How are you wired?

[unpredictablebijou]

I've gotten into the original quiz post and shifted it to include the suggestions and edits y'all have come up with.

Another thought I had while reading through people's answers was that there perhaps needs to be a differentiation between these ideas within sexual contexts only versus having these characteristics in one's every day life.

An example might be: I really enjoy feeling helpless when I'm in a sexual scene; being held down or being out of control of the situation is appealing. However, in regular life, during a given day, the idea of being helpless or out of control would be a serious problem for me.

Again, hopefully this doesn't just generate numbers, but provides a departure point for in-depth discussion between Doms and subs.

Thanks, more thanks, for being brave enough to express your own profiles here! I suspect it's being very helpful for those who are new to this type of play, so they can see how many different models and ideas are available.

bj

 

[egoservitium]

Wouldn't the Dom quiz be basically the same quit, but with the phrase "I want" replaced with "I expect you to" (and similar pronoun swapping of course)?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Wouldn't the Dom quiz be basically the same quit, but with the phrase "I want" replaced with "I expect you to" (and similar pronoun swapping of course)?

Hmmm. Well, that would be one version, for sure. Something that a potential sub would then agree to or not, like a modification on a contract.

I was thinking more in terms of things that would define desires or character, sorta like,

I want a purely sexual playmate vs. I expect participation or assistance with every part of my life
I want occasional sub play vs. I expect you to be in this role all the time.

or stuff like

I enjoy humiliating and creating shame
I want a purely sexual object/toy to use as I desire
Causing physical pain and discomfort is enjoyable to me
Causing mental distress or "mindfucking" is enjoyable to me

I dunno. Obviously that's a long way from being a similar list, but those are some examples of directions one might go.

bj

 

[egoservitium]

Kinda like this...

I expect you to feel successful by knowing that you've pleased me.

I expect you to enjoy being forced to do things that you secretly want to do but can't admit.

I expect you to feel stronger and prove yourself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I expect you to feel worthless, and that you deserve to be punished.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I won't allow you any responsibility, I will control everything.

I expect you to be so desirable that I need to take complete control of you.

I expect you to be a pure object, a toy with which to amuse myself.

I expect you to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless.

I expect you to prove your worth to me by suffering for me.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I expect us to blend into one person.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I expect you to prove you love me by doing difficult things.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I expect you to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I expect you to serve me in any possible capacity as a sexual object

I expect you to serve me in any possible capacity including house chores

You will be praised and/or rewarded when you succeed in pleasing me or accomplishing a task

I will treat you as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please me or perform a task

I expect you to feel cherished and cared for

I will guide and nurture you into becoming what I want you to be

 

[egoservitium]

Shouldn't these feelings be flip sides of the same coin? Shouldn't each of us feel strongly about our respective sides of each of these issues?

ES

 

[egoservitium]

Hmmm. Well, that would be one version, for sure. Something that a potential sub would then agree to or not, like a modification on a contract.

I was thinking more in terms of things that would define desires or character, sorta like,

I want a purely sexual playmate vs. I expect participation or assistance with every part of my life
I want occasional sub play vs. I expect you to be in this role all the time.

or stuff like

I enjoy humiliating and creating shame
I want a purely sexual object/toy to use as I desire
Causing physical pain and discomfort is enjoyable to me
Causing mental distress or "mindfucking" is enjoyable to me

I dunno. Obviously that's a long way from being a similar list, but those are some examples of directions one might go.

bj

If you perfect this you could start D/s-Harmony!

 

[Tyr51]

*wants to play*


I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. - 10

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. - 7

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both - 3

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished. - 0
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. - 1

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. - 7

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. -3

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless. - 0

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you. - 1
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want us to blend into one person. - 0
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things. - 1
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable. - 9
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object - 1

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores -0

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task - 10

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task -0

I want to feel cherished and cared for - 10

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be - 7

 

[razberryripple]

.....

 

[unpredictablebijou]

If you perfect this you could start D/s-Harmony!

