How many is too many?

[Guest]

Say you're one of the rare people who discusses sexual history with a possible partner. How many sexual partners in this persons past would qualify as too many? What would make you cringe? 20? 50? Or does it not matter to you in the slightest that your new girlfriend or boyfriend has fucked the equivalent of a small town?

Just curious since everyone has different standards.

 

[RastaPope]

cripes, that was me.

 

[SINthysist]

I'd like to see a per day rate.

Any ratio partners/day greater than one would cause me to say no way Jose (or Joetta ). A ratio of .5 would even be a bit touch and go...

 

[Uber Sparky]

Too many - too much - too much of anything........

is bad once it becomes bloated and begins to decay.

Right up until then - it's all good.

 

[SINthysist]

There's another standard. The daily rate of decay also known as sexual half-life...

 

[superlittlegirl]

Well, as I am a confirmed whore, I can't say that I have a numerical standard that I hold my potential partners to. I think that a more important inquiry is to find out what the potential partner's past long term relationships were like, from a qualitative standpoint. I'd care less about how many people someone had fucked than I would care about how they treated other people they were close to, and how they dealt with relationship stress. As long as a person I was considering getting involved with practiced safe sex as a rule and got tested regularly, I would feel confident in my decision to become intimate with him or her.

It certainly does stand to reason that there might be some anxiety on the part of the less experienced person that the slutty one could never be pleased, or would have very exotic sexual tastes, or even that she would have problems being faithful. These are concerns that could be evaluated on a case by case basis, however. Even though I have fucked a lot of people, I am generally able to be pleased sexually if I feel secure in the person I am with. I don't think that the high volume of people I've fucked has changed my sexual tastes much, either, because I like what I like. And though I have no compunctions about fucking numerous people when I am unpartnered, when I am in a relationship I am monogamous to a fault. I have never cheated on a partner, ever.

The question of How Many Is Too Many is oversimplified by taking the quantitative approach. A better approach might be to examine the individual for personality traits that seem beneficial, secure, stable, and appealing. A person who has had fewer sexual partners is no guarantee of good relationship quality-- in fact, the lack of experience might foster a desire for variety that could lead to cheating within the relationship. If someone has passed the stage where exploration is a necessity (from an experiential point of view) I'd say the chance of her being able to be stable, monogamous, and confident in the security of the relationship is great.

--Freya

 

[bknight2602]

Well, as I am a confirmed whore, I can't say that I have a numerical standard that I hold my potential partners to. I think that a more important inquiry is to find out what the potential partner's past long term relationships were like, from a qualitative standpoint.
...
If someone has passed the stage where exploration is a necessity (from an experiential point of view) I'd say the chance of her being able to be stable, monogamous, and confident in the security of the relationship is great.

--Freya

I agree with you the number really doesn't count, just who you wanted to be with at the time. If your new friend has problems with that then they can either live with or get out. I married a woman that had had probably 5 times the sexual partners than I had had, but we still clicked and the rest is history.

 

[sexy-girl]

as long as she hasnt slept with any of your family members i dont think it matters

 

[Tantanah]

The past is the past so it wouldn't matter. We would just have to do a medical check for any communicable diseases.

 

[bknight2602]

as long as she hasnt slept with any of your family members i dont think it matters

I'm not sure that would matter, I have known several people who sleep with one brother/sister and then end up with the other

 

[hogjack]

When confronted with the "How many...

...have you had sex with?"-type question I only hesitate when they whip out a spreadsheet with graphs & charts.

I'll admit at that point I'm usually pretty intimidated.

 

[peachykeen]

I would say it also would make a hug difference if the person way, say, 22, than 44, know what I mean?

 

[Guest]

I'm pretty sure I can hundle twelve or so lesbos at a time. I aquired a new steel strap-on dildo. I can go on, like, forever.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Sex itself is a game of Russian Roulette. Even the most honest partner has bouts of dishonesty. So even if you are told something, it doesn't mean it's the truth. The best you can do, is put your trust in someone and hope for the best.

Track marks are about the only sure sign of someone you don't want to be with.

 

[someplace]

How many....

[BI only hesitate when they whip out a spreadsheet with graphs & charts....
[/B]

 

[Guest]

what makes any differance of you are happy leave that subject alone!!!

 

[superlittlegirl]

what makes any differance of you are happy leave that subject alone!!!

I do think that RastaPope raises a very important issue, here, and I'm not sure that it's one that should be ignored.

We've established that the health issues can be investigated, and if they are favorable, the physical safety is pretty much a go.

The psychological implications of this issue are much deeper, though. Respect for a partner is one of the most important factors of a relationship. Even though a person's sexual history *should* not matter if she's healthy, the fact of the matter is, it does to some people. If a person has doubts about his partner's ability to be faithful based on past patterns of infidelity, he has every right to bow out of the situation. (I, myself look at past infidelity as a risk factor. Few things must suck more than thinking you're someone's one-and-only and finding out that you're not at your yearly pelvic exam). Everyone has a right to accept or reject a partner based on any number of factors-- I think that RP's query is a much better one to evaluate before the relationship gets serious than after you're 5 months in and there's much more at stake.

Also, if a person is honest enough with himself to know that he has issues about the quantity of lovers his partner has had, it can go one of two ways. One, he can take the advice of many and just get over it, but he may hold a deep-seated disrespect and contempt for his partner that could manifest itself in any number of unsavory ways. It could undermine the success of the relationship from the get-go. His ability to be honest with himself about his level of acceptance is just as important as her willingness to be forthcoming about her past. Some people choose to hide the past, too, to placate a partner or to avoid the implications of possible judgement. So there is the issue, too, of whether your girl has really had 33 instead of the 2 that she told you about just to make you feel secure. Honesty is all around important here. I got slightly off-track, but here is the second potential outcome of that situation. The less experienced partner's honesty about his anxiety could also open a very valuable dialogue about commitment, fidelity, the need for mutual reassurance and hell, maybe he might learn to view her as a resource for learning new sexual skills and expanding his horizons. If this issue can springboard into the establishment of open lines of communication, then it could actually be perceived as a beneficial thing.

I do not closet myself. I'm queer, I'm a whore, and I'm fine with both. I don't lie about my past, and I don't make any excuses for it because I don't regret the things I've done. I'd feel disappointment if a person rejected me as a possible partner because of my past, but I'd be fine with it once the initial sadness had run its course. I'd rather not be with someone who constantly doubted me and judged me according to my past, rather than appreciating how well I treated him or her. But, this IS something that seems to be important to a lot of people (as evidenced by the number of women who refuse to admit to having more sex-partners than three, as a matter of decorum). I'd rather place my bets on someone who could legitimately claim honesty and integrity as their best qualities, rather than relative chastity as the very best they can offer. Because hey-- you never know....

Bottom line, though. A person should not pretend to be fundamentally OK with something he is not. I'd rather be alerted of this opinion from the get-go, and possibly try to discuss the issue and resolve it than be in a relationship with someone who had to hide his contempt for me on a daily basis. But I do think a compromise can be reached in this sort of situation that can provide a sense of security for both partners. It's all about their mutual willingness to try.

--Freya