How to cum? (i'm female)

[box13]

Box, What do you me by past issues? It has been a problem it the past. Always.)

Molested by her father. Lots of guilt and shame about sex I think. Plus, well, lets just face the fact that I was a horny teenager jerk.

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The Fetish Forum is a cesspool of leg-humpers.

What?! You're a dude, right? How would you like it if you were always able to get aroused but could never cum? A constant case of blue balls doesn't sound too bad, right?
---

Is it ok that these responses made me laugh out loud?

*giggle* Ya, they made me laugh too....can't help it when those zingers come back at you. I was being a little teasing about the "being horny all the time" part, so I apologize to you (and all) if it was interpreted wrong (and apparently it was).

There's a reason you're feeling guilty or ashamed about masturbating. Might help to find out why, understand yourself better, discover something that could help you replace that nervous reaction with something positive. Sex is all in your head I hear. It is difficult to enjoy when your mind isn't able to focus.

From all of your posts and your kind responses, you do really sound like a wonderful person. I (and I'm sure all here) hope you make some progress, one step at a time, something to feel a little better and more at ease about it, soon.



PS: And all of us "cesspool leg-humper" boys really do want you to have confidence and enjoy yourself and your beautiful body.

 

[cumslut4u]

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[OnceFuturePoly]

Alcohol doesn't solve many problems, but...

Take a glass of wine, beer, or one of the pre-mixed goodies/coolers next time you work on relaxing enough to hit the big "O". If you're not a drinker, 1/2 glass may due just fine.

It will reduce inhibitions that might be in your way. After you've done it once, you'll be able to do it again and again without "medicinal" help.

 

[box13]

I guess I do have a similar history as she does. Except for it wasn't my father. It was from age 6 until I was12yrs old.

I'm really, really, very, very sorry. And angry. I was not someone who found themselves betraying the trust of someone so vulnerable, but at some point in my life I realized that most of the women I've known were hurt by this problem.

Congratulations on your success with posting your profile picture. You look absolutely stunning. I'm sure you're a beautiful person, inside and out.

I suppose most people in one way or another are unsatisfied with their sex life, so in that way you aren't alone, just different in a more different way. From your posts, you seem like a fantastic lover and any guy would be lucky to have you by his side. Don't see how anyone could complain. I wish you the best.

 

[cumslut4u]

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[Corwith]

To begin with; try not to focus so much on reaching your orgasm so much as enjoying the journey. Find the places, and explore the themes and areas of your body which stimulate you the most and allow yourself to immerse yourself in the simple pleasure and joy of it. The clitoris and g-spot are classic erogenous zones, so are the breasts (particularly the nipples). If you haven't already, you might also try anal play. Some girls can come from that alone, but it will take some getting accustomed to and some patience on your part. Cleanliness can be a virtue in that area and lube can be a great aid for masturbation in general. You are likely to also have some other areas which tickle your senses; like your neck, your inner-thighs, your ears... They could be anywhere. It's up to you and/or your lover to find them, if you don't already know where they are.

Set the mood as best as you can and try to time it so that you don't have to worry about any outside and unnecessary distractions. Nothing kills an orgasm like worry. If you need some mental stimulation, there are plenty of free porn sites of both the video and image variety. You've also, obviously, stumbled on at least one of the literary. If none of the above sounds appealing to you; with a little imagination, the mind can do wonders. But I would suggest exploring a variety of different themes with an open mind and finding the ones that work the best for you. You might even surprise yourself. There are all kinds of fetishes and preferences out there, and there are plenty of things catering to all of them.

Anyway; I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Eilan]

PS: And all of us "cesspool leg-humper" boys really do want you to have confidence and enjoy yourself and your beautiful body.

Thank you for proving my point.

 

[zTraveler]

Orgams



Sorry to read about your dilemna. My first ex had trouble achieving orgasm with my cock. But could get off using my fingers. Her clitoris was a little off position for normal sex.

I read through the posts and it appears that you've covered pretty much everything.

A few of my thoughts

Have you ever been able to have an orgasm? I'm guessing either by masturbation oral, or even penetration or since on this thread a vibrator?

If not, you may want to bring this up to your gynocologist the next time that you see him/her. There may be help there. Bring up to the doc your medications and some of your feelings about masturbation and sex in general. You may be able to find some help there. This is no place for embarassment with your doc,

You may be putting too much pressure on yourself now. As some others have said, go with the flow. If you do have some kind of guilt feelings with masturbation, that could be an indicator of staunch Catholic, New England, guilt laden teachings on sex. (How many people did I piss off with that last comment.

It is possible that your emotional interest won't allow you to let go. I once dated a woman who was still so attached to her ex that she couldn't cum without a vibrator unless it was with him. While we dated, she would still see him every now and then and have sex and have orgasms.

So you may have to wait for the one that you truly love and are willing to give him or her your all, including orgasms.

Good luck

PM me if you would like to continue the chat.

 

[GrrlFriday]

It's also entirely possible that you've had weak orgasms in the past, but haven't identified them as such - thinking that an orgasm has to be toe-curling, fireworks-everywhere, 72 trombones playing etc. Sometimes, it's just a buildup, buildup, buildup, then just.. the absence of tension, without any discernible pleasure. Trying just to enjoy the journey and keep my mind in the moment helps me not be so disappointed if I can't cum.

