How do you help someone get over being abused

[onlyerics]

Hi, Malaria.

You could try looking in your phone book under counselors. Anyway, that's what I did. I just chose one and called her to make an appointment. They will work with you with your schedule. I don't know if you are in school or working. Or both. But just tell them what your schedule is and I'm sure they will do their best to come up with a reasonable time.

If you wish, you could ask how much they charge per session. My counselor was pretty flexible about the fees since she understood that some of her clients are not employed or are working part time. So that's a question you might want to ask also.

Hope that helps. Good luck! You can do it!

 

[Malaria]

on that note, i'm a student. I can't afford anything

 

[onlyerics]

Usually, there are counselors available in school. You could go to the school clinic as a start and ask them if they could help you find a counselor or refer you one.

Or if your campus is small like mine and there's no clinic, there's an advisement/counseling center. Just ask them if you could be speak to a personal counselor if there is one available.

 

[Malaria]

University, not school. I'm unaware of any counsellors in my uni. Ironically I did try to set up a support group a few years ago. At the time I thought i was over it and wanted to help others. Recently I've been seeing my grandad everywhere, all old men look like him

 

[Noor]

University, not school. I'm unaware of any counsellors in my uni. Ironically I did try to set up a support group a few years ago. At the time I thought i was over it and wanted to help others. Recently I've been seeing my grandad everywhere, all old men look like him

I doubt he meant it that way. here in the states we refer to all institutions of learning as school some times, we also call universities colleges too. Your uni should have something, maybe check their website?

 

[Malaria]

Maybe I'm making myself look stupid but how would a counsellor help me? I've spoken about it before and I'm still where I was in the beginning. A listening ear hasn't helped before.

I don't mean to belittle those who HAVE been helped by counselling

 

[webber1998]

If all you got from counseling was a *listening ear*, you had the WRONG counselor, in my experienced opinion.

Thats not helping you get over something or past an issue, that is taking your hard earned $$$$$$.

That is NOT the way it has been in my experience. Counseling for me was actually HARD work on my part.

 

[onlyerics]

Noor: I was going to say the same thing about school/university/college being used interchangeably, but you beat me to it. Thanks for explaining.

Webber1998 made an excellent point. (Thanks, Webber!) Yes, they are suppose to do more than just listen. Talking about it does help because you get a chance to say what you are feeling without being judged. (And yes, I was judged by my OWN mother when I told her about the abuse.)

The past can never ever be erased. It is sad, but it is also the truth. Honestly, if I had a magic wand, I would erase everyone's bad experiences here including mine, but I can't do that. It will always be there. Heck, my counselor was even honest enough to tell me that she can't help me forget the past but she can help me face the future by helping me cope/deal stressful present-day situations that it seemed like it was impossible to handle. That's where the counseling comes in.

And, no, Malaria, you are not making yourself look stupid but asking these questions. I think it's good that you are being inquisitive. I understand that you want to be helped ( I mean, that's what brought you to this thread, right?) Speaking from my own experience, my past has affected me in many ways in the present. Sometimes, I was aware of it. Sometimes, I wasn't. The times I when I didn't realize it made my relationships with people I love most seem a bit challenging. And that's why I went to counseling.

I'm sure you have your own reasons why you want to go. You said in your earlier post that you were angry. Perhaps, that's one of the reasons why. I hope you will eventually find some answers and start healing.

 

[m.j.h]

Maybe I'm making myself look stupid but how would a counsellor help me? I've spoken about it before and I'm still where I was in the beginning. A listening ear hasn't helped before.

I don't mean to belittle those who HAVE been helped by counselling

Nope no one looks silly in here.

A counsellor should be able to not only understand the problem but give you the ability to deal with it in your everday life so it is something that is just in the background and not in the way of anything else.

I know this cause I take a guy to work who is a counseller and that is what he does, he always has a different book or info to give to clients or to show them what they can do.

As for no one at the uni to help you have a look around as there may be a free service avalible outside of the uni somewhere.

Good luck with it all.

 

[Gil_T2]

few points.....

*you never get over abuse BUT you can learn to deal with it & move on.

*you are the victim of abuse NOTHING more.

*You are the only one who can help you cope with it WITH help from ppl who understand where your at like the ppl here who like you have come through abuse to offer a hand to you & others who might come here.

 

[Gil_T2]

Thanks to everyone offering in posts here.

 

[Chantilyvamp]

few points.....

*you never get over abuse BUT you can learn to deal with it & move on.

*you are the victim of abuse NOTHING more.