*laughing!*

I had to be away for a couple of days and just got back to this. Yeah, maybe there's a future for me in Kink Matchmaking...

bj

 

[ataxia.girl]

i find it difficult to assign numeric values so i'm just going to answer the questions instead.

I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. yes

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit.
sort of, i can admit i want to do them but i still can't do them unless you force me

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain.
-physically only sometimes
-mentally/emotionally only not so much anymore, i used to want this a lot
-both

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both sometimes

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. yes

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. yes

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. yes

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless.
sometimes i already do, i do not need you to make me so

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you.
-physically only yes
-mentally/emotionally only not so much anymore
-both

I want us to blend into one person. NO! polarity is an important part of attraction

I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things. yes

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable. yes

I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object yes

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores meh okay, if i must

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task yes

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task no

I want to feel cherished and cared for yes

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be yes

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Thanks, a.g.! Yes and no is a perfectly good way to respond here.

I've been thinking a lot about the "I don't want to take any responsibility" statement and I suspect this is one that should be divided into "lifestyle" versus "only within sexuality" or some version of those.

There's a strong difference there, I think. There are folks that really enjoy and seek out having their actual lifestyle controlled, or having their responsibilities laid out clearly for them by another person they trust. And there are folks who enjoy being self-directed in regular life but within a sexual context really prefer to be directed by someone else, or have someone else generate the ideas and activities.

Any thoughts?

bj

 

[00Syd]

Thanks, a.g.! Yes and no is a perfectly good way to respond here.

I've been thinking a lot about the "I don't want to take any responsibility" statement and I suspect this is one that should be divided into "lifestyle" versus "only within sexuality" or some version of those.

There's a strong difference there, I think. There are folks that really enjoy and seek out having their actual lifestyle controlled, or having their responsibilities laid out clearly for them by another person they trust. And there are folks who enjoy being self-directed in regular life but within a sexual context really prefer to be directed by someone else, or have someone else generate the ideas and activities.

Any thoughts?

bj

I completely agree. I'm perfectly happy having control of my own life, but in the bedroom thats the last thing I want. Maybe more of the questions should be divided in this way? There are a lot of things that I would or wouldn't want all the time, but that I might or might not want in a sexual context.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Thanks, a.g.! Yes and no is a perfectly good way to respond here.

I've been thinking a lot about the "I don't want to take any responsibility" statement and I suspect this is one that should be divided into "lifestyle" versus "only within sexuality" or some version of those.

There's a strong difference there, I think. There are folks that really enjoy and seek out having their actual lifestyle controlled, or having their responsibilities laid out clearly for them by another person they trust. And there are folks who enjoy being self-directed in regular life but within a sexual context really prefer to be directed by someone else, or have someone else generate the ideas and activities.

Any thoughts?

bj

Well.... i have lots of responsibility. i crave a space where i have NONE, sexual or otherwise.

If i really was chained to Daddy's bed in His room all day would i be happy having zero responsibility ever? Probably not but that is my fantasy and it helps me cope with all the responsibility i do have.

i do not divide anything D/s into sexual vs nonsexual but there is a large realm where i act as a definite non-sub but even then i carry in my heart the knowledge that He knows i am really just His little girl.

 

[ataxia.girl]

i do agree that responsibility and control need to be 2 separate questions. Most people are averse to answering yes to the responsibility question but still want the other person to take control.

i guess my question is if you don't want control why take responsibility? If i give you control then well.... in my mind you now have responsibility. i have given control to Doms who continued to hold me responsible but i'm sorry, it doesn't work. If i give you perfect obedience and surrender you are responsible.

So now i sound very confused and seem to be saying it can be 2 questions but also has to be 1. They should be 2 separate questions because there can exist 2 distinct desires even if they are conceptually interdependent

Some of us need to be controlled for the sake of being controlled. i find being controlled a very big turn on independent of the responsibility element.

Some of us want to escape responsibility so we give another control. This doesn't turn me on sexually but it is one of my big cravings and desires nonetheless.

i am in both groups.

 

[Homburg]

i guess my question is if you don't want control why take responsibility? If i give you control then well.... in my mind you now have responsibility. i have given control to Doms who continued to hold me responsible but i'm sorry, it doesn't work. If i give you perfect obedience and surrender you are responsible.

