How do I go about....

[southern_gal]

bringing out the inner woman that I feel like has always been there but never had the courage to let loose. At the ripe old age of 40 I have a long list of what if's and maybe's that I am only adding to and never bringing to the surface. Funny as this sounds just signing up and posting here is actually a big step and probably silly to others.

 

[TSienna]

You took the first step, that's important. Ya know what they say, "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."

PM me if you'd like to discuss further.

 

[southern_gal]

Hopefully it will be a fun journey. I am by no means a writer but I have enjoyed reading what lots of people have written on Lit. I find myself looking back a lot lately and wondering why I have never taken many chances or even tried new things more often. For the free spirits of the world it seems so easy. If only. But who knows. Maybe? Someday?

 

[gagginforit]

There are things that I'm burning to try as well but I can't summon the courage. I'm forty two and I know that feeling of looking back and seeing only wasted oppotunity and wasted time. I feel like life is passing me by.

But on the other hand I don't think it would be a good idea to force myself. So maybe what you can do is look at what you want to achieve and work toward it in slow steps. Ok you've taken the first step, join a kinky website. What would be the next small step you can take... and so on.

I wish you well.

 

[luvnmyboys]

well i'm 33 and several months ago i was sitting in your shoes. i am married to an amazing man and we have a good relationship. we've had a few spicy sex experiences over the years but mostly stuck to the basics. i had always thought about trying more but didn't have the courage to say it because i didn't know how he'd respond. i can tell you how i brought out my inner dirty girl. i have a group of girl friends where we talk a lot about sex and relationships and hearing a few stories from them showed me that not all moms are just sticking with vanilla. they got me to read 50 shades of grey and suggested lit. i read those books and started reading stories here. i let my husband in on the things in the books that i was intrigued by in an innocent way. i was just asking his opinion rather than saying this makes me hot. after the books and the reading here, we started talking a lot. i finally felt the courage to say what i wanted. i found him to be quite receptive to our conversation and we started trying new things, new positions, getting new toys... for us, it is an amazing and exciting journey. i don't have any regrets for letting the naughty girl out only that i hadn't opened up sooner. it's amazing what letting it all out has done for me. i feel happier, our relationship feels better, and sex is absolutely amazing! so my advice - go for it! let out your dirty secrets and let the fun begin.

 

[zach20092]

Very interesting sweetheart!! what all did u do? started exhibitionism? swinging?

 

[luvnmyboys]

As terribly written as 50 Shades is, I do love that it has mainstreamed erotic literature and opened the floodgates for women to embrace their sexual desires and needs. So for that, well done EL James.

And OP.... have fun exploring this lusty part of yourself. Who cares when it happens, only that it does. Go get 'em gorgeous!

lol, i knew there was going to be something said about 50 shades. i agree it's not well written, but it is a mainstream book that was less intimidating to read and something i would openly admit to reading when i started my journey.

and ms. rainshine, i like your posts and seem to always agree.

 

[zach20092]

Hi rainshine... tried any of the stuff in 50 shades?

 

[southern_gal]

Thank you for the wonderful words of wisdom. I might come off as niave or a bit daffy but neither is really the case. Ok. Perhaps the daffy part? I am a married woman with few complaints with my life just lately have been wanting to dip my toes into spicier waters. I have no intention of doing so without my other half it's just that for me getting the courage to try things that get my juices flowing are easier thought than done. Reading lots of stuff on Lit at least makes me feel like I am not an oddball for thinking about doing things that I have yet to try. Maybe one day I can add a story to the other great ones on here and maybe it will be from experience, who knows. Until then I will keep reading and being more open minded when my husband wants to talk about trying new things. Keep ya posted.

 

[Lord Pmann]

As terribly written as 50 Shades is, I do love that it has mainstreamed erotic literature and opened the floodgates for women to embrace their sexual desires and needs. So for that, well done EL James.

You mean you don't find the story of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey fantastically written? Those names make me laugh.

50 Shades has been a real eye opener to a lot of people. The funny thing is that when I go into sex shops now, there is a whole 50 Shades section. It's the same stuff as they had before- handcuffs, whips and what have you. But not it's packaged all sleek like. And the girls on the cover are nice and clean looking, rather than the heroin addicted ones that used to grace the cover of those packages. Mainstream people are really started to get into that kind of stuff. I predict a string of S&M related accidents during the popularity of this book.

To the original poster... This site is pretty good for loosening up your inner sex whatever. But just being around sexually open minded people helps lower your inhibitions about stuff. There is a lot of wisdom here. Lots of stupidity too. However, you'll be smart enough to sift through the pooh and find the nuggets.

 

[southern_gal]

Now I have to sift the poo to find nuggets? That sounds like one of the dirtiest jobs kinda thing. He sure likes to use the work poo. And who would bury their nuggets in a pile of poo anyway? Wow I have so much to learn.

 

[OTCurve]

Hi southern_gal,

Maybe you could drop a few hints to your hubby? If you don't want to work it into a conversation, you might start leaving him saucy notes, slowly working up to things that interest you...? Focus on what you want 'done to you' and let him take the lead. Win win !

