How to cum? (i'm female)

[cumslut4u]

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[cumslut4u]

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[xBuxombabex]

Have you got a decent vibrator?

 

[cumslut4u]

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[Beck31]

You may want to try Fetish and Sexuality Central. You may get more and better replys there.

 

[box13]

First wife was like you. Never did as far as I know. Some history there, which I hope you don't have as an issue (doesn't sound like you do).

I dunno, woman who's always horny and never satisfied....doesn't sound too bad really. Is there a downside?

From what little I've read (and I'm no expert) I'd say good vibrator..the Hitachi Magic Wand is recommended, and some time to yourself to experiment, find out what works. Lots of patience and someone maybe to help who is understanding and willing to try once more.

But I think you can find some who are having a similar experience. So you're not alone. And I would only add that I'm sure you are just "you" and that's fine too.

 

[SweetErika]

Are you on any medications?

How old are you?

What do you do when your arousal level reaches a plateau and/or you start to feel frustrated? Do you keep going, or take a break and try again?

 

[Eilan]

You may want to try Fetish and Sexuality Central. You may get more and better replys there.

Um, no. The How-To Board is exactly where a thread like this should be; this board just doesn't move as fast as the other boards. The Fetish Forum is a cesspool of leg-humpers.

I dunno, woman who's always horny and never satisfied....doesn't sound too bad really. Is there a downside?

What?! You're a dude, right? How would you like it if you were always able to get aroused but could never cum? A constant case of blue balls doesn't sound too bad, right?

I'm interested to see the answers to the questions that Erika has asked.

 

[GrrlFriday]

Don't worry - this is very common. For me, orgasm is a learned thing - I'm still learning how to cum in different positions etc. I would often get oh so close, then everything started to hurt. Sometimes this still happens. For me, it was partially a bloodflow issue - dancing and humping various objects helped me, learning about my anatomy helped too, as did working out what I liked sexually without partners influencing my fantasies.

 

[Eilan]

Don't worry - this is very common. For me, orgasm is a learned thing - I'm still learning how to cum in different positions etc. I would often get oh so close, then everything started to hurt. Sometimes this still happens. For me, it was partially a bloodflow issue - dancing and humping various objects helped me, learning about my anatomy helped too, as did working out what I liked sexually without partners influencing my fantasies.

The part of your post that I bolded is key, IMO.

 

[cumslut4u]

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[cumslut4u]

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[amofiga]

Someone already said it but sometimes women have a hard time unless they have just the right position and conditions. My wife can come easily on her stomach or side but can't cum on her back, even with oral or a vibrator. If we start on her back, we end up on her on her side or straddling my cock or face when she's nearing orgasm.

Many women like vibrators of various types, but with regard to the Hitachi Magic Wand mentioned above, my wife finds it too intense and gets her off too quickly without enough "build up" as she puts it. It's over with too quickly and not as satisfying. On the other hand, maybe that would be good for you.

I know guys can indeed have trouble cumming as they get older. Somebody said, "What if you're a guy and can't cum?" It can happen as you get much older and the more you think about it and the more you worry about it, the worse it gets. I assume it's the same for women. It seems when you can relax and not worry about it, it happens better. HOWEVER, if it's been going on for a long time, it may be worth seeing a doctor. It could actually be something with the structure of your genital area. If you can't cum via masturbation when you know exactly how and where and at what rate/pressure feels good, then there is something else going on either physically or mentally. I've heard of super religious people not being able to let themselves go and cum, but somebody like you who has had threesomes and "great partners" who have been sensitive to your needs obviously doesn't seem that hung up about "guilt".

Good luck and hopefully once you get off well, it will keep getting easier.

 

[cumslut4u]

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[Beck31]

You should not feel guilty about masturbating. That can be a problem when a partner is not sensitive to your needs and it prevents you from climaxing. Best of luck to you.

 

[brunette1989]

I have to say that I have the same problem.
Although by myself I think I cum, or being fingered.
I don't know, I'm still not sure if I actually do or not.
But during sex I definitely have not. As you said I get to a point where I'm extremely close, but I either lose it or the guy finishes and then I can't get it back. Very Frustrating!!!