Responsible on the grand scale, sure, but on the small scale? You are responsible for feeding yourself, right? Responsible for not doing self-damaging things, or neglecting your health, right? Perfect obedience, for most people I know, includes responsibility towards whatever your PYL sets you to watching, managing, or dealing with.

Admittedly, if you are just talking some play-relationship, and not a LTR thing, I'm with you. For short-term engagements, you should have minimal final responsibility.

 

[Zoots_owner]

I've been thinking a lot about the "I don't want to take any responsibility" statement and I suspect this is one that should be divided into "lifestyle" versus "only within sexuality" or some version of those.

I think that's mostly true, we've long had the categories of sexual, service-oriented, as well as those who were both. So I completely agree that what you're talking about is the usual dividing line.

However, sexual-only can mean a huge range. Does the PYL choose all of the pyl's clothes, dictate their social contacts, read their chat logs and emails, or even make their career choices for them based on what will be most compatible with their service? Sexuality is such a huge part of life, it's very hard to isolate it from everything else, it kind of overflows into all areas.

So while I agree that sexual/otherwise is the big divide, I think it's more a matter of degree than a clear and absolute boundary.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Responsible on the grand scale, sure, but on the small scale? You are responsible for feeding yourself, right? Responsible for not doing self-damaging things, or neglecting your health, right? Perfect obedience, for most people I know, includes responsibility towards whatever your PYL sets you to watching, managing, or dealing with.

Admittedly, if you are just talking some play-relationship, and not a LTR thing, I'm with you. For short-term engagements, you should have minimal final responsibility.

i am not responsible for what He tells me to do or not do. He is responsible for any control he takes. That's what i meant. Yes i am still responsible for breathing in and out

Edited to add:

When u throw in ageplay it is a whole other ball game. my Daddy would not give me a bunch of stuff to manage and be responsible for. Would be silly and pointless. Basically your whole first paragraph doesn't really resonate with me at all.

i am responsible for picking up my crayons and not spilling my lunch on my dress. Is there a grand scale to all of that. There is actually but its special and i don't know how to talk about it and also i'm pretty sure people would throw rocks at me if i said anything about it.

 

[Homburg]

i am not responsible for what He tells me to do or not do. He is responsible for any control he takes.

That's what i meant. Yes i am still responsible for breathing in and out

Okay, so we're essentially on the same page then, cool.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

So maybe something like two separate questions:

I want to offer control of my daily life and responsibilities to another person; I enjoy being able to understand my role and accomplish tasks given to me.

and

I want to be controlled completely during sexual experiences.

I'm brainstorming here; this is wordy and rough, but maybe something like that?

bj

 

[00Syd]

So maybe something like two separate questions:

I want to offer control of my daily life and responsibilities to another person; I enjoy being able to understand my role and accomplish tasks given to me.

and

I want to be controlled completely during sexual experiences.

I'm brainstorming here; this is wordy and rough, but maybe something like that?

bj

Having my daily life and responsibilities controlled by another and understanding my role and accomplishing tasks given to me are two different things in my current relationship. My daily life and responsibilities are mine and under my own control, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but I am still required to know my place at all times and have daily tasks that I am given. So, I'm not sure if there is a way to make those two different questions since they are so related, I just thought it was interesting that I have them broken apart and separated in that way. Perhaps others have a similar arrangement and would like that specification? I think I'm just nitpicky.

The way your compiling all of this is great, BTW.

 

[ataxia.girl]

How about...

i want to be controlled sexually by you because it turns me on.
i want to be controlled in my daily non sexual life by you because it turns me on.
i want to be controlled in my daily non sexual life by you as a show of my devotion.
i want to be controlled sexually by you as a show of my devotion.
i want to be controlled in my daily non sexual life by you so that i am not responsible.
i want to be controlled sexually by you so that i am not responsible.

Edited to say:

i've decided these questions aren't all that interesting. i liked the original better.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Having my daily life and responsibilities controlled by another and understanding my role and accomplishing tasks given to me are two different things in my current relationship. My daily life and responsibilities are mine and under my own control, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but I am still required to know my place at all times and have daily tasks that I am given.

