How are you wired?

[unpredictablebijou]

0


This was tough, bij. My answers don't sound very submissive but they're honest.

ah, but who's to say what is Truly Submissive? Except the individual doms at their Momentary Whims, of course. heh heh.

That being-a-toy thing, for example, is one of mine too. That's an immensely 'submissive', that is, vulnerable and without control, place to be, or at least it is when I go there...

I like stuff where there's no wrong answer.

bj

eta: well there ya go. a. girl, I do know what you mean. The most mundane of commands, delivered with a certain tone, can be very tingly indeed.

 

[WickedEve]

ah, but who's to say what is Truly Submissive? Except the individual doms at their Momentary Whims, of course. heh heh.

That being-a-toy thing, for example, is one of mine too. That's an immensely 'submissive', that is, vulnerable and without control, place to be, or at least it is when I go there...

I like stuff where there's no wrong answer.

At one time I would have answered some, maybe most, of those questions differently. Heck, I would have answered them differently back at the beginning of this past summer. But at the tender age of 42 (or is it 43?) I grew up -- just a little bit more. I know who I am and what I want. I try not to label it anymore. We don't really get into Master/slave/dom/sub labels that much. We live our bdsm life our way, like most of you here. I think what changed is how I perceive my dom. I saw him at his weakest and at his worst. For quite awhile I had to be the strong one. I had to carry him until he could walk again. So I guess I submit to him as a much stronger woman now. And the relationship got a lot more real, too. Of course things will change again after we get married. I believe in the wife having total control.

 

[Homburg]

I mean, okay, hearing someone say, "get on your knees right now and suck my cock" would be a turn-on for a lot of people, but fewer would probably be turned on as such by hearing "get the laundry all finished by the time I get home tonight."

bj

And this is why service submissives are such wondrous things.

That said, even for non service-submissives, there can be a thrill in laundry. It depends on how they eroticise it. It can also be said that while the "Do the laundry before I get home" is not all that thrilling, the "Good job" they might receive when it is done might be.

 

[BiBunny]

Does laundry turn me on? Not particularly. Do I like doing laundry? Not particularly. Does it make me feel better to know I've done something for him to make his life easier? Absolutely.

I'm not sure what that makes me....

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

It can also be said that while the "Do the laundry before I get home" is not all that thrilling, the "Good job" they might receive when it is done might be.

The "good job" is very important to me.

As much as I like to feel that I've done something to make his life easier and more comfy, I do still need to feel validated and appreciated.

Positive reinforcement works well with me

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

it often makes me tingle "down there" to be told to do things that have nothing to do with sex

Like in Secretary where he tells her to eat 7 peas and a spoonful of potatoes for dinner. That stuff is really sexy to me.

Yes!

That was hot.

 

[Valcorie]

0 = This is not true of me at all.

10 = This is completely true about me.

***


I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. 10

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. 3

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 5

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished. 0
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only 2
-both

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. 5

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. 7

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. 8

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless.0

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 0


I want us to blend into one person.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only 4
-both


I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both 0

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only 7
-mentally/emotionally only 3
-both

I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object 10

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores 5

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task 10

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task 4

I want to feel cherished and cared for 15

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be 10

 

[Bandit58]

0 = This is not true of me at all.

10 = This is completely true about me.

***


I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. 10

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. 5

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only 5
-mentally/emotionally only0

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished. 0

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. 0

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. 7

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. 5

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless.0

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you. 2

I want us to blend into one person.
-mentally/emotionally only 5

I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things
-physically only 5
-mentally/emotionally only 0

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only 7
-mentally/emotionally only 1
-both

I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object 10

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores 8

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task 10

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task 0

I want to feel cherished and cared for 10

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be 10

 

[00Syd]

And this is why service submissives are such wondrous things.

That said, even for non service-submissives, there can be a thrill in laundry. It depends on how they eroticise it. It can also be said that while the "Do the laundry before I get home" is not all that thrilling, the "Good job" they might receive when it is done might be.

I completely agree. I am not at all service-oriented, and maybe one of the laziest people on this board. I hate doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning, all of that sort of house hold up-keep. I've even found that I have trouble doing my daily assignments, even though they are things that are not a chore, and it sometimes make me question myself since I came into this thinking that that sort of thing would be inherently easy and something that I would want to do. But at the end of the day, no matter how difficult an assignment or task is for me to either do, or get myself to do (which is something I really struggle with, since at every turn all I can think is that doing simple tasks should not be difficult), getting that "good job" is a huge thrill. Almost nothing feels better.