 

[123Josh]

Hi everyone, I'm new to posting here but I have an issue that I need help with. ..I can't cum! What would cause this? Don't get me wrong, I get very turned on. I've had some great partners too. I have a couple threesomes and some of my other fantasies ended up happening. After all this, It's still like there is a wall there! Is there any hope for changing this?

Sorry if that was tmi

ps.. by help, I don't mean that I want someone to try to get me off. I want some advice.

Thanks for any replies: )

You should trying incorporating anal into your sex life to see if that helps. Sometimes a little extra spice does!

 

[cumslut4u]

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[LoveToLurk]

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. For me, relaxation was the key to learning how to cum. When I get super aroused, I used to have to concentrate really hard on unclenching my kegel muscles. That helps a lot. If you still feel embarrassed about masturbating, keep reading the masturbation threads - I hope it "normalizes" touching yourself for you. It's a very kind thing you can do for yourself. You are on a high dose of wellbutin. Wellbutrin is an SSRI that tends not to cause as many sexual side effects as some other SSRI's, but any of them can inhibit sexual response. Some people on SSRI's find it helpful to take gingko biloba (a supplement), as it increases blood flow in the body. Best wishes to you. Don't give up.

 

[Youremine]

I couldn't agree more! Learning your body is key. I would also ask if you are taking any meds? That could be causing the issue as well

 

[Rob1514]

I'm too lazy to do the research, but I remember reading that there is a percentage of women who simply do not have orgasms. If I recall, often they wished to know what they were missing, but they weren't particularly unhappy about it. If you want to go through the trouble to make sure nothing is "broken" medically or psychologically, you might find you are in that percentage.

If you want to make absolutely sure, then come see me ...


I'm kidding

 

[Rob1514]

This might help http://www.sogc.org/health/health-myths_e.asp

 

[Instructions4u]

I hope this helps you

Firstly, know that I am a man, but I have always been fascinated and in absolute awe of a womans ability an variable nature of her orgasm. This intrest and fetish of mine has led me to seek all the most explicite amateur porn and women I could find which exhibit and are willing to exhibit in my presence.

With that said, this is my take.

1- there are as many ways to reach orgasm as there are women. Each is it's own creature.
2- medications absolutely affect ability, in both regards. Keep in mind that some may take 2 weeks or so to get out of your system. My girls have had particular success with Xanax and alcohol, although not at the same time unless you are looking to die.
3- more alcohol.
4- the hitachi wand is a big help
5- and top of the list- time, relaxation, acceptance-in the regard that the acceptance allows you to continue trying different things.
6- sometimes over use of one meathod or device can de-sensitize your organs and mind. I am a true believer in that a few steps back can propel you further than ever imagined. What did not work yesterday may well work today.
7-you must prepare yourself for whatever you want. That prep could be you alone going to the stores to purchase items of Particular intrest that you would not normally take the time to get.- but ment exclusively for your own private event with yourself- really sexy clothing, a huge dildo, sented candles, rope to tie yourself up with, clamps, you know.
8-how about fullfiling or at least acting out your most filthy fantasy.
9- most of the women I have known learned how to multi-orgasm, ejaculate, and control the diffeerance between a clitoral and vaginal orgasm. Most simply need to be totally relaxed, take the time to prepare their body and mind, and be 100% confident that it is not only ok to let your body go into a spastic orgasm but also a wonderfull, beautiful thing to give yourself that pleasure, alone or with.
10- thats what I know of a womans orgasm. I really hope I helped you on some level. Just keep trying-and you will come.
10

 

[kduffy102]

What works for me

I was unable to orgasm for many, many years..... I have done a lot of recovery, personal and spiritual growth work over the years but still couldn't get there. I either couldn't get adequately aroused to "go over the top" or if I did hit that peak my body clamped down to stop the sensations. I believe this is secondary to molestation as a child where I apparently learned to stop the physical response that overwhelmed and frightened me. The only time I had any success was if my orgasm happened too unexpectedly for my muscles to shut it down. As you can imagine, way beyond frustrating...... and because of my difficulties, I avoided dating or sexual encounters.

What helped me was a combination of things: 1- I explored my sexuality through reading erotic material which increased my sexual focus, led me to areas that excited me more like BDSM, incest stories, etc. 2- I changed from rather perfunctory clit stimulation to simultaneous g-spot (with some of the newer g-spot toys), clit, and sometimes anal stimulation. (I started ejaculating!) 3- I started smoking pot which I found (with most types but not all) increased my sensuality and sex drive immensely and most importantly.... I was able to stop the climax-killing clamp down of muscles around my clit which had always cut off the sensations in the past....

So now, I am multi-orgasmic, have full-body orgasms that continue to peak and climb over and over, and gush fluid like I can't believe. (I keep a shower curtain handy for under the sheet so I don't ruin my mattress again!)

