How do you help someone get over being abused
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Gil_T2
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Noor said:Hey Kiki!
Hey Gil!
Long time no see!
I will join you in the bump
Hi Noor, because of the treatment some friends have recieved on this site I'm now only visiting this thread plus we have been extreemly busy with training for home haemo dialysis so I/ we don't have to get up early to trek to the hospital, we have basically been only there to use the equipment as we do all the rest ourselves.
MagicFingers
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Congratulations!
Only a little late.
You probably don't know me much. But I have followed you two for many years. And I want to convey my heartfelt congratulations on your marriage and may all your years together be loving and happy ones!
As an ex-racer and a guy with a kidney disease, MGN, I feel an affinity for you both. You are an inspiration to many. HAng in there and keep giving us hope, for many of us need it. You never know how many people you touch by sharing here.
And as for the LIT visitors who have given you a hard time, it brings back a memory of an old saying:
"Illigitimi Non-Carborundum"
or Don't let the bastards grind you down!
Only a little late.
You probably don't know me much. But I have followed you two for many years. And I want to convey my heartfelt congratulations on your marriage and may all your years together be loving and happy ones!
As an ex-racer and a guy with a kidney disease, MGN, I feel an affinity for you both. You are an inspiration to many. HAng in there and keep giving us hope, for many of us need it. You never know how many people you touch by sharing here.
And as for the LIT visitors who have given you a hard time, it brings back a memory of an old saying:
"Illigitimi Non-Carborundum"
or Don't let the bastards grind you down!
Gil_T2
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MagicFingers said:Only a little late.
You probably don't know me much. But I have followed you two for many years. And I want to convey my heartfelt congratulations on your marriage and may all your years together be loving and happy ones!
As an ex-racer and a guy with a kidney disease, MGN, I feel an affinity for you both. You are an inspiration to many. HAng in there and keep giving us hope, for many of us need it. You never know how many people you touch by sharing here.
And as for the LIT visitors who have given you a hard time, it brings back a memory of an old saying:
"Illigitimi Non-Carborundum"
or Don't let the bastards grind you down!
Thanks, it wasn't me who got trashed but several good ppl some I have met in real life & others only from the net & it just came to a head a while back so I decided to leave Lit but can't let this thread go.
If my thread helps anyone it brings me great joy.
I'm an ex racer (dirt track speedway) & are you on dialysis or still heading there?
NOOR
training takes about 8 weeks & have just completed week 2, now we have the idea of set up they are going to throw problems at us with all the buzzers & alarms so they know we can handle it at home.
Bandit58
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MagicFingers said:Only a little late.
You probably don't know me much. But I have followed you two for many years. And I want to convey my heartfelt congratulations on your marriage and may all your years together be loving and happy ones!
As an ex-racer and a guy with a kidney disease, MGN, I feel an affinity for you both. You are an inspiration to many. HAng in there and keep giving us hope, for many of us need it. You never know how many people you touch by sharing here.
And as for the LIT visitors who have given you a hard time, it brings back a memory of an old saying:
"Illigitimi Non-Carborundum"
or Don't let the bastards grind you down!
Hi MF
I had to google MGN, I think I managed to translate what it is from all the double barrelled medical terms! Gil has diabetic nephropathy which is renal failure caused by years of Type 1 diabetes. We do hang in there, although right now he has the flu and I'm coming down with it too (nothing like sharing is there!)
Thank you everyone for your good wishes, it really does help when right now we are both sick, exhausted and wishing it was summer so we don't have to get up in the cold and dark 3 times a week!
Gil_T2
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Bandit58 said:Hi MF
Gil has diabetic nephropathy which is renal failure caused by years of Type 1 diabetes. We do hang in there, although right now he has the flu and I'm coming down with it too (nothing like sharing is there!)
Thank you everyone for your good wishes, it really does help when right now we are both sick, exhausted and wishing it was summer so we don't have to get up in the cold and dark 3 times a week!
Just bumping the thread again.
Just bumping the thread again.
Jusy had 2 days off as it's the weekend but back to it in the morning.
kikmosa
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Hi everyone. Kisses Gil,Gil_T2 said:
. I hope you and Bandit are doing well with the training. I know that will make it much easier for you. I know getting up in the cold and dark sucks, big time. Things are going ok here. It's hot and raining pretty much every day. Garden loves it. I could do with a little less rain.
I don't have a lot of time to go into things right now, getting ready for work, but I'll be back later.