 

[ataxia.girl]

That said, even for non service-submissives, there can be a thrill in laundry. It depends on how they eroticise it. It can also be said that while the "Do the laundry before I get home" is not all that thrilling, the "Good job" they might receive when it is done might be.

Yea i find the "good job" on tasks like the laundry quite humiliating and very much a turn on. Involuntary tingle tween the legs and flush to the face.

 

[ataxia.girl]

The "good job" is very important to me.

As much as I like to feel that I've done something to make his life easier and more comfy, I do still need to feel validated and appreciated.

Positive reinforcement works well with me

Depends what the "good job" was for. If it is for something very simple and menial i just feel humiliated and turned on and angry for feeling turned on. If it was for something which is truly difficult or just takes dedication i feel validated and appreciated. Like a heartfelt "thank you" for keeping the cupboards well stocked for a few months pretty much insures i'll keep it up for a few more months without sliding. i like being noticed.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Depends what the "good job" was for. If it is for something very simple and menial i just feel humiliated and turned on and angry for feeling turned on. If it was for something which is truly difficult or just takes dedication i feel validated and appreciated. Like a heartfelt "thank you" for keeping the cupboards well stocked for a few months pretty much insures i'll keep it up for a few more months without sliding. i like being noticed.

just curious, why do you think it makes you feel humiliated to hear "good job" for completing a "menial" task?

 

[ataxia.girl]

just curious, why do you think it makes you feel humiliated to hear "good job" for completing a "menial" task?

i'm not sure. i guess it would feel like being told "good job" because i managed to feed myself or dress myself. i am known to shoot dirty looks and say sarcastic things in the face of condescension. In a D/s context where i would be keeping those angry impulses in check i would simply get wet but it would still be humiliating.

Its not that i don't appreciate being noticed, i totally do but only if its something hard like doing the laundry and not turning anything pink or gray for 6 months or turning previously black grout back to white through a lot of effort on the kitchen floor or saving a lot of money over a period of time through frugal living.

When Daddy says i did a good job drawing him a simple little girl picture or doing my pony tail just right or picking out just the right outfit i do feel oddly validated. Not the same as the above examples at all.

 

[ataxia.girl]

just curious, why do you think it makes you feel humiliated to hear "good job" for completing a "menial" task?

Its the implied suggestion that perhaps i didn't know how to do it properly or for some reason wouldn't do it properly without their "good job".

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I do see a great potential for sexiness in the more menial tasks, if there's a context of reward and eroticism around the request. And even more, (and maybe this is partly informed by a long term interest in Zen and creating No-Mind within simple tasks), I can imagine even the most mundane tasks becoming eroticised, if one puts one's mind to it.

As an example, it's pretty easy for me to eroticize dishwashing. There's something pretty sexy about all that steam, those slippery dishes, the rhythm of addressing each dish, the hot water over my arms, and splashing around onto my clothes. Laundry too - if one is at all fond of the scent of one's lover, the dirty laundry can have a certain appeal, and then there's all the other scents and textures - soap, hot water, the steam from the dryer, the aesthetic appeal of a basket full of clean clothes, the pleasure of seeing things all folded neatly in their separate piles. I am, admittedly, both aesthetically driven and totally preoccupied with sex, so the combination means that housework often gets eroticized for me.

I would certainly hope that if I did have a 'service sub' that mindset would be there for him too.

On another note, I think I've found another statement that needs to be in the survey somewhere.

We have a couple of ideas that have to do with being worthless, or debased, or "bad" in one sense or another; deserving of punishment or humiliation. But I think there's a slightly lighter aspect of that too, for people who don't really see it as a self-worth issue but rather as a 'sammy' activity. What do y'all think of a statement like,

I want to disobey, be "naughty" or contrary, and be punished or penalized for it.

I'm not sure that's quite the right phrasing; maybe punishment is a stronger word than we're looking for, but what do you think?

Also, another thought, which is perhaps already covered but may not be:

I want to be a cherished pet, a prize possession or toy, or favored and indulged child.

Have we already covered that in other statements or should that have its own question?

golly this is fun. I thank you all, really. It's really helping me understand a great deal more about the head I'm trying to get into.

And speaking of disobeying and being punished, I did threaten this and now I'm going to do it:

THE SPECIFIC SUBBIE TOY AND SHINY NEW PET FOR WHOM I HAVE BEEN DESIGNING THIS WHOLE THING HAS NOT YET MANAGED TO GET ROUND TO COMING IN AND TAKING THE SURVEY, DESPITE MY REPEATED REQUESTS THAT HE DO SO. I WONDER WHAT I SHOULD DO ABOUT THAT.