Actually this is something i grapple with as well. Daddy always says all i need to worry about is doing what He tells me but for the most part He doesn't tell me to do all that much. i would do if He did but He doesn't, He keeps it real simple. i also have a couple daily things i am to do and other than that i just carry on.

i also think understanding my role and accomplishing tasks to be a different concept from being controlled somewhat.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

All of this is really helpful. And honestly, it's not going to be a binary thing, or even a one-to-ten thing; the real value of this sort of 'quiz' is the dialogue it can generate.

I still need to understand more about the 'control' issue in 'lifestyle' versus just in bed, and how they relate. So hearing everyone's views is really helpful.

I mean, okay, hearing someone say, "get on your knees right now and suck my cock" would be a turn-on for a lot of people, but fewer would probably be turned on as such by hearing "get the laundry all finished by the time I get home tonight."

I could be wrong, of course. But either way, I suspect there are people to whom both aspects are appealing. So the trick, I guess, is defining both aspects as separate, clear questions.

bj

 

[WickedEve]

0 = This is not true of me at all.

10 = This is completely true about me.


***


I want to feel successful by knowing that I've pleased you. I do like to please. It's my nature to please someone who is worthy.

I want to be forced to do things I secretly want to do but can't admit. That was totally true at one time but now I'm pretty comfortable confessing all my desires and finding ways to fulfill them.

I want to feel stronger and prove myself through enduring ordeals and pain. Uh, I have enough pain with illnesses and screaming children. I don't really want to endure anything else. Life has already made me strong enough. I endure pain for my man when it gives him pleasure -- and when it gives me pleasure.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I'm worthless, and I deserve to be punished. I'm certainly not worthless but I always deserve punishment. I want punishment. Preferably punishment that I'll like.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I don't want to have to take any responsibility, so I want you to control everything. Eww... I'm good at controlling my own life. Sexually? Okay. He can be in control. The rest of the time, we take care of each other. He needs/wants me as much as I need/want him.

I want to be so desirable that you have to take complete control of me. Not sure about how this is worded. He has to totally control me because I'm so desirable or if he takes control it makes me completely desirable? I just want to be desirable.

I want to be a pure object to you, a toy with which you amuse yourself. I usually want that on Saturday nights after about 3 or 4 shots of vodka and ACDC blaring in the background. Seriously.

I want to be debased, abused, made to feel inhuman or worthless. Well, when I'm in the mood, I want that like totally, really, really bad!

I want to prove my worth by suffering for you. Nooo, not the suffering.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want us to blend into one person. No. But I do think we're starting to look alike, the way people and their pets do.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want to prove I love you by doing difficult things. Um, I'm in a relationship where we prove love to each other all the time by just being their for each other and sometimes life/love/relationships are the most difficult things imaginable.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both

I want to feel completely helpless and vulnerable. Yes. It's fun -- about 1% of the time. But oh, that 1% of the time can be a real helplessly fun time.
-physically only
-mentally/emotionally only
-both


I want to serve in any possible capacity as a sexual object I think I have. And I think I liked it, too. lol

I want to serve you in any possible capacity including house chores Ohhh, oh. Well, I do clean his house because I just can't stand it and he comes over to my place and fixes crap.

I want to be praised and/or rewarded when I succeed in pleasing or accomplishing a task Hell, yes.

I want to be treated as a disposable entity, whose only worth is proportionate to the ability to please/perform a task I could give it a try. Might be fun, I guess.

I want to feel cherished and cared for I already do.

I want to be guided and nurtured into becoming what you want me to be. Hmm... guidance and nurturing are good. I want to be what I want to be. Fortunately, my Master and I want the same thing.


This was tough, bij. My answers don't sound very submissive but they're honest.

 

[ataxia.girl]

it often makes me tingle "down there" to be told to do things that have nothing to do with sex

Like in Secretary where he tells her to eat 7 peas and a spoonful of potatoes for dinner. That stuff is really sexy to me.