Gil, please don't let a few asshole make you leave us. We would be much poorer for your loss. I would miss you and Bandit terably.
Bandit58
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kikmosa said:Hi everyone. Kisses Gil,
Things are going ok here. It's hot and raining pretty much every day. Garden loves it. I could do with a little less rain.
I don't have a lot of time to go into things right now, getting ready for work, but I'll be back later.
Gil, please don't let a few asshole make you leave us. We would be much poorer for your loss. I would miss you and Bandit terably.
Hi kiki
from us both Gil might have stopped posting else where but he won't be leaving this thread, it is too important to him (and to me as well).
Training is going well, we have to get a technician in to see where is the best place to put the machine and to arrange to get the plumbing done for it. We are also in the middle of cleaning out the spare room for storage of supplies. What a job
I never knew I had that many books......or Gil had more speedway stuff stashed away.... 
Luckily we have a good sized garage.....
sweet_marie
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Hello
Well, thought I should ask a general question.......
How do you, after you have made a very healthy step in your life and then subsequently have a strange form of "buyers remorse" (for me this is a generalized bout of anger, which means I'm scared and insecure).......how do you get comfy with making large, lifestyle changes steps for the better......without being bitchy and taking it out on others whom you love (don't they always seem to get the brunt of it? and I want that to quit).
Ideas? Your own tricks?
Marie[/FONT]
Well, thought I should ask a general question.......
How do you, after you have made a very healthy step in your life and then subsequently have a strange form of "buyers remorse" (for me this is a generalized bout of anger, which means I'm scared and insecure).......how do you get comfy with making large, lifestyle changes steps for the better......without being bitchy and taking it out on others whom you love (don't they always seem to get the brunt of it? and I want that to quit).
Ideas? Your own tricks?
Marie[/FONT]
kikmosa
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Hun, if I could figure that one out I'd be a lot better off. I don't think that anyone fully gets over that little bit of insecurity in the back of their minds. It's just something you learn to live with. Even people who have never had anything happen to them in life have that little voice questioning every desision they make. It's part of being human. The trick is not in getting rid of it, it's in learning to use it for good. Yes, your going to question yourself, but learn to use these questions to help make better desitions. Don't ask if your doing the right thing, but rather why is this the right thing for you. Then state the reasons it is to yourself. Use it to build your confidence in your desision. Don't ask "should I have listened to them?" but Why should I listen to them? Do they know more then I do? Let me find out what they know and then decide. But make the desision yourself. Use that little voice to make sure you've looked at every side of a question then stand up and take a chance. No, you won't always be right but you will have done the best you can and that's all anyone can do.
I hope that helps you even a little bit. If not then maybe this will.... {{{{{hug}}}}}
I hope that helps you even a little bit. If not then maybe this will.... {{{{{hug}}}}}
Gil_T2
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sweet_marie said:Well, thought I should ask a general question.......
How do you, after you have made a very healthy step in your life and then subsequently have a strange form of "buyers remorse" (for me this is a generalized bout of anger, which means I'm scared and insecure).......how do you get comfy with making large, lifestyle changes steps for the better......without being bitchy and taking it out on others whom you love (don't they always seem to get the brunt of it? and I want that to quit).
Ideas? Your own tricks?
Marie[/FONT]
Marie, KIKI's post is another of her quality insights & can't find anything to fault with it.
Maybe take up a gym membership & when you feel the tension building go to the gym, find the punching bag & take the agro out on it, Bandit
has used this when ever her ex gives her grief & by the time she comes home from the gym the stress with dealing with his shit has eased if not vanished it is a great way for those who cut themselves because they are not coping with the memories of the past.Remember those that care are not the problem so keep them close to your heart.
mortalwombat
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*hugs* for marie and kiki-and one for bandit was well cuz i can!
sweet_marie
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Gil_T2 said:Marie, KIKI's post is another of her quality insights & can't find anything to fault with it.
Maybe take up a gym membership & when you feel the tension building go to the gym, find the punching bag & take the agro out on it, Bandit
Remember those that care are not the problem so keep them close to your heart.
You are so right, that's why I'm addressing it now well before they get hurt. Or at least I'm trying to. The gym membership I have, judo more than boxing I like, thanks! It is also nice to know I'm not the only one
Thanks for the hugs guys.
Marie
Gil_T2
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sweet_marie said:You are so right, that's why I'm addressing it now well before they get hurt. Or at least I'm trying to. The gym membership I have, judo more than boxing I like, thanks! It is also nice to know I'm not the only one
Thanks for the hugs guys.
