How has D/s changed your relationship?

[DarkLover]

If you're in a real D/s relationship, would you care to share with me how it changed your relationship--for better AND for worse? I'd really like to know since we're thinking about getting into this more.

Dark Lover

 

[Shadowedge]

Better, at least in my mind.

I think that most, if not all relationships have a power flow between them in the same was that D/S does. The difference is that in a D/s relationship the power dynamic is openly stated, and given limits and forms. At least for me, I found this gave me an appreciation of all the other unstated power dynamics in my life.

Now this comes from my expericnce, which is not a 24/7 D/s relationship. This would, I think at least, be a different proposion than my "bedroom sub" relationship.

The only downside I have experenced is some embarresment over how submissive I am in the Bedroom, and what a slut I am. Other than that very small thing, i think it has made our relatioship stronger. For one thing we share something that is important to me, and that both of us take great joy in. For another, it is difficult to let the petty frustrations of the day build up to an explosion at one's SO when they made you come like crazy the night before.

We are having to figure out how to intigrate D/s into our poly relationships, but even that is only difficult, not tramatic, and diffcult, because the more people you add to anything the more complicated it becomes. (A giraffe is a horse built by committe.)

Best of luck to you,
Shadowedge

 

[Etoile]

My D/s relationship has always involved D/s. It is a fundamental, integral, and natural part of our interactions with each other, since day one. We did have an extremely rocky period at least a year and a half ago (two years? more?) when I got incredibly rude and intolerably harsh at all times. After a lot of tears and talking - over several months - I figured out that I had been acting out from a desire to be put back into my place, but my dominant didn't realize that because being so unspeakably rude was out of character for me. There was serious talk about me having gone off my rocker!

 

[Rrrosyn]

If you're in a real D/s relationship, would you care to share with me how it changed your relationship--for better AND for worse? I'd really like to know since we're thinking about getting into this more.

Dark Lover

I think we're more open. Sitting down to discuss how a scene went. What was good. What there could be more of. What needed improvement and what just didn't work. I never talked sex this much while in a vanilla relationship. If you can laugh and talk about how you accidently spilled the latex all over your own (hairy) thigh while you were postioning him just perfect so you could drip it down his penis... or how the knot wans't too tight for him, but it just wasn't coming undone, so he had to slip out and untie it himself... or how terrified he was that you'd left the room and possibly left the door open and the cat jumped on the bed while he was nude and bound, but you hadn't left the room at all...

If you can laugh and discuss and be open about all this, and in BDSM you have to be open before and after or someone will get hurt seriously next time, then you have a communication level that all couples should have.

It's midnight. Hope that made sense.

 

[DarkLover]

Those comments are helpful. Thanks to those of you who responded.

Yesterday I had the first conversation with my wife about incorporating D/s into our relationship. We're still in the exploring stage (and I'm not even sure I would want a 24/7 D/s relationship), but she was VERY enthusiastic about the idea. I'm going to refer her to some of the information I have (like the Castle Realm web site) so we can both research this together.

Thanks again!

Dark Lover

 

[FurryFury]

My husband and I have been exploring D/s for a short while now. Just since November, have we tried things. Sometimes he takes charge, sometimes I do and it is a lot of fun. Sometimes we are both too tired to do any scene stuff and just fuck. Which is also wonderful.

I think our communication has grown even better, particularly in the area of sex, which I was reluctant to discuss before. The only down side for me has been, wanting to go faster into things than he wants to or perhaps when he states something like he is not into spanking which devastates me. That was all part of the learning and exploring process though. I swear he can't keep from spanking when he is in charge now. I don't think he likes that he enjoys it so much.

The sex which was already pretty damn good is off the charts great now.

Works for me!

Fury

 

[Quint]

Better communication, better self-awareness, less uptight and formal--which is funny, considering all the rules and regulations. I feel like I can be completely honest with him, even about the things that I would normally keep silent about, like the desire to fuck other people, deep dirty fantasies, my occasional complete lack of any sexual mood, etc. This may just be because he's fucking wonderful and not at all because of the Dee Ess but the two just go hand-in-hand in my mind.

Downsides...only that I don't have a clue where we will go when we're having our midlife crisis and trying to spice things up in the bedroom. And some frustration about what we can express in public without crossing any professional lines. Comparatively, that's nothin.