 

[brunette1989]

When I masturbate, it feels ambarrassing, although I am alone. I'm not sure that It's guilt

There are lots of different things you can try to overcome it. Maybe try in the shower, or put music on. I find that background noise helps sometimes because it distracts your brain from thinking too much about what you're doing.
Also lights off, dim room, under the covers in your bed.

 

[Loverskitten]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm the same way with partners.

Get yourself a Hitachi Magic Wand. Amazon has good prices and get the package deal with the 2 attachments. Don't be embarrassed, turn the lights down or even under the covers, TV or music. You'll wonder why it took so long to discover it, I did.

 

[stucknut]

I have learned that mutual massage with a partner is a great way to relax and experience pleasure without the pressure to achieve orgasm. I can be a means to get outside of your head and be absorbed by the sensual experience.

I know it's cliche but low light, gentle music, massage oils, it can be very enjoyable. jus sayin

 

[cumslut4u]

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[Crea(m)]

Do you enjoy receiving oral sex? I had a partner who very rarely could cum in any position if she did not get oral sex as foreplay. With oral sex, however, she could always reach orgasm. Sometimes during oral sex, but usually she did not want to get there during oral. So she would stop me and we would have intercourse. SHe would then always cum. It was all about needing oral. Even toys and her fingers did not usually get her to climax.

 

[cumslut4u]

I enjoy giving oral..I know, weird, huh?

 

[cumslut4u]

Way off topic...but I'm trying to put my picture in my profile. I've already resized to 25% and It's still too big. Is there another way?

 

[SweetErika]

Way off topic...but I'm trying to put my picture in my profile. I've already resized to 25% and It's still too big. Is there another way?

Resize based on pixels so the largest dimension is 250 pixels, not percentage, and when you save the new 250 pixel image as a jpg, you may need to lower the image quality a bit so the file size is under 29.3 KB. What editing software are you using?

I'm a strong believer in people learning how to do common tasks like this themselves, but if you've tried, googled/asked for instructions on resizing and you still can't get anywhere, there is a thread around here where you can post your image and have someone resize it for you. I think it's called "Need a pic resized?" or something to that effect. Going that route will probably take longer than figuring out how to resize it yourself, however.

Back on topic, it sounds to me like there are A LOT of possible causes for your lack of orgasms. There's some discomfort/guilt/shame about masturbation and sex, the meds likely are having an impact, you haven't found the right combination of things that works for you yet, not orgasming is causing anxiety that perpetuates the cycle, etc.

Anyway, I'd start with the psychological part, i.e. getting rid of any misgivings you have about the incredibly healthy thing called masturbation. And masturbation--not sex with a partner--is where you're most likely to figure out exactly what works for you as a unique individual, BTW. Figure out what your reservations are, where they're coming from, and combat those feelings with logical thoughts and affirmations.

Of course the physical component is undeniably important as well. People (myself included) are suggesting the Hitachi Magic Wand with at least the curved attachment because it's given generations of women of all ages their first and/or most powerful orgasms. I'm totally evidence of the "most powerful" part at least. While I can come from other types of stimulation, intense, focused stimulation is almost always necessary to get close, and always required to have a really physically satisfying orgasm. My beloved Hitachi provides that specific stimulation in spades, although I really love it because it's such a multitasker.

So, I'd say start with both of those pieces and just see what happens. Figure out how you can enjoy discovering what you like vs. what makes you orgasm. Don't worry about it or pressure yourself (easier said than done, I know!). If you hit a roadblock and the issue is bothering you, I'd strongly suggest seeing a sex therapist who can help you work through some of the mental stuff and give you specific suggestions based on your situation. It sounds like you're getting close, and if you do a lot of the groundwork yourself now (considering and reworking your views on masturbation/sexuality, trying a bunch of things out), you may very well only need a few sessions.

 

[cumslut4u]

Thank you so much Erika!