Marie
The beauty of this thread is that the posters have been there or are aware of what ppl have been through & continue to deal with daily so it is a caring place to vent, unload etc.
GentleSub_Ivy
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sweet_marie said:Well, thought I should ask a general question.......
How do you, after you have made a very healthy step in your life and then subsequently have a strange form of "buyers remorse" (for me this is a generalized bout of anger, which means I'm scared and insecure).......how do you get comfy with making large, lifestyle changes steps for the better......without being bitchy and taking it out on others whom you love (don't they always seem to get the brunt of it? and I want that to quit).
Ideas? Your own tricks?
Marie[/FONT]
I'm not sure I can help but wanted to send hugs your way. It sounds like we are almost going through some of the same emotions. I don't know how to be "comfy" making the lifestyle changes that I am contemplating. I just know that I'm not comfortable where I am at and that has to change. I will do my best not to hurt people but at the end of the day I have to try to make myself happy. If I'm miserable then I am no good to the people I care about. I'm just a walking zombie that they are projecting their own desires on. Does that make sense?
{{hugs again}}
Ivy
Bandit58
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GentleSub_Ivy said:I'm not sure I can help but wanted to send hugs your way. It sounds like we are almost going through some of the same emotions. I don't know how to be "comfy" making the lifestyle changes that I am contemplating. I just know that I'm not comfortable where I am at and that has to change. I will do my best not to hurt people but at the end of the day I have to try to make myself happy. If I'm miserable then I am no good to the people I care about. I'm just a walking zombie that they are projecting their own desires on. Does that make sense?
{{hugs again}}
Ivy
Makes perfect sense, because I've been there done that.....moved totally away from the place I'd spent my whole life in, to come to Australia and become a sub
I'm very happy with the choices I've made. After so many years of trying to please all the people all the time, and putting myself last, I decided it was time to make ME happy for a change.Of course there were the naysayers (including my own mother
). However she's come to accept that I'm my own person instead of an extension of her. She doesn't know that we are in a D/s relationship. Neither do the rest of the family. It's none of their business, they don't need to know.It is hard being so far away from my family (including my two kids, but they are grown now and have their own lives). I last saw them when they came over for our wedding in December last year. I haven't seen my mother or brother since March 05. However there are phone calls and emails and IMs. I may be going back for a visit next March if all goes well.
I have no regrets
I posted here a long time ago....maybe close to 2 years give or take a month or two....
I had suffered abuse as a child from a health professional - one who used hypnotyism as part of his treatment....to cut a long story short one particular day I didn't end up hypnotised to blank everything out, yet I wasn't aware enough to stop what he did...I was only 12 years old.
I have posted long and hard about this in the past as I have said, and I thought I had dealt with it all...............but I found myself in a situation some 28 years later where a 'friends' husband tried it on......she stumbled across him trying to get me to give him oral sex.....I wasn't screaming, but I wasn't willing, I was in shock....she walked out at just the right time to catch him trying...
Of course I am the worst person in the world...in her perception I was willingly giving him a blow job - a minute later and she would have seen me saying 'no fucking way mate'....
Since that day just over a week ago..I have been subjected to total humiliation, like waking up and finding 'cock sucker' written all over my car...just in time to drive my kids to school... and her sister screaming abuse at me in my work place...
I am writing the whole thing off as a really bad drunken night on her husbands behalf...cos we had all had a crap load to drink...and to smoke....I in all honestly don't believe him to be a rapist as such...
My major problem is that I find myself as a victim again....and even in this day and age the victim is often the one who receives the shit treatment...I am the one everyone believes is the perpertrator....I am the one who is getting harassed by the wife......he seems to have gotten away with it....If she could write it off as a drunken mistake on his behalf, it would be a bit wierd for a while....and in the same token I could probably cope with the forcing aspect...but she isn't letting it go....but as I said - I am not the victim (in her eyes) but the perpertrator. I am the one that our workmates aren't talking to....At this point I haven't repeated the whole facts to everyone either....cos who would believe me....not very many I am finding...
Life is a bit shitty at the moment....although the man in my life is very understanding and a great support...but aside from that I wonder everyday what the wife is going to do next...
I find myself abused by the husband ...........and the wife...
I had suffered abuse as a child from a health professional - one who used hypnotyism as part of his treatment....to cut a long story short one particular day I didn't end up hypnotised to blank everything out, yet I wasn't aware enough to stop what he did...I was only 12 years old.
