not enough in bed, in a way that sounds natural.

The best way to ensure that your partner feels safe opening up to you about sex is to ensure they feel safe, heard, valued, considered, and supported enough to open up to you about things that aren’t sex.

By being a partner, and by investing your time and effort into her as a person. This portion of the exercise is not something that would involve sex at all.

 

[Sgts19]

We met and married within 6 months..to the day. Another story but she was in a bedroom next to the one I was in and I heard her with her then boyfriend. After we married, I asked her how long before we started dating, she was with this guy. As she was telling me she noticed my hardon...she never mentioned it until later on. When I started out working, she'd go along to convention's and get hit on constantly. As soon as we got back to the room I couldn't wait the fuck her. We started talking about it and I mentioned how it excited me when other men hit on her. Further down the road I asked her to tell me how many guys she slept with..fuck..who were they, what they did and of course how big their cocks were. She started teasing me sometimes about things she did just to get me horny. Moving along I think it was around or late 30's or early 40's that we started playing with our friends. Not planned just sort of happened.

I know everyone is different and looks at things different ways but I couldn't hide how excited I'd get when talking about it. She's knows I'm weird and just excepted it by that point

 

[MH2024hot]

What’s the best way for starting a conversation with your partner about sexual fantasies or other options to spice up your relationship? What are the best questions to ask without creating tension in the relationship?

What works best? Asking for a conversation about the main topic (sexual fantasies) or cutting to the chase and telling your partner what you would like to try someday?

What was your experience like? Did your partner initiate the conversation or did you? And how did you do it so that communication flowed well?

Well, I've been working up to this in my marriage for a few years. Incremental steps. Because she is super religious and conservative. But she also really enjoys sex so that's my in. And we have a strong caring relationship and she wants to please me within some boundaries but she does not have the initiative to start so I have to lead on this.

I made it part confession and part excuse. Our sex life is sparse and not imaginative so I said my porn habit was partly to cope. Because if she would take sex more seriously I wouldn't feel the need to jack off. And I was very detailed about what I like and how I jerk off and how often. I wanted her to know explicit details so nothing was left to imagination and to take the shock out of it. Like, "here we are having a casual convo about my husband cumming all over his chest staring at Sunny Leoni masturbating with a dildo."

Amazingly, our church group talked about porn some time ago and I used that as a vehicle to express my disagreement with some of the sweeping statements and Anti-porn cliches. I professed agreement with some of what was said so I could be nuanced and not completely argumentative.

I agreed that me and solo porn is wrong for us but enjoying "erotica" in appropriate doses as a couple can bring us together. She is receptive to that. Not completely sold but receptive. And no way in heck she would have been 5 years ago but she's been opening up more.

I've gotten her to go to a sex store, browse the explicit aisles, buy me a sex toy and watch me use it (and she was playful and fun), I've used sex toys on her, but that's still a work in progress in terms of doing it more often, admitted that I like watching and being watched, and said I want to reveal new fantasies to her.

 

[MH2024hot]

After a few years of marriage, I confessed to my wife that I wanted to see her with another guy. She was certainly surprised, but she was comfortable discussing it. We've turned it into a fantasy. While it hasn't happened, I was able to discuss this rather odd (at least to her) request because we have a good relationship and because we both feel comfortable saying yes, and no, to each other.

You certainly know your wife best, and you probably know when she's amendable to the conversation. I think the key, though, is that she feels comfortable saying no.

That's my next big step. I've hinted at it. I'll prob frame it as I enjoy the idea of her receiving pleasure with reckless abandon and the idea that her womanly body and looks would get any man aroused and cumming quickly, which makes me aroused. Also, that I like the idea of her complete cock satisfaction, something different than mine.

She's very religious so I have to take this cautiously but I'm going to get there! We have a very strong relationship and she feels safe with me, so I'll just frame this in terms of fantasy. Because it is. Anything more than fantasy would need to be suggested by her. I know my wife well enough to not seriously suggest it, and I can easily get off sexually just talking about it with her, and using sex toys as part of the fantasy.

I once mentioned setting up a fake profile with her pic on a dating website and seeing who responds. Another fantasy is watching her get hypnotized and another is pretending to be strangers at a club and hooking up, but I have yet to reveal those.

 

[aziegmann]

That's my next big step. I've hinted at it. I'll prob frame it as I enjoy the idea of her receiving pleasure with reckless abandon and the idea that her womanly body and looks would get any man aroused and cumming quickly, which makes me aroused. Also, that I like the idea of her complete cock satisfaction, something different than mine.