*You are the only one who can help you cope with it WITH help from ppl who understand where your at like the ppl here who like you have come through abuse to offer a hand to you & others who might come here.

To add to that, I know it might seem silly to some, I found starting a martial arts program helped more than anything.

I was raped at University by a friend that dropped by our house.

The counsellor didn't really seem to be able to help me with all of my anger. To this day even when I think its all in the past, not felt a thing about it for years it can still pop up.

I then revert back to dealing with the anger. Now days I have moved on to kickboxing and it releases the stress and the anger. Especially if I imagine the persons face and genitals right where I am kicking.

Everyone has their way of dealing with it. Some talk, some beat the shit out of a boxing bag. But either way it is always better out than in.

 

[Avy]

From what I've gathered,

Patience,
Love, and
Understanding

help alot during diffcult times. I don't know if you can actually make someone realize that their life will be better. I think it's a self-actualization thing, however, postive and steady support can change everyone's outlook on life.

Kudos for caring enough to ask a question like this.

I agree.

 

[kikmosa]

As for no one at the uni to help you have a look around as there may be a free service avalible outside of the uni somewhere.

Good luck with it all.

Often your local hospitals will have a service for abuse or rape survivers. Try calling to see who offers this.

 

[Gil_T2]

To add to that, I know it might seem silly to some, I found starting a martial arts program helped more than anything.

I was raped at University by a friend that dropped by our house.

The counsellor didn't really seem to be able to help me with all of my anger. To this day even when I think its all in the past, not felt a thing about it for years it can still pop up.

I then revert back to dealing with the anger. Now days I have moved on to kickboxing and it releases the stress and the anger. Especially if I imagine the persons face and genitals right where I am kicking.

Everyone has their way of dealing with it. Some talk, some beat the shit out of a boxing bag. But either way it is always better out than in.

sadly like all so called professionals there are the good, the bad & the down right ugly with the service that is given by counsellor, I also had one who didn't he was meant to be an abuse counsellor but as soon as i walked in he said why are you here you a man !!!!! & at the end of that first visit he told me yor a man get over it !!!!!! BUT the next counsellor was a gem & started my recovery in the right direction.

 

[Don K Dyck]

sadly like all so called professionals there are the good, the bad & the down right ugly with the service that is given by counsellor, I also had one who didn't he was meant to be an abuse counsellor but as soon as i walked in he said why are you here you a man !!!!! & at the end of that first visit he told me yor a man get over it !!!!!! BUT the next counsellor was a gem & started my recovery in the right direction.

Geez Gil . . . bugger!!! . . . you back on the weed agin?? . . . Geez, I dunno . . . a fella has puta problems and all the old habits creep back in just like bad smells . . .

Time to set up the old ticker agin and start out fresh . . . the beauty of tomorrow is that it gives you a chance for a fresh start . . .

Gil, you'll just have to take some inspiration from Kiki's ticker . . . she is goin' great guns and setting a cracking pace towards her goal . . . well done Kiki!!

How is the lovely bandit?? Are the plans for 9 December going well??

 

[Don K Dyck]

I never told anyone because I never knew it was wrong. Because I was so young when it started I'd never known anything else. He led me to believe that it happened to everyone. My mum only found out because of a chance remark from my younger sister (who he also abused, we also believe he abused one of my cousins, the others he didn't see often enough to groom)

Hi Malaria, welcome to Gil's thread for people who have been abused sexually, mentally, emotionally and any other way.

Firstly, you are a survivor NOT a victim and will get support from all the people who post on this thread.

Secondly, what happened to you and your family is completely inexcusable behaviour by your grandfather and you are not to blame for any of it. Rather, your grandfather abused the trust of his position.

Thirdly, from your post I am a little confused.

Are you upset that your grandfather has died before you spoke up about the abuse??

Are you upset with your mother for 'failing' to stop the abuse once she knew about it?? This response would be quite reasonable given that parents are expected by society to protect their children from all sorts of harm.

Are you upset with yourself because you believed that your grandfather spoke the truth when her said that "it happened to everyone". Well, it doesn't happen to everyone by a long chalk.

From this thread there is one sure thing. The abuser is a 'sick' and probably insecure person who may be reproducing the abuse that they suffered in their youth. Even so, that is never an excuse to continue the unacceptable predatory behaviour.

Fourthly, the beauty of this thread is that we are all at a distance from you and have no reason to be anything but honest in our responses to your posts. For example, Gil and myself are in Australia, halfway around the world from you.