I have posted long and hard about this in the past as I have said, and I thought I had dealt with it all...............but I found myself in a situation some 28 years later where a 'friends' husband tried it on......she stumbled across him trying to get me to give him oral sex.....I wasn't screaming, but I wasn't willing, I was in shock....she walked out at just the right time to catch him trying...
Of course I am the worst person in the world...in her perception I was willingly giving him a blow job - a minute later and she would have seen me saying 'no fucking way mate'....
Since that day just over a week ago..I have been subjected to total humiliation, like waking up and finding 'cock sucker' written all over my car...just in time to drive my kids to school... and her sister screaming abuse at me in my work place...
I am writing the whole thing off as a really bad drunken night on her husbands behalf...cos we had all had a crap load to drink...and to smoke....I in all honestly don't believe him to be a rapist as such...
My major problem is that I find myself as a victim again....and even in this day and age the victim is often the one who receives the shit treatment...I am the one everyone believes is the perpertrator....I am the one who is getting harassed by the wife......he seems to have gotten away with it....If she could write it off as a drunken mistake on his behalf, it would be a bit wierd for a while....and in the same token I could probably cope with the forcing aspect...but she isn't letting it go....but as I said - I am not the victim (in her eyes) but the perpertrator. I am the one that our workmates aren't talking to....At this point I haven't repeated the whole facts to everyone either....cos who would believe me....not very many I am finding...
Life is a bit shitty at the moment....although the man in my life is very understanding and a great support...but aside from that I wonder everyday what the wife is going to do next...
I find myself abused by the husband ...........and the wife...
sweet_marie
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GentleSub_Ivy said:I'm not sure I can help but wanted to send hugs your way. It sounds like we are almost going through some of the same emotions. I don't know how to be "comfy" making the lifestyle changes that I am contemplating. I just know that I'm not comfortable where I am at and that has to change. I will do my best not to hurt people but at the end of the day I have to try to make myself happy. If I'm miserable then I am no good to the people I care about. I'm just a walking zombie that they are projecting their own desires on. Does that make sense?
{{hugs again}}
Ivy
Thanks for the hugs, right back at you dear
I have done something since I made that post as an experiment. I began to reach out to people regardless of whether or not I suspected/knew they would lash out and hurt me or hug me or do whatever. The point was not their reaction but the point was my willingess to just reach out. At exactly the same point, a friend of mine pointed out the big dipper, and how it is a constant on earth as humans and human life will never be. I also started to take a great deal more time in loving on the people that I love very much...I mean to the point of being embarrassing and saying how much I appreciate them, what they do, how they do it, and that I simply love them. The worst that has happened is that they have a surprised then shly pleased look on their faces, and they open right up, and we have just discovered a new level of bonding between us. We care more, which is both scary and solid at the same time; like a knife, its what you do with it that makes the difference between something that can save a life or take it. You know?Then I got challenged. My sisters (the people I love and consider family are the one's I have adopted here in the farming county where I live) and they are younger than I so have not yet discovered how to treat big sis like an adult or even with any consideration.....well long story short, I have a great circle of friends/family to fall back on and I was just so glad that I had the balls to cultivate and nurture the people who have come to mean the most.
So how does that help my earlier dilemma.....I think that what you said about keeping yourself happy and choosing to make sure that you heart was healthy and to regularly take the pulse of your soul and give it a once over now and again.....that's good and great. Even necessary. How to be comfy? Discovery #2 There is no comfy. But there is a degree of healthiness that you can achieve by risk, courage and then....well sometimes sheer brass balls to try something new and different and then get pleasently surprised when it all turns out better than you could have guessed.
Well, off to my monday....many hugs back!!!
Marie
Noor
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bertrande said:
(((Bertrande)))
I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I am sure the wife is even more angry because she knows what her husband was up to. I believe you completely. I also know the in shock feeling. I think its time to stand up for yourself though.
I think you need to document what happened with this guy in detail, and also what his wife has been doing since. Get pictures if she does anything else. I would file a police report on her. They can talk to her so things don't escalate.
As for the co-worker sister just let her know you wouldn't do her brother in law if he was they last man on earth and that her sister should keep him from trying to force himself on people. If she doesn't stop bothering you, report her. I am afraid silence and doing nothing in this case is making them ( and others) think that you are agreeing with them.
Good Luck, I am glad you have a good guy who is being supportive.
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