She's very religious so I have to take this cautiously but I'm going to get there! We have a very strong relationship and she feels safe with me, so I'll just frame this in terms of fantasy. Because it is. Anything more than fantasy would need to be suggested by her. I know my wife well enough to not seriously suggest it, and I can easily get off sexually just talking about it with her, and using sex toys as part of the fantasy.

I once mentioned setting up a fake profile with her pic on a dating website and seeing who responds. Another fantasy is watching her get hypnotized and another is pretending to be strangers at a club and hooking up, but I have yet to reveal those.

What was her reaction when you mentioned about setting up a fake profile? Was she receptive to this idea? Did she ask some time to get comfortable with it? Or did you both go for it just as a funny experience?

With my wife, someday we were talking about people who post their pics in online services such as Only Fans. It happened during a foreplay moment, when she was very hot with her black lingerie, and then she mentioned, joking with me, about post some pics there as well, not showing her face, just as a test and see users reaction. It seemed to me something very hot, but at the end we didn’t do it, because I thought it was beyond our own limits (maybe).

She mentioned this idea as a joke, but everytime she does it, it seems to me as if she’s up fot it and other spicing things.

Anyone here is experiencing or have experienced something like this?

 

[aziegmann]

I enjoy the idea of her receiving pleasure with reckless abandon and the idea that her womanly body and looks would get any man aroused and cumming quickly, which makes me aroused.

There was a time, during foreplay, I mentioned about two tongues getting her arouse at the same time, and she immediately asked me; “Would you like it? Two mouths over me?”, with a malicious expression in her face.

It made think about it sometimes… Maybe it’s something she wants to, depending only on my response to be sure if I’m open for it or not. I really don’t know… Sometimes I think I would doing something risky only if I mention this situation (and her reaction) again.

 

[staylate]

That's my next big step. I've hinted at it. I'll prob frame it as I enjoy the idea of her receiving pleasure with reckless abandon and the idea that her womanly body and looks would get any man aroused and cumming quickly, which makes me aroused. Also, that I like the idea of her complete cock satisfaction, something different than mine.

She's very religious so I have to take this cautiously but I'm going to get there! We have a very strong relationship and she feels safe with me, so I'll just frame this in terms of fantasy. Because it is. Anything more than fantasy would need to be suggested by her. I know my wife well enough to not seriously suggest it, and I can easily get off sexually just talking about it with her, and using sex toys as part of the fantasy.

I once mentioned setting up a fake profile with her pic on a dating website and seeing who responds. Another fantasy is watching her get hypnotized and another is pretending to be strangers at a club and hooking up, but I have yet to reveal those.

Once I decided to explore the fantasy with her, she was all in for it! She loved me talking about it. Of course, I can only draw from that well so often, so we don't discuss it much. But it's such a turn-on. I use the same language--how much guys find her attractive, how any guy would love to get with her and touch her and feel her. She loves that stuff. I think a fake dating profile could be hot, you guys could look at it together and she could even picture some of the guys fucking her while you weave the fantasy for her. Good luck with this! I hope you let us know how it goes.

 

[MH2024hot]

I will. Our next trip is when I plan to really try to explore this. One of the things I want to experiment with is her watching me jerk off to a magazine of women masturbating, like Playboy or Penthouse lingerie. Something soft core. I've mentioned it several times and she hasn't shot it down. Nerve racking to ask because she has been anti porn her whole life, I mean 100 percent.

But if I can get her there, that's really crossing the Rubicon, a major step forward. I've conditioned her to this by telling her that I've been masturbating to this for YEARS. So it's not new, not recent and nothing to be worried about because nothing bad has resulted contrary to the horror stories she hears in these sermons. I've had her watching me jerk off with a sex toy and she's cool with it, offers for me to do this and she likes it (and subtle message is that it is ok for me or her to get pleasure elsewhere). I also frame it in terms of using a magazine to help me get hard again after I cum and to go a second round as she cums repeatedly. I said it's like Viagra. And lastly its a form of therapy. For her to see what I've been up to when her priorities are off, when she's not pursuing me as couples should.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Your lucky your able to talk about it... My wife wont even discuss anything sexual..

I keep telling you hilmule, dump the bitch. I am ready for you.

LOL

 

[hulmule]

I keep telling you hilmule, dump the bitch. I am ready for you.

LOL

Do you think you can handle my high sexual drive?