 

[southern_gal]

OTC I am with ya baby. I sent him an email with a video of a mistress wearing a strap on and told him that is what I had waiting on him this weekend. (I don't actually have one) I usually talk to him every night but I left my phone off on purpose and he called 4 times in an hour before leaving me a message and I think he might even be leaving work early friday. This is about as out of character for me as it gets and I have enjoyed all of the naughty thoughts I have let run amok in my head.

 

[Ellafun]

I love that you're communicating with him, and he's listening! Awesome! I hope that you find your "inner woman" and just keep right on experimenting!

btw...not to hijack your thread, but someone had posted this over the summer, and it absolutely made me laugh out loud...enjoy!

 

[jtaylor33]

well i'm 33 and several months ago i was sitting in your shoes. i am married to an amazing man and we have a good relationship. we've had a few spicy sex experiences over the years but mostly stuck to the basics. i had always thought about trying more but didn't have the courage to say it because i didn't know how he'd respond. i can tell you how i brought out my inner dirty girl. i have a group of girl friends where we talk a lot about sex and relationships and hearing a few stories from them showed me that not all moms are just sticking with vanilla. they got me to read 50 shades of grey and suggested lit. i read those books and started reading stories here. i let my husband in on the things in the books that i was intrigued by in an innocent way. i was just asking his opinion rather than saying this makes me hot. after the books and the reading here, we started talking a lot. i finally felt the courage to say what i wanted. i found him to be quite receptive to our conversation and we started trying new things, new positions, getting new toys... for us, it is an amazing and exciting journey. i don't have any regrets for letting the naughty girl out only that i hadn't opened up sooner. it's amazing what letting it all out has done for me. i feel happier, our relationship feels better, and sex is absolutely amazing! so my advice - go for it! let out your dirty secrets and let the fun begin.

So when you say you opened up, what changed? i know you said new positions and toys but that seems pretty tame

 

[subwannabe]

Sounds like you are on your way already. Don't be afraid to give him more hints. It sounds like he is receptive to them.

 

[southern_gal]

I love that you're communicating with him, and he's listening! Awesome! I hope that you find your "inner woman" and just keep right on experimenting!

btw...not to hijack your thread, but someone had posted this over the summer, and it absolutely made me laugh out loud...enjoy!

I have lots of courage when no one is around. When it comes time to follow thru I tend to shrink back from that new found courage. And there really is no reason for this and I also know that there is no magic potion to becoming more adventurous in the bedroom. I trust my husband completely and he will want me regardless of what I am or am not willing to try, it's just really on my mind lately that I want to do more for the both of us. Would love to have the self confidence that some posters on here seem to have and perhaps that will come in time.

 

[tomwantstosee]

Hi,
one inportant bit is to share your fantasies with your other half- this can be quite difficult initially, maybe because of shame, but once you get started and realsie you are not rejected, but even more loved, it gets better and better, especially in bed (or on the sofa... or in the woods...). Shared fantasies are so much better, because both of you can explore. Maybe some of his are very hot too? Maybe you have some both of you would like to love out?
Have fun- and courage!

 

[southern_gal]

We are working on that and because of our situation it is actually easier than I thought. He is away during the week so we spend an hour or so on the phone at night and text all the time. I have started putting my lit story reading to good use. I have very recently started talking to him at night about what we could try and it has led to phone sex! Two grown adults - married at that - having phone sex. Sometimes makes me giggle during the day when I think about it.

 

[N2outdoors]

Congratulations

We are working on that and because of our situation it is actually easier than I thought. He is away during the week so we spend an hour or so on the phone at night and text all the time. I have started putting my lit story reading to good use. I have very recently started talking to him at night about what we could try and it has led to phone sex! Two grown adults - married at that - having phone sex. Sometimes makes me giggle during the day when I think about it.

I think you are well on your way to being the open sexually charged woman you want to be. I am 48 and my wife is about to turn 40. She plays along with most of my fantasies, but everything is on me to come up with ideas. I get very little indication that she ever spends any time thinking about sex, etc. I would love for her to send me naughty texts, etc. Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss ideas. I can offer one male's opinion.

 

[OTCurve]

Away during the week? Go to bookshop/Amazon, get book on what interests you and casually leave it on the coffee table to be found.

Better yet, hide the book in his luggage and mention it while you are on the phone 'communicating'.

 

[southern_gal]

I am taking notes and thank you.

 

[ThinkWrite]

Make a list

of all the things you want to try, then cut it into individual pieces of paper and let your husband draw one from a hat.

 

[Nightierub]

Then theres the 50 shades for the rpg crowd, the Gor novels!

 

[njlauren]

OTC I am with ya baby. I sent him an email with a video of a mistress wearing a strap on and told him that is what I had waiting on him this weekend. (I don't actually have one) I usually talk to him every night but I left my phone off on purpose and he called 4 times in an hour before leaving me a message and I think he might even be leaving work early friday. This is about as out of character for me as it gets and I have enjoyed all of the naughty thoughts I have let run amok in my head.

I think you are gonna find his reaction surprises you. One of the biggest, hottest things we have is our mind and imagination, and what you are doing is using that, brava! One of the sad realities is often couples have two people who are fantasizing, often about the same things, but are afraid to broach it with their partner..and their parter assumes because they don't talk about these things, they aren't interested....

Keep up the playful aspects of this, and I think you are going to see something quite different