And along those lines, how do the rest of you feel about public embarrassment
as a form of chastisement?

bj

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Can one be completely submissive in the bedroom situation but completely different outside it? Does that make me a part time subbie? All the questions about being made to feel worthless do strike a chord with me (probably because of a past that I won't bore you with) but I lived the slave life albeit called a wife for 21 years until I walked away. Thinking back on it was it my feelings of unworthiness that tied me to it for so long? I guess I am still one mixed up cookie one way or another!

 

[rida]

I want to disobey, be "naughty" or contrary, and be punished or penalized for it.

I'm not sure that's quite the right phrasing; maybe punishment is a stronger word than we're looking for, but what do you think?

That is a very good question, although i think that it has to be worded in a way that does not make it sound like the dreaded "topping from the bottom"

Also, another thought, which is perhaps already covered but may not be:

I want to be a cherished pet, a prize possession or toy, or favored and indulged child.

Have we already covered that in other statements or should that have its own question?

They probably should all be separate, as many pyl identify with one or some but not necessarily all.

golly this is fun. I thank you all, really. It's really helping me understand a great deal more about the head I'm trying to get into.

And speaking of disobeying and being punished, I did threaten this and now I'm going to do it:

THE SPECIFIC SUBBIE TOY AND SHINY NEW PET FOR WHOM I HAVE BEEN DESIGNING THIS WHOLE THING HAS NOT YET MANAGED TO GET ROUND TO COMING IN AND TAKING THE SURVEY, DESPITE MY REPEATED REQUESTS THAT HE DO SO. I WONDER WHAT I SHOULD DO ABOUT THAT.

And along those lines, how do the rest of you feel about public embarrassment
as a form of chastisement?

bj

Well ... publish chastisement ... mmmm. That warrants a new question.

When I fail or otherwise deserve punishment, I love to be publicly humiliated


BJ, this has been a very good and interesting thread. It has been making me think and re-think. I also found it useful to describe how I perceive my relationship to be and compare it with how I would want it to be. And from there realize which areas might need re-negotiation or adjustments or plain acceptance.

 

[chelleb]

Can one be completely submissive in the bedroom situation but completely different outside it? Does that make me a part time subbie?

This is exactly how I feel most of the time UYS. I think you can be whatever you are - that's what makes us all unique. D/s is what you define it as, and what works for you and your partner.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

That's so good to hear!

 

[FurryFury]

A lot of us feel this way.

Also what happened in your marriage may have felt like slavery, in a bad way, but probably wasn't consenting D/s slavery. It was probably abusive in some way.

Feeling unworthy can enable you to put up with a lot of crap you shouldn't. I've been there and done that. It's difficult to stop kicking yourself over too.

Can one be completely submissive in the bedroom situation but completely different outside it? Does that make me a part time subbie? All the questions about being made to feel worthless do strike a chord with me (probably because of a past that I won't bore you with) but I lived the slave life albeit called a wife for 21 years until I walked away. Thinking back on it was it my feelings of unworthiness that tied me to it for so long? I guess I am still one mixed up cookie one way or another!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

It's like I m living this life now husband and friends good social standing ........ but sometimes the darker side calls to me (sheesh I sound like something out of Star Wars!) and there is a 'need' in me

 

[chelleb]

and there is a 'need' in me

You are not alone in this. I feel this way, and am pretty certain many others on here do too. Sometimes it's a bit frustrating waiting to find the person to explore the need with, but the consequences of the 'wrong' person just aren't worth rushing into it.

 

[FurryFury]

I'd guess a lot of people in all social strata's feel this way.

It's like I m living this life now husband and friends good social standing ........ but sometimes the darker side calls to me (sheesh I sound like something out of Star Wars!) and there is a 'need' in me

 

[ataxia.girl]

Can one be completely submissive in the bedroom situation but completely different outside it? Does that make me a part time subbie?

Outside the bedroom i am either one depending on the situation. Someone who is very used to me being a cold hearted, in charge, bitch just got a taste of my submissive core and it was pretty confusing for them. Most people who know me would say i am self reliant and not at all submissive. i personally think i am extremely needy and submissive at root but am just very good at playing the part of someone who is neither needy nor submissive (no i do not think they are mutually exclusive i just happen to be both).

i show my submissiveness more in the bedroom because it is deemed more appropriate to show it there. Its less surprising and more welcomed in the bedroom but for me at least that isn't the only place i feel submissive its just the most comfortable place to act on those feelings. i am also less comfortable being dominant in the bedroom.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Would you say your upbringing plays a large part in how you feel today or is it just the way you were made?