All that aside, i almost never have a clit orgasm with a partner but have the total sensuality, full body peaks and crests of a g-spot orgasm without that one "be all, end all" feeling, I just keep repeating the peak, plateau, climb cycle as long as I'm stimulated until I get too exhausted to continue. I have my clit orgasms when I masturbate. What works best for me: I smoke out in the tub, use a dildo that sticks on the wall of the tub under the faucet, and let the water trickle on to my clit as I slide forwards and backwards on the dildo. It is very helpful to read erotic material or imagine a fantasy that you know so well you can visualize it in your head. It helps to make sure I'm not tired, avoid rushing," let it, not force it", etc. I, also, find making noises helps. It can help you not hold your breath, regular breathing makes it harder to shut down your sensations. I groan, laugh, cry, sometimes grunt like an animal. Give yourself permission to be totally primal.

Now, I seek out the sexual experiences I desire, am exploring my submissive nature, and have come to love my body (even though it's not shaped the way I want, lol) and the pleasures it can provide me and my partners. Sigh, I love a happy ending, don't you.

 

[bigbritish]

you just need to let yourself get fucked

look, i'm a guy so i can't advise accurately on this topic, but as i understand from pleasuring women you just need to let yourself open up to it... you end up having a lot more control than the situation lets on.

for what it's worth, i suffer from this as a guy and i never let me full manhood come out b/c i think it's frankly dangerous because i'm such a beast

i'm afraid to hurt ppl...

it's psychological, sure, but it's not like it's anything that's deep-rooted in childhood or any other mumbo jumbo because i'm just me...

just let it happen babe and fuckin' feel it!

 

[box13]

I was unable to orgasm for many, many years..... I have done a lot of recovery, personal and spiritual growth work over the years but still couldn't get there. I either couldn't get adequately aroused to "go over the top" or if I did hit that peak my body clamped down to stop the sensations. I believe this is secondary to molestation as a child where I apparently learned to stop the physical response that overwhelmed and frightened me. The only time I had any success was if my orgasm happened too unexpectedly for my muscles to shut it down. As you can imagine, way beyond frustrating...... and because of my difficulties, I avoided dating or sexual encounters.

What helped me was a combination of things: 1- I explored my sexuality through reading erotic material which increased my sexual focus, led me to areas that excited me more like BDSM, incest stories, etc. 2- I changed from rather perfunctory clit stimulation to simultaneous g-spot (with some of the newer g-spot toys), clit, and sometimes anal stimulation. (I started ejaculating!) 3- I started smoking pot which I found (with most types but not all) increased my sensuality and sex drive immensely and most importantly.... I was able to stop the climax-killing clamp down of muscles around my clit which had always cut off the sensations in the past....

So now, I am multi-orgasmic, have full-body orgasms that continue to peak and climb over and over, and gush fluid like I can't believe. (I keep a shower curtain handy for under the sheet so I don't ruin my mattress again!)

All that aside, i almost never have a clit orgasm with a partner but have the total sensuality, full body peaks and crests of a g-spot orgasm without that one "be all, end all" feeling, I just keep repeating the peak, plateau, climb cycle as long as I'm stimulated until I get too exhausted to continue. I have my clit orgasms when I masturbate. What works best for me: I smoke out in the tub, use a dildo that sticks on the wall of the tub under the faucet, and let the water trickle on to my clit as I slide forwards and backwards on the dildo. It is very helpful to read erotic material or imagine a fantasy that you know so well you can visualize it in your head. It helps to make sure I'm not tired, avoid rushing," let it, not force it", etc. I, also, find making noises helps. It can help you not hold your breath, regular breathing makes it harder to shut down your sensations. I groan, laugh, cry, sometimes grunt like an animal. Give yourself permission to be totally primal.

Now, I seek out the sexual experiences I desire, am exploring my submissive nature, and have come to love my body (even though it's not shaped the way I want, lol) and the pleasures it can provide me and my partners. Sigh, I love a happy ending, don't you.

Wow! If your body does all this then I'm sure we all love it too (I know I do!)

 

[chipcarver]

My wife has this problem. As a matter of fact she never had an orgasm until she was in her forties and I was in the picture.
To finely bring her to her first I had to get her mind off trying to cum. I decided to finger her while she performed oral on me. She finally came during this process. All other attempts before and after failed unless I got her mind somewhere else.

Your biggest sex organ is between your ears. Work on that and hopefully your problem may be solved.

Best of luck!

 

[Ruffian_13]

Your biggest sex organ is between your ears. Work on that and hopefully your problem may be solved.

So true! It took me a LONG time to learn how to have an orgasm - I masturbated for years before I was able to stimulate myself enough (toys) and turn my mind off enough to relax and give up control long enough to get there. Like you, my partners would always get me right to the brink, but never over the edge. I still have issues in that it can take me a while to cum now, but I am learning what gets me going, and I'm getting better at communicating that with partners.

On my own, the first few times I actually said to myself that I wasn't allowed to cum - that took off a lot of the pressure, which finally allowed me to get there! The mind is a tricky bitch... especially if you have a history of sexual abuse, it is likely a mental block for you as much as anything else. Have you been able to seek professional guidance to help support yourself with these potential issues - especially directly related to your current sexuality? That may make a world of difference.

Please feel free to PM me if you want!