 

[Gil_T2]

Hi Malaria, welcome to Gil's thread for people who have been abused sexually, mentally, emotionally and any other way.

Firstly, you are a survivor NOT a victim and will get support from all the people who post on this thread.

Secondly, what happened to you and your family is completely inexcusable behaviour by your grandfather and you are not to blame for any of it. Rather, your grandfather abused the trust of his position.

Thirdly, from your post I am a little confused.

Are you upset that your grandfather has died before you spoke up about the abuse??

Are you upset with your mother for 'failing' to stop the abuse once she knew about it?? This response would be quite reasonable given that parents are expected by society to protect their children from all sorts of harm.

Are you upset with yourself because you believed that your grandfather spoke the truth when her said that "it happened to everyone". Well, it doesn't happen to everyone by a long chalk.

From this thread there is one sure thing. The abuser is a 'sick' and probably insecure person who may be reproducing the abuse that they suffered in their youth. Even so, that is never an excuse to continue the unacceptable predatory behaviour.

Fourthly, the beauty of this thread is that we are all at a distance from you and have no reason to be anything but honest in our responses to your posts. For example, Gil and myself are in Australia, halfway around the world from you.

DON thanks for the ego lift but the success of this thread is more the ppl who offer their help via posts, as for us being Aussies don't forget BANDIT the Kiwi/ Aussie.

Malaria we are thinking of you.

 

[Gil_T2]

Geez Gil . . . bugger!!! . . . you back on the weed agin?? . . . Geez, I dunno . . . a fella has puta problems and all the old habits creep back in just like bad smells . . . confused:

Time to set up the old ticker agin and start out fresh . . . the beauty of tomorrow is that it gives you a chance for a fresh start . . .

Gil, you'll just have to take some inspiration from Kiki's ticker . . . she is goin' great guns and setting a cracking pace towards her goal . . . well done Kiki!!

How is the lovely bandit?? Are the plans for 9 December going well??

Tabacco is the hardest thing I've had to quit & for some reason I crashed, not anywhere near my old habbit of 50+ a day to 50 a week i know it's way to many & i'm ashamed of myself.

KIKI is doing fantastic & deserves to congratulated on her continued success.

BANDIT the gym junkie is toning up & has lost weight as well & is feeling pleased with herself as it was her decision to start the gym, she is feeling fantastic & things seem to be rolling in the right direction for the wedding & seems that the few things that are not happening won't matter that much to us, the main thing i'm worried about is RAIN !!!!!!!!!

 

[kikmosa]

Tabacco is the hardest thing I've had to quit & for some reason I crashed, not anywhere near my old habbit of 50+ a day to 50 a week i know it's way to many & i'm ashamed of myself.

KIKI is doing fantastic & deserves to congratulated on her continued success.

BANDIT the gym junkie is toning up & has lost weight as well & is feeling pleased with herself as it was her decision to start the gym, she is feeling fantastic & things seem to be rolling in the right direction for the wedding & seems that the few things that are not happening won't matter that much to us, the main thing i'm worried about is RAIN !!!!!!!!!

Kiki's not doing as well as she should. If you'll notice the dates on that scale it's been awhile since I've weighed in. Two reasons for that. I'm working a lot of double shifts right now so my diet is out the window. Plus I'm having a few health issues and the doctor is changing my meds around. That's causeing my wieght to bounce around a bit.

Don't worry Gil, stopping the weed is one of the hardest things to do. I quit over 24 years ago and I still get cravings for them. Just keep trying and I know you'll make it. I have faith in you.

(Ooops, sorry, I just realized I took the dates off so no-one would notice I haven't changed it lately, lol.)

 

[Wolf_Song]

Just passing through again and wonderful to see so many great hearts still here. For those newer here.. you're in the finest of company and hearts with the regulars herein.

Wishing best in hearts peace, love and life to each and all.. always

( with big warm grin n hug for those wishing thusly )

 

[clearlight30]

hey guys
just dropped by and wanted to say you are doing a wonderful service and making a real effort to help people who need some help
don;t forget, you don't have to be perfect, just making the space for people is already a wonderful gift
best wishes

 

[kikmosa]

bump....

 

[Gil_T2]

hey guys
just dropped by and wanted to say you are doing a wonderful service and making a real effort to help people who need some help
don;t forget, you don't have to be perfect, just making the space for people is already a wonderful gift
best wishes

the thread works in different ways as many on here who post have experienced abuse in a range of manners but by offering their help with their posts in reply it does help them as well as the newbie to the thread who is looking for info etc.

 

[kikmosa]

Bumping back to the first page.